Parents Coaching while watching an infant child... is this ok?

[skschlag]

that is exactly what we did.

 

[mommyof1]

I honestly don't know why a coach would want his or her infant on the floor while coaching--I find it terribly stressful whenever I attempt to work and parent at the same time, even with a 10-year-old. If the coach in question is part owner of the gym, that gives her more flexibility and power to implement a solution like the one Really describes, or to hire a teen or gym parent to watch the baby (along with any other coaches' children) on the premises.

 

[MILgymFAM]

We had one gym where one of the team coaches regularly coached with her newborn and toddler on hand. The baby would often be in a sling and the toddler running around (with the HC's toddlers running around too). It was chaotic and always seemed dangerous to me (the toddlers to the gymnasts and the gymnasts to the baby). The gym had a no spitting rule, so that wasn't an issue (it was an issue, but not for this), but the split attention was definitely a problem. I know in our case it was very take it or leave it- about everything- and we chose to leave it. I personally found it very unprofessional.

 

[SMH]

Our head coaches have two small children. Occasionally at the end or beginning of practice they hang out in the gym. Any other time one of the gym parents is in charge of them- either by taking them out of the gym completely, or by taking them up to the waiting room. I'm not sure if the parent watching gets reduced tuition or what, but I'm sure they are not paying her full time daycare rates. It seems to work well for all involved.

 

[MaineDad]

Some great feedback from everyone... Thank You!!! If it weren't for you guys I wouldn't know where to turn. We love our gym and our teammates and the success we have had with our coaches and we would like nothing less than for that to continue all the way through this journey. I think what we will do is use this opportunity to ask the coach if it would be ok to see if any parents were interested in watching the baby during practices from the viewing area. This will show that we may have a bit of a concern but at the same time we care about our coach and her baby and want to try and help.

As a new mom maybe she just needs time to figure out a plan and if that's what's going on here we are more than happy to be flexible and wait it out. Our concern is really just the long term picture of what will be the normal day to day schedule. Sitters fall through or cancel sometimes, or dr. appointments happen, or things just come up unexpectedly. All that stuff is completely understandable and not a problem at all.

 

[ntxgymmom]

Our previous gym had a coach with an infant. It was only a Rec class and I didn't feel it was appropriate. She was always wandering around the gym, in the path of the older girls doing tumbling. And this was at a VERY well known gym in N Texas that has 4 letters and trained a recent Olympian

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Its a pet peeve of mine. I had to find childcare for my children when I went back to work. I would have loved to take them with me but its impossible to work and parent properly at the same time, one always suffers.

I also attended a gym for a short time where the coaches child was there , aged 18 months, nightmare. A real danger to all concerned.

Then they grow up to be gym brats, seen a lot of those, pushing in in front of others, whining about the other kids, always getting picked ahead of better gymnasts for things, just because they are related to the owner/coach. No good for moral

 

[Sasha]

Hmm, tough one. I see both sides, and it is not ideal for sure, though not necessarily disastrous. Full-time newborn/infant childcare is super expensive and out of reach for many people on a coach's salary. And if mom chooses to nurse, well it's really not realistic to be away from your child for very long, especially for problem feeders and the like..

In a previous gym, we had multiple infant-wearing coaches, which turned into loud screaming baby on the floor in a playpen/seat coaches, which turned into toddler-chasing coaches... And we had wild pre-school aged coaches' kids running amuck at times (those were the worst). At some point caregivers ended up watching them in a room away from the gym floor for most of the time, but as the kids were there literally all day, they would frequently still come out to see mom/dad at random times and still sometimes run amuck in the gym. They couldn't literally stay in one small room all day. And yes, it was, at times, super annoying. Yes, coaches would have to leave what they were doing to attend to their kid at random times. Yes, baby-wearing coaches (both moms and a dad) couldn't be spotting during those times, so probably some loss there.

These coaches were not training elites, however, so the degree of interruption is probably magnified in a situation where a young TOPS/HOPES athlete has very time-bound goals.

Personally, I would take @coachp 's suggestion and have a caring, personal conversation with the coach about the longer term plan. There could be reasons she can't leave her baby, and maybe there are things the parents/gym can do to help her. Yes, of course you're annoyed that you are paying a premium and not getting full service. But don't lead with that. Lead with understanding and empathy for a new mom, and understand the coach's POV about how she plans to fulfill your DD's training goals, and what help the she (the coach) might need. New moms have just had their world turned upside down and are all struggling to make it all work. Start there.

 

[profmom]

The other thing some people may not know or remember is that in some areas, waiting lists for good day care are months or even years long.

 

[Sasha]

The other thing some people may not know or remember is that in some areas, waiting lists for good day care are months or even years long.

And a qualified nanny for infants in my personal example above runs $25-40/hour.

(This is why I did not have a nanny helping out for my own young children, btw, though I would have loved the help.)

Though in our example, yes, coaches' kids (infants, babies, toddlers, preschoolers...) were all annoying at times for different reasons (as kids tend to be, but especially in a work situation!), we made it work for the good of the gym family and understanding that there were not really other viable options for the coaches. We could have complained, insisted they find child care, take time off, etc. But then who would coach? They would have to quit for at least some months, possibly years, or move away to a cheaper cost of living area. Or our already sky-high tuition could go up another 30% to try to cover basic care. What would that gain us as customers or the gym as a business? Eventually, kids grew, coaches got better (though not perfect) at managing the chaos, and generally the athletes enjoyed getting to know their little gym buddies and play with them as they grew into toddlers and little tykes. So it is what it is. Good with the bad in our case.

But if my DD had time-sensitive elite goals, and her elite coach was obviously unable to train her with an infant in tow, and I had concerns, I would open a compassionate dialog and work toward a viable plan together.

 

[rosiekat]

A baby in a sling while girls are stretching is no big deal. But just about anything else shouldn't be allowed in my opinion. I like the idea of seeing if parents can help - maybe they can even get a nominal break in tuition? I have to admit, I wouldn't mind watching the coach's kid once or twice, I get that things happen and it takes a village, but after that, I'd feel taken advantage of. Even if it was saving $5 for every session you watched the kid or something - there are a lot of parents who need every dime and I bet you'd find plenty of willing folks. (I realize the gym would be unlikely to pay for that, but maybe it could come out of the coach's salary? She can't complain too much at having to pay $5 for 4 hours of childcare, for example!)

ETA - this might be a terrible idea, I'm just brainstorming.

 

[4schnoodle]

This would be unacceptable in my opinion (unless it was a rare occurrence for special circumstances). You are a consumer paying for a service and you deserve to get what you pay for. If a classroom teacher were bringing her infant to school daily - she would be fired.

Also, I don't think that it's the parent's job to help the coach figure out her childcare situation. If she chooses to ask sone gym families on her own then she can, but I don't think that I would volunteer or suggest what she should do with her child. Watching someone else's child is a tremendous responsibility and one that most new parents are especially sensitive about.

I think that the only option is to directly ask her what her long term plan is. Based on her response, you can choose to ride it out (if it was a very short term situation) or start looking for a new gym. Even the best coach in the world is not the best when they are constantly distracted.

 

[jenjean70]

At our gym we have a coach who does a barter system so someone can watch his toddler while he coaches and he gives private lessons in return. I think it's a win-win!

 

[txgymfan]

That's a good system. Especially if he schedules the toddler watching ahead of time and the parents are there anyway.

 

[gymdog]

This would be unacceptable in my opinion (unless it was a rare occurrence for special circumstances). You are a consumer paying for a service and you deserve to get what you pay for. If a classroom teacher were bringing her infant to school daily - she would be fired.

Also, I don't think that it's the parent's job to help the coach figure out her childcare situation. If she chooses to ask sone gym families on her own then she can, but I don't think that I would volunteer or suggest what she should do with her child. Watching someone else's child is a tremendous responsibility and one that most new parents are especially sensitive about.

I think that the only option is to directly ask her what her long term plan is. Based on her response, you can choose to ride it out (if it was a very short term situation) or start looking for a new gym. Even the best coach in the world is not the best when they are constantly distracted.

Right. If you live in a major metropolitan area, sure. But let's say you live in Maine where level 8-10 coaches are few and far between and the choice may realistically be driving this coach out of the job or helping them out or accepting. Because those may the three scenarios. I don't think the OP's concerns are unreasonable but I'm also not sure some people "get" the reality of the situation which is there is a very good chance the OP ends up with no coach at his child's level at all. I don't know where he lives in Maine but there aren't a lot of high level gyms, so...this is not that simple. My prediction is there is a good chance the coach is coaching because they feel bad leaving the girls at this level without options. Compromise is likely the best scenario here.

 

[4schnoodle]

Right. If you live in a major metropolitan area, sure. But let's say you live in Maine where level 8-10 coaches are few and far between and the choice may realistically be driving this coach out of the job or helping them out or accepting. Because those may the three scenarios. I don't think the OP's concerns are unreasonable but I'm also not sure some people "get" the reality of the situation which is there is a very good chance the OP ends up with no coach at his child's level at all. I don't know where he lives in Maine but there aren't a lot of high level gyms, so...this is not that simple. My prediction is there is a good chance the coach is coaching because they feel bad leaving the girls at this level without options. Compromise is likely the best scenario here.

Just to clarify - I believe that compromise is a great option; however, I don't believe that it is the parent's job to initiate or suggest that option. In my experience, most new mothers are very defensive about their parenting (as they should be) but if future relationships with this coach are critical, then I would tread lightly (unless you personally want to volunteer to babysit during practice). Personally, someone telling me all the things I should/could do with my infant would have upset and bothered me (but maybe that's just because I don't accept criticism well). I think that direct communication to gather all the facts is best. She might already have plans for the child that start in the next week or so that would solve the problem. If not, you've heard from other posters what the future picture most likely will look like.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

At our gym we have a coach who does a barter system so someone can watch his toddler while he coaches and he gives private lessons in return. I think it's a win-win!

That is brilliant

 

[Gymmom0824]

I really feel like this depends on the gym and situation. My DD Coach had a baby last year and had to resign because she didn't have good childcare. We would have loved her to stay and have the baby there if she needed too. We probably would have helped babysit beciase having her as a coach was amazing it was a huge loss to our girls. We have a small gym though.