Parents Fears

[Elayne]

My daughter has never had any fears. Level 7 10 years old. With the break form Covid and a growth spurt now have some. She is working through them. I’m wondering if now being fearful and cautious holds them back from trying bigger skills in the future.

 

[Blindside]

I wonder the same thing. I feel that around 10 yo is when they realize what they are doing is dangerous. my DD was 10 yo and level 8 last year and suddenly lost confidence right before the start of competition season. She could not bring herself to do her series on beam or her dismount and the Yurchenko vault also went on vacation. She fought through her fears, but her seasons was like a roller coaster. She did better or worse at a meet depending on her confidence level at that point in time. Very stressful ugh. Then came Covid. She went back after 3 months break ready to do great...and she did...for about two months. She suddenly lost her confidence again last week. She could not do her BHS-BLO on beam anymore, neither her RO 1.5 dismount and started balking on vault again. I am hoping this is just temporary but her coaches are unfortunately not patient and are already mad at her. They say she just does not want to do the skills!! Hopefully your DD's coaches are supportive and she can push through her fears asap.

 

[novagymmom]

I'm sorry to hear that the coaches aren't being patient with her fears. That's frustrating as each girl may need a different approach to help get through that.

 

[cmg]

Personally I think all gymnasts have some fears some how through out their careers. My daughter had them pretty early on and has had to deal with them every year. I almost think it is harder for kids who sail through the lower levels with no fears and then all of a sudden have to deal with something they never had to deal with before. Many Olympic level gymnasts have talked about how they had to deal with their fears. A lot of the college athletes have instragram "take overs" where one gymnast talks about her daily routine and then there is a part that says "Ask me a Question?" and almost every time someone asks how they got over their fears or dealing with fears. Lets face it, gymnastics is pretty darn scary!! The key as a parent is to just be supportive, let them come to you to discuss skills, don't ask them every day How many x skills did you do today and the x skill being the one they are afraid of doing. They may have to figure out to do other skills that meet the requirements, which is what my daughter had to do.

 

[cogymmom2dd]

I feel like age 10 is the age where mental blocks and fears start happening, especially if they have progressed to L7+ because the required skills become more dangerous and are definitely scary for me to watch, imagine being the one actually doing it. I have had 2 family members where their daughters quit right around that age because of their fears. One even took her kid to a therapist that specializes in sports and mental blocks and it was no help. After COVID, it took DD1 (Age 10, L7) awhile to be comfortable doing giants, BHS entry vaults, and backwards tumbling on the beam. She is finally doing all of the above consistently without wanting a coach right beside her in case she needs a spotter, but it took 2 months to get comfortable again.

 

[Elayne]

I feel like age 10 is the age where mental blocks and fears start happening, especially if they have progressed to L7+ because the required skills become more dangerous and are definitely scary for me to watch, imagine being the one actually doing it. I have had 2 family members where their daughters quit right around that age because of their fears. One even took her kid to a therapist that specializes in sports and mental blocks and it was no help. After COVID, it took DD1 (Age 10, L7) awhile to be comfortable doing giants, BHS entry vaults, and backwards tumbling on the beam. She is finally doing all of the above consistently without wanting a coach right beside her in case she needs a spotter, but it took 2 months to get comfortable again.

That is what has happened to mine. She won’t do her series on high beam. She was balking on vault and her flyaway but I think she has worked through those. She is working her way up with mats on beam. She still loves going, so maybe it just takes time.

 

[Blindside]

I'm sorry to hear that the coaches aren't being patient with her fears. That's frustrating as each girl may need a different approach to help get through that.

Thank you! What baffles me is that her coaches think she is purposefully not doing the skills, sigh. And they are experienced coaches...so I am so confused! She is currently working with a sports psychologist. Hopefully that helps!

 

[Blindside]

They may have to figure out to do other skills that meet the requirements, which is what my daughter had to do.

Sadly not all gyms are willing to substitute skills. Glad they did that for your daughter.

 

[cogymmom2dd]

Sadly not all gyms are willing to substitute skills. Glad they did that for your daughter.

That stinks! It’s called optionals for a reason. There are always alternatives if what worked before isn’t working now and it’s causing your daughter undue stress.

 

[GreggP]

Just my 2 cents, but I am a mental skills trainer and sports hypnotist, and I can tell you with certainty that fear is the #1 thing that holds athletes back. It is common. Usually a mix of fear of losing, making mistakes, disappointing coaches or parents, letting the team down, as well as getting hurt. So, being cautious and fearful is a very normal thing, especially in gymnastics. The important part is in how an athlete views it and also deals with it.

To your question, yes it is possible for growing fears to become a pretty significant interference. Tumbling blocks in one area can begin to impact other skills, or their ability to trust their own abilities. And plenty of gymnasts have called it quits because of the frustration that can lead to. However, successfully overcoming those things can be a huge boost to an athlete’s self-belief, in the gym and in life. Personally, I believe every tumbling block can be conquered. It all comes down to finding the right process to consistently overcome those feelings and beliefs that are creating the barrier. Lowering the stakes can be a helpful first step. For most athletes, a coach pushing too hard only raises the stakes, which creates more pressure and difficult emotions. Think long term. Be patient and supportive.

 

[cmg]

Sadly not all gyms are willing to substitute skills. Glad they did that for your daughter.

Our gym has been very understanding, but you are absolutely correct in that most gym's have the skills their kids have to do in order to go to the next Level. We have stayed at our gym through the ups and downs because of this. It was very hard as a mom watching my kid suffer through her fears but you have to step away and let them figure it out. I will admit my daughter has limited options for skills especially on beam because of her fears. My daughter in all honestly never really got over her back tumbling issues. So she has to be very creative. She continues to work on back tumbling but rarely really competes skills that go backwards, yes she gets deductions. Every year I wonder how she is going to figure out the requirements. We will see what happens this year at least the pressure will be off for a while since no one is sure whether they are competing or not.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Kids teach an age when they are able to start thinking in the abstract and that’s when fear can become an issues.

When they are little they live in the moment and may have fears but usually in regards to their current situation. As kids thinking matures they are able to consider possible consequences to their actions, and danger scenarios.

This is an important life skill, we as adults tell kids not to do things because they are dangerous because we are able to consider a variety of possible consequences. Without this skill we wouldn’t get too far.

When kids first develop this skill, it’s hard for them to manage and control.

But I always tell the kids, fear is a good thing. We have it to keep ourselves safe. Learning to work with and through fear is part of the next stage of their gymnastics journey.

In the long run this is probably the greatest gift gymnastics will ever give them. When they are 30 they will probably never do another Yurchenko vault. But the skill they have learned to be able to break down fear, will be something they can use every day to have a successful life.

 

[Elayne]

Kids teach an age when they are able to start thinking in the abstract and that’s when fear can become an issues.

When they are little they live in the moment and may have fears but usually in regards to their current situation. As kids thinking matures they are able to consider possible consequences to their actions, and danger scenarios.

This is an important life skill, we as adults tell kids not to do things because they are dangerous because we are able to consider a variety of possible consequences. Without this skill we wouldn’t get too far.

When kids first develop this skill, it’s hard for them to manage and control.

But I always tell the kids, fear is a good thing. We have it to keep ourselves safe. Learning to work with and through fear is part of the next stage of their gymnastics journey.

In the long run this is probably the greatest gift gymnastics will ever give them. When they are 30 they will probably never do another Yurchenko vault. But the skill they have learned to be able to break down fear, will be something they can use every day to have a successful life.

Thank you so much for this reply!! I love your perspective on how they might not be able to do a skill, but walking through this, they will have a huge life lesson. Thank you!!