WAG Do your coaches say this?

[gasrgoose]

So, my daughters coaches, her bar coach especially (male) tells her "good girl" when she's corrected something or done something really well. She was apparently talking to her friends from school and that came up and her friends thought it was creepy. She's never had a problem before with him eyeing that but now shes creeped out too.
What should I do and also do yalls coaches say that too?
She's 11 and a level 9 in 6th grade

It's a great opportunity to explain to her that her opinion should not be dictated by others, especially those who are not familiar with the people involved or setting. She didn't have a problem before, so she shouldn't because her friends said something. This is just the beginning of what she will be told to think by others at school, it's a great opportunity for her to realize that others might not always be correct.

 

[profmom]

The interesting thing to me is that once in a blue moon, if my son actually does a really good routine or makes a hard new skill, he'll get a "good man!" out of our program director. You kind of have to know what my son looks like to get the punchline here. (Maybe 90 lbs. if his pockets are full of rocks . . .)

I like Gasrgoose's point a lot.

 

[gymnastmom05]

I don't find it creepy at all. I don't say it because like others have said, I feel like I'm speaking to my dog (and I can only say in my high pitched dog talking voice - lol). I used to have the sweetest, most kind boss that always called people "Sweetheart" or "hun". I remember a woman just going belligerent on her for calling her "hun". I know people don't like it but most things, like the one your speaking of and my old boss, are just phrases people use with absolutely no ill or condescending meaning behind it. I prefer to not be called ma'am (because I am not old enough ) but would never be rude to someone because they were really just being respectful. As a parent of a 12 year old, the word creepy is used a lot. Everything different is creepy. I personally think it's one of those areas that you teach them there are more important, "creepy" things to worry about than a coach using a term that was absolutely fine until her friends decided it wasn't. I guess I just feel that there really isn't anything bad/degrading/harmful going on here. Save it for a real issue.

 

[CLgym]

My DD's coach says "good girl" and pats her on the head sometimes. He is an older guy, former Soviet Union. My DD actually thinks it's pretty funny; says it's like she's a puppy! (She is age 9.) Doesn't bother me at all. Honestly, with all the stories on here about negative comments from coaches, I'll take a compliment (even a clumsy one) anytime!

 

[SMH]

I haven’t heard it, most of my kids coaches are my age (mid 30’s) or younger, so maybe that’s part of it. I can see how it could sound like you are talking to a puppy, but I don’t find it creepy.

 

[Splat]

I try not to say it, because it sounds kind of like I'm talking to a dog, but it certainly comes out of my mouth sometimes. Just another way of saying "good job!" "nice work" "good correction!").

I believe for some people the fact that it can sound like they are talking to a dog can make it a little creepy as they might assume the coach is treating them like a dog, however, I would just tell her that the coach is meaning it as a praise for doing a good job nothing degrading or creepy and if she is still uncomfortable with the phrase I would then talk to the head coach.

 

[tucktwisttumble]

Not creepy.
I had similar experiences growing up with my 'friends' who were removed from the situation but always shared their opinions on 'creepiness' that I was coached by a man...
I think the sheer publicity of the Nassar case has made everyone an expert on gymnastics and the 'appropriateness' of a male coaching young girls, which we all know that 99.9% of the time is very harmless and innocent.

This young girl in your daughters class has probably had discussions with her parents about the Nassar case, and like someone said, she likely doesn't have any context to the norms your dd was brought up with in the gym atmosphere, and therefore feels compelled to share her opinion with your dd.

 

[Tumbellina82]

I think I just worked it out. It's that creepy Robin Thicke song isn't it? That uses the phrase "good girl" in the sense of good girl/bad girl Madonna/***** dichotomy.

It's far too common a phrase in a more literal sense for a child, or for adults meaning dutiful daughter/ granddaughter/ niece/ grandniece etc. in my experience for that to come to mind but if it's not used in that way so much in your area I can see how that could be brought to mind. That's actually quite an upsetting thought.

 

[gymmom10]

I have heard this phrase used from time to time and it is not at all creepy in my opinion- it is simply an adult giving praise to a child. I think with anything, you always have to look at intent. If you make a big deal about this I think you risk creating a problem for yourself/your daughter where none existed before. I would save it for when there may be a real problem.

 

[Ariel]

My daughter’s coaches are both female and say this all the time. So, I wouldn’t say it was creepy.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Come to think of it, I think the reason I wouldn't say it to older teens is that I'm not a parent and don't regard myself as old enough to be their parent, though technically I suppose I am. With older kids, though I'm still in loco parentis, I don't think they see me as a parental figure and "good girl" or "good boy" is quite a parental phrase. My mum still says it to me and I'm 35.

I am around the same age as you and not a parent and say it to the teens, it's meant to be a combination of both praise and a term of endearment. An appropriate way of saying yiu did great and are cared about.

 

[Tumbellina82]

I am around the same age as you and not a parent and say it to the teens, it's meant to be a combination of both praise and a term of endearment. An appropriate way of saying yiu did great and are cared about.

actually that's probably why I wouldn't use it with older kids. Competitive gymnasts spend so much time in the gym it becomes a second home to them, and of course they are part of a team, so there's something more akin to a familial relationship there. Much as a teacher might refer to their students as "my kids." I coach rec trampolining so I'd be talking to kids I only see an hour or two a week and there isn't the same sense of belonging.

 

[PRY9]

I would find out exactly what your daughter means by "creepy" and if she have an issue with it before the conversation with her friends. How and why did it come up? As an adult, when I hear a young girl feels something a grown man says to her repeatedly is "creepy", I immediately think of it being sexual. I don't think of "good girl" as a sexually charged comment though and I'm guessing your daughter and her friends likely mean it as odd, annoying, weird or something else that is not inappropriate - strictly speaking. If it does truly bother her, independent of the conversation with her friends, I would discuss with her ways to address it with the coach.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I hear and say it as well. Never thought about it. If someone complained to me about it I would move them out of my group. as I think that's over the top sensitive and I have better things to worry about.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I hear and say it as well. Never thought about it. If someone complained to me about it I would move them out of my group. as I think that's over the top sensitive and I have better things to worry about.

You don’t think kicking a child out of your group for voicing a complaint is over the top sensitive? No wonder kids are terrified of the consequences of speaking their minds/complaints/worries/fears.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

You don’t think kicking a child out of your group for voicing a complaint is over the top sensitive? No wonder kids are terrified of the consequences of speaking their minds/complaints/worries/fears.

Not at all on my part. I am not going to walk on egg shells around a particular kid. We have plenty of qualified coaches and groups in the gym. If a child is not meshing with a coach we move them to another group. We are a big team so this is easily achieved.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

i will also add that I call the kids sweetie, pirates (when they kill a show routine) , gangsters (when they kill aa routine or trick) , rockstars , butterflies , munchkins , Mogwai (gremlin) and other fun stuff. So if a child can't take "good girl" then they will not be happy in my group .

 

[gymgal]

Not at all on my part. I am not going to walk on egg shells around a particular kid. We have plenty of qualified coaches and groups in the gym. If a child is not meshing with a coach we move them to another group. We are a big team so this is easily achieved.

While I get your point here and it may be a little overly sensitive, truth is that you should not be using "good girl/boy". You should be praising them for what they did, not who they are. Basic education 101. Same goes for "you're very talented". Praise them for their *effort* instead, to keep them working hard.


When I first read the OP, I thought maybe the girls were thinking creepy in the sense of "50 shades" submissive good girl. but with your dd and presumably her friends being so young, I don't know...

In general, it is just a phrase people use. I know better than to no use it and I still catch myself saying it from time to time. Usually I will follow it up with a more targeted praise.

 

[tucktwisttumble]

While I get your point here and it may be a little overly sensitive, truth is that you should not be using "good girl/boy". You should be praising them for what they did, not who they are. Basic education 101. Same goes for "you're very talented". Praise them for their *effort* instead, to keep them working hard.
.

As we are all entitled to our opinions, I disagree with the bolded - and would like to as respectfully as possible explain.

THIS, in my opinion, is what has caused the 'special snowflake' syndrome with 2000's+ babies. Something that should be taken lightly and as praise is now grounds for someone to be triggered by instilling and encouraging statements like the bolded above. There is a whole bunch of fall-outs with this school of thought and teaching, and it is causing very real-world implications for these kids who are now entering the work force.
I was born in the 90's so not long before this new age thinking - but I couldn't disagree with it more.

There is no reason to correlate this to an 'how kids identify' issue. No one says 'good girl/good boy' to maliciously target someones identity. It is praise. Look at the intent behind the statement - which is not malicious and no reason to make an issue out of nothing.

There is a difference if there is ill-intent behind a statement- but in this particular scenario, there is not.

 

[gasrgoose]

As we are all entitled to our opinions, I disagree with the bolded - and would like to as respectfully as possible explain.

THIS, in my opinion, is what has caused the 'special snowflake' syndrome with 2000's+ babies. Something that should be taken lightly and as praise is now grounds for someone to be triggered by instilling and encouraging statements like the bolded above. There is a whole bunch of fall-outs with this school of thought and teaching, and it is causing very real-world implications for these kids who are now entering the work force.
I was born in the 90's so not long before this new age thinking - but I couldn't disagree with it more.

There is no reason to correlate this to an 'how kids identify' issue. No one says 'good girl/good boy' to maliciously target someones identity. It is praise. Look at the intent behind the statement - which is not malicious and no reason to make an issue out of nothing.

There is a difference if there is ill-intent behind a statement- but in this particular scenario, there is not.

^^^^^^^YES^^^^^^^^ Thank you!