Parents DD not very motivated in gymnastics

[Deleted member 18037]

She still claims to LOVE the sport and really identifies as a gymnast.

I think the first place you need to start as a parent is to sort out what your expectations are vs your child's. And how do the align with what is important to you and your values.

Make sure our "stuff" as a parent is not being forced on our kids.

So she loves the sport and really identifies as a gymnast. You seem to be unhappy with her progress. Why? Why are you happy she is in gym? What are your pro and con lists? Then what are you daughters? Then does gymnastics as a sport meets that? And then does the gym? And you don't actually owe anyone here an answer. If gymnastics is still her path but the gym maybe not, change it. Perhaps she needs to try other things to decide if gymnastics is her path, do that. And you also need to make sure her coaches philosophy align with yours and your daughters.

I also get a sense that the coach is not on the same page as you, but before you can address that you need to think about your pros and cons and your daughters. Perhaps a gym change.

There is a kid in our gym. Doesn't place well and one parent wonders why bother. She loves it. Doesn't care how she places. Loves learning new skills, the girls, the team. So despite the one parent thinking its a waste, she stays.

My kid her path is slower. Her coaches would like her path to be quicker. But that would drive her out of the sport. It wouldn't work for us or my daughter. Slower it is. We are fortunate that these coaches don't force more.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

I agree with the others that say you really need to talk to your dd. If she really wants to stay in gymnastics, then I think you should consider looking for another gym. It really sounds like the program she is in just isn't working. I was also wondering where the low scores are coming from. Is it missing skills or being tenthed to death or something in between? It doesn't really make sense that she says she really wants this but then acts unmotivated in practice. Do you think she has just given up because of the coaching/environment? Or do you think she really is trying her hardest and the coach is mistaken?

I have a dd that just finished competing level 3 and is now training for level 4. One of her teammates just left gymnastics. She actually was doing great, but she decided it wasn't her passion and she wanted to try other sports and have more free time. I was surprised as she seemed to want to be there, but her dad told me that when they really pressed her about what she wanted, she admitted that she really enjoyed spending time with her friends and being part of a team more than the actual gymnastics. After hearing that, I asked my dd if she was sure she wanted to continue with gymnastics and she was horrified at the thought of leaving, despite the impending increase in hours (and spending even less time with her friends! ). I think if your dd continues to respond that she really wants to do gymnastics, you should look into a gym that can help her succeed.

 

[Musicmama]

Yep, I agree that you need to talk to your dd before being able to figure out what the options even are. If she wants to stay in gymnastics then your options will be different than if she doesn't. If she is extremely happy with her current hours/coach/gym then your options will be different than if she wants fewer hours or if she doesn't feel comfortable with the current gym/coach.

Having more information from your dd can only be helpful at this point. There's no reason for you to flood your dd with any potential options until you've gathered more info and sussed out the situation a bit more in depth, but you really need to talk/listen to her as part of that info gathering process.

 

[gracyomalley]

Lots to think about here - 8 is young and sometimes kids that age will just be middle of the road scorers until they get more mature. (Scores also vary so much state to state - in our region in compulsories there are a few 37+ scorers, but average at state championship in old L5/new L4 at least was low 34s....so low to mid 8s, L3 probably a bit higher - DD skipped it so I don't know). DD did repeat a half season of old 5 and her scores only went up about 3 points, honestly other than connecting her bar routine smoothly (which really was over half of that 3 points) I didn't see much improvement at all...but then a year later she was placing at state championships as a 10 year old L7. I was quite frustrated the summer she was training repeat L5 and "hanging out with friends at the chalk bucket a bunch", but then she got bored and decided to put the pedal to the metal and caught up learning all the old L6 skills in 2 months once SHE was motivated to do so...honestly she really didn't pay attention until age 9 or so....her coach gave her the time she needed, but also never "wrote her off" as maybe unmotivated and not belonging in JO - but we don't actually have any other programs in this part of the state.

If your DD thinks shes working hard, loves gym still, isn't getting in trouble, and the coaches are continuing to actively work to help her improve (not just having her practice old stuff without corrections, etc), then I'd grin and bear it - time will tell you if she's not really that interested, although giving her the option of trying other stuff is always a good thing. If she isn't loving it - and the coaches aren't working with her, then maybe either a different gym or a different activity altogether.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

What I have seen in this sport is that the most important piece is that the athlete has to want it. Second to that they have to be able to communicate - both ways, accepting constructive criticism/correction/teaching and articulating issues. Lastly, they have to have some level of innate talent. Gymnastics is at least as grueling mentally as it is physically. Anyone can start gymnastics, but the vast majority will cap at some point in their career, repeating the same level because they love it or dropping out because one or more of those things attributes has reached its limit. As the levels progress the vast sea of unfamiliar faces at meets becomes a gathering of the same familiar folks as attrition quickly thins the ranks. That said if she is happy doing it, she flips around and uses furniture like its gym equipment when shes not at the gym, and she brings gymnastics up in conversation on her own - then she is probably in the right place and something just needs a small tweak, not many kids have the focus, drive, and desire to do anything that requires even a quarter of the effort of gymnastics - so being where she is now puts her miles ahead of most 8 year olds.

Does your DD feel comfortable talking to her coaches about her performance? She may be putting a lot of pressure on herself to perform, she may have a skill fear, or she may feel overwhelmed with seeing other girls and questioning how she will get there. I watched one DDs teammates go through a wicked coaster of emotions because she wanted to make the State Team (missed it by .005 - second alternate) - the pressure you put on herself affected her practices and her mood at the gym for the weeks leading up to the meet - but didn't impact school or friendships...

The XCEL program is as good as the way each gym implements it and to some extent it can be personalized (biggest benefit no more compulsory floor music!) Honestly the first time I really experienced any negativity expressed about the XCEL program in general was on the forums here - DD went through Bronze, Silver/Gold, to 6 and it felt seamless for her because our gym used the program wisely - as a feeder into the optional program and leverages 6 as bridge, although we have had one go Gold -> 7. Other girls stay in and go up into Platinum/Diamond.

Our gym uses this exact same path for Xcel, they don't compete compulsories at all and then the girls go to Level 6 and have been pretty successful with it, same with our Level 7's.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

My daughter was in roughly the same situation, though older and able to articulate the problem better. Her coach was saying not motivated / not trying / not living up to her potential. All of which might have been true, but what was causing this behavior turned out to be a coaching staff that had written her off and was all but ignoring her during practice AND teammates who were bullying her about lack of progress and coaches not even trying to stop it. That would cause anyone to loose their motivation. On top of that, the gym did not believe in uptraining and never allowed the girls to do anything outside of their level -- even in open gym! Gym change and now we have a very motivated gymnast. Now, she also changed to Xcel when she changed gyms but that was because she was tired of the compulsory JO routines and skills and desperately wanted to do new stuff.

If you have the option of changing gyms, I would look at that before having her quit, assuming that she says she wants to continue in gym. And I'd guess that Xcel at the same gym isn't going to help that much because something about the current situation isn't working and a new environment may be what she needs. That would especially be true if it were the same coaching staff.

 

[Gymmommy71]

While other gyms may use Xcel as an alternate path to optionals, it doesn't sound like the OPs gym does it that way or they wouldn't be suggesting her "less motivated" DD move to it. If OP moves her DD to Xcel, she may never have the opportunity to move back to JO at her current gym - there are a lot of posters on here who's Xcel DDs want to move to JO and are repeatedly told no at their gyms because they aren't allowed to cross paths. Also, sounds like her current gym definitely sees it as a less intense and slower development path, so she may not even progress enough to be a fit for another gyms JO program either if she later decides to switch gyms to get back to JO.

I'm not knocking the XCel program, we allow pretty free movement between JO and Xcel at our gym and have had some excellent gymnasts come out of Xcel (some who now outscore our JO bred girls in optionals), but not every gym sees it this way. I just don't want the OP to make a hard to undo decision w/o exploring all her options - 8 years old is really young.

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

Thanks for the responses. To address some questions and points -DD's low scores last season were a combination of missing skills (she had the skills but didn't always hit them) and being 10th to death. For example on floor she usually hit all of the skills but her scores were still low. In our area it seems that xcel is very separate from JO and I don't think there's a great chance that she could move back to JO later on -but I'm OK with that if that is the path we choose for her. I did have a chat with her and it seems that she very much wants to stay in gymnastics but is having some issues with her coach and would like to move to a different gym. I think we will start by having her evaluated a some gyms and perhaps that will at least give us a clearer picture of where to go from here.

 

[Flyaway]

Thanks for the responses. To address some questions and points -DD's low scores last season were a combination of missing skills (she had the skills but didn't always hit them) and being 10th to death. For example on floor she usually hit all of the skills but her scores were still low. In our area it seems that xcel is very separate from JO and I don't think there's a great chance that she could move back to JO later on -but I'm OK with that if that is the path we choose for her. I did have a chat with her and it seems that she very much wants to stay in gymnastics but is having some issues with her coach and would like to move to a different gym. I think we will start by having her evaluated a some gyms and perhaps that will at least give us a clearer picture of where to go from here.

Good luck to you and your dd! Keep us posted!

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Best of luck! Let us know how it goes!

 

[MILgymFAM]

I think we will start by having her evaluated a some gyms and perhaps that will at least give us a clearer picture of where to go from here.

It's a great idea to start seriously looking around. Did you say there is only one other gym? If so, I hope it's a good fit. If there are more gyms, I recommend a wide net- you never know what place will click.

As for her evaluations, don't expect gloom and doom. I never thought a gym would take my DD for JO- and then when that one gym that did take her didn't work out, I never expected another gym to accept her (she didn't have a great season and has a couple blocks). She was willing to go back to Xcel to switch though, so I knew she was serious.

Long story short both teams that evaluated her this time around offered her a spot on their optional team. They liked her and they liked what they saw, warts and all. As the hc of the gym that she switched to told me- "I can't get her to the Olympics or anything, but I can help her improve and meet her personal goals. She's coachable and fits in well with our team and staff." She's been at her new gym going on two weeks now and is like an entirely different child. Best of luck!

 

[Musicmama]

I'm so glad you were able to talk to her and figure out some possible solutions! I hope the search for a gym that's a better fit goes well

 

[blueredzone]

My problem would be with the coach saying mid to low 8's for next season. Isn't it the coaches job to improve them? That doesn't sound like improvement to me. I know quite a few of you always recommend gym switches pretty much when anything happens. But I am with you on this one.

Sounds like a negative minded coach. Which will hold athletes back every time.

 

[GymDad9.9]

My problem would be with the coach saying mid to low 8's for next season. Isn't it the coaches job to improve them? That doesn't sound like improvement to me. I know quite a few of you always recommend gym switches pretty much when anything happens. But I am with you on this one.

Sounds like a negative minded coach. Which will hold athletes back every time.

Very negative comment considering there's a good five months to go before competitions resume again. Every kid deserves the benefit of the doubt in that circumstance.

 

[munchkin3]

Well, if my kids math teacher told me my kid needed to repeat algebra, and would probably end up getting a C again......I would wonder what the heck is wrong with the teacher......

Also, some programs just......well,......suck.

Some are boring, dated, not interesting, old......same old same old.......
Some are exciting, mixed up, coaches keep it fresh.....kids are happy and motivated.....

Good luck in your search for a new home.

 

[2gymkids]

I don't have much to add other than I agree with sitting down and talking to your DD. I do that this time of year anyway, after the season is over and before summer hours amp up, to make sure she's still in and wants to continue in this crazy sport. Just did it the other night, actually...she was horrified as usual at the question, but I feel like it needs to be an ongoing discussion before we sign summer/next year contracts, etc.

I don't like the impression, though, that the coach seems to be writing her off.