Parents How do you deal with non-gym parents criticism?

[GymMama]

My dd is just starting her first season of competition. She is a first grader, and is a L4. She does practice three days a week, for three hours each. She absolutely loves it. She loves gym, the workout, the coaches, and her teammates.

This is also the first time I've experienced a couple of other parents talking about us not "allowing" her to have a real childhood. How being in the gym that much is "too much" for a girl her age. How she doesn't know any better, and it's up to us to let her know different.

I've really only experienced it twice. One of those times, I actually had a man refer to my dd's gym experience with "Toddlers and Tiaras". Ummm... no. Not even close. And the other was a woman who was a friend of a friend, but was very vocal about how much time our dd spends at gym.

I wonder what we're in for for the next couple of years if she continues... the girls at our gym just spend more and more time there, and I have a feeling it might be mine!

I do get a lot of funny looks though when I tell people our plans for the evening, to be at gym from 4 to 8 (with driving time included) in the evenings.

How do you deal with this as time goes on and it becomes more and more of your child's life? Ignore it? Defend it? We love that she loves it, and have no intention of letting any of this bother us. But it still is a little annoying that other people seem to know what's best for our family.

 

[kayjaybe]

I've actually had this with my bff. She thinks I put too much focus on dd's gymnastics....but dd doesn't want to do anything else. She loves gym. She has great friends there, but also has great friends at school and friends outside of both school & gym (neighbors & others). She does great in school, loves to read and loves music. She isn't all about gymnastics, but it is a big part of her life because she wants it to be.

My friend just doesn't understand that if dd wants to do well, she can't do this just 2-3 hours week and that she'd rather be in the gym than almost anywhere.

I pretty much just ignore it. I'll say mmm-hmmm and just change the subject.

 

[leotardmakermum]

My daughter is 8 and is in the Australian elite gymnastics stream. Before allowing her to do it, we asked a LOT of questions and really valued the comments from a parent whose daughter had spent many years doing well in the elite stream, until finally dropping out. He said "other parents will judge you for it". And they do. But we knew that up front, and we've been judged before for some of our other decisions we've made as parents (to live in a third world country with our kids for a while, to make some unusual decisions regarding one of our other children's academic education). We've just learnt to ignore them.

We honestly believe that our daughter should be doing elite gymnastics - all the doors opened to it happening, AND SHE JUST LOVES IT! She's doing 14.5 hours per week training, and would jump at the chance to do more. Yes, it is a lot, but she manages her school homework fine, so we're ok with that. Besides, we just can't dislodge her goal of winning an Olympic medal, no matter how hard we try! She's completely set on it, and completely believes she can do it.

The other valuable thing that parent told us was that if he had his time again, he would still want his daughter to do elite gymnastics. On the whole it was a very positive experience for her and their family. He recognised all the wonderful things his daughter had gained through her gymnastics training, such as perseverance, setting goals, time management and organisation etc. As an employer, he said that if he was offered two equally qualified candidates for a job and one had been an elite gymnast, he'd take the elite gymnast any day, because of what she would have gained from that experience.

So whenever people ask about her gymnastics, we just say "she loves it" and leave it at that. How we allow her to spend her time is actually none of their business.

 

[Amusibus]

I'm starting to get these kinds of comments also, my daughter is also 6 and doing 9 hours a week. People just don't get that this is how it is in gymnastics. I'm not phased by their comments though, as I am very used to judgemental parents- my two daughters both are ADHD and have asperger syndrome, and take medication, so we get judged a lot. For naughty behavior related to the ADHD, for seeming rude or crass as asperger kids can't read other people's feelings very well, for "drugging" my kids with meds to help them cope. Even for being vegetarian (and raising my kids that way). It has helped me learn not to judge other parents, even when it seems appropriate- you just don't know others' circumstances until you walk a mile in their shoes.

 

[OHGymMom]

Honestly, I do think the longer my dd has done gym the less comments I've gotten about the time she spends there. Most family and friends have gotten used to the time she spends there and stopped questioning our sanity and hers. Plus now that she is 13 she can voice her opinion and others will listen and believe her and not think we are the crazy gym family next door.

it's too bad other people don't look at how their own kid's time is spent before questioning how others choose to have their children spend their non school time. Chances are many of these people's own kids are sitting in front of the tv, video game system or computer for several hours each night not getting any exercise or self discipline.

 

[sleeplessinnewyork]

hi! Oh my, this can be really annoying! My parents and I get comments about this a lot, the fact that I have no life, and how "the child is wasting her childhood in the gym", and how they are COMPLETELY certain that it's unhealthy, and "that's why she's so tiny" ! AY! Really?! I love gymnastics, and I have many dreams in the sport. I enjoy being in the gym( almost always), and working my on my skills and routines Please do not judge my parents responsibility, sanity, and parenting skills on the fact that their daughter is at a high level in a sport she loves and puts effort into!

oh, and on another note, those very same people, after seeing me do a cartwheel or backhandspring say" hmmm, maybe we should put Sarah in gymnastics!"

 

[pirateslovebacon]

As your child gets older, those parents will be jealous and telling you how lucky you are. Of course, that's if your child stays with it.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

Honestly, I do think the longer my dd has done gym the less comments I've gotten about the time she spends there. Most family and friends have gotten used to the time she spends there and stopped questioning our sanity and hers.

Ignore it, eventually they stop voicing their opinions.... to your face at least.

 

[cbifoja]

I feel the same way that OHGymMom does. Usually the people who make comments are the parents of ambitionless kids who go home after school, grab a Coke on their way to the couch for few hours of screen time. Like 3-4 hours of screen time every night is better than 3-4 hours of gymnastics?? Uh, no.

My family and friends have mostly gotten used to our schedule and accept it. Most of Bella's friends at this point are other gymnasts. Not a lot of time to play with school friends but can usually squeeze in one or two days of neighborhood friends. All lifestyles have challenges and if we accept the ones associated with gymnastics, then quite honestly, I don't give a rat's hiney what some other parent thinks about my parenting skills. I have a daughter who is strong, active, a good sport, and a hard worker who has a sense of humor to die for! Where's the bad parenting?

 

[JessLW]

It seems like a major theme in modern parenting is fending off the judgement of others. It starts when they are babies. Did you formula feed? Let your kids cry it out? Start solids early? There is always someone out there who thinks you're doing it wrong and will gleefully discuss how wrong you're doing it to anyone who cares to listen.

There's really nothing you can say to these people. If you tell them your daughter loves gymnastics, they'll roll their eyes because obviously you've coached her to say that. If you point out that at least she's getting healthy activity and not spending her free time in front of a screen, they'll say that kids need that downtime.

So the best strategy is to ignore them. If your daughter sticks with gymnastics as a teenager, the other parents will suddenly change their tune because now you have a kid who has extracurriculars! a chance for a scholarship! who isn't smoking pot under the bleachers or going to keg parties! Of course, unless she's TOO good, and then they'll be whispering about a documentary they once saw about abusive coaches and speculating about whether or not she's allowed to eat. Parents just can't win.

I'd think of a stock response to give to these people and beyond that, refuse to engage. Something like "we've made the choice that is right for our family." Just keep saying it. People will eventually get the hint that your daughter's gymnastics is not up for debate. You can't stop them from talking behind your back, but at least you won't have to hear it.

 

[clrmom]

As a middle school teacher, I often tell my students that every idea that pops in their head does not have to exit their mouth. Obviously these people making these comments have not mastered that concept yet. I haven't had this issue so far (ds is 15 and is exceptionally busy with 3 sports and dd is my gymnast). Although I did have a couple rude comments when ds did gymnastics ie: "I would never let my son do gymnastics." Those comments amazed me as well. I will never understand why some people feel it is their job to let everyone else know the "mistakes" all of us parents are making . Just remember to be confident in your parenting ability and let your dd lead the way in her gymnastics journey.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

moutza to them!

 

[gymmomtoo]

My response "I will always let my kids pursue what they're passionate about. I think 9 hrs of gymnastics a week is far better than 9 hrs of TV or video games a week." I actually have never had someone tell me to my face that they question how much time my girls spend (or spent) at gymnastics, but I'm sure people have said it behind my back (probably my own family LOL!).

I just try to ignore it. Her happiness and joy in life will speak for itself.

 

[wallinbl]

It's simple - she loves it and it's what she wants to do. If she were reading books three hours a day because she loved reading, I'd be thrilled with that in the same way I'm thrilled for gymnastics. When your child has a passion for something that's positive and teaches them important lessons, you embrace it and let them dive in. Everyone should be so lucky.

 

[gymgal]

What exactly IS a normal childhood? That's what I would respond when I got these questions - from our families, no less... I quickly explained that gym keeps her healthy, dedicated, focused, and gives her confidence and a strong bond with other like-minded peers - what more could we want? Early on, I questioned our decision to put our kids in year round sports but after really thinking it through, we realized that they weren't missing any of their childhood - they still have plenty of family time, go to parties, movies, have down time and we get to travel quite a bit which exposes them to areas we likely would never have visited. What they are missing are things like 3-5 hrs of TV daily, "I'm bored", hanging out at the mall for hours at a time (ok, they are too young for this but it would be coming in a couple of years)...you get the picture...

 

[mommyof1]

My first-grader only goes 3.5 hours/week now, but most of what she's "missing out on" is time at her after-school program. If she sticks with gymnastics until she is a teenager, what she'll be missing out on is unsupervised time at home in the afternoon. Both of these are things I am very happy to have her miss out on!

 

[iwannacoach]

These "constructive comments" would drive me crazy if my kids had chosen the gymnastics way of life. I think I'd just look at them with a cutsie grin and say......Wow, I finally figured it out....you're one of those parenting "elitists"....then a little chuckle moment later I'd ask if they have any advice. I used to do this, the first time when I was told washable diapers were better for our newborn than disposables.

I don't know if it was the content, the delivery, or both, but it worked pretty well and I never lost a friend over it.

 

[krisnkids]

My ex (at the time husband) used to complain constantly. In all dd's meets, he has gone to 1, when I dragged him. Practices? He picked her up once I believe. Why didn't he watch his daughter? "He doesn't like the sport of gymnastics" I am not kidding, that is the reasoning behind not wanting to watch her. When he would complain she was spending too many hours at the gym I would say, "I know where she is, I know what she is doing and I know who she is with", to this he had no response.

 

[Aussie_coach]

What abou those cruel parents who send their kids to school 30 hours a week, they are deriving their kids of all that important playing time.

How about those crazy parents who make their kids do homework and chores sometimes, gee how will their kids be kids?

 

[GymBee97]

All you can do is know you are doing the best for your child and ignore anyone with negative comments. Hard I know but just part of being a gym parent with a kid on team. It really isn't as bad as others make it seem - seriously instead of 10 different activities taking an hour each - in the end she is really out and about no more than any other kids doing several activities. Also just what is a normal childhood??? Is it normal to do several activities a day or focus on just one and doing it well.

My DD takes piano, does scouts, goes to B-day parties (not all but some) has friends at gym, school, and in the neighborhood. Is a straight A student at HS in the advanced classes. Goes to the school dances of course wanted to be on the HS gymnastics team. Is part of the Photography club and still has down time. Don't know if this is normal but its the life she loves.