WAG Frustration - sorry this is long and really just me venting

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GymCMLA

Proud Parent
Gymmie is 11 and L6, she is frustrated with her coaches. I dont' blame her at all. Our HC is great, but non-confrontational, and there is only one of her and 78 girls + 16 developmentals. Or "other coaches" have some good traits they bring to the team, but it is almost constant drama.
I have gone to HC and Gym owner in the past for the floor coach saying "I hate you all" "I hate coaching you" She does battle a chronic illness and MH illness, but IMO if you come to work you need to be professional and appropraite. Yesterday she told gymmie "I'm too sick to push play" for her floor and got mad b/c gymmie can't reach tall enough to see to change the input on the stereo. (she 5' tall, but I agree it is hard to see the buttons and usually the girls don't work the stereo so she didn't know. She also told gymmie that her LO sucked, she hates her floor (we changed from 1:30 music to 1:15 music and nothing changed except her beginning and one dance pass got omitted - we had already bought music for both, HC said 1:30 b/c "never took overtime deductions last season" but they have at 2/3 of our meets. gymmie's tired of losing a tenth for no reason). Interestingly, the floor coach doesn't choreograph or do any "cleaning" of the floor routines. The beam coach and a floor choreo (who is on maternity leave) wrote the floors. Beam coach reworked gymmies floor over break. But told gymmie last Friday "I don't have any time for you. I am booked until after season". She also told the girls that they were taking out the series on beam (since they don't need it and she is always telling them they are getting hammered on it - bent knees in BWO-BWO for my dd) So Friday she worked her beam w/o them (starts on other side so can dismount the same way), beam coach said "I'll work with you al saturday" but didn't. We have a meet friday and at practice yesterday seemed to have no idea why the girls would be taking out the series they didn't need in the first place. DD felt like float coach was all over her on bars for her clear hip, beam coach is not being consistent and is giving them the cold shoulder (upper optionals seems to have paid off the coaches recently as they only seem to care about them) (we have 9 6's, 1 7, 8 8's and 1 10 who is not competing)
I offered to call gym owner and see if he would let her in today for a private, but she thinks she is ok. We have a beam and she can mark her floor here with music. I just feel like the coaches are not focused and in tune with where the girls are in the season. we are 8 weeks for states and have 3 meets between now and then.
DD is moving from the 10-11 yo who wants to please coaches to the pre-teen who just nods smiles and tries to blow off their drama (the coaches). I hate seeing the passive aggressive and negative coaching. I am all for strict, corrections, high expectations...but the you suck, that sucked, I hate you, I hate coaching you, that was awful etc...that is not constructive coaching:(
 
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No it's not and we deal with similar coaching. I hate it and my DD gets morally beat down. We only have one coach so it's the same stuff all the time. Rant on- I get it!
 
Gymmie is 11 and L6, she is frustrated with her coaches. I dont' blame her at all. Our HC is great, but non-confrontational, and there is only one of her and 78 girls + 16 developmentals. Or "other coaches" have some good traits they bring to the team, but it is almost constant drama.
I have gone to HC and Gym owner in the past for the floor coach saying "I hate you all" "I hate coaching you" She does battle a chronic illness and MH illness, but IMO if you come to work you need to be professional and appropraite. Yesterday she told gymmie "I'm too sick to push play" for her floor and got mad b/c gymmie can't reach tall enough to see to change the input on the stereo. (she 5' tall, but I agree it is hard to see the buttons and usually the girls don't work the stereo so she didn't know. She also told gymmie that her LO sucked, she hates her floor (we changed from 1:30 music to 1:15 music and nothing changed except her beginning and one dance pass got omitted - we had already bought music for both, HC said 1:30 b/c "never took overtime deductions last season" but they have at 2/3 of our meets. gymmie's tired of losing a tenth for no reason). Interestingly, the floor coach doesn't choreograph or do any "cleaning" of the floor routines. The beam coach and a floor choreo (who is on maternity leave) wrote the floors. Beam coach reworked gymmies floor over break. But told gymmie last Friday "I don't have any time for you. I am booked until after season". She also told the girls that they were taking out the series on beam (since they don't need it and she is always telling them they are getting hammered on it - bent knees in BWO-BWO for my dd) So Friday she worked her beam w/o them (starts on other side so can dismount the same way), beam coach said "I'll work with you al saturday" but didn't. We have a meet friday and at practice yesterday seemed to have no idea why the girls would be taking out the series they didn't need in the first place. DD felt like float coach was all over her on bars for her clear hip, beam coach is not being consistent and is giving them the cold shoulder (upper optionals seems to have paid off the coaches recently as they only seem to care about them) (we have 9 6's, 1 7, 8 8's and 1 10 who is not competing)
I offered to call gym owner and see if he would let her in today for a private, but she thinks she is ok. We have a beam and she can mark her floor here with music. I just feel like the coaches are not focused and in tune with where the girls are in the season. we are 8 weeks for states and have 3 meets between now and then.
DD is moving from the 10-11 yo who wants to please coaches to the pre-teen who just nods smiles and tries to blow off their drama (the coaches). I hate seeing the passive aggressive and negative coaching. I am all for strict, corrections, high expectations...but the you suck, that sucked, I hate you, I hate coaching you, that was awful etc...that is not constructive coaching:(

i hate talking to you all. i hate instructing all of you to make you better gym parents and coaches. i have mental/health issues so i want you all to feel sorry for me and read my posts anyway. you're all despicable. i'm too sick to hit another GD key on the keyboard for all you losers who waste my time reading your crap and then expect me to reply. oh, and i'm sick of you hitting like on all my posts. you all suck! i hate your posts!! i really don't have any time for you worthless imbeciles. i don't GAS about any of you that have lower level idiots as athletes. i only care about those here have have Olympians. stop asking me stupid questions about your lower level idiots. finally, you all suck, everything you post sucks, i hate you, i hate educating you and you're all awful. oh...and i have Buckeye in 2 weeks. leave me the hell alone. you all contribute too global warming by opening your mouths.

there... that should about cover it? i wonder how many likes i'll get and how many will read my posts in the future. oh! and i coach your children too!! I LOVE KIDS!!!

time to find another program...:)

i forgot one...and i still want your continued trust and loyalty. yep.
 
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This just sucks for your DD. Sorry she is in such a negative environment. If this is a pattern I agree with looking elsewhere. Leave the drama behind :)
 
Thanks @dunno That's how I feel....and I was scared to hit like on your post....
it is like a fake hug after practice "undoes" all that negativism.

Time for me to figure out how to take DD to a gym 45 minutes away...
For now, lots of focus on you. fix what you know to fix. try not to let them get to you. Use their crap to fuel your inner fire...
 
okay everyone! now let's kiss and make up!! i ordered flowers and chocolates for all of you!!! and i bought those band aids you like in pink for breast cancer awareness week for when i split open your lip!!!! gosh, i love you...

till next time...
 
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My gosh, I read your post, and I feel like I hit the lottery with DDs gym. We have been here since she was 4, and you can tell the coaches love what they do and love ALL the kids. And the gymnastics is great too, with plenty of state team titles and individual titles. There really are gyms like that out there. People who change to us cannot believe how much better it is than where they came from. The positive energy can only enhance performance. Please try the other gym for DD's sake. What you are describing is awful . I think I'll find a way to thank one of the coaches today.................
 
My gosh, I read your post, and I feel like I hit the lottery with DDs gym. We have been here since she was 4, and you can tell the coaches love what they do and love ALL the kids. And the gymnastics is great too, with plenty of state team titles and individual titles. There really are gyms like that out there. People who change to us cannot believe how much better it is than where they came from. The positive energy can only enhance performance. Please try the other gym for DD's sake. What you are describing is awful . I think I'll find a way to thank one of the coaches today.................

yes, that! :)
 
DD left a coach just like this this summer - although DD was mostly on the "good side", she in retrospect now sees all the emotional and mental games, as well as tons of downright hurtful lies about other athletes/gyms and coaches, etc that her previous HC spouted, in between discussions of her own personal problems, dismissive comments followed by hugs and promises of college success....

Get out, find a gym where the coaches can keep their issues to themselves, act like adults and professionals with the kids.

DD is now one of 60 team kids, 25 optionals, instead of 10 - and no longer gets tons of one on one...but she is only slowly realizing/figuring out how to do gymnastics and have fun without it being all tied up in an "abusive relationship"....some aspects of old coaches coaching were actually better - when she was sane and professional....but it really wasn't worth it!
 
I will tell you, after reading things like that, I have indeed sent my HCs a note or two saying thank you for caring. My DD had some issues when she was younger, and here & there she'll go through some anxiety not gym related, but it definitely doesn't help gym. They help her work through it, support her, etc.
Meanwhile, we have some moms who just don't see any of that and would try and negate the warm fuzzies that we feel.
So I make an effort to make sure they know how we feel :)

When I asked if we are at a perfect gym, I say "no gym is perfect, but this gym is for us".
 
If HC were like this, I think we would have been gone before now. We talked about it in May, actually. HC is not the direct issue, but she also is "friends" with these other coaches adn can't/won't confront them. I think Gym owner got involved after one of my fall emails regarding the emotional abuse and things seemed better for a bit, but here we are again :(
I emailed HC with a cliff notes version of yesterday, but I never get a response to this kind of email (although I do think she tries to mention it to coaches and ask them to be better, but maybe not). If I don't get a response, maybe GO needs to get invovled again. (He does some coaching of the upper optionals) but much like HC, when they are in ears reach of the "other" coaches, they behave much better:(
 
okay everyone! now let's kiss and make up!! i ordered flowers and chocolates for all of you!!! and i bought those band aids you like in pink for breast cancer awareness week for when i split open your lip!!!! gosh, i love you...

till next time...
= ^^^ agreed Tough love good, but I hate you isn't love. By the way Dunno I bought you a box of chocolates. :)
 
We had one that hated kids too. He ended up quitting out of the blue, and dropping out of the sport totally.......maybe he wasn't that bad after all, he did do the kids a favor after all.
 
I do think you should at least check out the other gym if it is at all possible. Don't let it be ok for her to put up with or have to have her use thier negativity to fuel her own fire. They should be fueling it with positive feedback and actual coaching.

I do feel so relieved that my son is in a gym with a coach that really does care and offers a positive environment for him. In fact I just recieved an email from his coach letting me know how well he is doing in practice and how he is really starting to take off. He said that it may not be showing up in his scores at competitions yet but he is thriving at practice and he only sees good things happening in the future for him. This was sent without any email coming from me first asking how he is doing or anything. This is something I never experienced with my DD who was in the gym for over 7 years before leaving the sport. It does make a difference!
 
Is this the same as when coaches do alot of yelling? I have not heard any derogatory terms being yelled at the girls (2 weeks ago some of the lvl 7-9 girls were messing up on vault, nearly literally almost breaking their necks) and the coach yelled at all of them and said if they dont pay attention she was going to knock them all down a level). Now DD really does not like the choreographer (says shes mean). She also coaches some of the girls and is one of the 2 coaches that take the lower levels to meets. Last week DDs team all got sitted in the middle of the floor where said coach was screaming at them about thinking they know more than her. DH told me about it, and i told him i didnt think dd would say anything to her as i think shes scared of her. I do know dd is still immature in the area of people being mean when they r not, but unsure when the emotional abuse is there. Some of the other girls on team are mean to her, i know that, but I told her she is there for her and not them and not to let them bother her. And of course you have the coaches favorites...who feel the need to hang all over the coaches every single free moment they get. Told my dd not to kiss a$$ to get where she wants to get.
 
There's no way I would subject my child to what you describe. Verbal abuse is still abuse... I hate to sound so hard core when I don't know the people involved, but I have unfortunately seen what happens to kids who endure verbal and emotional abuse like this over a period of time.

I really hope you can figure out a way to move her to another program for her where she can train in a more positive atmosphere. Our coach is definitely a "tough love" type, but the "love" always outweighs the "tough" in my experience and there is absolutely no verbal abuse.
 
Gymnastics is a child sport.

As parents we are looking at the development of the future adult. Our kids will often model their future attitude/ coping mechanisms/ acceptance/ etc to life events on how we as parents act in situations.

Op, great that you are looking at other gym options- that environment is NOT healthy.
 
You'll work out a way to make that 45min commute.
Many of us travel that distance or more.
That extra traveling time has a lot less impact on your family than the lasting damage to a child who learns that such behavior is acceptable and should be tolerated, which influences all their future relationships...
 
OP, I am so sorry that your gymmie has to deal with that. I know switching gyms is tough, but I would get out if the owner and HC don't make staffing changes ASAP!
 

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