Parents Gym mom dilemma

[beyondmyfootsteps]

I need some advice about handling another parent. My daughter's former gym basically disbanded and we found a nice gym near our home. A friend in the former group went to another gym pretty far away along with some others we knew. The mom occasionally contacts me, but she is very competitive about the sport. Our kids are, fortunately, not attending the same meets at this time. I know better than to be anything but nice as its a small world in this sport, but I'd love to disconnect the relationship. Her daughter works out 2 more days per week than my daughter and I feel like at times she is trying to get in my head that I'm somehow doing my child a disservice. My daughter already had her first meet of the season and quite honestly she didn't do as well as expected. This other mother has texted me asking how she did and I honestly don't want to discuss it and neither does my daughter. My daughter saw the videos I took and she said she will work on her presentation, which is where she was lacking. She has the skills, her coach feels she will do fine. It's still very early in our competition season. I truly feel that any issues concerning skills or scores are between my daughter and her coach and I don't want to add topics for the other moms from our former gym to gossip about. How do others handle ultra competitive parents that want to drag you into that "Dance Moms" world? I would love to just tell them to go find a hobby instead of living for this, but I'm trying for my daughter's sake to find a tactful way of saying we are just fine, my child is happy and progressing and I'm not interested in having a verbal or texting gymnastics competition.

 

[skschlag]

I tend to respond to things like that with a "s/he did great and had a wonderful time." I have a boy and have run into that from time to time. But i tend to not focus on placements, and instead on what he did well with people like that. But I honestly think a simple statement like above should suffice.

 

[txgymfan]

Also, every text does not need a response. If she sends you a text, read it and delete it. If you see her in the grocery store or somewhere similar, be polite and brief. She will get the hint eventually.

 

[gymdoc]

I had this exact situation when several of us switched gyms. Some went to the uber-competitive gym and my girls did not. It was my girls' choice. For the first year, all we every heard from our friends was how high their DD scores were and how many times she came in first. My girls did fine but not stellar, but they are really happy at their new gym, and I am happy that they are happy. I still wanted to maintain the relationship, because the girls were friends and it was only the parents that were the problem. I just kept giving generic answers like posted above, and eventually, the parents moved on to non gym topics.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Some of my stock answers.

Every kid is different, my daughter is right where she wants to be.
She had a good day.
We all make the decisions that work best for our kids and family.
They all work so hard and they all get where they need to be when they are supposed to.
We don't worry about past results, its a marathon not a sprint.

 

[OwlGalLiz]

My standard reply (and ours has a boy 3 years older, same level as my son, at the same gym, and lives across the street) is that "we're proud of how he did, and that he had fun". I then continue on with whatever I am doing.

 

[triplethreat+1]

Pretend like you don't know she's competitive and pulling some subtle one-up-manship. "She had a great time! The meet was (big/small/fun/well-organized/whatever)." For other questions, maybe pull the old "We leave the gym to the experts. I don't know all the details. Her coach is happy with where she is". Be innocent and boring, she'll get tired of you

 

[Gymmommy71]

Ugh - sounds really annoying and I know the type. You really lucked out that you don't have any common meets w/ that gym this season - so congrats on dodging that bullet .

I would respond w/ something very generic that doesn't give any details and is also closed-ended (like don't ask a question that prompts her for a reply). Also, speak in a long-term perspective so she gets the hint that you are done talking w/ her for a while - like say something like "hope your DD has a great season!...". If she responds again after that and asks direct questions like "what were her scores?", I'd probably give the starting number, but not the decimal points - like an "8-something" a 7-ish, etc., but hopefully she isn't that crazy and doesn't ask anything else. The reason I would answer w/ general numbers instead of ignoring her is because CGP's like that are very persistent and resourceful, and w/ so many scores posted online, chances are she will find out your daughter's scores eventually - and if not at this meet, then the next meet - and you don't want her to think or tell people you were hiding your daughter's scores from her cause they were disappointing. Also, if you don't give her the info that she wants, she'll be even more curious and stalk your daughter even more.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of competitive parents in this sport. I find that kids w/ parents like that respond/turn-out one of two ways 1. they get so sick of their parent comparing them to and pitting them against their friends and peers that they will go so far as to eventually quit the sport they originally loved cause they can't take it anymore, OR 2. they become (or always were) full force "in on it" and join in on the mission of making sure they are always outdoing or beating their peers/friends - even though they may hide it very, very well.

 

[duyetanh]

Unfortunately, there are a lot of competitive parents in this sport. I find that kids w/ parents like that respond/turn-out one of two ways 1. they get so sick of their parent comparing them to and pitting them against their friends and peers that they will go so far as to eventually quit the sport they originally loved cause they can't take it anymore, OR 2. they become (or always were) full force "in on it" and join in on the mission of making sure they are always outdoing or beating their peers/friends - even though they may hide it very, very well.

This. And oftentimes the parents are living through their kids, not for them, so they are more competitive than their kids could ever be.
Eta: what level is your child? Sometimes this peters out at the higher levels...or, in the case of my dd's gym, it magnifies...good luck!

 

[e'smum]

i've tried to tone it down on FB and instead of saying dd came in and got X in the AA to just saying she had a great meet. this year i'm super excited that she's smiling during her floor routine (thanks to a creative exercise they do at the gym during their practice routine) that that is what i've mentioned on FB and posted some "boring" poses with a huge smile.
i don't want to be braggy. before i was so excited with her new sport and how well she was doing that i couldn't wait to post every little thing and now i go with fun pics and vague info about the meet. if ppl want to know they can go look it up on the meet scores sites. which i'm sure the mom mentioned in the OP has already done.

 

[CuriousCate]

if ppl want to know they can go look it up on the meet scores sites. which i'm sure the mom mentioned in the OP has already done.

I was just thinking this! She really already knows how your DD has been doing! So all you need to answer is "great! meet was fun!"