Parents help, fear - any input welcome

[mom23]

So, kind of at my wits end here. DD is 14 - did level 8 twice hoping for 9 this year. Has always struggled with fear when learning new skills or sometimes will become fearful of a skill she's competed for a year (happened with giants and fly away - usually always with flight on beam.)

She's fearful of hand/lay on beam and overshoot, swing half on bars. She's at the point that she wants to quit (because she's stressed and is constantly thinking of gym while at school, etc. - freshmen in HS this year.) But she loves gymnastics and I know she would miss it terribly. I feel like once she overcomes this fear she will feel better but she's always pushed through it and this is the first time she's actually said she wanted to quit (more than just in passing on a bad day.) At her age (and since she's done 8 twice) I just don't see doing 8 again as a good option for her, and not sure she'd want to do that either since she'd be the only one on her team not to move up to 9. I just don't feel like quitting is the right thing for her to do either.

Per her coach her she can do her swing half with him "spotting" (i.e. standing right there) and it's "beautiful" but when he walks way, she can't do it. Same with beam - her hand/lay is "beautiful" with mats stacked - but take a mat down and she "can't" go.

We tried some hypnosis tapes (John Howard - gymnasticszone) but she doesn't feel that it's making a difference. Have an appointment with Doc Ali set up for next week to see how that goes. Need some advice.

 

[Jules]

I've just posted about my little one wanting to quit. One thing she did was that its just all getting too hard & stressful, I also think she will miss it terribly but have to support her in what she wants to do.
Gymnastics is such a tough sport, you have to give so much when you are very young so it does become a way of life. I hope your daughter overcomes her fears & remains happy in the sport.

 

[John]

I would like to give some words that help, but do not think I have anything. I speak to DD about fear and what it is and what her body is telling her by being afraid. We also speak about the definition of being brave, without fear there is no brave.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

It sounds like she needs the pressure off.....I know another year of L8 may not be ideal but maybe they would let her move up mid season if she gets the skills back? Or just do Xcel Diamond for a year, with her having two years of L8 experience, she would probably have a very successful year in Xcel and it would at least be something different, she can upgrade the skills she's ready for and sub the others out for something else. Another option would be doing L9 and scratching bars and beam until she is ready to compete the new skills....or maybe skip the first few meets altogether. In most states, she can still qualify to state as an event specialist. When it's getting close to meet season, and they feel like they are under a lot of pressure to get the skills, sometimes that makes things worse. If you take the pressure off, she could very well get those skills before the end of meet season. And if she doesn't, then she can decide what she wants to do after meet season. This is the age/level where a lot of gymmies quit and if that's really what she wants, then she has to be the one to make the decision. But you don't want her to make a hasty decision and regret it, definitely let her take some time to think about her options.

 

[NutterButter]

Wow. I could have written your exact post. Same age and level as your DD. Wednesday, after a bad day on bars, DD came home and made a comment to the effect of "maybe I won't even finish out the season" and then she commented that she's tired of being frustrated all the time. I was so surprised to hear that because it implies that she's really giving quiting some thought. She has said before that she should quit, but it has always been in the midst of a pity party where she feels down on her gymnastics.

My DD has struggled on a fear every single year - flyaway, giant, beam flight, yurchenko. But she has always managed to get the skill. I often wonder if she will reach a point when it becomes too scary or she's just tired of always dealing with the fear. Maybe that's what I'm starting to see from my DD now. If so, I will do what I can to help her leave the sport on in a way that feels good to her, whatever that may mean.

 

[NutterButter]

I forgot the advice! The decision for 8 vs 9 can be tricky. How will she feel if she's not ready on a few events and has to scratch? Will this bring her down? How will she feel being the only one not moving up? Are there others her age who will be L8? My DD has the green light for L9 but it will mean scratching an event if she's not ready. She's OK with this. L9 the right decision for her because of her specific situation but if there would have been some advantages to repeating 8 too. Starting high school is a huge transition so I would encourage her to stick it out for awhile just for that reason alone. The high school transition can really throw some kiddos off and can take several months to adjust. Getting over fear takes a lot of mental energy. So does starting high school. She has less of that mental energy to give to gym now but that will change as she gets further into the school year and she may still find the drive to work through the fear.