Parents Head coach doesn't want my DD on the team.

[momofthreegirls]

I just came home from the gym, and am feeling pretty low. I was told they did not want my DD to move from the level 3 developmental class to the level 3 competitive team. She turned 6 in December, and is doing well in her class. Sometimes she is a little goofy, and she has a stubborn streak, but she is just in Kindergarten - what do they expect?

Three months ago, two of her current coaches told me to prepare for her to move to team this summer (i.e. start saving my money). DD was thrilled, and so excited. They had one in-house meet this winter, and she loved it. She had the second-highest all-around score of all the kids there. She was looking forward to real competitions next year.

Tonight, I found out they want her to repeat another year of developmental. Already she is bored in her current class. They spend a lot of time working pullovers, back hip circles, back-bend kick-overs, and other skills my DD has long ago mastered (as a former competitive gymnast, I have a decent knowledge base and eye for correct form). Most of the kids in her class can't yet kick over from a bridge, and my DD has her back walkover. She is the only kid with a solid pullover and back hip circle. The coach makes all of the girls work on the same skills, so my DD doesn't have a chance to uptrain. I think my DD goofs off sometimes because she is not being challenged.

I had a previous thread on here about my DD's issues with pre-team and a few cruel coaches. If I put my DD in another year of developmental, she will have those coaches again.

I feel sad about the whole situation because my DD was so excited to move to team. She was lead to believe that from several of her coaches (and me). Now our only choices are pre-team with the cruel coaches or a beginner recreational class where she will be working forward rolls, cartwheels, and pullovers when DD really needs (and wants) to learn back handsprings, front hip circles and kips. (She tries these skills at open gym with the older girls.)

I am seriously considering switching gyms. We have one other gym in our area, that is a complete rival/enemy to our current gym (where DD has attended class for 3 years now). The gym owners and head coaches actually have some kind of feud going on.

I did call the other gym to ask about their summer classes. They have a very good deal, so it will cost a bit less for us. Also, the person I talked to asked me to bring DD in for a skill evaluation so they can place her in the correct class. I am very tempted. I can take her tomorrow morning. If I sign her up for summer classes early, there is a discount.

However, I'm afraid if DD mentions to her current coach that she tried out at the other gym, there will be hurt feelings or worse. They make take it out on DD. I feel bad asking DD to keep it a secret.

I just don't know what to do. DD loves gymnastics, and I want her to be able to progress and have fun.

Any advice would be very much appreciated!

 

[lovofu]

Go with your GUT

Hi....been there done that....take her for an evaluation...what could it hurt? Your daughter is the most important and the feud is their own issue. GOOD LUCK.

 

[ZJsMom]

If you are talking to the other gym and end up taking her there, I would be careful. Especially in these feud situations, rumors travel fast. I've known of cases where some one calls another gym and it gets back to the current coaches within a day.

Did they give you a reason for not moving her to team? It may be that you can talk to the coaches and they might reconsider. Sometimes kids do kind of fall through the cracks and the HC might not realize how eager she is to start competing. I think before you go to another gym, I would ask to have a meeting with the HC and see how you feel about things after that.

It may be that moving is the right thing. It's interesting, but some coaches see kids potential very differently and some programs are a better fit. If you don't like what you hear from the HC, go check out the other gym. I would watch a practice before you even bring her in for an evaluation. That was you can see what you think anonymously.

 

[hannahsmom]

I say look at the other gym. My dd (turns 7 this Sunday) was in a similar situation. We were told last year that she has a lot of talent and "if only she would focus more, we could fast track her but in the meantime, we're going to hold her back until she begins to focus better." Her "lack of focus" was never a safety issue, yet simply a 6 year old being a 6 year old. Well, we stuck it out and it was a very rough year. She was very bored, asked to quit a couple of times and after a few conversations with the coaches, the relationship isn't the greatest right now. My personal opinion (and I know others don't agree with me) is that I don't care if the HC/owners get mad that I'm looking around or questioning what they're doing. We're the consumer and we're paying them. Not every gym is the right place for each child. I know that some people don't have other gyms in their area and they're sort of forced to make it work and I understand that, but if there is another gym, go look. We've looked at a couple of other gyms and if it ever got back (or for all I know, maybe it has) to the HC and he got mad, I wouldn't care. Having my daughter in an environment that is fun, challenging, promotes a strong self-esteem and keeps her excited is the most important thing.

 

[Bobby]

What a disappointing situation. An unchallenged gymmie tends to be an unfocused one so you'd almost expect a little goofing off aside from age.
And personally I think we former gymmies have at least half a clue to judge our girls' progress and capability.
Honestly it doesn't sound like you have much to lose. I think I'd be going straight for the evaluation at the other gym. I'd be very open that you would only switch to be in the team you want (make sure you don't move with a maybe and face the same prob in 2 months time). Then if she's accepted (I can't imagine why she wouldn't be - her skills sound great) decide if you really want to leave. If you don't, tell the current club straight up that if they don't keep their word on moving her up you'll withdraw her from gymnastics (no mention of the other club).

 

[Blackie6]

Gymnastics community is very small, trust me, if you go to other gym, especially one that your gym is enemies with they will know very quickly! It sounds like you know what you want to do but be prepared to act in your decision quickly if you try out other gym and like it. We are on our second gym now too, but I know of several different stories right from coaches mouth about how they knew when team girls "tried out". I know you must be frustrated, but some gyms who I thought "held back" really refined the L4/L5 skills and then the girls progressed quite quickly to L7 & L8. Having that solid background early saved them time later in other levels when other gyms had girls getting stuck in compulsary levels?? Make sure you check out how good the team is at both gyms for L7 and up! Good Luck!

 

[mariposa]

Tough situation. I wouldn't switch gyms solely on the basis of her not moving up, but if you really think that her coaches are not a good fit, that should be the determining factor anyway, regardless of whether she is on team or not. Coaches move around and even if she was moved up, they might end up her coaches again later if they switch to coaching another level.

As to holding back, we changed gyms when my daughter was bored and wanted more. She ended up on team (too early, in my opinion, but at the time I was sucked in) and did okay. Had she stayed at her old gym (we are back there now) she would have came up to team this year and likely had just as good of a season as she did as a 2nd year level 4. Probably even better because she had lots of bad habits to fix and things to re-learn.

Good luck! This time of year is always tough, move ups happening. It is also common time for gymnasts to move gyms, so might be a good time to try somewhere new. Just be quiet and cautious about it. Maybe go by yourself to the new gym and check out the class she would likely be in, before taking her. And at 6, I would have expected my DD to be able to keep trying a new gym a secret. I would have told her that we are just checking out somewhere else to see what it is like, but not to tell her coaches (or friends), so she doesn't hurt their feelings.

 

[NotAMom]

We faced this situation years ago when our kid was also 6. We were told the issue was focus related (yeah, at 13yo she still goofs quite a bit but with more self control). Our kid was the only one left behind when all else moved up. We were also very disappointed and saddened. Luckily, our gym does uptraining even at the preteam level (with less intensity than team kids obviously). A year later, when she matured a bit and she finally got all her skills she joined the team and was allowed to compete right away.

Sometimes it's hard for a proud parent to see things through the coaches' eyes as being on the team does require far more self discipline. The concerns can be about safety as much as distraction towards others.

Also, be cautious about what the prospective gym tells you. Most gyms are run like any other money making business and rightly so. In order to compete for your business, they might bend over backwards to oblige. This may not work out to your best interest in a long run. I say that based on what I have seen over the year being in the circuit.

I would suggest to think this through objectively before you pull the plug. Maybe there is a way you can work out some uptraining before she moves up at the current gym.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I would also try having a talk to the head coach at her current gym, try to schedule a meeting and be honest. let them know you feel your daughter is one of those kids who needs more challenge and that you suspect that the goofing may be caused by that. Ask the reason why she wasn't put on team. I don't know how your gym reacts to this but at our gym we would welcome this from a parent. Its important to know how the family is feeling and what direction they are hoping to go in.

At your daughters age it isn't necessary to disclose too much info to her, just take her along to be looked at. She doesn't have to know she is going for a trial or being evaluated for their team. That way she is unlikely to mention anything at her current gym. Once you make the desicion then sit her down and talk to her about it.

 

[gym law mom]

I have to agree that having a meeting with the HC to just say you and your dd have received mixed messages and want to know what the coaches are looking for from your dd. Get them to be specific. They may see the "goofiness" as lack of focus and not ready for team. Thats your chance to change their perception. If you feel that things just won't work out at this gym then you've at least explored all options with them.

Due to the nasty feelings between the 2 gyms(why can't adults just GROW UP?), it would seem once you decided to change gyms, there may be no going back, so I would make sure you really have given your current gym a chance to explain their position.

Things may work out better for your dd at the other gym, so certainly keep the try out open if you don't get satisfaction at the your current gym. It may come down to writing out pros/cons to make a good call on this situation. I wouldn't rush into a decision based on getting a reduced rate for summer practice.

 

[momofthreegirls]

Thanks for all the replies.

We did take a look at the new gym this morning. The commute to the new gym is half the time than our current gym, which is nice. Also, there is a gorgeous park and playground a mile down the road, which will be great for my younger girls. There's a Walmart and a grocery store a few minutes down the road, too.

The old gym has bleachers and an open viewing policy. The new gym has a waiting lobby, and a closed viewing policy. You can see through a small window into the main gym, but parents are not allowed in. This may be a good thing for us. DD tends to glance at me a lot during her class to make sure I'm watching.

When the new coach first saw my DD, she suggested a Kinder class for 5-6 year olds (DD is small for her age and looks younger than she is). I told the coach that she had some experience, so she took DD into the gym and had her demonstrate a few skills. Immediately she decided my DD would be bored in a Kinder class or even an advanced Kinder class. She invited her to the invitation-only class that trains level 4. She said their gym doesn't have a level 3 team, so they would begin teaching DD the level 4 routines. The coach complimented DD's form and seemed happy to talk with us.

We decided to try the new gym for the summer. The closer proximity to our house, the nice park, the shopping places, and the nearby YMCA will be a bonus. I can go to the Y and workout while DD has her class. DD will train for 6 hours per week (3 two-hour sessions) with girls that are 5.5 - 7 years old. She currently trains 3 hours a week, so the increase in hours may help her progress.

Most importantly, DD really liked the gym and the coach, and she seems really excited to try something new.

Now... how to handle it at the old gym? DD is paid through the end of May, and has already ordered her end-of-the-year gym show costume. We have to finish out the school year.

 

[mariposa]

Glad you found the new gym might be a good fit for your daughter!

As to her current gym, that will be tough. It could go a number of ways. If they find out, you could be told to leave the gym NOW. If you tell them you will be leaving, same thing. Honestly, I would just keep quiet about it. Especially if there is a rivalry between the 2 gyms. Good luck with deciding what to do. When I decided to make a switch, we just did it. As soon as we tried the other gym. Especially since we were leaving for negative coaching issues, etc.

 

[Aussie_coach]

That sounds great, it sounds like it will be a great step for the whole family.

 

[ZJsMom]

The new gym really sounds like a win-win. There don't seem to be any downsides.

If you want to stay at the old gym for a bit, I would just keep quiet. Let them know near the end of the session. I agree with the poster who said there's a possibility if they know, you might be asked to leave immediately.

 

[gymjoy]

Sounds like a good move for you and your dd.

As for the move, I say - Get the heck out of Dodge now!
It might be difficult, but I would go I as soon as possible. Tell them you are not finishing the year out and would like a refund for May (write off the costume). You do not have to tell them why you are leaving, or where you are going. It is none of their business. I would bet they know where you are going already.

 

[gym law mom]

I would not want to stay once the decision to move has been made. Is it possible to get the remainder of your session fees refunded or a portion of them? If not, would you be financially able to pay for next month at the new gym knowing you are taking a hit on the fees at the old gym?

Thing is at some point someone at the current gym will find out you're leaving and it could get nasty. I would not expect a 6yo to keep it quiet for the next 5-6 weeks. She'll be excited and will eventually share the fact that she's going to another gym. So, I would ask about getting money back for May(again you don't have to say you're going to gym X) and if you have to stay at this gym through May, then just let them know dd will not be coming for the summer---again no detailed explanation needs to be given. I would not try and wait as long as possible and hope they don't find out---that could really backfire.

 

[momofthreegirls]

A gym would really ask a paying customer to leave just because we looked at another gym?? If they do, they better refund the tuition for May. We didn't officially sign up for anything at the new gym yet. They are not taking new students until June, so if we leave, DD will miss a month of gym time. I really wish we could just switch now. DD's new coach made a nice first impression. She seemed very sweet and encouraging, something DD has never had a chance to experience.

If her current gym finds out, why should they be disappointed? They've made it clear they don't want my DD there.

More back story - when my DD was 4 years old, the head coach advised her teacher at the time that she didn't agree with the recommendation to place my DD on the team track. She said she thought my DD was "manipulative". Nice thing to say about a little kid, right? Well, she did the developmental class anyhow, since the director of the developmental team wanted her.

The director recommended her for level 3 competitive team at the end of May '09. I went to the introductory booster meeting, signed DD up for compulsory team summer "camp", and planned my childcare and work schedule around the level 3 practice schedule. The last day of camp, the HC told me she did not want DD, and recommended another year of developmental. I was okay with that, but told her that DD would not be able to take summer classes since my schedule was already set in stone. The gym owner happened to be standing there, and suggested to the HC that my DD be allowed to practice with the level 3 girls once a week. The HC reluctantly agreed. She was not particularly nice to my DD, and didn't give her much attention during class last summer.

So - long story made short; The HC doesn't particularly like me or my DD.

Sigh. I wish that the two gyms could get along. DD is good friends with her current gym owner's DD, and has a lot of friends at the gym. She loves going to open gym and Friday Fun Nights. I will miss the open viewing policy.

But I can't expect DD to spend another year just refining basic skills and not learning anything new. It's not fair to her, or to my bank account.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

From what you've said, I'm getting now why there is a bitter rivalry between the two gyms...I bet you are not the first customer this gym has lost to the new gym!
Absolutely never under any circumstances would I let my children in the care of someone I perceived to be holding a grudge against them or me. If you see this at all at practice until you leave...pull her and walk out!!! Better she miss a couple weeks of practice than be in a potentially negative (or dangerous!) situation.
Good luck to you and your dd!!

 

[thnkGd4kds]

I also would just leave. It sounds as if things could get nasty, and I wouldn't want any negativity directed toward my child. She's 6; this little bit of time off won't hurt her. Being around tension and negativity will. (BTW, I have a level 8 10 yo who does well, and I would think nothing of having her miss a couple weeks for a special reason! In fact, this past fall, she missed gym for 2 1/2 weeks to go on vacation. She was fine!)

As a non-confrontational person, I'd also just feel relieved to get out of there, especially if I felt that they didn't view my child in a positive or fair light.

 

[bogwoppit]

I too would take her out now. A month off is nothing in a gym career. Our club even closes for 3 months at summer and we still have gymnats!

YOu could get her into some other activities to keep her busy. Swimming is a great full body work out.