Parents Coaches Backing Down To Parents?

[3LittleGymmies]

We live in a fairly affluent area, and at our gym - compulsories seems more like glorified babysitting. The other parents just don't seem "into it", and aren't really interested in their children going far in the sport. In fact, they have made it very clear that they don't want that and they have actually vocalized that they would prefer that their children not receive gymnastic scholarships and get "real" scholarships and "real" jobs. It is really more like extended after school care for busy parents who have both mom and dad in demanding careers. Anyway, I wanted to preface with that information before going on. Warning that this is half vent. Our gym tends to weigh what the parents want heavily. Too heavily, imo. For example, we only do one three-day meet because many parents do not want her child missing school on a Friday, ever. So we miss out on a lot of great meets. On nights before meets, the coaches may say that practice will be cut an hour early and the same group of parents will convince them to cut it two hours early instead. See above. The summer schedule came out recently, and it has our group of girls practicing five days. Two of those days are very early mornings. While it won't be enjoyable to wake my daughter up early, that is the schedule and she is committed to gymnastics and wants to be there. Unfortunately, all I have heard from the other parents are negative remarks. Most have said that their children will not be attending the early practices, or will always be late... and that the coaches will just have to "give them a break". They are also questioning the number of days and the number of hours, and why the girls "can't just have a few weeks off after states". What is funny about all of this to me, is that almost every single parent has only one child. We have many more (including one on pre-team with a different summer schedule), and I am not complaining! Will it be fun? No. But we knew what we were signing up for and I would never question what the coaches decided because it wasn't convenient for us. What is also funny about this to me is that most of these parents are also pulling their girls out of the gym for two or three weeks over the summer for vacations, many of which are abroad. So they will be missing half of the practices they are complaining about as it is. I guess I am just frustrated because I have a feeling that the coaches will end up changing the schedule because of the other parents complaining. My daughter could really use the extra practice time (which is only 3 hours more/week than they get now) and WANTS to go 5 days... but more than that, I am just not so sure that we should be at a gym where the parents (compulsory, anyway) are so uncommitted and the coaches are so weak about it. In an ideal gymnastics world, the coaches would explain the level of commitment this takes from the girls AND parents and refer them to XCel or quitting if that wasn't something they wanted. But that won't happen here. And to be honest, as much as I shouldn't care what others do, it's kind of irritating that I will be getting my daughter to/from practices (including early ones) on time and others won't show or will be late because it's 'too much' or 'too early' and they will still get to move up and no one will blink an eye about it. Just doesn't seem fair. Yes, I'm whining a little bit. Unlike many of these parents, we are more middle class than upper class and we have a big family... so gymnastics is a "sacrifice" to us, but one that we are happy to make because it's our daughters' passion and they do well and want to work towards a future in it and we want to support whatever they want to do. Like I said, this is more vent than anything... I know that based on all of this, many of these kids won't be in the sport by the time we get to optionals. But in the meantime... frustrating. We have been considering a gym change for a while for several other reasons, and I guess I am just wondering how common this is. At your gym, if the parents scoffed at the schedule and had their kids consistently miss/be late because they didn't like it... would that fly?

 

[Moxiegrl83]

No it would not fly, and those kids would not be moving up. If it persisted, a meeting with the parent to talk about the commitment required would take place. It's hard when you are one of the only ones taking it seriously, but I'm sure the coaches notice that and appreciate it.

 

[cbifoja]

DD's coach takes parental opinion into consideration up to a point. She also caters more to some parents than others. What I always have to remind myself when it begins to irritate me is that I have the luxury of not having a staff to pay, a lease to pay, equipment to buy, credentials to keep up. If she pisses her clientele off, she loses her revenue. If she loses her revenue, she loses her gym.

You can't alienate those who support your business. Gymnastics is extra-curricular and so people approach it with different philosophies. It might be that this gym's philosophy isn't suited for your DD and that she might be happier somewhere that is more "hardcore". Not saying that your gym is "bad", just that it might not be the best fit for what you child wants.

 

[Faith]

I'm a bit two ways about this. Like you, if I commit to something I will do my best to keep to that commitment.

However. Sometimes I do think gyms need to work with the parents a little. Unless the kid has elite or a specific goal in his or her future then they need to have a life/gymnastics balance. I know gyms that haven't let kids compete in the autumn because the family took a week holiday in July. My own DD had a huge opportunity outside of gymnastics, but when we discussed cutting her hours from 15 to 12 a week for 3 months we were told no, it's 15 or nothing. So DD no longer does gymnastics . That was for an otherwise committed, never missed a practice, hard working, level 4.

If you otherwise like the gym, and the optional program, I'd stick with it. Ignore the others- if they lack commitment it will show in their progress and scores as they move up and they'll either figure it out or quit . Your DD will likely progress faster and leave them behind anyway. I'd maybe just make it clear you are happy with the schedule and hours

 

[profmom]

My kids' gym is pretty good about working with the parents, but everyone understands that kids who modify their practice schedules substantially and take long vacations are not going to progress. By the time they are around level 8 or so on the girls' side and late level 6 or so on the boys' side, they are expected to be committed to gym.

 

[gymbeam]

ug- that does seem so frustrating. i hope you can talk to the coaches and tell them how much you liked their original proposed schedule.

 

[happychaos]

Our gym is totally the opposite. I haven't ever heard of them taking parent opinion into account on any decision, ever. In the end, I think it's bet this way. Parents are free to complain to each other, but everyone knows that the gym has the rosters full and waiting lists full, and we are free to leave if we don't like it.

I would not be happy if complaining parents cost my kid the workout time that they wanted. Could you perhaps send a nice, friendly e-mail and let coaches know that your DD is grateful for the extra hours?

I am jealous that you have your summer schedule already!!!

 

[juststartingout]

Our coaches expect commitment if you are on team. We had a girl who wanted to miss occasionally for soccer and she was told that if she wanted to do that she would not be put on team. The only allowance our girls are given is that on our T and Th practices that start at 4pm the girls are allowed to be 5-10 minutes late since most don't get out of school until 3:40.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I would let the coaches know your daughter is excited for the new hours. That way they hear that someone likes it. And as frustrating as it is know that your daughter will be getting extra hours and practice in and that will show in her gymnastics

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yikes!

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

For example, we only do one three-day meet because many parents do not want her child missing school on a Friday, ever.
This is Compulsory, right, or all Levels? I don't see a problem with that for Compulsory.

On nights before meets, the coaches may say that practice will be cut an hour early and the same group of parents will convince them to cut it two hours early instead.
DD is a a pretty competitive gym and NO girls Level 3-10 practice the night before a meet!!

And to be honest, as much as I shouldn't care what others do, it's kind of irritating that I will be getting my daughter to/from practices (including early ones) on time and others won't show or will be late because it's 'too much' or 'too early' and they will still get to move up and no one will blink an eye about it.
DD's gym, again is a very competitive gym both in our State and Nationally and I will say this- it all evens out in the higher levels. The girls who don't go as much in Compulsories eventually can't keep up and stay competitive. They either have to make more of a commitment to practice or quit or not progress as fast or at all.

Unlike many of these parents, we are more middle class than upper class and we have a big family... so gymnastics is a "sacrifice" to us, but one that we are happy to make because it's our daughters' passion and they do well and want to work towards a future in it and we want to support whatever they want to do.
Any sport, especially in the lower levels, there will always be kids/families who are wealthier than yours and jet setting off to somewhere . It's just the way it is. For some people paying for gym is a sacrifice and their kid is at every practice... for some it's just not. As I said before- this will all but disappear the higher the level.

We have been considering a gym change for a while for several other reasons
Are you otherwise happy? Is your daughter doing well? Is she happy? Does the gym do well in Optionals? Is the coaching good/safe?

I am just wondering how common this is. At your gym, if the parents scoffed at the schedule and had their kids consistently miss/be late because they didn't like it... would that fly?
I would say in Compulsories it happens at DD's gym. Those kids end up quitting eventually. Hang in there. If you like your gym and it's a good gym with a good reputation and track record-- don't jump ship because other families are making you angry.

 

[iwannacoach]

If you otherwise like the gym, and the optional program, I'd stick with it. Ignore the others- if they lack commitment it will show in their progress and scores as they move up and they'll either figure it out or quit . Your DD will likely progress faster and leave them behind anyway. I'd maybe just make it clear you are happy with the schedule and hours

I agree completely with your post up to this paragraph. Being committed comes easily for some kids but not for others. Sometimes kids don't know what commitment is and haven't a clue that it can help reap big rewards. For those kids the best thing to happen is to be surrounded by as many committed team mates as possible so they can be carried along by the atmosphere until they "get it."

 

[Krystan]

DD's gym does take opinions into account, but on a long-term basis. For example, some of the 7-10s were having issues with late practices last year, so the following year it was changed to 3-7 (instead of 5-9) two days of the week so there could be a few "early" nights. They would never bend about amount of practice hours in general, but I'm sure they would work with a family if someone needed to do less hours for a time (especially a younger compulsory level gymnast). If the older girls have issues with a practice they are allowed to come in for an independent workout to make up the time if they want. So they take "real life" into consideration, but would never allow parents to change a schedule by fiat, just because they didn't feel like waking up early. (but on the other hand, what luck to have a summer schedule already!)

I agree that if the whole atmosphere of the team is not really committed, it is hard on the few committed people there (kids and parents). It's too bad the gym is letting parents dictate things like that. I see what GymGirl's Mom is saying about those policies not being uncommon, but it is the fact that those policies are being dictated by parents, not the coach, that is the problem. Also, those are brought about by parents "not feeling like it". If they were just giving some input and the coach chose to use that in the future, it's one thing, but the original post came off as if the parents were "in charge", which sucks. I would definitely *play the game* though. If those parents get a say, then make sure coaches are equally aware that you and dd are "very excited" for the extra training that has been wisely scheduled for the summer.

 

[Sasha]

We also live in a very affluent area (well, we live just outside that, but the gym is smack in the middle of it), and we're also more middle class with multiple kids, and gym is a huge sacrifice for us - so we sound a lot alike Our gym is the priciest in the whole metro area, even though it isn't the winningest. It's the location. Their rent is surely sky high. Beamers and Cadillac Escalades in the parking lot abound. Often double parked

I'd say our gym has a decent balance of parental give and take. The rules are laid out clearly as to what is expected, and no way would a parent get away with 'sorry, Susie won't be making morning practices because she needs more sleep'. Susie would be offered Xcel. But they are somewhat flexible on a case by case basis for vacations, and do ask for input when creating the practice schedule (for example, what is better for parents -2 days 3 hours, or 3 days 2 hours? extra practice on Fridays or Saturdays? that kind of thing as they are crafting schedules). Some groups are smallish (my DD's had 5 girls in it), so it's nice they ask for input. Of course not everyone will be happy with the result, but they do seem to take some input publicly, and accommodation privately. I've seen kids grouped with a different level because of a parental work/commute situation, or because of a sibling in another class, etc. And the after school classes always have some stragglers because of dismissal time differences. I've seen girls out for a 1-2 week vacation (lower levels), and it's fine. It's not rampant, or that would be chaos, but they have case-by-case flexibility.

Sounds like your is more over the top, though, and I agree to keep expressing your enthusiasm for the extra hours of practice, and that can only help your DD earn respect and (positive) attention. Ultimately, the others will have to drop out if they aren't as dedicated.

 

[3LittleGymmies]

Thank you all so much for your input. This is just one of several reasons why we have been considering switching gyms, but it's certainly not helping the situation! Our gym's optionals seem to be average/decent, from what I have gathered. Yes, this is about compulsories... our girls are in "new" Level 4, so they will be going into 5 - I assume. Our gym doesn't seem to really be doing 6, and they also don't tend to skip girls... but some of ours are certainly training 7 skills.. so who knows. What frustrates me the most is that the same people who are complaining (and seem to complain about everything...) are the same ones who are already planning for their girls to quit before middle school because they "won't have time for this". Most of our girls are in 2nd-3rd grade now with a few exceptions. I wish they saw how their extensive complaining and the changes made because of it affect the girls who don't plan to quit - or don't have their parents planning for them to quit, rather. But they wouldn't care. Unfortunately, there is really no reasoning with them. I have tried dropping little hints about how the early practices will keep them out of the heat and give them the rest of their day, but I don't really want to get confrontational with other parents. I am not sure if the coaches would really care if we say that we DO want the practice time if the complaining parents have already convinced them to change things (which I can almost bet will happen because they have been non-stop complaining!), but it's worth a try. I wish that the coaches would just tell them that it's fine if their child can't/doesn't want to come, but practice will still be happening for the girls who can/want to... that would be the only fair way to do it in my opinion, but it's much more likely that they will change the schedule. The gym even offered reduced prices for its "day camps" for team kids whose parents have to work and can't accommodate the practice schedule pick up's/drop off's. The only way I can really explain it is that these parents are just not "into" gymnastics, and I don't mean "into" like a CGM. I'm not a CGM, but I'm "into" supporting my daughters, getting them where they need to be, helping them pursue their dreams, etc. Some of the parents seem to do this just to have somewhere for their kids to be from right after school until the evening because both parents are working demanding jobs (doctors, lawyers, etc) and they need after school care anyway, and they aren't interested in their child pursuing a future in this in any way, shape, or form no matter how talented they are... so to them, why so much practice? why so many days? why so early? why so late? why miss school? why so far? It's not about them not wanting their kids over-committed because most of their kids do several other private activities... instruments, languages, dance, other sports, etc. But they never question the cost, because they don't have an issue writing the checks . Okay, done venting now.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

So DD is in a program say equivalent to an 8/starter 9. Every once in a while I'll pull her for a day to spend the weekend with her grandmother or aunt, but timed very well to be immediately AFTER a meet so as to have the least impact.

We'll pull her for a week about once a year or so for family vacation. There are others who pull their kids far more, even at this type of level. It is tolerated, but it does affect their learning curve. If you miss gym, you aren't learning or conditioning or improving!

But schedules are schedules. It is what it is, and if you want to be a part of the competitive program, you are there at your allotted time, or not there. There is not accommodation with other groups, or modifying of the schedule. I was concerned when we had to start pulling DD out of school early 4 days a week, missing essentially the equivalent of one day of school. But I was told, "trust us, it works - just ask the other parents. And it is what it is" - we either were there or we weren't. We're there, and they were right, it works.

 

[luvmygymdtr]

it's kind of irritating that I will be getting my daughter to/from practices (including early ones) on time and others won't show or will be late because it's 'too much' or 'too early' and they will still get to move up and no one will blink an eye about it.

I would put this is in the "pro" column of your tally sheet. It only means more coaching time for your daughter.

 

[GymMom67]

We also live in a somewhat affluent area. Not everyone has money, but there are plenty who do. But this type behavior from the parents would never fly at our gym. The owner sets the practice schedule and the kids are either willing to commit to it, or they are free to go elsewhere. Our summer schedule isn't out yet, but if he does the same thing he has done the last couple of years, my DD will practice 8-12 Mon.-Thurs. Are we excited about having to get up early all summer? No, absolutely not. But we are willing to do it because that is what is required. He is understanding about family vacations. We are taking a whole week in June, and they're fine with that. They just ask that we let them know and they write when girls will be out on the calendar so they know what to expect. However, our competition season starts at the end of August, so I make every effort to not schedule anything for August.....but that is just a personal decision.

 

[3LittleGymmies]

I definitely don't have an issue with taking vacation for a week in the summer. But taking 2-3 weeks off (some are taking even more when you combine all of their trips) and then complaining about the schedule is just crazy and selfish to me. Our summer schedule is M- 4:00-8:30, T- 7am-10am, W- 4:00-8:00, T, 1:00-5:00, F- 6am-9am. This season, most of our level practiced four days/15 hours/week and this is five days/18 1/2 hours/week. So not a HUGE increase. Yes, 6am and 7am suck. But during the season, our Level 5's practice at 7am every Saturday after finishing at 8:30 the night before. So it's not totally off the wall unusual, and they aren't the only level who has early days during the summer. At our old gym (we moved to a different state), we had two-a-day practices in the summer... so it could certainly be much worse! Yes, it's a big commitment... but the whole sport is a big commitment. You can't be committed only when it's convenient...

 

[Quadqueen]

Well, I can sort of see why someone might complain about 6 or 7 a.m. start!! Especially the 7 a.m. after being there till 8:30 the night before??

That schedule's a bit odd...