Welcome to our Gymnastics Discussion Community
554,231 messages... 44,365 topics... and 6,612 members
Join for FREE!
Thank you for supporting our sponsors Energym Music & Norberts & High 5 Meets!

Could really use some friends....

Status
Not open for further replies.

NewGymMom

New Member
Aug 3, 2008
47
Northeast
:(I know it seems pretty sad that I would need to post this here (and I know it is not gym related) But I really need to just get this out, I have had a horrible last few days. You guys have been great since I joined this forum so why not.

So, Sunday I woke up thinking it would be a typical Sunday.....needless to say I was blindsided by a bus. My husband out of nowhere at all informed me he wanted "out" as he said, or a divorce. He said he would be "fair" to me andd give me until February to move out. (When we recieve our income tax return) At that time I would have to take my share of the money and go (I currently do not work, I have been a stay at home mom since my youngest who is now 4 was born...obviously to be home with him) The worst of it.....he informed me...I would be doing so without my three children.....that he would fight for full costudy.

This was the worst of all....as my three kids are my entire universe....these kids mean absolutely everything to me, and to even think of not having them for a second makes me sick to my stomach.

My inlaws own the house we live in and live upstairs. They immediately got involved...our mini van is in their name, they got it for us, and payed for it, we are a younger couple, as a way of helping out. Well I was informed that I would no longer be allowed to use the family van, and could only be in if my husband was driving. If for some reason I tried to anyway, they would call the police, report it stolen and have me arrested.....can you believe this....coming from people I cared for as a second set of my own parents.....we just recently moved to this city....I am about 25 minutes from all of my own family and this city is smaller and more out in a country setting, so there is no public transportation. So I am literally trapped.

On top of it all....I find out today from a good friend of my husband that when we were seperated before (he up an left on a whim once before 4 years ago....and I was obviously foolish enough to take him back) he had been dating this girl he worked with, it never went too far cause she was suppose to be moving away. Well then it all clicked for me....a few days before all of this...he got an email from this girl out of the blue and they started emailing back and forth and he was very surprised she hadn't moved away....I never thought anything of it til now....Im not the type to get suspicious or jealous.....but now I wonder. My husband works nights....he left for work today with a change of clothes, his dress shoes, and his nice leather coat...so he is obviously palnning to go out after work. With who I wonder?

As far as Shawnee and her gymnastics....He works most of the week, so I wouldn't be able to get her to some of her practices....since I can't use our vehicle...the gym has been amazing....I sat down with the head coach and explained it to her....and since they aren't competing until later in the spring and she feels Shawnee will pick up very quickly, they won't take her off the team and will be okay with what practices I can get her to, which is wonderful of them to do, I know we found an excellent program. They said they don't want to loose her and will work around it. They even gave her a credit toward the classes she will miss and I already paid for.

It's been rough on the kids, my little one doesn't quite understand what is going on, my oldest seems to be doing okay, but you can see he is upset, he told me tonight at dinner he couldn't wait to get back to school the next day, cause "It doesn't really feel like home here anymore Mom" Oh that was heart breaking, I hate that this is happening to them. Shawnee has been having trouble sleeping, she is afraid she will wake up and I wont be here....

It's been a terrible 3 days, I haven't slept and it is taking all I have not to break down, and stay strong infront of the kids, and I am so afraid of the thought of loosing them.......thanks for letting me post on here, it's hard keeping all of this in, and not having anyone to talk with. I hope no one thinks any less of me....
 

bogwoppit

Former Admin
Gold Membership
Former Gymnast
Feb 26, 2007
16,720
Country
Canada
Sweetie,

You need to see a lawyer and quickly. No one can take away your children, he and his family can take everything else, but not them. Find a good legal aid lawyer and get it all out in the open. If you have been stay at home Mom you will be entitled to support for a period of time.

We legally cannot allow anyone to give any advice that can be construed as "legal advice" as the board can become liable for any poor advice you could get. Sucks, but that the way it is.

Also be careful not to give to much away about yourself, this is not private and anyone can read this thread.

We can be here to listen and support. You are not the first parent here to go through this, and you will not be the last. Some of us know exactly what you are going through and I am sure this feels like a nightmare, but you can and will get through it. Your most important job is to secure a place for you to live with your kids whilst this mess is sorted out.

You can live without a van, a house etc, but you need your family to support you too.

Stay strong and get help now, being informed is the key.
 

gymmomntc2e6

Moderator/Proud Parent
Aug 25, 2007
2,842
North Carolina
NewGymMom -
There is not a whole lot I can say except that Bog gives great advice. I am sorry for all that you are going through.

(( hugs ))
 

gymnomore

Member
Aug 3, 2007
208
I am so sorry too. I can't imagine going through something like that. I'll say some prayers for you and your children that things will work out for you. Good luck.
 

gym monkeys mom

Active Member
Proud Parent
Oct 3, 2007
569
I want you to know I will also be praying for you and your kids. I pray also your family can step in and help some how. Stay strong.
 
M

msl529

Guest
:( This breaks my heart. Please take Bogwoppit's advice and get the proper help, QUICK. Just remember, when you don't feel you can get through this, you must know that you ARE strong enough, and you WILL get through, and your kids are now depending on you to be their one, consistent person they can trust in their lives. We are all behind you here!
 
B

Billy

Guest
I'm so sorry! This is horrible for you! Everyone here has given good advice. SEE A LAWYER NOW!!! I don't think any judge would take the kids away from you when you've been their primary caretaker for so long. But you need to talk to an attorney, ASAP.
 

gym mom

Active Member
Sep 8, 2007
724
florida
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your kids.Lawyer ASAP.No judge wants to take kids away from there mom.Is your family aware of the situation? You will defiintly need there support.Stay strong for your kids and remeber everything there parents say and do influence them,there little ears hear great.My parents got divorced when I was 5 my mother had to start all over also she moved us 1000 miles away to be close to her family and attended night school to get a job were she could support 3 kids.My parents never argueed in front of us.I no it was very rough on her but she stayed strong .Best of Luck
 

midwestgymmom

Active Member
Aug 27, 2006
661
midwest
I am so sorry. I have no advice other than you need a lawyer asap. You and the kids have my prayers and hugs. Keep us posted if you need to vent you can always PM me.:hug:The only other thing I can think of is to document everything.
 
F

flippymonkeysmom

Guest
Oh my gosh - I am so sorry you have to go through this. You really do need to contact a lawyer ASAP to help guide you through the legal aspects of it. My heart is absolutely breaking for you and your children. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. Sending the biggest hug your way ((((hug)))) !!!!
 

DbacksMom75

Member
Proud Parent
Aug 18, 2008
112
Arlington, TX
Seriously?

Do yourself a favor and don't give him or his family the satisfaction of belittling you and breaking you down form now until Feb. Leave now! Take your stuff, your kids, and walk to the nearest pay phone, and use two quarters, one to call a lawyer and the other a cab to go to where YOUR family is. I don't know where you live but there are not many states that will give full custody to a father, unless there are extenuating circumstances. he doesnt have much leg to stand on considering his family is footing the bill for your home, car, ect.
I probably shouldnt put this out there but if you can prove to the court that he is having an extramartial affair, he has no hope in h-e douvble hockey sticks of getting anything HE wants out of this situation.

Stay strong, boys are dumb, and from what you are describing he is just that "a boy". Maybe in a few years he will GROW UP and miss the family he had at one point.:mad:

Liz
 

NewGymMom

New Member
Aug 3, 2008
47
Northeast
Thank you to everyone for all your kind thought and words. It's been rough, but I have contacted a lawyer and filed paper work at court. My parents have been great, doing what they can. I decided I am not going to let this break me, I will get through it, it might be hard, but in the end it will be worth it.
 

bogwoppit

Former Admin
Gold Membership
Former Gymnast
Feb 26, 2007
16,720
Country
Canada
Thank you to everyone for all your kind thought and words. It's been rough, but I have contacted a lawyer and filed paper work at court. My parents have been great, doing what they can. I decided I am not going to let this break me, I will get through it, it might be hard, but in the end it will be worth it.


Great job, I am so impressed with you. I know this is terribly hard, but doing it right from the beginning means that both you and your little ones will be protected by all that the law offers.

Thrilled that you have the emotional support of your parents, that will make a world of difference.

Keep your chin up and be proud of all that you are doing for your family.
 
F

flippymonkeysmom

Guest
Thank you to everyone for all your kind thought and words. It's been rough, but I have contacted a lawyer and filed paper work at court. My parents have been great, doing what they can. I decided I am not going to let this break me, I will get through it, it might be hard, but in the end it will be worth it.

You go girl. It takes a lot of strength to get through something like this - just remember you can do it. That which does not kill us makes us stronger - after this you'll be superwoman!!
 

kristilyn73

Active Member
Jan 17, 2008
1,326
Minnesota
Good luck! I have been through a divorce with little kids. It wasnt easy but it was what I needed to do. The life we were living was not one I wanted my girls to grow up in, I knew there was more to life and I knew I could give it to them even without him!

Now 11 years later I am happily married to a wonderful man who has adopted my girls we have a son together. My life is magical...

Just remember - everything happens for a reason. Never regret your marriage - it gave you your children. Stay strong!
 
N

NYgymfan

Guest
Wow, such a big, heavy, grown-up topic. I was very sad when I read the original post. Its a shame because the kids are usually the ones who get hurt the most when stuff like this happens.

Good luck NewGymMom, I sure hope everything works out for you and your kids.
 

gymgirl_60

Member
Aug 30, 2008
209
:grouphug::heartbeat:i am very sorry about what is going on and i hope everything will turn out better than it is right now. remember to stay strong. ((hugs.))
 
Status
Not open for further replies.