Off Topic Foreign Exchange Student?

[MaryA]

We are contemplating hosting a foreign exchange student (high-school aged, female). Does anyone have any first or second hand experience with this?

 

[ALgymMom]

My family hosted one when I was in High School. She was from Japan. We loved every minute of it & she still corresponds, visits, sends Christmas gifts.... That was 19 years ago- great experience!

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

My cousin's family did that once. It was a girl from Japan from her college. It was over a break because she couldn't go home for just a couple of weeks. They enjoyed it.

 

[bogwoppit]

Great opportunity. We have had exchange students in our school every year and they abe been wonderful. My son visited Japan hrough one student that we got very close to.

 

[JessLW]

Our family also hosted an exchage student from Japan when I was a senior in high school. It was great! She still keeps in touch with us and actually made a trip out to Beijing 2 Christmases ago when she heard my parents were here visiting me from the States. She literally flew out just for one night so that she could see her host parents. She really thinks of us as family and her dad and my dad even made long-distance friends with each other.

It is a really really good experience MaryA, I think your daughters would get a lot out of it. You are probably just the sort of host family those kids hope to get too.

 

[gymgurl]

I haven't personally hosted a student but I have been an exchange student before and have had friends have exchange students with them. Mostly they have all been positive and everyone has had a fantastic time. Lots of people still keep in contact with them. The only time i have heard of an issue was when there was a major clash of personalities but that was an extreme case so i wouldn't worry to much about this. Having been a host student, the most important thing is talk to them, find out about them. If you speak their language - don't, this was one of the most infuriating things while i was there. start with small talk, stuff they won't struggle with like what sports they play, what they like to do with their free time. Also, try to make it possible to let them do activities they enjoy while they are here e.g. my family had a friend that did gym and i went and did gym there about 2 times a week. It made the experience that much more enjoyable. I know this didn't directly answer your question but i thought it might be useful advice. Also, it would probably work best if the exchange student was a similar age to your daughter as otherwise it may be difficult to get them talking.

 

[Muddlethru]

I was an exchange student many, many, many moons ago. I was born and raised in a different country. And instead of a debutant's ball, my father sent us to the country of our choice as an exchange student. I picked the US (If I had known I'd be living here, I would have picked a different country . I was a senior in high school and was placed in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio. Despite being placed with a good family, there were still moments of tension and rivalry. They had a 15 year old son and he was going through puberty. Whenever our parents were gone or we were left alone at home, he would grab me and hold me on his lap for what seemed like hours. It was horrible. I told my foster sister who was 13 years old at the time, and she said he used to do the same thing to the exchange student they had the year before. She told me to tell our parents. But since it only happened a handful of times. I did not say a word. He did not do anything other than hold me down. Maybe having an exchange student in the same age group but of a different gender may not be the best because of raging hormones and testesterone. I had a crush on the oldest son who was 2 years older than me. His girlfiend hated me. But all in all, it went pretty smoothly. My friend went through 3 families in the year. So there can be more serious clashes. I still keep in touch with my family. It was growing experience for me. I think both my assigned family and I benefitted from the experience. What are your concerns and/or what would you like to know?

 

[MaryA]

They had a 15 year old son and he was going through puberty. Whenever our parents were gone or we were left alone at home, he would grab me and hold me on his lap for what seemed like hours. It was horrible.

Oh my goodness! That is awful!
I figured that, with only girl children, it would be best to host a girl. Not only do I think it will make our kids feel more comfortable, but it will give me practice in "mothering" a teen-age girl!

I can't think of any specific questions. I guess my main concern is just the length of time involved. We hosted a "Fresh Air Fund" child for a couple of weeks one summer, and it was a LONG couple of weeks. But then, that child was much younger (and our girls were still fairly young and needy at the time) so there was a lot more "direct care" involved than there would be with a teenager. Plus she was coming from a poor inner-city background, so we did have some cases of stealing, etc. that needed to be addressed, which was perhaps understandable under the circumstances, but not fun.

In theory, it sounds like a great thing, but it's one of those things where you don't know what it will be like, day-to-day, till you're living it, and then what if it ISN'T a great thing... you know? Like parenthood, this is one of those things that you really want to "get right" because it is something that is really important to the exchange student. Plus, somewhere far away are another set of parents who are entrusting us with their child for almost an entire year, with no visits. It's hard to even imagine missing out on an entire year of the life of one of my kids, even if it is an amazing experience for them. So I want to be SURE that it's an amazing experience for them! I don't want it to be something that we just "endure" for a year, which is sort of how I felt about our weeks with our Fresh Air Fund child.

 

[JessLW]

As for some of the issues -- one big thing is that your student will go through culture shock and that can be hard on them. Whatever program you choose will probably give you a seminar on how to deal with it and it is something they usually get past but it can be rough when they're going through it and feeling homesick. The exchange student program will usually also hold get-togethers for the students so that they get a chance to sort of decompress with kids from their own culture, and so it is important to facilitate that.

It is possible that you might get a student that you don't really mesh with and in cases where you really don't get along they can find a new family for that student. The biggest conflicts we heard of when we hosted were with the students from places like Sweden or Denmark, mostly because sometimes the European students can be a bit more mature than what we're used to in the States. They can legally drink as teenagers and they're sometimes used to having a bit more freedom and sometimes that is a bit of a culture clash for the American host families. If you host a student from an Asian country you probably won't have that problem. Chinese and Japanese high schools students don't really party, especially the girls. Of course coming from non-Western cultures their issues with culture shock (adjusting to new foods especially -- we used to take our Japanese student to the Japanese grocer and let her pick out some of her favorites) will usually be more intense than the European students', so there's that as well.

We hosted a student through the AYUSA program and they did a really good job with the orientation and support (granted this was about 15 years ago, but I know the program still exists). I'd recommend them if you're looking for a reputable progam that won't just throw you a student and tell you to deal.

 

[ejgymmom]

When I was 16 we hosted a girl from Germany for the summer (8 weeks or so). It was a great experience for my family. I remember there were lots of opportunities for all of the students from this group of exchange students to get together and lots of activities planned for both the students and host families. The following summer I got to go stay with her family in Germany. I don't remember the company name but I do recall that they paid for everything (airfare and whatnot). It was a fantastic experience and I hope that my daughter will get to do that some day.

We were contemplating hosting a Japanese student for 4 weeks this summer but we ended up just having too much going on. There are groups that come over for a month and they go to classes 4-5 days during the week. I'm hoping we can do that next year.

I would definitely recommend getting a female exchange student since you have two girls though. Good luck and let us know if you decide to do it. I'd love to hear about your experience!

 

[flips123]

We had a foreign exchange student during the summer a few years ago. She was the same age as my older sister so they got along very well. We still correspond via skype and facebook. Overall we had a great experience but i do remember another family who wernt so lucky. They were miserable the whole time because the boy seemed to have an attitude twords america and refused to do anything. The agency we got ours through let you choose the one you would prefer after reading a resume type thing. I feel like we benefited and had a good experience but i do know it can go either way. Overall I would definitely recommend hosting