WAG HELP NEEDED - Beam Fears!!

[LizzieLac]

I really need some advice on DDs beam fears. Quick background...she is training for level 6. Just finished level 5 and had a solid year. Beam used to be her best event! She never missed a catwheel, has a handstand to vertical and can hold before landing. She even can do the level 6 dismount with the handstand turn. But, earlier this summer, she split the beam doing the full turn on the high beam.

Now, she can't even attempt one on the middle beam. The turn isn't perfect, but she can do it fine on the floor beam. Yesterday at practice she was not able to even it work it on the middle beam. The few times she tried, she balked and only did a half-turn. This is stopping her from working her BWO on beam - as she will only do it on the floor beam. She makes it sometimes and missed sometimes, so the inconsistency worries her and she won't try on the middle beam, let alone the high beam.

I have tried talking it through with her, her coach has tried, and I even had her read some of the Doc Ali articles on dealing with fear - using visualization and positive self-talk.

She is very frustrated and upset with herself. These are the only skills giving her trouble for level 6 - she has everything else and actually has had a good summer for training everythign else.

How should a parent deal with their DD in these situations? Really need to know what can help. What can be said to the gymmie, but what can the gymmie do? Coach has said that this is the only thing holding her back. Please help!

 

[SuperGirlmlm]

I'm not a parent, though, I'm good at getting over fears if that's helpful to you/ your dd.
I know a couple things she could try.
-Focus on one thing at a time. ex. for a flyaway, strong tap, stay tight, let go, tuck tight, spot landing, don't move.
-visualize, see yourself doing the skill. How does it feel? Where do your arms go?
-Don't think, do. Just SET and GO and don't stop to think.
-Remember, your coach believes in you. So does your teammates. They believe in you.
If your stressed out about it, she will be to, kids have a way of knowing things like that.
Maybe she'll ignore it, maybe she'll work harder at it.

Other than that, all you can do is support and love.
Hope this helps

 

[MaryA]

I'm sure there are many others who are more qualified to answer this question than I am, but I'll just tell you what I keep telling myself... there's still plenty of time before meet season starts. (Well, I don't know when your meet season starts, but the earliest meet my DD will go to is in October and the optionals will only go to that one "if they're ready" so she may not end up competing till the weekend before Thanksgiving.) DD (training 7) is a "beam queen" too but she won't do her BHS on high beam. She's been doing it just fine on low beam, and yesterday she was excited because she did them on the middle beam with a spot. The thing is that she doesn't really seem overly concerned about it. I credit her coaches with a "lots of repetitions where she feels comfortable/don't stress her out about it" approach to learning the skill (and the other level 7 skills that she doesn't have yet). DD appears to have every confidence that she will have all of her skills in time for meet season. I sometimes would like to freak out about it, and press her on why she doesn't have this skill or how close she might be to getting that skill, but I have faith in the coaches that they know what they're doing. I sometimes calm myself by thinking about how many hours she has in the gym before the first meet (last year she switched from a YMCA gym where even the optionals only practiced 7.5 hours a week, so I think things like "With 10 weeks before the first meet, she will actually have about the same amount of practice time as she got in an entire SEASON at the Y"). I guess my suggestion for you is to not show any concern about it and take a "You still have loads of time. You are excellent at beam. You have great coaches. I know you'll get it." attitude, because if she knows YOU are stressed about it, it's just going to make HER more stressed about it. Of course, we both know that both you and I (and about every other gym parent who I know well enough to speak honestly about these things with) WILL stress about it, but we have to be masters of stealth and secrecy and not let that on to our kids!

 

[LizzieLac]

I guess my suggestion for you is to not show any concern about it and take a "You still have loads of time. You are excellent at beam. You have great coaches. I know you'll get it." attitude, because if she knows YOU are stressed about it, it's just going to make HER more stressed about it. Of course, we both know that both you and I (and about every other gym parent who I know well enough to speak honestly about these things with) WILL stress about it, but we have to be masters of stealth and secrecy and not let that on to our kids!

I have told her all of those things!! And, I really do have all of the confidence that she'll get this before meet season.

The problem is she is beating herself up about not being able to try it on the middle beam and that her "fear" seems to be getting worse.

I have been trying t0 pretend the situation doesn't exist, so that she doesn't think I am panicking. But, it is clearly on her mind. I also think the coaches are "done" with the "you can do it" and "don't worry" talk. DD said that her coach said after today the girls (she isn't the only one struggling to do these two skills) may not use the floor beam any more beacuse they can all do it fine there! I just hated seeing her upset like this yesterday, where she got up on the beam and literally was not able to go. I could see she was holding in tears about her disappointment in herself.

I just want to try to keep this as positive as we can while she deals with it, but there is also a lot of emotion.

Thanks for the reply - it is reassuring.

 

[iwannacoach]

Forgeddaboutit. Just let her work through it, and she''ll eventually tire of self denial. Kids understand on their own level their investments into the sport. Sooner, rather than later, they expect a return on that investment investment and become willing to throw a few extra "gymnastics bucks" at the problem to get that return.

Like MaryA says, don't worry about time. I've had a number of late cycle come backs, just from children creating their own sense of urgency and coming to the resolution that they simply can't wait. You hear things from her about how if she doesn't have it by xxxxxx she won't get to go to a meet, or will be put back to L5........

If and when that happpens, do not go to the coaches as they are very awarte of her plight and are making every reasonable effort to help her. It's just my opinion....but the best way for you to help your dd when the learning moment arrives, is to gently explain to her that you'd love to solve this for her, but short of putting on her leo and doing these skill yourself.......

Transition into a little logic by asking her to consider all of the sucessfulls against the crashes. She'll realize with your help just how improbable a repeat disaster is. She may even be able to remember being urged by her coach to distribute her weight evenly on her foot from beggining to end, or some thing like that.......The warning signs were likly there, or she lost concentration, was being "hyper" with a friend, in a hurry to finish, upset with coach.

I've always though of falls and pain as teachable moments, and it's never to late to have a child step away from themselves to look at their fears in a detatched manner.

Tools........

Ratio of success v pain

Tolerance for "pain to gain", not that we ever invite pain, but must accept it as a possible out come

pain lasts xxxx amount of time.....that good feeling from learning can last for a lifetime

Adults care about and for kids, coaches sometimes more than parents. These adults feel a deep moral responsibility to be truthful with evey child, act responsibly, anticipate danger and avoid it, and to stop a child rather than goad them through a risky skill.

Personally, I just can't bring myself to lie to kids that depend on me for their emotional well being and safety in the gym. Your dd may find that trusting her adults helps the most, once she really gets what we require of ourselves.......