Parents How do you best approach a new gym?

[IreneKa]

I just don't like conflict, and I find the whole thing daunting.

But again, it's different depending on the reason why you are leaving. In your case, you have a very legitimate reason. You asked them about JO, they told you "no", you are going to another gym which will give your DD a chance. It's not like you are leaving because you have a problem with a coach, or coaching style, or whatever. I don't think there will be a conflict. My DD switched for the same reason, and they were very nice and understanding. So, don't worry too much about this, think what's best for your DD.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

think what's best for your DD.

This is what it really comes down to. Our old gym was owned by a family member...yea...awkward....But I had to do what was best for my kid. The owner was obviously not happy, but he handled it well and I will always be thankful for all he did for us. I did tell him to his face, but my situation was a little different. It seems like a short, matter of fact, and bare minimum information email with a thank you is the most common route of exit. I feel lucky the way ours played out, I've definitely heard horror stories here. I'm still in touch with some people from the old gym. Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

The things you do first are really simple. And yes you keep private (private is different then secret) about it. Not because it's a big espionage drama but because you are thinking of making a change for your family and since it's just the thinking stage and it's your family, it's no one else's business therefore private. No need to consult with or speak to a million people or your current gym.

You gather information (it's not a big spy deal), it's just information. Check out meetscores, the potential gyms websites. You observe the gym at meets if you happen to be at one together, especially the parents of those gyms. Sit near them and just listen.

Next you make some calls to the gyms you are interested in. No need to use your friends phone. Simply block your number. You might have to call a few times as you don't want to leave your info. And you might have to try different times. Get your general information. Perhaps say you are relocating to the area. No need to give a lot of information and flat say at the point you would rather not say since you are just looking for information.

All they need to know is basic information about your gymmie level, age etc.... And yes tell them age. If the gym has age requirements and your kid doesn't fit their requirements don't waste their and more importantly your time.

Find out when practices are and stop in. Watch everything. Warmup, practice, end of practice for all groups/days of the week. Watch the kids/coaches/parents. Listen to how every one interacts. If anyone asks why you are there you simply say I am thinking about sending my daughter here. No need to go into your whole history, you are just there to watch.

Then do evals quietly as possible and be ready for your current gym to find out.

When you leave be gracious and professional. Thank them for the time and opportunities they have given your child. And let them know that you have made a family decision to make a change. Keep it not about them but about what is best for you and your family.

Then depending on the folks at your gym you say goodbye in person or electronically. As with most change, some will take it better then others, some folks you will remain friends with, some not.

It's rather like changing jobs or moving to a new school or neighborhood. And yes because it's gym there may be drama. I don't know the drama level at your gym.

Good luck

 

[Ms.Pak-Man]

Do not tell other parents you are looking (this is just asking for gossip), otherwise it's up to you. Keep in mind your gym is a small business and the gymnastics world is tiny. If you are sneaky or speak poorly of a gym, they will find out, and that can even give you a bad reputation at other gyms. My own experience is that if possible just talk to the gym owner and tell them you are seeking a better fit for whatever reason sounds reasonable (don't make something up, but does not need to be the primary reason, either). Stand your ground if the decision is made, but give the owner a chance to address your concerns if they choose to speak with you about them. Respect the gym owner; they do need to hear from their customers in order to make the gym better. They can't fix a problem they don't know exists. If it's something they have chosen not to fix repeatedly ( ::wave:: ) then just don't bring that up, as it's not going to help anyone anyway. Basically the Golden Rule. I have moved gyms twice btwn two kids in gymnastics in the last 7 years. Once I did a meeting in person, the second I did via email as I had already been in communication with the coaches and owner and the issue was not resolvable and I was just so emotionally done. FWIW, I felt more closure doing the in person way, and felt I left things better said, and even ended up having a pretty good conversation with the owner. Had to agree to disagree, but it was good and I felt good having it all out there. So, hope that helps! Both times I didn't say a word to any parents until the owner had been notified. I just feel that's the most respectful way to go about it, but I am a small business owner as well, so I may be inserting a bit of bias there .

 

[Ms.Pak-Man]

Sorry, I failed to answer most of your actual questions. I would call if the situation is fairly non-emotional. Need a JO program vs xcel, for example. If it's emotional or potential for drama, I would not make contact until you have notified your current gym you are either leaving or thinking of leaving. You don't want them to find out from another gym you contact if it could cause hurt feelings. I would wait until meet season is over to make the transition. Many programs will not see you until meet season is over anyway. If you have a situation where you will only leave if a certain gym will take her, that will get a little harder to navigate. I personally would tell my current gym that I was gym shopping in that situation but wasn't sure about what was best yet for my kid and then go ahead and see if new gym will do a tryout mid season for next season's team. In this scenario everyone knows what's going on, but I've seen it twice and worked just fine! One family left, another stayed. No drama, either. Kids remained positive, and the one who left is doing great. The new gym will ask where you are coming from, or at least your name and then can look it up, just tell them.

 

[Sasha]

Since it sounds like you are looking for a JO program, and your current gym has denied an invitation, have you already asked your coach/another coach at your gym if he/she thinks another, possibly less exclusive gym might be a realistic option?

I don't know your relationship with your coach, but if they won't offer something that you've inquired about, many coaches may give you advice... something like...

"Coach, as you know Susie expressed interest in the JO track here, and you've let me know that's not in the cards for here here based on [reasons]. I accept that, and have appreciated your honesty. I think the Xcel program is wonderful, and you have all taught her so much, but Susie continues to express ambition for JO. I don't know what to do, as I'm concerned about her happiness and of course as a parent, I want to provide her with the opportunity if I'm able. Do you have any advice? What do you think about exploring some other gym programs that might be less selective for JO? What could I do to let her try out, but not hurt any feelings or relationships here?"

 

[RTT2]

"Coach, as you know Susie expressed interest in the JO track here, and you've let me know that's not in the cards for here here based on [reasons]. I accept that, and have appreciated your honesty. I think the Xcel program is wonderful, and you have all taught her so much, but Susie continues to express ambition for JO. I don't know what to do, as I'm concerned about her happiness and of course as a parent, I want to provide her with the opportunity if I'm able. Do you have any advice? What do you think about exploring some other gym programs that might be less selective for JO? What could I do to let her try out, but not hurt any feelings or relationships here?"

Thanks. This sounds perfect!

 

[e'smum]

Everything mentioned but I would stress that you not do anything until after all your state meets are over. A potential new gym will be concentrating on getting their kids through states and then a big sigh of relief and the coaches will be more open to discussing having your dd come in for an eval. Our gym won't do anything until after states. Then we see girls coming and going for a good 2-3 months before the summer as they try out the gym for a week and are evaluated by the coaches. Some stay, some don't.
So right now, do what others have suggested, start looking at the gyms in the area. Check out their FB pages and internet pages and meet scores. If you run across any of them in current meets watch how their coaches are during warm up and on the meet floor with the girls. I'm not thinking of moving ever but I notice the better coaches - they just stand out.
Best of luck in your search. I hope you find the best program for your dd!

 

[LJL07]

Who's Paranoid Now?

Disclosure: We've never moved gyms and hope we don't, so I haven't experienced the consequences of such. My hope is if we ever do, it'll be done without some of the drama and fear of being outed discussed here.

For very good reason! When we first started all of this, I laughed at the very idea, but several years in...you have no idea! Not to scare you, OP! Just be super discreet!

 

[blueberrygym]

This thread has me super nervous! I'm pretty new to the gymnastics world and wish I would have known all of this before I started inquiring about trial evaluations for my DD recently. I already gave two gyms my DD's name. Ugh. Luckily, I haven't told anyone else but my friends who could care less about gymnastics!

I will say that I had been thinking about switching since April 2016 (initially because of carpool opportunities), but I was hesitant because my DD seemed to really love her gym. By the time I made up my mind about trying to switch (to help her strengthen her form/conditioning), when I contacted my target gym in August, they said it was too late because they were already a few months into the next season's training. They suggested I come back for evaluations in January/February 2017 (which is what I've done). I guess some gyms have different policies so just make sure you discreetly find out the ideal time frame for evaluations.

 

[CCGymbug]

And unless things were really, truly terrible, once the switch is finalized, bring your child in to thank her/his primary coaches and say goodbye. I'm really astounded that some people will hustle their kids off to the new gym without ever having a face-to-face encounter/thank you/goodbye with a coach who's been working with the child for 10, 15, 20 hours a week for many years. Even if it's uncomfortable, in almost all cases the up sides of taking the high road outweigh the down sides. My personal opinion is that not doing this sends a poor message to the child about the monetization and lack of relational quality of the coach-athlete connection.

I am the opposite. Any time we find ourselves at a meet at my DDs pre-team gym, I make her go over and say hi to old coach and I congratulate his team and tell him how great they looked! Being petty does not do a body good!

 

[duyetanh]

I am the opposite. Any time we find ourselves at a meet at my DDs pre-team gym, I make her go over and say hi to old coach and I congratulate his team and tell him how great they looked! Being petty does not do a body good!

Yes but when the coaches are Jerks to your kid in public in front of others (seen it happen, not with my kid but her new bff who is at her gym now) then it isn't worth it. I was so shocked...they were cold, unfriendly, and basically did their best to make it an uncomfortable situation. And understandably, the child had a horrible meet.

 

[e'smum]

Yes but when the coaches are Jerks to your kid in public in front of others (seen it happen, not with my kid but her new bff who is at her gym now) then it isn't worth it. I was so shocked...they were cold, unfriendly, and basically did their best to make it an uncomfortable situation. And understandably, the child had a horrible meet.

that's awful! the poor kid.

 

[Sam'sMom]

Thanks. This sounds perfect!

We're in a slightly different situation, most of the level want to leave and we all know it. There are 2 good gyms to choose from, one is a little farther than our current gym and the 2nd is way too far for now. I had talked to the 1st gym last year, they are very strict about changing gyms, you come practice with them for a week and you let your old gym know about it, there goes the trying out in secret.

 

[munchkin3]

It does not have to be bad and scary, but there is a strange protocol. Gyms and coaches take this stuff pretty personally.
As others have said, do your research! Try and strike up conversations at meets with the parents of the potential gym. Ask about fees, cost of the leotards, and hours.
Look scores up online and see how long kids stay in each level. Find out everything you can about the possible programs. Call the gym and don't give your name.....reputable gyms will give you what you need and won't demand your name....
Once you decide, as txgymfan say, take important things with you......try out the new gym, or gyms.....don't plan on returning. Once you like a new place, stay.....it's hard on the kids to go and 'finish the month' even if it was permitted! ( I can tell you horror stories of coaches being so mean to kids during their last week).
Once you leave, have your child say good bye either in person, if possible, of have a get together out of the gym.
Talk to the coach and the gym and give them the standard, 'it's not you, it's me' speech......make it about logistics, money, blame it on your spouse......whatever.....keep it gracious and DONT BURN ANY BRIDGES!
It's a small world.....you will run into these people.....
I am lucky enough to be able to give my DD old coach a big hug every time I see him.....he was mad at first, but time heals all wounds, and hugs always help.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

First and foremost figure out what is important to your kid and family.

Then quietly scope out the gyms that fit what is important to you all.

Make your decision and go with it.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Talk to the coach and the gym and give them the standard, 'it's not you, it's me' speech......make it about logistics, money, blame it on your spouse......whatever.....keep it gracious and DONT BURN ANY BRIDGES!

That is what it really comes down to.... Any move you make is about what is best for you family. That is really all you need to say.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

....keep it gracious and DONT BURN ANY BRIDGES! Yes, munchkin3! No good ever comes from speaking poorly of coaches or gyms regardless of how justified we feel. Not that I'm saying you would do this - I just know from experience that keeping things positive really is the way to go. Best of luck to you, OP.