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Daughter retired. Mom can't.

merritt

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Jun 22, 2016
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It's hard to have to gently tell her she can't wear those bodycon, body clinging clothes anymore right now.
It sounds like your daughter is an adult. If so, please do not tell your daughter what she cannot wear. This is very likely to damage your relationship with her.
 
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profmom

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Nov 18, 2011
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Just a reminder for others reading this thread that college gym does not have to be NCAA. If your gymnast is done with the hard core competitive grind, but not done with the sport, they should check out NAIGC. The good clubs give gymnasts the space to rediscover the joy in an environment where there are no real stakes. I am NOT suggesting that you push your child in this direction if it's clear that they are done with gym, but if competitive gym has become a burden, it may be worth considering as an alternative even for D3 or fighting for a walk on spot in D1.
 

L10 mom

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Apr 25, 2018
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It sounds like your daughter is an adult. If so, please do not tell your daughter what she cannot wear. This is very likely to damage your relationship with her.
Omg. In no way am I body shaming her. {not directing this to you specifically}. Goodness, people are so ready to jump on that topic. I don't tell her what to wear. So, when we're in the dressing room looking for outfits to wear for sorority rush, or anything for that matter, and she tries on something unflattering and asks me how it looks, I'm supposed to what? Oh, honey, it looks beautiful on you, no matter what? Do I lie when asked if it's flattering? If she tries on a pair of jeans in her closet that won't zip anymore, do I say 'looks great!'

I hope I originally just didn't write clearly enough.

I am not forcing her to wear or not wear anything. If she asks for my opinion and help because she finds the clothes she used to wear aren't flattering anymore, do I just refuse to help her? Do I call her names? No. Am I negative at all? No. Do I try to encourage her to eat healthy? Sure. Fast food every single day is not good for anyone. Do I encourage her to join a group of exercise buddies that sounds like a fun group? Sure. Do I force her? Of course not. If she took a girlfriend shopping with her, I would hope the girlfriend would give an honest opinion as well. Maybe even offer an alternative.

I'm truly sorry. I asked for no bashing and now I'm going on my soapbox. Seriously, I'm not directing this at you.

It's just frustrating. She knows her body. But, there is no harm in helping her. In actuality, I know she's sensitive about it so I try even harder to be careful.

I just wish I'd never mentioned it. It's a total non issue between us. I was disclosing my personal feelings for her. I know it's hard for her. I hate that it is happening to her.
 
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Tmacs

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Feb 19, 2019
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Thanks for your post. I’ve been thinking about it a lot as my dd is just beginning her journey. I already feel pulled into this world where I think about her gym so much and she’s only training L 4. I’m consciously fighting to keep perspective. I think this topic would be a great article or book once you work through stuff with your counselor. Parents need to hear how to balance their identity with their kids. I was a competitive swimmer, my dad was an Olympic swimmer. None of my kids want to swim. So maybe it’s good that I have that disappointment early on and see them make their decisions early on and constantly remind myself that it’s their journey.
Anyway, I echo the thoughts of rediscovering what you enjoy and who you are. Set a goal for yourself and pursue it. Maybe a class, a degree, a fitness goal, a race. There are so many challenges and communities out there, that it’s just fun to have something for you. That’s what I’m trying to do as I find myself so drawn to my kids’ successes or disappointed by what they’re not doing.
Again, thanks for your transparency and for the early warning to us newbies to keep balance.
 

lovofu

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Jan 8, 2009
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Wow, this is one of the most honest posts! You will be fine and so will your DD. TIME TIME TIME will help. For the young moms.....the earlier you can step out of the "race" that is competitive gymnastics and let your DD handle it the better you will be! It took me WAY too long but it's so nice in the bleachers cheering!
 

Freddy's Fred

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Nov 19, 2017
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To anyone out there whose heart is aching for this mom and whose anxiety is creeping up at the thought of their child ever quitting, I am here to tell you that it is not always this way. My daughter quit this past year after dedicating her whole childhood to gymnastics, and I couldn't be happier for her. She loved gymnastics, and then she was ready to move on. Hang in there L10mom, the best is yet to come. You will find other ways to bond with your daughter.
 

OrchidZ

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May 4, 2018
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I know you are ready to walk away from this thread, OP, so maybe you'll never see this. I want to send you both positive wishes and vibes. It's a tough situation.

I can understand and empathize with many of the feelings and thoughts expressed in this thread. Perhaps it will help to consider:

So many girls fall in love with this sport. It's a tough first love. Even those who rise to the highest levels are often left falling short of their dreams.

I think on all the families I know and the adults I met who were competitive gymnasts. Many of them left before they were ready. For some it was injury. For a few it was financial. For some it was mental blocks or emotional challenges. A few had serious health concerns. Some had serious family emergencies that changed everything. Some had abusive coaches and reluctantly walked away from something they loved. There are a lot of sad reasons to leave the sport as an athlete. My greatest hope for my DD is that, when she leaves.. and they all leave eventually.. that it will be her choice, not one put on her by circumstances.

I can understand how frustrating and hurtful this is for you. You lost a dream (People can argue it wasn't yours to lose, but dreams are funny things and don't play by the rules. This was just a dream that was out of your control.), but you haven't lost her yet. Yes, she may not want to talk about gymnastics with you right now, and that is 100% ok. She lived and breathed it for so long, who can blame her? She needs time to focus on her new life and goals and dreams. If you can put aside your dreams for her, what fun to see what dreams may come.. and who knows, the shared interest might return some day. For now, I would highly recommend that you not look at anything around level 10 or anything she might have been doing if she'd continued. I would take a long break from checking on her teammates. I'd take a break from all of it for at least a few months. Find things you want to do for you. And don't return to the sport unless or until you can think of it from the standpoint of a spectator and as something you guys used to do, not something you wish you were still doing. Until then, if you need to, remind yourself that your girl was and is awesome and fortunate. She walked away because she wanted to, not because she had to. She was beautiful, talented, and made some great memories.. And when she left it was on her own terms. What a wonderful, wonderful thing.

And don't worry about the size of the university. Everyone has it rough in that first semester. (I went to a small school and still felt that way for a while!) With time, she'll make friends and enjoy the variety and diversity of her larger school.

Good luck to her as she takes all these lessons she's learned and heads out to explore the world. Good luck to you too. Go find something fun and interesting to explore yourself. :)
 

GymAir

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I’ll make this quick since you’re deleting the thread. There is a loss and you have to grieve it. It seems like you are stuck in the denial part of the process of grieving, thinking that she could still come back if she changed her mind. You have to get to acceptance to move forward in the process. So yes, unfollow all the gymnastics and let it hit you that it is truly over. It will hurt, but time will help. Then you will be able to find a new way forward with your daughter.
 

CLgym

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Dec 22, 2014
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I just wanted to say that I hope this thread doesn't get deleted. In the few years I've been on CB, it is one of the most impactful, raw and honest threads I've read. I can imagine wanting to re-read it some day (possibly in the near future) when my own daughter leaves the sport. All of us parents on CB are invested in our children's gymnastics journeys or we wouldn't be here (posting and lurking) in the first place. Good luck @L10 mom as you unpack all of your feelings and work towards healing. You are not alone. And as you journey towards peace and resolution, please forgive yourself along the way....
 

Gigi

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Apr 20, 2016
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Hi. I think the grieving process is normal and it is not just for gymnastics but for end of high school as well. I have been so involved with every aspect of my daughter's life in high school, gymnastics, friend groups and the drama too, it will be very hard to let go when she goes off to college. You have the added disappointment of her not continuing with college gymnastics, which I totally understand as well, I experienced a little bit of that when my daughter moved on from dance and I still sometimes wonder what kind of a dancer she would have been (I still follow her dance friends' progress and they are thriving). As a parent, you don't want to hear her say years from now that she wished she had stuck with it, as I have heard from so many adults who quit gymnastics/dance/whatever when they were in high school, even though she seems so certain about it now. Unfortunately, all that you can do is to lay it all out and ask her to consider it and that's about it. It may be absolutely be the right decision or she may regret it in the future, but you've done your part. And you just never know, she may say she is done with gymnastics and knows that is the right thing to do, but inside she still may be torn and she herself may be grieving, but not want to show it to you, and you don't want to make her feel worse.

Take your time and grieve, mom, and don't feel bad about having those feelings. Meanwhile, try as much as you can to enjoy your daughter as a new person, a college student, a new adult, and be excited of her new adventures because you don't want to miss out on these college years either, as after college she will really be out of the house for good.
 
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txgymfan

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Sep 4, 2008
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I just wanted to say that I hope this thread doesn't get deleted. In the few years I've been on CB, it is one of the most impactful, raw and honest threads I've read. I can imagine wanting to re-read it some day (possibly in the near future) when my own daughter leaves the sport. All of us parents on CB are invested in our children's gymnastics journeys or we wouldn't be here (posting and lurking) in the first place. Good luck @L10 mom as you unpack all of your feelings and work towards healing. You are not alone. And as you journey towards peace and resolution, please forgive yourself along the way....
I’m not planning to delete the thread. Also, as long as people stay respectful it will remain open.
 

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