WAG From teammates to rivals to... teammates(?)

[cbone]

Last night was the most surreal night of my gym dad adventure. I dropped my daughter off gym and headed out to volleyball practice and school shopping and the myriad other things that our busy family does every day. We show back up to the gym about 15 minutes before practice is through. My wife and I are chatting with some other gym parents and then I glance out on the floor. I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES!!! My daughter's main little rival is on the floor right next to my daughter.

A little background on them: her rival joined our previous gym (our first gym) about a month before we switched to our current gym (the gym of our choice and my daughter's heart- she LOVES it). They competed back and forth all last season, going first and second at states.

I have always secretly hoped that my daughter's rival would come to our gym. She is a FANTASTIC gymnast and a great talent who would really benefit from training at our gym. I was elated to see her there. I also like her parents. I just worried about how my daughter would react.

As usual, I was worried about NOTHING. My daughter was completely cool about it and really hopes that they will make the switch. She is just happy to make her team better and this gymnast (if she does choose our gym) certainly does this. I love my daughter's mentality! When I was a kid (and this may just be a "boy thing") I NEVER wanted a rival on my team. I wanted to beat the rival not work with them. I love that my daughter is so welcoming and seems to never be threatened by having another really good gymnast right next to her.

This doesn't seem to be unique to my little one, though. From what I have seen, the vast majority of gymnasts are this way. It's so cool to be involved in a sport (even if it is just as a parent) that really seems to have the right competetive balance.

 

[wallinbl]

I think it's good to have another gymnast that's close to your skill level on your team because you can feed off each other and push each other just by being there. DD lost that teammate back in spring due to commute issues that led to the teammate switching to another gym. She still comments that she wishes she were still around. It's fun to watch and it's nice to see when they're happy for the teammate even when teammate just beat them.

 

[JessLW]

I think it is more common than you realize. People switch gyms a lot and especially as you move up in levels and (unless you live in Texas I guess) there are really only so many choices in town as far as high levels go, I don't think it is unusual at all for kids to end up at meets where they've been on a team at some point or another with nearly all the girls they're competing against.

And I agree, it is definitely good to have gymnasts of a similar age/level on your own team! Hopefully your DD and her teammate will think of themselves as friends first, teammates second, and rivals a distant third.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I just hope your post will not get the other child in trouble. Given that you have posted enough info in the past for people to work out who your daughter is, and this child by meet result association. This would not be the first time a gym switch has gone sour because of details posted on the chalkbucket.

 

[GymBeeMom]

I agree that the gymnasts I know have the same welcoming spirit. Of course they want to win, but they would welcome a new teammate any day, no matter how amazing they were. Surround yourself by the people you look up to...good advice! Glad your daughter has that value system You can be very proud of that.

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

I think it's sort of funny that somebody could have a "rival" at such a young age! My teammates and I don't really see "rivals"...there are definitely a couple of pairs of people who will battle for first and second constantly, but if they're both on the same team, we're just happy we swept top places. If they're on a different team, there's definitely some muttering, but the rivalry never lasts. My best friend's Ultimate Rival at level 6 turned out to be not a big challenge at level 7; other "rivals" sometimes progress faster through the levels and we never see them again, or maybe we don't always attend the same meets.

 

[SignHere]

"Rival" ... Odd word... It's strange , we have a few top placing girls at our gym who noticed girls from other gyms outscoring them at meets. So, at States , one girl's goal was specifically JUST to beat one particular girl.

I don't know if it would change if she were at our gym ...

 

[cbone]

My daughter had two girls that she wanted to beat at meets last season and this girl was one (the main one according to my daughter). They are very friendly, though, so I'm hoping that it's more of a sibling rivalry thing in the gym. You can have someone you really like push you and make you better.

Pineapple_Lump- you have a good point. I would be shocked if anyone on this board would go to the lengths to do the detective work it took to figure it out for sure, though. I don't even pretend to flatter myself enough to think people would follow anything I say...

That said, there is one member of CB that I think I know just based on context. I've never followed-up to verify, though. That seems like a little too much to me. Obviously, based on past history, some people do. Weird.

 

[gymgal]

Cbone, re: pineapples concerns - it's not really an issue unless you begin posting negatively about coaches, gym, other kids. Since you usually have such positive posts, I font see this being a problem.

 

[momocay]

I just wanted to say this post made me smile. It is nice to see friendly competition, as opposed to some of the cut throat competitors. Unfortunately, the bad kind are usually the parents. I am often amazed at parents attitudes toward other gymnasts. I too often find myself thinking, you know you are talking about a child, right?

 

[iwannacoach]

"Rival" ... Odd word... It's strange , we have a few top placing girls at our gym who noticed girls from other gyms outscoring them at meets. So, at States , one girl's goal was specifically JUST to beat one particular girl.

I think a rivalry with a competitor accross town or upstate/downstate can be a source of motivation above and beyond the internal motivation seen in most athletes. In a sense a rival who's experienced more competitive success sets the bar for the athlete to work for. I think most of these rivalries are "un-official as one of the two rivals has no idea of the existence of the rivalry. If the next competition or the next season results in an athlete catching up to their "oblivious rival", he or she has something to feel proud of and nobody but that athlete is involved. If the athlete doesn't gain ground on their rival, they are motivated to work harder and progress from drills to skills faster, clean up their form, or add to their presentation......In that sense it's a win-win for the athlete.

Having a rival on your own team is a completely different story. Friendly competition to see who get's their back walk-over first can be good, but only if the "loser" handles it gracefully, increases her resolve to progress through the skill, and the "winner" assumes the role of "cheerleader" to help and encourage their teammate.

Rivals outside this narrow description with-in a team framework are not healthy, and end up dividing the team into separate "factions" where some pretty ugly things can happen....like speading rumors, excluding teammates to be hurtfull, and well concealed bullying done right under the unwary coach's nose.

What's sad about the "bad rivalry" is that none of us can predict if a good rivalry will change into a bad rivalry. As parents we need to keep in touch with our child's relationships in the gym, and question them in depth when friendship roles change. If we could all do this in our own gym world, good things will continue to happen. Now, before the comp season "heats up", is a great time to bring the subject up in a public forum at your gym, like a parent club meeting or some other event away from the competitive arena.......

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

Having a rival on your own team is a completely different story. Friendly competition to see who get's their back walk-over first can be good, but only if the "loser" handles it gracefully, increases her resolve to progress through the skill, and the "winner" assumes the role of "cheerleader" to help and encourage their teammate.

Rivals outside this narrow description with-in a team framework are not healthy, and end up dividing the team into separate "factions" where some pretty ugly things can happen....like speading rumors, excluding teammates to be hurtfull, and well concealed bullying done right under the unwary coach's nose.
.

Your 1st paragraph is exactly how things are at DD's current gym. Prior to joining this team, DD (nor I) never considered the girls "rivals", they were just kids we would run into several times a year at different meets, moving up through the levels, good to see where girls were and how they were progressing. Upon joining the team, DD and her closest (in age/level) teammates formed a great bond, ALWAYS encouraging each other to get their skills and cheering each other on at meets regardless of who came out one-tenth over the other.

Your 2nd description was the situation at the old gym. Old HC actually used the phrase "pitting girls against each other". NASTY NASTY atmosphere. Oldest DD was unfortunately subject to this kind of coaching/rivaly and lack of team spirit - kids who did well looked down upon the others. Kids who didn't do as well (my DD) became discouraged and unmotivated.

We as parents need to encourage scenario #1 in order to keep kids happy and loving the sport!