Parents Great article- "Your kid and my kid are not playing for the pros"

[Jen H.]

http://www.nuvo.net/GuestVoices/archives/2014/03/18/your-kid-and-my-kid-are-not-playing-in-the-pros

I have been guilty of the occasional CGM moments, but not quite this paricular brand of crazy.
You can substitute baseball or football player for gymnast.

 

[Mom2Brats]

That was a great reminder of perspective. I thought it was funny how defensive so many of the comments were. Sure, statistically speaking someone who reads that article might have a kid who becomes a pro athlete, but I'd hazard a guess that it's not a kid who's parents encourage them to play with an inflamed spleen or who are driving with a .25% blood alcohol level. While I sometimes wonder if we are making the right decision spending so much time with this sport, at least this reminded me that I'm not nearly as crazy as some.

 

[gymmutti]

Good article. My youngest daughter just commented last week that our family's dinner table was the car. Sadly, she was right. I guess I am thankful that my girls and I have found that time driving to and from gym to be a place where we can share our day and tell silly jokes (and sisters can fight). And we are all together, even if my eyes are on the road and not looking at them (growing up way too fast).

 

[MaryA]

Statistically, parents today spend more time with their children than they did a generation ago, not less. So one of this guy's major premises is off base. Sometimes articles like this make me feel bad, and I do worry about the number of hours my DD puts in at the gym and some of the experiences she might miss out on (feeling like, as she gets to the higher levels, we aren't able to take long family vacations is a particular concern) but I don't believe that my daughter is not going to come visit me in my nursing home because she specialized in one sport at a kid. And as gymmutti pointed out, time spent driving kids around can be pretty great quality time. And traveling to meets, especially, can create memories that I know will last a lifetime for both of us.

If she tears her ACL, I WILL ask how long she is going to be out of the gym, because I know that will be HER first concern.

 

[ladybird]

It's always good to read articles like this to keep things in perspective. I had to chuckle when the author referred to the female athlete example as "Suzy."

 

[Faith]

If she tears her ACL, I WILL ask how long she is going to be out of the gym,

Me too, because I don't want her going back too soon before she's fully healed.

That article actually made me feel pretty crap. I have a 9 year old potential elite who loves what she does. It is extremely stressful, on me and dh as well. I barely see her, I have to make sure her sibling doesn't feel less valued, we make many sacrifices to afford fees and make the daily drive to training.

But what's the alternative? Tell her she should give up on her dreams because statistically she won't make it? She thinks she can and I don't think she'd forgive me if I made her stop elite training.

Sometimes though I do think what are we doing. It'd be nice to have the pressure off sometimes.

 

[MaryA]

This is the article I just read that made me feel like crap...

http://changingthegameproject.com/the-race-to-nowhere-in-youth-sports/

You're welcome to join me in my feeling-like-crap-ness. We should go read a few articles about the dangers of video games and sedentary children and then maybe we'll feel better again.

I think the bottom line is that we are supporting our children in what they want to do, and we hope that if our kids reach the point where they decide that gymnastics is NOT what they want to do anymore, they know with 100% certainty that we will support them in that too.

 

[curlymop]

That article actually made me feel pretty crap. I have a 9 year old potential elite who loves what she does. It is extremely stressful, on me and dh as well. I barely see her, I have to make sure her sibling doesn't feel less valued, we make many sacrifices to afford fees and make the daily drive to training.

But what's the alternative? Tell her she should give up on her dreams because statistically she won't make it? She thinks she can and I don't think she'd forgive me if I made her stop elite training.

Yeah, I don't have a potential elite on my hands, but we are investing a lot of time and money into this sport. And that's just at the beginning level. If he continues to progress and enjoy it, we're looking at a lot more time and money invested. The article seemed pretty negative toward year-round, time-intensive sports. I'd like to think that we can do this while maintaining a sense of balance and perspective for the whole family.

At one point the author does seem to concede that it can all be done in pursuit of the child's dream rather than the parent's dream, and that perhaps that's the key difference: "So how do we balance being the supportive parent who spends three hours a day driving all over hell's half acre to allow our child to pursue his or her dream without becoming the supportive parent that drives all over hell's half acre to allow our child to pursue OUR dream?"

I refuse to feel bad about occasionally feeding my kids dinner in the car on the way from gymnastics to baseball practice. I enjoy reading articles like this because it encourages me to think about what we do and why we do it, but in the end it's just someone else's opinion.

 

[wallinbl]

Setup straw man from amalgamation of different bad parents. Knock down straw man. Publish on Internet. I wasn't particularly impressed with either article.

 

[LizzieLac]

I have moments of potential CGM, just like anyone. And, sometimes, I wonder if my DS could be one of the few that gets to play a sport he loves in college. Oh wait, he can! And it isn't because he is outstanding athlete.

My DH and I are average athletes, but becuase of where we went to school, we got to compete at the college level. No scholarships (actually, I think he may have gotten $500). I was a walk-on, but most of the team was built that way.

And, we both spent our youth training and going to games and races. My brother, the same thing. But he was able to get recruited for college wrestling and get a scholarship. Blew out his knee junior year, but still...

Based on those experiences, and the 3 of us have discussed this, we WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING! Our parenst drove us to a lot, but in HS we took a school bus to our meets and games. We missed family dinners and ate when we got home. But our parents went to everything they could. I watched many a wrestling match. My DH got to share a sport he loved with his father.

The bottom line is that competing in sports, any sport, where you are committed and getting enjoyment gives you so much. I was able to share these sports with my parents and brother, and my DH was able to do the same. Those are memories that we will never forget, and taught us lessons we have used 1000s of times as adults.

Now that DH's father has passed, some of his fondest memories are of playing golf with his dad. And, DH was able to compete golf in college and had a 25 year career as a golf professional, teaching golf, running tournaments and continuing to compete as club pro.

I just don't buy into these articles that discount what we all gain from being a part of athletics as children and as parents. I gained so much more than I lost!!

 

[bookworm]

I refuse to feel bad about occasionally feeding my kids dinner in the car on the way from gymnastics to baseball practice. I enjoy reading articles like this because it encourages me to think about what we do and why we do it, but in the end it's just someone else's opinion.

Don't feel bad...I have been "feeding my kids dinner in the back of my car on the way home from gymnastics" since 2005.....

 

[wallinbl]

I just don't buy into these articles that discount what we all gain from being a part of athletics as children and as parents. I gained so much more than I lost!!

There are some bad ones out there, but that doesn't make them all bad. Nor does one attribute or action indicate a problem. Overbroad, controversial statements get publicity, which is what an author wants. Just look at that lady with the book about getting married in college. She's everywhere, even though it's a ludicrous statement.

 

[profmom]

I think a lot depends on what the parent is hoping the child will get from the sports experience. I consider every penny spent on gymnastics (and travel soccer) to be well spent thus far because the experience has taught my children a lot of things that will be useful for their whole adult lives, including time management, working through frustration, perseverance, being a good team member, accepting and responding appropriately to constructive criticism, winning graciously, handling disappointment gracefully, trying your hardest and taking satisfaction in that, and a lot of other things I can't detail. The physical skills are really awesome, to be sure, and I am happy that my kids have chosen to be athletes because I love to watch them play/perform, but if any of them actually ever get anywhere with the sports they do, that's just icing on the cake.

Where I agree with the ER doc, though, is that responding to an injury can be a touchstone for whether you're beginning to lose perspective. If the response is really centered around the child and supporting the child and managing her/his disappointment, I think you're still on the right side of the line. But when the parent is more devastated than the child and more eager than the child is for the child to get back out there, that's when it starts to look like a red flag to me. The "will she or he be able to compete/practice" should always be coming from a place of "I need to know so I can help her/him manage possible disappointments," not a parent's own primary anxiety or frustration over an interruption in the progression of the child's sports career.

 

[kandkfunk]

Youth sports is about so much more than the possibility of eventually competing at the collegiate or professional level. At least for the vast majority of kids. Like others above have so nicely stated, there are many important life lessons learned through sports. And if your family isn't sports inclined, there are many life lessons kids can learn through other types of activities and competitions like drama, singing, engineering, math, etc.

The reality in my family is that DD gymnast will probably never compete at the collegiate level in any sport, but that doesn't make all the years she has devoted to this sport any less important or useful. However, my DS does have a real shot at playing baseball in college. Not because he is the next great left-handed professional pitcher, but because the opportunities in that sport are so much greater than in gymnastics. He may not play D1, but community college or D3 are definite possibilities. Right now, that is his goal because he loves the sport. It's my goal because you have to get pretty good grades to play high school sports and beyond. Athletics as a means to an education has been my focus with DS. DD has her own internal drive for learning and education and doesn't need the external sports drive to get her there.

However, DS's biggest passion is a sport that isn't even offered in school. If he had his way, he would be a professional motocross racer. It's not a reality for him because we don't have the money to invest (the cost to go down the professional road makes club gymnastics look cheap in comparison) and I have no inclination for him to be home schooled and travel around the country or move away from the family at 14 to train full time so he can someday try to be one of the 20 guys who makes the main event each week. We do what we can to support his dream locally and he loves and appreciates every single minute. He spends his free time studying race film, working on his bike and training off the bike. It is teaching him so much beyond how to race. Racing scares me to death to watch. In his many years on the bike, he has had only 1 injury, a broken arm. I would have liked to see him hang up his boots after that one. And, in the grand scheme of motocross, that injury was pretty minor. It's not something I ever dreamed of for my kid and I definitely never pushed him to follow that path. However, I can't imagine taking it away from him because he truly loves it so much. So, maybe that makes me a CMM (crazy motocross mom), but he definitely isn't chasing my dreams on this one.

 

[cbifoja]

I hate the "if you would have banked everything you spent on gym, her college would be paid for by now" argument. It's based on a fallacy that assumes the only purpose of gym, or any other sport, is college play time.

Yes, I suppose the money would have paid for some college but then she would have missed out on so many experiences that gym has provided: good friends, travel, learning to handle pressure, learning to manage her time, excellent physical fitness, overcoming fear and disappointment, etc. A bank account full of money can't teach all of that.

 

[B&M's mom]

A problem with the article is that the author doesn't know our kids' back story. So he/she may not understand why we do the things we do or ask questions about how soon they can return to practice/competition. It's a really weird feeling to be that parent knowing that your child is listening to every word being spoken, is dying to know the answers but won't speak up. I'm sure that my DD's surgeon thinks I'm a pushy CGM because I asked the questions I knew my daughter wanted answered.

 

[3rd_time_around]

A problem with the article is that the author doesn't know our kids' back story. So he/she may not understand why we do the things we do or ask questions about how soon they can return to practice/competition. It's a really weird feeling to be that parent knowing that your child is listening to every word being spoken, is dying to know the answers but won't speak up. I'm sure that my DD's surgeon thinks I'm a pushy CGM because I asked the questions I knew my daughter wanted answered.

My dd wouldn't speak up recently, so I did because she had been bugging me for 2 weeks to move up her appointment. The doctor dug in her heels and acted like I was a CGM and scolded me, when I seriously was only asking what my daughter was afraid to ask. I was so irritated with my dd that I could barely speak to her on the way home. She really put me on the spot to look like it was all about me. I had already chalked up the season as a loss, she is the one who wanted to petition to regionals.

 

[profmom]

I think some docs may have trouble distinguishing what is coming from the parents and what is coming from the child. We see gym kids all the time (ours and their teammates), so their drive and motivation is the norm for us. An ER doc or pediatrician probably doesn't see this nearly as often, though they aren't as unusual to a sports orthopedist. When the ER doc or pediatrician runs across the tight-lipped, white-faced serious athlete who is silently freaking out about missing states/regionals but presenting a stoic face to the authority figure because that's what you DO when you fear you're going to get negative feedback from an authority figure, the doc may just not realize who's really needing the answers and why, and assume that the parent is crazy. I've known more than one parent who's quietly said "go ahead and cast it" to the orthopedist when that's been an option just to keep the darn kid off the darn injured limb.

 

[wallinbl]

My dd wouldn't speak up recently, so I did because she had been bugging me for 2 weeks to move up her appointment. The doctor dug in her heels and acted like I was a CGM and scolded me, when I seriously was only asking what my daughter was afraid to ask. I was so irritated with my dd that I could barely speak to her on the way home. She really put me on the spot to look like it was all about me. I had already chalked up the season as a loss, she is the one who wanted to petition to regionals.

We try, as much as is possible with a 10 year old, to make DD deal with her own stuff regarding school and gymnastics. Our hope is that it will lead to her being more responsible and on top of things when she goes off to college. It's frustrating, as she's very shy, and there have been times when we've had to let something end poorly even though we could have easily changed the outcome by speaking up (it's excruciating to sit back and watch this). She doesn't like it, but after a few years, she's getting better about it.

 

[teksquad]

To those authors that believe that childhood should only be about sampling a wide variety of sports...

Assuming the child is doing it for his/her own enjoyment and motivations, why not let him/her excel, or at least focus, on one sport? Is spreading the kids' time out into multiple sports supposed to be a guarantee against adults living their dreams through them? I'm all for children having a wide variety of experiences, and do believe in how necessary that is. But why do they need that variety in one kind of activity, like sports?

What if this were the generally-held view in music, for instance? What if a child really loved playing one instrument, but the belief was that she had to play a variety of musical instruments, to make the experience more well-rounded? She might get frustrated that she couldn't achieve a level of mastery to really enjoy all of them.

There are activities that require a continual development of skill just need that time and focus, yes? Activities like music, art, dance, and sports like gymnastics, figure skating, and many other activities that kids are interested in.

Enjoyment and mastery in an area of a child's life is an invaluable experience, too.