Do you think a 'No Dating' rule should apply to non-competitive gymnasts?

[maybabytumbler]

Hey Everyone!
Ok so at my gym we've all been allowed to date as long as it didn't conflict with regular practices. Now, my coaches have changed the rules to no dating AT ALL even for the non-competitive gymnasts (I'm competitive). A lot of parents are complaining about it but we (the gymnasts) aren't sure if it's fair or not.
What are your thoughts?

 

[tumblebug921]

well, i think that is pretty stupid and controlling to tell the team they can't date anyone at all, even if it doesn't interfere with workouts. i think that decision should be left up to the gymnast and her parents, not the coaches at the gym. i'm currently talking to a guy and dated a guy last year and i've had no problems. it actually would make me work harder sometimes when my boyfriend would come watch me at the gym because i didnt wanna look like an idiot.. haha
but gymnastics is not a lifetime sport that you can do till you die, but dating could help you find the person you spend your future with.. i mean how else are you gonna find out what kind of qualities you look for in a spouse if you never date anyone? yeah, i have a busy practice schedule, but i make time after workouts to hang out with guys, or hangout on the weekends or invite him to church or something.

 

[CoachTodd]

Uhmmm, I don't have anything to do with my gymnasts' personal lives. I leave that up the their parents.

 

[NotAMom]

The no dating rule is stupid. As long as the kid is mature enough (mentally and emotionally) and it is not a distraction, what business is that of the coaches and the gym. If it doesn't make sense to have a high school or college student not to date, why does it make more sense at the gym?

With that being said, if it's my daughters we're talking about, the no-dating rule definitely applies for any age and under any condition until I say otherwise.

 

[BarCoach]

It sounds like they want the gym to be like The Rock in Make it or Break it. I don't think the coaches can really control that. And if they try, they'll just have gymnasts and parents resenting the rule and doing it behind their backs anyway. I'd rather they just understand that it can not interfere with their gymnastics. I enjoy hearing about my gymnasts personal lives. I feel closer to them as people, and I'm glad they feel they can trust me enough to tell me things.

 

[gym monkeys mom]

Yeah I agree with others that is a family parent decision NOT a coach decision.

I love our coaches but the bottom line is still I and my husband are the parents of our gymnast. we will decide as a fmaily when dating is ok not be told by our coach.

Our team coaches would never step over this boundary with our kids and I would be overly concerned if they tried to.

There are a lot of different coaches in the world and this i am glad for. Unfortuanltey there are some bad ones also and this would be a huge red flag to me that something is wrong.

IMHO

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Hey Everyone!
Ok so at my gym we've all been allowed to date as long as it didn't conflict with regular practices. Now, my coaches have changed the rules to no dating AT ALL even for the non-competitive gymnasts (I'm competitive). A lot of parents are complaining about it but we (the gymnasts) aren't sure if it's fair or not.
What are your thoughts?

I'm sorry, but... who the heck do those coaches think they are? It doesn't matter whether you're competitive or not; your personal life is none of your coaches' business.

 

[CoachGoofy]

If my gymnasts choose to date, and their parents are ok with it, and they can manage everything, more power to them. It's not my place to tell them they can't. I'm their coach, and while I'm a trusted adult in their lives, that doesn't make me a controller. Their gymnastics is my job. Their personal lives are between them, their families, and whoever they're getting personal with.

 

[Obeg]

Is this gym in China or Romania?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

lol^^^truly this rule is whacked. i've been around awhile and this is a 1st. never ceases to amaze me what might come next from the gymnastics community.

 

[Flippers Mom]

I am the mother of a gymnast. I would not be willing to let my daughter be at a gym that tries to control my her personal life. It is simply none of their business. That said, my DH has stated that he hopes gymnastics keeps Flipper so busy that she doesn't have time for dating and boys until she is at least in college (he would really prefer her to be 32 and have a keeper, but he would settle for college age).

 

[gymdog]

This is over the top. I don't really see why or how it matters in many ways. Also who wants to sit around and keep track of that...what are they going to do to monitor it? Enforcing excessive rules doesn't really help create a healthy environment and making irrelevant ones you can't monitor doesn't either. As long as the athletes are showing up as appropriate, what else can really be expected in terms of social sacrifice?

 

[Optionals United]

at my gym your allowed to date as long as it doesnt interfear with gym. none of us optinals girls date anyway because we dont have time. i mean they will hang out with boys and go to dances but it nots like they have a boyfriend. are coaches tell us not to try and get a boyfriend because it will be a big ditraction.but i think that is the coaches personal prefrenance.in my opinon you should be aloowed to date as long as it doesnt interfear with gym. not letting th non-comp. girls not date REDICULOUS!!!!!!!! thats just my opinon

 

[T.Gymnastics]

Um that is totally uncalled for. Your parents should be the ones telling you dating or not dating. Yes myself and other girls on my team a guy friends that we dance with at dances. and some have a boyfriends (not me on this one) but i have never seen a girl on my team miss a practice to hang out with a boyfriend. and spending time with the opposite gender is not a bad thing at all.

 

[NYgymfan]

And they plan on enforcing this ban, how??? I agree with just about everyone else who says its up to our parents, not our coach to make those kinds of decisions. I would have to seriously question if the coaches really had my best interests at heart or if they were just power-hungry control freaks. I don't know that I would want to go to that gym...especially since I'm non-competative! Lets put it this way, if dating was getting in the way of gym, my parents would raise a stink about that, since its partially their money paying for gym.

 

[coachmolly]

A coaches job is teaching a kid gymnastics, that's it. Personal decisions are up to the gymnast and his/her parents and I disagree with coaches stepping over that line. If it's causing an athlete to miss practices, arrive late frequently, have trouble living up to team commitments, whatever and the coach feels they need to step in, then I think they just need to tell the parents and athlete what the in-gym problem is, not speculate that a new found interest in dating or a social life is the likely cause.
I have overheard a few younger girls (10-12) mention "boyfriends" to the head coach and her response is typically, "I don't want to hear about it." It's just not a coaches place.

 

[BlairBob]

Granted I deal with boy's right now but I'm sure I would deal the same with girl's.

In the past so long as a significant other of a dating gymnast is interfering with training, then I don't really care. Whether it's a SO/dating or another social activity; the effect is the same. We all have had gymnasts who do other activities besides gym that conflict with gym and do it with success while other gymnasts get behind because of this other interest.

We have had gymnasts ditch practice and tell their coaches they were sick while going to the mall with said SO or skating or some other BS. Generally, they get offered the door.

If it cuts into their training time, that is ultimately their choice. I'm sure I would be upfront with them about if it became a problem. Upfront as in a small private talk with said gymnast or in the office with their parents.

Typically, I've never seen as a problem unless they are dating someone who is a negative influence. My response to this is stop dating the dumb***, especially if said SO was being a negative influence on the gymnast, IMO (depressions, drugs, attitude, etc).

Really, I think it only matters more at the higher end levels and if said gymnast has a lot of potential or is up for a scholarship or some big time awards (Regionals, Nationals, World, etc: Level 9/10 or Elite).

As for non-competitive, who cares really. Of course, I wouldn't want to see a gymnast deal with a SO that is a negative influence; but otherwise I wouldn't care.

Am I really gonna care if some rec gymnast is dating? No. That's like caring whether a cheerleader is dating.

 

[cathiann]

That's a parent decision, not a coaching decision. If dating doesn't interfer with gymnastics, then they don't need to worry about it. If it does (like the girl skipping practice), then she can have consequences (missing a meet or even being removed from team!)

 

[NotAMom]

my DH has stated that he hopes gymnastics keeps Flipper so busy that she doesn't have time for dating and boys until she is at least in college (he would really prefer her to be 32 and have a keeper, but he would settle for college age).

Sounds like someone else on here (even the 30+ part). Good in theory (except the 30+ part). Not going to happen in our society.

 

[maybabytumbler]

Hey Everyone!
Ok so at my gym we've all been allowed to date as long as it didn't conflict with regular practices. Now, my coaches have changed the rules to no dating AT ALL even for the non-competitive gymnasts (I'm competitive). A lot of parents are complaining about it but we (the gymnasts) aren't sure if it's fair or not.
What are your thoughts?

Thank all of you guys SO MUCH. Slowly but surely the rule is being lifted. My parents and several other gym parents talked with the coaches and they are very understanding about the sitiuation!! It was one of the newer coaches who came up with the idea in the first place.. So we are all hopeful Thanks again!!