Parents Dad and I don't see eye to eye

[Flip4funmom]

Ok just looking for advice...

I hold my son to a pretty high standard in the gym aside from skills. You respect the coaches (which isn't an issue), follow the gym rules, gym time is for practice not play, be ready to get to gym on time (of course we are sometimes late that isn't his fault), etc... but here's the issue my husband thinks it's all a big joke. If he gets to gym late no big deal, he wants to play around at practice; its ok he's 5 it's cute. Cut through the pit instead of going around like he's supposed to: again no big deal.

So my son is getting mixed messages depending on who takes him any suggestions? I've mentioned it to my husband and he just thinks everything is fine because he's young. I see it as you need to establish rules while he us young.

Help!

 

[NutterButter]

Establishing rules and guidelines for behavior is a good thing. It's also a good thing to make sure he's allowed behavior appropriate for a 5 year old. Personally I probably tend to agree with your DH. 5 year olds are so stinking cute and funny! But I also get the frustration with being late to gym. Maybe you can explain the importance of being on time is so that your DS isn't late for warmup which is a very crucial part of practice. The cutting through the pit seems like a safety issue...what if there is someone about to tumble into the pit and your DS cuts through. The cutting through the pit along with playing around during practice seem like behaviors the coach should be correcting.

 

[John]

My take on this is neither of you is totally correct and neither is wrong. Why don't you actually try to compromise, sit down and actually find a middle ground. Both of you agree to accept a few of the others points. If you don't compromise one of you has to lose and the other wins. The loser will surely develop anger and resentment over time. Your son needs to see his parents agreeing. My two cents.

 

[Madden3]

When he is at gym, your son should follow the gym's (or coach's) rules- just as if he were in school, he would follow the school's/teacher's rules. And these rules might be different and often will be more restrictive than home rules. This is not only for safety (although there is that as well) but also so the coach can coach (or the teacher teach) effectively, there must be a semblance of order. This includes being on time. My 5 year old is in Kindergarten and we have a longish commute to her public charter school. My husband was bringing her late a lot. When the teacher explained it was disruptive to the class, we all pulled together to help them get out the door earlier.

When in a group learning environment, rules have to be more rigid or nothing ever gets done. This is why putting really young kids in school (or on gym teams) can be problematic. But 5? Usually old enough to follow these types of rules most of the time as long as the kids are kept engaged in the learning by the coach or teacher.

As far as setting behavior rules at home, I agree with John. That you and your husband can negotiate- but I suggest try your best to come to some kind of compromise outside of earshot of your child and then both of you be consistent with the rules (while also being willing to adjust as the need arises.) Most families have one more hardnosed parent and one more relaxed. There is usually a happy medium between the two.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

He needs age appropriate rules and expectations. He is five.

Let the gym take care of what happens in the gym.

5 yr olds can’t be responsible for being on time.

 

[Flip4funmom]

He needs age appropriate rules and expectations. He is five.

Let the gym take care of what happens in the gym.

5 yr olds can’t be responsible for being on time.

He can't be responsible for arriving on time but he is more then capable of having himself and his things ready to go. He knows how to read a clock.

 

[NutterButter]

5 year olds can be poky. Maybe he needs more time to get this things together. It has nothing to do with the ability to read a clock. Based on things you share here I think your DS has an enourmous amount of pressure put on him. Poor guy.

 

[Flip4funmom]

5 year olds can be poky. Maybe he needs more time to get this things together. It has nothing to do with the ability to read a clock. Based on things you share here I think your DS has an enourmous amount of pressure put on him. Poor guy.

I guess he kind of does but he asks for it. I've told him MANY times we can switch him to rec if he doesn't want to take it serious and he gets so upset begging me not to do it. (I made a post about these issues as well). We never had this issue at the old gym and I'm trying to figure out why now.

 

[duyetanh]

I guess he kind of does but he asks for it. I've told him MANY times we can switch him to rec if he doesn't want to take it serious and he gets so upset begging me not to do it. (I made a post about these issues as well). We never had this issue at the old gym and I'm trying to figure out why now.

My guess is he feels comfortable and safe at this gym so he can be himself....a 5 year old boy. I responded in detail on your other post, but in short, when yiu keep saying this to him over and over about rec but nothing changes, it is time to either leave it to the coaches or make the change irregardless of your sons sishes and put him in rec, because you are the parent. I am glad he feels comfortable enough to be himsekf, that right there is a ain! So let him be himself, and let the coaches handle it...and if they feel he needs to go to rec, they will tell you. Trust the process.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

He can't be responsible for arriving on time but he is more then capable of having himself and his things ready to go. He knows how to read a clock.

He’s five. It’s great if he can do it. And he’s five. To expect him to be on it on a regular basis, is unrealistic, and not age appropriate. It’s not his job at 5. It’s the grownups job. He needs to be a kid.

If 5 year olds had the ability to be that responsible they could have their own apartments by age 7 the latest.

 

[Madden3]

He knows how to read a clock.

It takes way more than that to be ready on time. I agree with Deleted member 18037 on this 100%. At this age it is the parents who need to make being on time for something happen.

Developmentally, up to about age 7 kids are in a very dreamy, magical thinking state. Being able to say what the little hand and big hand mean does not mean the child has any realistic concept of the passage of time. And even once that is developed, some kids just need constant prodding to get ready, no matter how much they love something and want to be there. Remember this is the age kids imagine marrying their dog and think their teacher lives in the classroom.

 

[Taxidriver]

He can't be responsible for arriving on time but he is more then capable of having himself and his things ready to go. He knows how to read a clock.

My dd is 9 and can read the clock but still needs reminding it’s time to go get ready as she gets distracted and she is very keen to go to gym and doesn’t want to be late she just gets distracted as children do.

 

[Faith]

Honestly Weslansmummy you need to chill out. a lot.

the kid is 5. let him be a child. Butt out of practice altogether. Get him there on time, pick him up on time. Let the coaches deal with discipline. If they have an issue they need your input on they will ask.

As a coach one of the things I hate most is when a child is constantly looking to a parent in the gallery. When the kid knows the parent is disapproving it completely unfocuses them. I don't want kids telling me "mummy says I have to do x, y or z" I want them paying attention to me and what I'm telling them. I've had kids really stressed out because we're not doing vault that practice and mummy has told them she needs to see them get over the table tonight.

I was that kid. All I remember about my days a a swimmer is my dad in the gallery and trying to guess his thoughts. I don't remember my coaches name, what they look like, or even if they were male or female- and I swam competitively until I was 11.

The mixed messages aren't coming from you and your DH, they're coming from you and his coaches. You are undermining his coaches and his respect for them when you are telling him off for things and the coaches aren't.

Bottom line, don't watch practice. We've had thread after thread after thread on here on about your son's behaviour and his trampolining. You are holding him to standards more appropriate for a 12 year old, and he will quit at some point because he will realise he cannot focus all the time, he does sometimes miss the coaches instruction. Because he's 5!

 

[John]

It takes way more than that to be ready on time. I agree with Deleted member 18037 on this 100%. At this age it is the parents who need to make being on time for something happen.

Developmentally, up to about age 7 kids are in a very dreamy, magical thinking state. Being able to say what the little hand and big hand mean does not mean the child has any realistic concept of the passage of time. And even once that is developed, some kids just need constant prodding to get ready, no matter how much they love something and want to be there. Remember this is the age kids imagine marrying their dog and think their teacher lives in the classroom.

My daughter is still dreamy at 11. It' a good. When we accept who our children are it becomes easier.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Faith, replied with something very similar on the other thread. Definitely 100% agree with your entire post!

 

[duyetanh]

Honestly Weslansmummy you need to chill out. a lot.

the kid is 5. let him be a child. Butt out of practice altogether. Get him there on time, pick him up on time. Let the coaches deal with discipline. If they have an issue they need your input on they will ask.

As a coach one of the things I hate most is when a child is constantly looking to a parent in the gallery. When the kid knows the parent is disapproving it completely unfocuses them. I don't want kids telling me "mummy says I have to do x, y or z" I want them paying attention to me and what I'm telling them. I've had kids really stressed out because we're not doing vault that practice and mummy has told them she needs to see them get over the table tonight.

I was that kid. All I remember about my days a a swimmer is my dad in the gallery and trying to guess his thoughts. I don't remember my coaches name, what they look like, or even if they were male or female- and I swam competitively until I was 11.

The mixed messages aren't coming from you and your DH, they're coming from you and his coaches. You are undermining his coaches and his respect for them when you are telling him off for things and the coaches aren't.

Bottom line, don't watch practice. We've had thread after thread after thread on here on about your son's behaviour and his trampolining. You are holding him to standards more appropriate for a 12 year old, and he will quit at some point because he will realise he cannot focus all the time, he does sometimes miss the coaches instruction. Because he's 5!

Cant like this post enough. Everyone here is trying to help, so you dont end up at your third gym. I dont know how many gyms offer boys t and t programs, but if you want to keep him in the sport, you are going to need to keep out of it a lot more. Good luck.

 

[Muddlethru]

To OP, may I ask you what you did at 5 years old and what was expected of you?

 

[Peachy88]

He can't be responsible for arriving on time but he is more then capable of having himself and his things ready to go. He knows how to read a clock.

I have a five year old gymnast who may have an idea about clocks and times but lives in her own world. She is constantly day dreaming and would have no idea how to get herself ready “on time.” She is also extremely bright as it has been mentioned to have her skip a grade, but seriously this is not something I can even fathom her doing. She gets asked to put on her Leo fifteen minutes before we leave and then clothes over five minutes. I also struggle with letting her just be in class because she is so much younger than the other girls, but am going to take some of the advice here. I belong to a gym next door so I will be working out there more often. Good luck to you, but let’s try to enjoy our talented kids being five.

 

[OzZee]

Honestly Weslansmummy you need to chill out. a lot.

the kid is 5. let him be a child. Butt out of practice altogether. Get him there on time, pick him up on time. Let the coaches deal with discipline. If they have an issue they need your input on they will ask.

As a coach one of the things I hate most is when a child is constantly looking to a parent in the gallery. When the kid knows the parent is disapproving it completely unfocuses them. I don't want kids telling me "mummy says I have to do x, y or z" I want them paying attention to me and what I'm telling them. I've had kids really stressed out because we're not doing vault that practice and mummy has told them she needs to see them get over the table tonight.

I was that kid. All I remember about my days a a swimmer is my dad in the gallery and trying to guess his thoughts. I don't remember my coaches name, what they look like, or even if they were male or female- and I swam competitively until I was 11.

The mixed messages aren't coming from you and your DH, they're coming from you and his coaches. You are undermining his coaches and his respect for them when you are telling him off for things and the coaches aren't.

Bottom line, don't watch practice. We've had thread after thread after thread on here on about your son's behaviour and his trampolining. You are holding him to standards more appropriate for a 12 year old, and he will quit at some point because he will realise he cannot focus all the time, he does sometimes miss the coaches instruction. Because he's 5!

Have to agree with all of this too. Leave it up to the coach. If the coach has no problem then there probably is no problem. He is 5, not an elite athlete.

Too add. But if he really isn't getting what he should out of the class the other option is to take a break

My middle daughter was moved up to a group when she was about 5 and she struggled with staying focused due to the dynamics, after awhile I gave her the ultimatum to focus better (lol to participate) or leave, she didn't so the end of that term she left. She tried some other activities for about 18 months, then asked to go back to gymnastics and returned loving it, and continued for another 6 years before moving on to another sport.
Though looking back I should have just asked to have her moved back down into the younger group and away from the distractions/boys/busy gym, but regardless she had nearly 2 years of other experiences and went back and within 6 months was where the other kids were so it probably was the best thing to happen.

But my youngest thrived doing 2 gym sports to a high level (for age) at 5 and focussing well on both, so every kid is different.

 

[bogwoppit]

Too add. But if he really isn't getting what he should out of the class the other option is to take a break

My middle daughter was moved up to a group when she was about 5 and she struggled with staying focused due to the dynamics, after awhile I gave her the ultimatum to focus better (lol to participate) or leave, she didn't so the end of that term she left. She tried some other activities for about 18 months, then asked to go back to gymnastics and returned loving it, and continued for another 6 years before moving on to another sport.
Though looking back I should have just asked to have her moved back down into the younger group and away from the distractions/boys/busy gym, but regardless she had nearly 2 years of other experiences and went back and within 6 months was where the other kids were so it probably was the best thing to happen.

But my youngest thrived doing 2 gym sports to a high level (for age) at 5 and focussing well on both, so every kid is different.

Totally agree, I took my almost 6 year old out of gym for a year because she was not paying attention, was refusing to do some parts of training and the coach was finding her impossible. She begged to go back for a long, long time. I finally said yes when she was around 7, she was a lot more ready to lisyen tot he coach then.