Parents Drama in the viewing area

[Tim_Dad]

I feel practices should be closed to "team parents". It is the other team parents who are watching my DD. Watching HER, not just their DD's. And not watching with "good intentions".

But how do you know what thier intentions are if they don't say anything to you? I don't possess (nor would I want) such a talent. If someone did say something negative about my DD's work... I just may tell them where to go...or at least think it.

But I still feel she has a right to learn, without her every move being scutinized(and ridiculed) by other team parents.

Agreed... we'll leave that to the Judges... (whom btw will also unofficially include parents during competitions.) Gymnastic competitions are ALL ABOUT "every move being scutinized by others"

One last thought about closed gyms...and then I'm going to bail out of this topic.

My DD does 45 mintue to 1 hour private lessons weekly. On more then one occasion, her and the coach were sitting around waiting for equipment to become available. 10-15 minutes later... they got back to work.

Now... as THE person paying $1 per MINUTE for private training, that kind of break doesn't fly with me. If the gym were closed to parental viewing, there would be less scrutiny on the coaches effeciency, and I could easily envision longer and longer breaks, and less (paid!) training going on.

Anyone, just my thoughts is all. Opinions, as they should, Vary.

 

[FlipsLeos]

One of the reasons my dd quit soccer was the psycho parents. When your 5yo comes over at halftime and says "Why did so&so scream like that when we missed the goal?", you've really got to wonder who the adult is.

The psycho at our gym used to be someone I considered a friend, at least until I wised up!! Now they are there on opposite nights and I really enjoy the group of parents I see!!

I think it's terrible any adult would knock another child down. Honestly!! What are they teaching their own kids if they are like that?

Just for the record - I love watching the older girls!! It's amazing to see some of the things they do! I am a parent who stays - partly because it's a 30mi drive and partly because I also have a 3yo and 5yo there - but there are definitely those who shouldn't stay. Not at all. Either that, or they need some kind of padlock on their mouth.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Yes. I have discussed this with the new owners(like I said, parental viewing just started last year). We've been at this gym for 5yrs(since preteam). The new owners feel they need to allow parents to watch, "so they can see the kind of coaching being done". I know what kind of coaching is being done, I don't need any proof. DD has always been happy there & has done VERY well. She loves her teammates, they are like sisters to her. But as our gym's reputation has grown, another type of gymnast/parent has come. The win at all cost type. They don't have the same dedication to the gym, team or teammates. These are the parents who stay to watch every practice, not the "orginials". They just want their DD's win & feel they need to knock my DD off the podium to do it. They have made comments directly to me that would make your hair stand on end. I'm not quick & usually so taken at back, I'm speachless! As others have stated, as the skills get more difficult they can take longer to get. It takes patience & LOTS of practice. You won't see much improvement in each practice, it happens over time. So these parents don't have much to do except stand around & gossip. I also used to think the parents were all one big happy gym family too. I've been at this a while now... I know better. I have 2 parents I can totally count on, our DD's have been together since preteam...in direct competition...same age group & all. I'm very thankful to have them! I'm VERY proud of my DD & I support her totally. If she wanted to quit I wouldn't blame her one bit, but she still loves it so...we continue on. But please don't judge my DD for not wanting to be watched by other team parents...until you've been in her leo & grips. This was an unwelcome change that she didn't not expect. But believe me...she does not expect to practice "in a bubble". She is making the best of a bad situation with more maturity than some parents!She is biding her time in hopes this group will move on for bluer mats...as others have done.

 

[Billy]

Yes. I have discussed this with the new owners(like I said, parental viewing just started last year). We've been at this gym for 5yrs(since preteam). The new owners feel they need to allow parents to watch, "so they can see the kind of coaching being done". I know what kind of coaching is being done, I don't need any proof. DD has always been happy there & has done VERY well. She loves her teammates, they are like sisters to her. But as our gym's reputation has grown, another type of gymnast/parent has come. The win at all cost type. They don't have the same dedication to the gym, team or teammates. These are the parents who stay to watch every practice, not the "orginials". They just want their DD's win & feel they need to knock my DD off the podium to do it. They have made comments directly to me that would make your hair stand on end. I'm not quick & usually so taken at back, I'm speachless! As others have stated, as the skills get more difficult they can take longer to get. It takes patience & LOTS of practice. You won't see much improvement in each practice, it happens over time. So these parents don't have much to do except stand around & gossip. I also used to think the parents were all one big happy gym family too. I've been at this a while now... I know better. I have 2 parents I can totally count on, our DD's have been together since preteam...in direct competition...same age group & all. I'm very thankful to have them! I'm VERY proud of my DD & I support her totally. If she wanted to quit I wouldn't blame her one bit, but she still loves it so...we continue on. But please don't judge my DD for not wanting to be watched by other team parents...until you've been in her leo & grips. This was an unwelcome change that she didn't not expect. But believe me...she does not expect to practice "in a bubble". She is making the best of a bad situation with more maturity than some parents!She is biding her time in hopes this group will move on for bluer mats...as others have done.

It sounds as if you and your daughter have found the best way to deal with a bad situation, with grace and dignity. Kudos to you both for that. And you're right, those parents will likely move on before too long. But, I don't think it's fair to arbitrarily deny all team parents from watching practice because of a few bad apples, any more than you would pull your daughter off the team because of one or two snarly girls. The best you can do is to teach your daughter how to handle these types of people, and it sounds like you've done that beautifully.

 

[gymnut1]

Maybe this open viewing is not right for your daughter and she will decide to move to a gym with closed practise. It sounds like you are well on top of what she needs and what support to give. Im sure she will flourish, she sounds very talented.
As a teacher I firmly believe in open viewing and would never send my daughter to a club where I could not watch if I wished. Just like I would not send her to a school where I could not walk in unannounced and be welcomed. I am a teacher and I welcome any parent who walks through the door at any time. I am entrusted with the most precious thing a family has and my intentions and attitude should be transparent and positive and open to view. Same goes for coaches in my opinion.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Maybe this open viewing is not right for your daughter and she will decide to move to a gym with closed practise. It sounds like you are well on top of what she needs and what support to give. Im sure she will flourish, she sounds very talented.
As a teacher I firmly believe in open viewing and would never send my daughter to a club where I could not watch if I wished. Just like I would not send her to a school where I could not walk in unannounced and be welcomed. I am a teacher and I welcome any parent who walks through the door at any time. I am entrusted with the most precious thing a family has and my intentions and attitude should be transparent and positive and open to view. Same goes for coaches in my opinion.

Yes, your statements reflect why the new owners have gone to an open door policy. And I can understand that & find comfort in that. But I will say what I have said before...just because you can....doesn't mean you should. Yes, I could walk into my DD's middle school & follow her around all day. It's comforting to know that I could...would I??? Would you do that to your 13yr old DD??? I certainly would NOT do it everyday for the entire day, for the entire school year. If my DD were in your class & I came everyday, for the entire year to "observe". You mean you would at some point question me as to why I was doing it? And suggest that maybe it might be "unhealthy" to subject my DD to such constant "observation". I personally would hope that you would...for my DD's sake. I trust my DD's teachers at school & I trust her coaches at her gym. Now granted...I have known her coaches forever(well at least 5 yrs). Some of these new parents might still be developing that trust. But some(as I've described in prior posts) are just taking advantage & over stepping reasonable bounderies. Reasonable being the key word here. How does one separate the 2 without set rules & policies for those that push the limits???

 

[Billy]

I think the main point is that some parents are making unkind and sometimes rude comments about your daughter that she is either overhearing or being told directly. Either way, the owner needs to handle the situation. Those parents need to be told that if they cannot behave like adults, they will not be welcome at practices. End of story. Better to lose those one or two bad apples than to lose long term, dedicated team members.

As for the school reference, that comparison has been made before. And my response is that when my child is flipping and tumbling and swinging ten feet off the ground at school, I'd definitely have to pay closer attention. Not to mention that via homework, tests, grades and report cards, schools provide a lot more communication than coaches do (generally).

 

[gymjourneymom]

I think the main point is that some parents are making unkind and sometimes rude comments about your daughter that she is either overhearing or being told directly. Either way, the owner needs to handle the situation. Those parents need to be told that if they cannot behave like adults, they will not be welcome at practices. End of story. Better to lose those one or two bad apples than to lose long term, dedicated team members.

As for the school reference, that comparison has been made before. And my response is that when my child is flipping and tumbling and swinging ten feet off the ground at school, I'd definitely have to pay closer attention. Not to mention that via homework, tests, grades and report cards, schools provide a lot more communication than coaches do (generally).

Shawn, your DD is still quite young. Our gym doesn't consider the girls on team until level 5. So in the early preteam years I also stayed, as we were allowed to back then. So I'm not really referring to the young ones in my posts. We did have more of a "family" back then. My DD is 13yrs old now. She is becoming more independent & I'm trying to encourage that. I was very shy & a "momma's girl" for most of my life. I'm glad my DD is a strong young lady. She truly amazes me! As you spend more time in this sport you will see there is more to what meets the eye. The specific parent I refer to, spends lots of $$$ at the gym for privates. Her DD also does well at meets...she is talented also.....the gym doesn't want to lose her either. But she is not the only one...there is a group of 3 parents with this same attitude. These are all new families to the gym as of last year. I have talked to the owners, but with the "Open door" policy they can not be forced to leave practices. And the gym wants all of these girls on the team. So they won't threaten any of them. These girls are all 12-13yrs, old not babies who need watching. The practices are 3-4hrs long and these parents don't live far from the gym. They stay to be nosey. To compare their DD's to their teammates. To "steal" floor routine & beam routine moves & have them put in their DD's routines(this was done right in front of my DD). Why DD wants to stay??? She loves the sport, she loves her coaches & she loves her "old" stand-by teammates. She's one tough cookie! I keep hearing optional parents aren't this way...apparently this group didn't get the message. The upper level optional parents don't stay either...just this nasty level 7 group! Ugh! Just my luck!!!

 

[Billy]

LOL.... never fear. I hear there's at least one in every group in every gym. You are not alone.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

Thank you for understanding my post & not taking it the wrong way! But could you please take a book or something with you to practice? Anything...so you don't just sit & watch every minute of every practice. You never know how many DD's are like mine! A little more info on my DD, she was state champ as level 5 & 6. She felt tremendous 'self pressure' to continue being "on top". Was really beating herself up about moving to level 7(even stopped eating b/c of the stress!). There were some(teammates & their parents)... who I hate to say it....are jealous of my DD... & wanted to see her fail(thay actually delight in seeing her try & fail). Unbelieveable...but it is true. DD has seen a sports psychologist & is doing VERY well now. I support her b/c she loves the sport...I apply no pressure...only loving support. As long as she stays healthy & wishes to continue, I will continue to support her...in HER chosen sport. As I said...sometimes there is MUCH more going on then "observing parents" realize.

Sorry if I misled - I don't "watch" the entire practice with my nose pressed against the glass (occasionally it is but....) I am there, but I do other things as well. I do bring a book or magazine, I bring work if I am busy. I will work the snack bar, talk to other parents. I walk over to the window and watch when I feel like it. If I forgot something to do or finish reading I will watch more. My DD usually gets mad if I am talking to another mom and not watching. Maybe our gym is a different atmosphere. It is very small with a small team. All of the girls are like family to each other.

I would never wish bad on one of the other girls because she is better than my DD. I have no illusions that I have an Olympian on my hands. She is just having fun. She does well. But there are other girls that are better. Would I like it if I could say mine was the best one in there? sure. But she is not. So, we are there for fun. Not to beat everyone else at all costs.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Sorry if I misled - I don't "watch" the entire practice with my nose pressed against the glass (occasionally it is but....) I am there, but I do other things as well. I do bring a book or magazine, I bring work if I am busy. I will work the snack bar, talk to other parents. I walk over to the window and watch when I feel like it. If I forgot something to do or finish reading I will watch more. My DD usually gets mad if I am talking to another mom and not watching. Maybe our gym is a different atmosphere. It is very small with a small team. All of the girls are like family to each other.

I would never wish bad on one of the other girls because she is better than my DD. I have no illusions that I have an Olympian on my hands. She is just having fun. She does well. But there are other girls that are better. Would I like it if I could say mine was the best one in there? sure. But she is not. So, we are there for fun. Not to beat everyone else at all costs.

This is what I don't understand about the win at all cost, stalker parents that have joined our gym. These girls, my DD included are 12 & 13yr old level 7's. We aren't talking Olympics here!!! That is exactly why I don't understand the behavior of these parents!!! My DD enjoys this sport, she has some natural talent, plus she works hard. She's not even sure if she'll continue in the sport through highschool. Once AP classes kick up a notch, she may not be able to keep up the crazy practice schedule. And she knows her plans for a college major, would not allow time to compete gymnastics. That is why we are at the gym we are. There 2 major gyms(nationally known, within easy driving distance). Numerous others if we wanted to drive an hour each way. Our gym was never "the big go to gym". We don't fast track & no one homeschools for gymnastic purposes. Our higest level is 10. But our girls(at all levels) are very dedicated & we have great coaches. I keep hoping these highly competitive, stalker parents will decide their talented DD's need an elite gym!LOL!!!!

 

[gymnut1]

I would think it possible that the group will thin/ settle once they go to level 8 or 9 as the moves become so difficult then. Let's hope the troublemakers disappear and find something else to concentrate on. I quite often get nice comments about my dd from the parents of the girls I coach. I cant see her as Im too busy coaching them. I can see your situation is far far different and the girls much older. I wish you the very best with sticking it out with good grace until things settle.

 

[MdGymMom01]

There have been times when DD is very frustrated with a skill or whatever...and I hear back an incorrect perception of what went on from another...She doesn't like to be watched while she's learning. She's a perfectionist & it causes her MUCH stress when others see her try & fail (worsened by parents spreading rumors that she "can't get it" & "won't be moving up",etc. after every practice!) . She prefers to "unveil" a skill when she has perfected it & is ready to show it off.

OMG...this sound just like my dd as well! DD is very much a perfectionist also and gets frustrated when she feels like she is being watched at practice. Now performing at a competition or when she knows that she will be judged is a totally different story. This is where she shines and is able to handle this type of "pressure". The everyday practices of the skills is where she tends to get upset or frustrated if she can't get a skill...

My dd has heard some of the other gymnasts from "other teams" make nasty comments to her on the floor and I truely believe that this type of negativity from children is taught to them by their parents. Thankfully, we do not have too much drama in the waiting area since a lot of the parents don't stay and the ones that do stay keep to themselves and don't comment on anything or at least I am not witnessing it. I find that it is just easier and healthier for me to deal with if I am not there to watch. I usually bring a book or mag if I do stay.

 

[MdGymMom01]

This is what I don't understand about the win at all cost, stalker parents that have joined our gym. These girls, my DD included are 12 & 13yr old level 7's. We aren't talking Olympics here!!! That is exactly why I don't understand the behavior of these parents!!! My DD enjoys this sport, she has some natural talent, plus she works hard. She's not even sure if she'll continue in the sport through highschool. Once AP classes kick up a notch, she may not be able to keep up the crazy practice schedule. And she knows her plans for a college major, would not allow time to compete gymnastics. That is why we are at the gym we are. There 2 major gyms(nationally known, within easy driving distance). Numerous others if we wanted to drive an hour each way. Our gym was never "the big go to gym". We don't fast track & no one homeschools for gymnastic purposes. Our higest level is 10. But our girls(at all levels) are very dedicated & we have great coaches. I keep hoping these highly competitive, stalker parents will decide their talented DD's need an elite gym!LOL!!!!

I am right there with you!!! My dd will turn 10 in January and is a Level 4. This is her first year at gymnastics and she loves it because it is fun and she likes working hard. Do I think she will go to the olympics or even reach an elite level?? To be completely honest - NO. Sure, you can always hope and dream and keep the door open for that possibility, but you also have to be real. My dd tends to have a hesitant personality and she is definitely not the "dare devil" type. She tends to have a silly/goofy side to her where probably some coaches would say that she isn't "serious enough" for the sport. Do I care? Not really. I would rather see that fun-loving goofy personality and her having fun out on the gym floor then her being serious all the time and hating to go to practice. Believe me, there are some kids that I see out there on the floor who are in tears the whole time because they are on the "serious track" as opposed to dd's more "laid-back" program. I often wonder if some of the kids look at dd's team and think to themselves "I want to switch over to that team--they look like they are having so much fun!" Don't get me wrong--she is very serious when it comes to safety and paying attention to the directions and each skill. She is very focused, concientious and hard-working. But at the same time I think that it is more important to make sure they are having fun first.

 

[Billy]

We have three "rules" about gymnastics: work hard, do your best, and the most important rule, HAVE FUN! DD can tell you these, including which one is most important.

 

[gymjourneymom]

OMG...this sound just like my dd as well! DD is very much a perfectionist also and gets frustrated when she feels like she is being watched at practice. Now performing at a competition or when she knows that she will be judged is a totally different story. This is where she shines and is able to handle this type of "pressure". The everyday practices of the skills is where she tends to get upset or frustrated if she can't get a skill...

My dd has heard some of the other gymnasts from "other teams" make nasty comments to her on the floor and I truely believe that this type of negativity from children is taught to them by their parents. Thankfully, we do not have too much drama in the waiting area since a lot of the parents don't stay and the ones that do stay keep to themselves and don't comment on anything or at least I am not witnessing it. I find that it is just easier and healthier for me to deal with if I am not there to watch. I usually bring a book or mag if I do stay.

As far as the group at our gym...sorry to say the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. DD tried to give these teammates the benefit of the doubt. She actually feels sorry for them! But these girls are turning out just like their mothers. I certainly hope they aren't saying things to other gymmies at meets. I would hope the coaches have a handle on that, but who knows? Have you seen the movie "Pretty Girls in Little Boxes"? Well, these moms make those moms look like ***** cats! I'm not kidding here! These woman are living their lives through their DD's. It's actually very sad when you think about it. They sit in the front row at EVERY practice, the entire time! Our DD's practice 16hrs/week, 12 & 13yr old level 7's. Their DD's also do privates, I'm not sure how long or how many. They have other kids at home, but each invest all their time in just the gymmie child(they'll tell you this...they are proud of it)! I don't know how they cook dinner, food shop, clean their homes,etc. They live within 15-20 minutes of the gym & could easily go home like the majortiy of us do. No, they sit & stare & gossip, make comments, interupt practice & plot how to get their DD's ahead of the pack. They just don't realize that the walls of gyms have ears! As much as I wish this group would move onto another gym...I wouldn't wish them on any of you. DD's journey in gymnastics has taught us BOTH many life lessons(hence my CB name)! Although frustrating at times & I may need to vent & complain(thanks for letting me CB family!)...I wouldn't trade any of the experiences we've had. I'm so proud of the young lady my DD is turning out to be...and I've grown & learned A LOT along the way too!

 

[gymjourneymom]

I am right there with you!!! My dd will turn 10 in January and is a Level 4. This is her first year at gymnastics and she loves it because it is fun and she likes working hard. Do I think she will go to the olympics or even reach an elite level?? To be completely honest - NO. Sure, you can always hope and dream and keep the door open for that possibility, but you also have to be real. My dd tends to have a hesitant personality and she is definitely not the "dare devil" type. She tends to have a silly/goofy side to her where probably some coaches would say that she isn't "serious enough" for the sport. Do I care? Not really. I would rather see that fun-loving goofy personality and her having fun out on the gym floor then her being serious all the time and hating to go to practice. Believe me, there are some kids that I see out there on the floor who are in tears the whole time because they are on the "serious track" as opposed to dd's more "laid-back" program. I often wonder if some of the kids look at dd's team and think to themselves "I want to switch over to that team--they look like they are having so much fun!" Don't get me wrong--she is very serious when it comes to safety and paying attention to the directions and each skill. She is very focused, concientious and hard-working. But at the same time I think that it is more important to make sure they are having fun first.

My DD is the jokester of the team also, likes to have fun, sing & be silly. That's why she feels sorry for these girls. She says they don't smile & don't laugh & make fun of her for doing so! The kicker is...my DD may look like she's "slacking" during practice(as one of these mothers reported to me)...but she still manages to beat the "hard working" girls...I think that's what drives them so crazy!LOL!!!!

 

[MdGymMom01]

Have you seen the movie "Pretty Girls in Little Boxes"? Well, these moms make those moms look like ***** cats! I'm not kidding here! These woman are living their lives through their DD's.

OMG!! I have seen that movie!!! "YOUR DAUGHTER IS NOT ON THE GOLD TEAM YET!!!!!" I love that line! That mom was a freak!!! I also love at the end how the mom of the main character took her out of the gym and told her "I'm your mother and that's why!!"

It is a sad shame when so many parents live through their kids. I saw so many cheer moms who were just like that! Hey--and you can vent to me anytime you want!!!!!!

 

[Billy]

DD's journey in gymnastics has taught us BOTH many life lessons(hence my CB name)! Although frustrating at times & I may need to vent & complain(thanks for letting me CB family!)...I wouldn't trade any of the experiences we've had. I'm so proud of the young lady my DD is turning out to be...and I've grown & learned A LOT along the way too!

And that is what doing gymnastics gives back to you and your child.

 

[MdGymMom01]

My DD is the jokester of the team also, likes to have fun, sing & be silly. That's why she feels sorry for these girls. She says they don't smile & don't laugh & make fun of her for doing so! The kicker is...my DD may look like she's "slacking" during practice(as one of these mothers reported to me)...but she still manages to beat the "hard working" girls...I think that's what drives them so crazy!LOL!!!!

That's so funny cause that is exactly what happened at our gym!!! Most of the MDL Level 4 girls (including my dd) beat out all the USAG Level 4's scores at our mock meet!!!! Let's just say that the USAG coach was NOT very happy. So it just goes to show, when you have a little fun and stop being so serious and stern with the kids they actually do better. My dd's team may look like they are a bunch of goofballs having "too much" fun but when it comes down to it..they get the job done!!!!!!!! You gotta love it!!!!!!!!!