Parents Good reminder for us parents

[TumbleTimes4]

http://gymnasticdad.com/uncoachable-parents-produce-uncoachable-athletes/

I thought this was a great read and a great reminder for all of us parents.

 

[gymmomx2]

He lost me right here " “If you want to ruin anything positive about youth sports put parents in the middle of it.” And here "Parents concoct various excuses for needing to coach their children from the sideline".

From my experience, crazy parents are but a small minority. To his kip example, my DD's training group of 11 all started training the kip at the same time. It took anywhere from 6 to 10 months for those girls to get their kip. Not one parent got crazy about it or blamed it on the coach. Mostly parents weren't even around to see whether the coach was training it properly or not.

So yeah...Respectfully, I disagree with much of his post and the generalizations were offensive.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

He lost me right here " “If you want to ruin anything positive about youth sports put parents in the middle of it.” And here "Parents concoct various excuses for needing to coach their children from the sideline".

From my experience, crazy parents are but a small minority. To his kip example, my DD's training group of 11 all started training the kip at the same time. It took anywhere from 6 to 10 months for those girls to get their kip. Not one parent got crazy about it or blamed it on the coach. Mostly parents weren't even around to see whether the coach was training it properly or not.

So yeah...Respectfully, I disagree with much of his post and the generalizations were offensive.

You are a lucky person then.

Everyone of the parents when our kids where L4 stressed that DFK. And many were quite verbal and busy trying to coach there kids Even I stressed it, I just kept it to myself most of the time, only ever had one conversation with the coach, mostly to get me off the ledge.

And now there are a few parents who regularly "coach" their kids while they are practice. Yep L7s. Staying for most of every practice. To the point that the coach has had to tell the kids to stop looking and watching their parents while at practice.

I would actually enjoy just truly watching a bit of practice from time to time, but I can't because the parents coaching sends my stress level through the roof.

So you are very lucky indeed.

 

[RTT2]

When I click on the link it brings me to an image of a steaming coffee cup with no text.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

But you see Gymmomx2; you hit the nail on the head. “Most parents weren’t even around to see whether the coach was training it properly or not”.
It is usually the parent who stays and watches and feels the need to go over every detail of their kids practice that ruin it for the “normal” parents. The parent who sits there and scrutinizes, who is convinced that the coach is spending more time with another child/favorite and time the attention each athlete gets (has happened!), who is certain that their special snowflake needs their expertise (from YouTube or misread on USAG site) advice to progress faster... THAT parent is uncoachable and I have seen several times what that does to the athlete. It is not good.

An athlete needs a clear message, and it needs to be a partnership of 3: athlete whose job it is to work hard and learn, coach whose job it is to teach and correct and parent whose job it is to support and cheer.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

^^^^ and drive and write the checks

 

[TumbleTimes4]

He lost me right here " “If you want to ruin anything positive about youth sports put parents in the middle of it.” And here "Parents concoct various excuses for needing to coach their children from the sideline".

From my experience, crazy parents are but a small minority. To his kip example, my DD's training group of 11 all started training the kip at the same time. It took anywhere from 6 to 10 months for those girls to get their kip. Not one parent got crazy about it or blamed it on the coach. Mostly parents weren't even around to see whether the coach was training it properly or not.

So yeah...Respectfully, I disagree with much of his post and the generalizations were offensive.

I think his intended audience was “those parents” and those new to youth sports in general. It’s not a problem in just gymnastics. And unfortunately I’ve witnessed several parents coaching from the stands, and that number seems to be increasing. All you have to do is look at Facebook groups of parents posting multiple videos of routines asking for scores how THEY can do to correct their childs’ routine instead of leaving it to the coach.

 

[gymmomx2]

But you see Gymmomx2; you hit the nail on the head. “Most parents weren’t even around to see whether the coach was training it properly or not”.
It is usually the parent who stays and watches and feels the need to go over every detail of their kids practice that ruin it for the “normal” parents. The parent who sits there and scrutinizes, who is convinced that the coach is spending more time with another child/favorite and time the attention each athlete gets (has happened!), who is certain that their special snowflake needs their expertise (from YouTube or misread on USAG site) advice to progress faster... THAT parent is uncoachable and I have seen several times what that does to the athlete. It is not good.

An athlete needs a clear message, and it needs to be a partnership of 3: athlete whose job it is to work hard and learn, coach whose job it is to teach and correct and parent whose job it is to support and cheer.

I guess my point is that in my experience, most parents don't stick around.

ETA: I'm just tired of the vilification of parents in this sport.

 

[LizzieLac]

There are crazies in all youth sports - crazy coaches, crazy parents, and oh yeah, crazy athletes sometimes too.

 

[tucktwisttumble]

I guess my point is that in my experience, most parents don't stick around.

ETA: I'm just tired of the vilification of parents in this sport.

I don't think gymnastics moms/dads get the worst rep.....

A whole show was made about the ludicracy of Dance Moms. And then (at least in Canada) hockey moms....
And from personal experience ... Cheer moms. Oh cheer moms.

From my experience - the gym moms were actually probably the most civil amongst the 'extra curricular activity parents' I have encountered in my life.

*I'm saying 'moms' but Dad's you are valued too <3

 

[mommyof1]

The author's point about teaching kids to pay attention to corrections the coach gives other athletes was a good one. The article would have been much stronger if he'd focused on what parents should be doing instead of just complaining about obnoxious parents. There is a role for parents in the sport beyond driving and paying. Parents can and should support the coach by teaching kids to be coachable, intervening in an age-appropriate way when there are serious communication problems between the child and the coach, fostering resilience and a "growth mindset," and encouraging good sportsmanship.

I saw a ton of coaching from the stands in preteam at my kid's first gym, but at our current gym and level the crazies have all weeded themselves out. Half the parents don't even go inside the building for pickup. I am probably the craziest one left just because I spend the most time bugging my kid to eat before meets.

 

[GymDadWA]

Everyone of the parents when our kids where L4 stressed that DFK. And many were quite verbal and busy trying to coach there kids Even I stressed it, I just kept it to myself most of the time, only ever had one conversation with the coach, mostly to get me off the ledge.

My DD skipped from JO2 - JO4 on the condition that she could learn a kip in 3 months. You can say it was a stressful summer, where crazy dad (me) ended up building a bar set for her to try all the crazy things that we watched on youtube (balloons under shirts, kip trainers, bungee cords, etc.) Thankfully I know better than to yell anything from the stands, but mom and I sure squeezed each others hands until it hurt trying to will her over the bar.

Part of why we wanted DD to go into gymnastics is that neither mom or I did gymnastics so we know almost nothing about how to do things and can just let the coaches do their job. Now with soccer where I'm the coach that's a different story ......

 

[Annikins]

I really hate that some gymnastics coaches (and some teachers come to that) have this attitude towards parents. Who do they think pay the fees and drive the children there? Without parents, there is no club, therefore no job for them. And a lot of the comments are so insulting, rude and downright offensive.

We have had a variety of coaches over the years between both my dds, some good, some bad. I have noticed that it is the good ones who are quite happy to have a quick chat with the parents when they see them 'she had a good session today', 'a bit tired today', nothing major, just a feeling of working together. The unprofessional, lazy, biased coaches, (luckily not many of these!) were the ones who wouldn't answer even the simplest question, and would walk on past instead of saying a word or two, fostering an unpleasant atmosphere.

Why, if they think they are such a good coach, are they so defensive about parents watching occasionally (I'm talking once a month) or asking the odd question (maybe something the child is worried about before a competition but is too shy to ask the coach)? Because they are afraid they won't be able to answer them. A professional coach, confident in their ability, and knowing they spread their time fairly evenly and coach everyone in their group, has no need to be so unpleasant to, or about, parents. We want to work as a team with them and the other gymnasts for the good of our children, not to be at odds with everyone. At the end of the day many gymnasts are still young children, they get the wrong end of the stick at times, and can be very shy, or scared of being told off, so don't speak up themselves.

One of our dds has diagnosed communication problems, so we often had to have far more chats with her coaches than those of our other dd, who we pretty much drop and run, as she was unable to communicate effectively herself. It is precisely coaches like this one in the article who have driven her out of gymnastics. Like it or not, she needed her parents support as well as her coach's, she needed everyone to work together, and the majority of coaches were unable to cope with this. It's very disappointing as she truly loved the sport. Our other dd, although she is a bit shy, is able to cope pretty much by herself, so it's not so much of an issue for her. We did not 'interfere' for fun, or because we are crazy gym parents - but because for that dd there was no other choice. What a shame some coaches can't accommodate it.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Part of why we wanted DD to go into gymnastics is that neither mom or I did gymnastics so we know almost nothing about how to do things and can just let the coaches do their job. ....

And yet you YouTubed lol

 

[John]

I feel a parent should never stop Educating themselves about their child's sport or schooling. How is the parent to determine right wrong good or bad if they are uneducated?

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Being educated and coaching your kid not the same.

Overseeing or working on conditioning with your kid, is not the same as working skills, that can potentially teach bad habits making it harder for the coach to undo and send the subtle message that, as a parent you don’t respect or trust the coach or the process.

Watching practice occasionally not remotely the same as staying for every practice and coaching your kid through the glass.

An occasional touch base with the coach, wanting some clarification or needing to be involved because a child has special needs or issues. Is not the same as pestering the coach multiple times a week for any number of things that are really not issues.

And there is a ton I teach my kid that is applicable to many areas of her life and her ability to be afunctioning successful adult. Those things are not specific to gym. Work ethic, staying fit, time management, being a good team member, respect, the Importance Of rest and good nutrition, listen, make corrections as necessary. All of that is used in gym but not specific or unique to gymnastics.

That’s called parenting. And I am her cheerleader, sounding board and we (dad and I) and her home are her soft place to land.

Regarding what I specifically do at gym. I write checks and drive. I volunteer when required.

 

[TumbleTimes4]

Being educated and coaching your kid not the same.

Overseeing or working on conditioning with your kid, is not the same as working skills, that can potentially teach bad habits making it harder for the coach to undo and send the subtle message that, as a parent you don’t respect or trust the coach or the process.

Watching practice occasionally not remotely the same as staying for every practice and coaching your kid through the glass.

An occasional touch base with the coach, wanting some clarification or needing to be involved because a child has special needs or issues. Is not the same as pestering the coach multiple times a week for any number of things that are really not issues.

And there is a ton I teach my kid that is applicable to many areas of her life and her ability to be afunctioning successful adult. Those things are not specific to gym. Work ethic, staying fit, time management, being a good team member, respect, the Importance Of rest and good nutrition, listen, make corrections as necessary. All of that is used in gym but not specific or unique to gymnastics.

That’s called parenting. And I am her cheerleader, sounding board and we (dad and I) and her home are her soft place to land.

Regarding what I specifically do at gym. I write checks and drive. I volunteer when required.

Yes, this!

The author is speaking about CGMs, not all parents. There seems to be a lot of them at level 3.

 

[tpMom]

One thing I disagreed with was that parents who tell their kids they're doing great are setting their kids up for disappointment when the coach says otherwise. I never watch practice anymore, but on the rare occasions I catch the tail end of training, I always tell my DD she looked amazing. I don't care how pretty or ugly a bhs on beam might be - for me, just seeing my kid try it when I know how scared she is makes me unbelievably proud. The actual skill might be totally wrong, but my kid looks beautiful to me. I'm glad I get to be the one to tell her she looks amazing out there, let the coaches and judges be the ones to tell her what she's doing wrong!

 

[atlnon]

Funny video that is relevant to this topic. I sent this to our coach and she said she actually experienced this.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

That video is great, it never gets old!! I think all compulsory coaches have experienced that parent....