Parents How do you deal with the ups and downs?

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

LizzieLac

Proud Parent
I was just wondering how all of you deal with the ups and downs that the gymnast goes through.

We have days where not much is said about practice - things went well or good enough and DD is "satisfied." But tonight (and every so often) there is the bad practice when conditioning seemed harder than usual, she made no kips, or she couldn't remember the mean routine. Then all of the doubt sets in!

"I am not ready for our first meet next weekend."
"My vault was terrible tonight and coach said if you don't complete the vault you get a zero!"
"I can't remember the second half of the beam routine."
"What if I mess up my shoot through on bars?"

I try so hard to be her biggest cheerleader and I don't lie to her. I don't tell her she is better than she is, but I know that vault has NEVER been a problem so I need to get her past her moment of self-doubt. I try to reinforce that gymnastics is a long process of building and improving, that sometimes you just have a "bad day" at practice, or that she shouldn't compare herself to her teamates because the coaches know what she needs to work on.

When the confidence sinks and they wonder if they are any good at this sport or that they are not ready for the next meet...what do you do??
 
Just be there and listen and support her. Let her work through it. Distract her and take her out for a treat! I am sure all gymnasts go through this my daughter has and it usually passes. I have learned there is not much you can do to help your daughter get a skill and that is really the coaches job. I know the coaches come across as really tough to the younger girls but they are just trying to help them improve I try to explain that to my daughter but it sometimes does not help. It does get easier dealing with this as a parent after a few years in the sport. Every new level brings new challenges and it is a constant struggle for them to get everything ecspecailly when they compare themselves to others. Some girls just persist and work through this and others just choose to move on to something else.
 
After this many years, I just tell them that everybody has off days. Me included. Not getting wrapped up in their gym days means I can be just mom and not a secondary judge of all things gym.
 
I was just wondering how all of you deal with the ups and downs that the gymnast goes through.

We have days where not much is said about practice - things went well or good enough and DD is "satisfied." But tonight (and every so often) there is the bad practice when conditioning seemed harder than usual, she made no kips, or she couldn't remember the mean routine. Then all of the doubt sets in!

"I am not ready for our first meet next weekend."
"My vault was terrible tonight and coach said if you don't complete the vault you get a zero!"
"I can't remember the second half of the beam routine."
"What if I mess up my shoot through on bars?"

I try so hard to be her biggest cheerleader and I don't lie to her. I don't tell her she is better than she is, but I know that vault has NEVER been a problem so I need to get her past her moment of self-doubt. I try to reinforce that gymnastics is a long process of building and improving, that sometimes you just have a "bad day" at practice, or that she shouldn't compare herself to her teamates because the coaches know what she needs to work on.

When the confidence sinks and they wonder if they are any good at this sport or that they are not ready for the next meet...what do you do??

continue to be her cheerleader. Try to have the attitude that its just gymnastics and if you mess up there will be another meet just around the corner where you won't mess up. Everyone has that fear of messing up but even if you do or don't you will get through it. Let her know if the coaches didn't think she was ready she wouldn't be competing. Let her know that even if she messes up its ok so long as she is trying her best.

I have also kept track of my dd's scores in each season so she can see that her scores are going up with each meet. I actuall put them in an excel spread sheet and to a trend line so she can see the line going up all the time (and it does go up all the time) Having that visual helps her to see that even one bad meet still has the line going up (unless its the 2nd meet). My DD loves this and is always looking at her charts to see the progress. at the end of the season she can really see and appreciate the progress she has made.
 
One word...

Patience

At this level (or any level generally speaking), keep a long-term outlook and everything will fall in place on its own (unless she's an upper HS classperson). Oh, as for the coaches pressure, blow it off. If it gets too much in-your-face, time to move on.
 
Stay Calm! Dont let her frustration become yours. Show her by example that you understand she is upset but she CAN handle it so YOU are not upset. When you have the confidence to know that it will pass she will believe it too.
 
It can be hard! I do what you do. I listen, tell her that everyone has bad days, etc. Recently my 8 yo DD started really having doubts about being ready for level 5. She is very hard on herself and sometimes tends to focus on what she isn't doing to her expectations instead of focusing on what she DID do. She did well her 2nd year old level 4, so she is nervous about not doing so well at level 5.

I did talk to her HC about it though because while she is hard on herself, she is usually just happy to be at gym and doesn't let her frustrations show. It helped a lot because HC took the time to watch her at practice, then talk to her after and she saw how hard she was being on herself. Hearing that she did well at practice, etc, from her coach really helped. My DD hides her emotions for the most part at the gym. She usually just seems like she is very happy go lucky and that nothing gets to her, same at meets. Having her coach realize that she is actually very hard on herself was a good thing. Luckily, she has an amazing HC that listened to me, took the time to watch her and talk to her after some practices and made some changes with how she interacts with her.

Now if she comes home in tears about something, I listen for a bit, but remind her that she can't let one skill/event at practice make her so upset. I ask her to tell me some good things that happened at practice and usually that helps her. Getting her home and feeding her helps a lot, too. Frustration and hunger aren't a good pair, it always makes things seem way worse than they are.

She has goals, too, short and long term goals for each event and it is on her wall in her room. She likes being able to see that she doesn't have to get everything NOW, just work towards them slowly. She likes looking and seeing if she is ready to check anything off and then trying to decide if she has met the goal.

Hang in there! This journey of theirs is going to be full of ups and downs and it will teach them many life lessons.
 
UGH - it is that car ride home after practice when all the frustrations and mistakes are fresh in their minds!! You guys are right...once we get home and she has dinner and then a nights sleep her frustration seems to fade.

Last year I suggested she keep a notebook of her meets - she had one for swimming and one for gymnastics. She would put in the meet, date, location, her scores and her placement and then any fun fact about the meet. I think being able to look back at successes id helpful.

Maybe she is just having nerves about the first meet of the season next week. Next post I would love your opinions about slightly bossy teamates!!
 
Has she actually improved? I'm not saying that to be harsh just if she hasn't my next idea won't work :)

Show her videos from last year, point out all of the little things that she has improved on, show her she is improving and remind her what she has worked on and how that impacted on her performance.
 
Oh, yes, she has definitely improved. My DH (and I) think part of this is due to the fact that she did PrepOpt Novice last year and did very well, including winning states for her age group.

This year she is doing level 4, with uptraining level 5 skills. The bar and beam routine for level 4 and level 5 are harder than what she had to do to meet the Prep Opt requirement. Floor is about the same and vault is exactly the same. Workouts are now harder, more intense, more conditioning and she is doing more hours.

So, it is not coming as easy as it did last year. Frankly, we think that is good for her. I want her to be challenged. What is hard for ME is knowing what to say when things don't go well. She is very hard on herself (expects to get all As, too). And, I actually think she might be worrying that she won't score that well at her first meet. Competing gymnastics was all new to her last year (ah...ignorance is bliss) and like I said, she did well. Now, she sees that skills are a little harder to get, the competition is probably a little tougher and the net result = the self-doubt sneaks in.

I did video a couple of routines last year, not many. So maybe showing her then and now examples would be good.

I guess my questions is more about me! ;) Today she is fine. Went to gym, had nice workout. In a good mood. But last night when I was in the car alone with her, listening to all of the "issues" was just too much for me!!;)

Thanks!
 
Poor kiddo, but I think it is something all kids go through. Beetle will come home from time to time in a terrible mood over one skill of all things. Sometimes i just let her be.. sometimes I let her know I am here if she wants to talk about it. I ask her what went well in practice and then praise that.

More than Anything else, I remind her that gymnastics is a one step forward 2 steps back type of sport. Maybe she didnt do her kip tonight or tomorrow but the next day she will..
 
I try not to watch the practices much (and she's a Level 10 so we've been at this for years!!) so when she says she had a lousy practice i just kind of shrug and say "name me one thing that you DID do well" and I also use the "every body has an off day; it'll pass " ...try not to dwell on it too much.

I know that when she went through a spell of mega-complaining I mentioned that i should probably "speak to the coach' and she looked at me , horrified of course, and said "no it's not that bad , I'm just venting to you , I'm actually fine with XX skill usually" so go figure..
 
I try not to watch the practices much (and she's a Level 10 so we've been at this for years!!) so when she says she had a lousy practice i just kind of shrug and say "name me one thing that you DID do well" and I also use the "every body has an off day; it'll pass " ...try not to dwell on it too much.

I know that when she went through a spell of mega-complaining I mentioned that i should probably "speak to the coach' and she looked at me , horrified of course, and said "no it's not that bad , I'm just venting to you , I'm actually fine with XX skill usually" so go figure..

Had to laugh at that--I've done the same thing with my daughter--when she is really upset for a few days in a row, I'll say "well, should I talk to your coaches about it?" The answer is always "NO! I can work through it." and she moves on.

To the original poster--how old is your daughter again? If she won States last year and is moving to USAG now, she may be worried she can't keep up with her success of last year. I second others' advice here--listen, point out what she's doing well and if she keeps complaining, I'd ask her what she would like you to do to help (does she want private lessons for a week or two to help out? Does she just want you to listen? Does she really want you to talk to the coach?)
 
I use a combination of everyone's answers so far. There are times when she gets lots of new skills and is riding high, and days, sometimes weeks, when she loses a skill or many skills and gets discouraged or frustrated. First, I feed her- she is extremely upset when hungry. Next, I tell her that yes, she is having problems but she has done it before and will get it back. Third, I offer to talk to the coach. Fourth, I let her know that if she doesn't want to do gymnastics she does not have to. I rarely get past step two.
 
Agreed - if I ask if she or I need to talk to the coach,she says no. If I ask if she wants to go back to Prep Opt, she also says no.

It sounds like to questioning and feeling like she had a bad workout is pretty normal. I just need to find a way not to get sucked into the emotion she is feeling at those moments. When I do, it can be exhausting!

I think next time I will try saying "let's wait until we get home to talk, so you can have some dinner." Hopefully the 30 minute drive and the food will diffuse her!

Thanks, everyone!
 
When the confidence sinks and they wonder if they are any good at this sport or that they are not ready for the next meet...what do you do??

Sit tight. I have had my fair share of having to deal with a beautiful gymnast who lacked confidence on 1 skill and thought that she was no good at all. She would say how bad of a gymnast she was because she couldn't get twisting. It killed me, because although she was right, twisting was not happening, she was excelling on every other event. Thankfully, she has a HC who knew that deep down she would be able to twist (eventually) and would be a beautiful twister too. I have to admit, that my dd wore me down too and I too thought that the day would never come that she would be able to twist. It's been a very, very long road and I can actually now sit back and look at me dd who is beaming right now because she has finally overcome her block of twisting.

Did it take days? No. Did it take months? No. It took 2.5 yrs, but she is almost on level with her teammates. It didn't matter how well she was doing on all of the other events, this one skill broke her down. It has been amazing how the HC has addressed this with her. It has been a really slow, long process, but in the end it has worked.

I always say to dd, if you had half as much confidence in yourself that I have in you, you would be amazed at what you can/could do. I never beat her down over the twisting, I tried not to talk about it. I'd bring up every other event and ask how things were going and let her decide if she was going to talk about twisting. I can't believe that my dd is actually excited about going into the gym the next day to do 1.5s. She is now trying to get a punch pike on it. I think I am most proud of her for accomplishing her goal. The skills that come easy are great, don't get me wrong, but the ones they really have to fight for.... well, they really build character and define who they are!

As for meets, I always tell dd whether you finish in 1st or last, you still have to go into the gym the next day and work just as hard. That meet is 1 snapshot in time, some have good days, others have bad. Regardless, you still need to work hard.
 
Sit tight. I have had my fair share of having to deal with a beautiful gymnast who lacked confidence on 1 skill and thought that she was no good at all. She would say how bad of a gymnast she was because she couldn't get twisting. It killed me, because although she was right, twisting was not happening, she was excelling on every other event. Thankfully, she has a HC who knew that deep down she would be able to twist (eventually) and would be a beautiful twister too. I have to admit, that my dd wore me down too and I too thought that the day would never come that she would be able to twist. It's been a very, very long road and I can actually now sit back and look at me dd who is beaming right now because she has finally overcome her block of twisting.

Did it take days? No. Did it take months? No. It took 2.5 yrs, but she is almost on level with her teammates. It didn't matter how well she was doing on all of the other events, this one skill broke her down. It has been amazing how the HC has addressed this with her. It has been a really slow, long process, but in the end it has worked.

I always say to dd, if you had half as much confidence in yourself that I have in you, you would be amazed at what you can/could do. I never beat her down over the twisting, I tried not to talk about it. I'd bring up every other event and ask how things were going and let her decide if she was going to talk about twisting. I can't believe that my dd is actually excited about going into the gym the next day to do 1.5s. She is now trying to get a punch pike on it. I think I am most proud of her for accomplishing her goal. The skills that come easy are great, don't get me wrong, but the ones they really have to fight for.... well, they really build character and define who they are!

As for meets, I always tell dd whether you finish in 1st or last, you still have to go into the gym the next day and work just as hard. That meet is 1 snapshot in time, some have good days, others have bad. Regardless, you still need to work hard.

Great perspective!! Thanks!
 
Your last point hit home. I am currently at a place with this whole gymnastics 'thing' that really has me reevaluating the mistakes I made with my older DD. She no longer does gym because we pulled her out prior to her level 8 season. She was so far bent about her performance in the gym that I did not think it was worth bringing herself so down. Now as I reevaluate things, I am not so sure it was the best thing to do. However what is done is done; she is now getting ready to graduate high school, and is looking forward to college.
My advice to you, mirrors many other posters' advice. Do NOT get sucked into the drama of the gym. However, if you can listen in on what the coaches say to your DD, you can gauge what she is exposed to. Coaches like teachers make such a tremendous impact on the minds of the kids they are around. I hope your DD isn't hearing harsh comments made to her that a coach just flings at her by impulse. And these impulsive comments than cause your DD to doubt herself. My DD was told so MANY negative things by three specific coaches, it didn't matter what I said to her she listened to them.
Listen to her. I am now after many years realizing how important it is to 'work' through the troubles with my younger DD. She really is flying through the sport NOW, but that is because she is only 6. I know there will come a time where I am faced with what you are talking about. I plan to let her know that I am here for her to just listen and let her vent. We all need that- someone to just listen without judgement. I will however continue to keep a vigilent ear on what she hears. Unfortunately, some coaches have not gone through sensitivity training. Girls are very sensitive. We may not think a simple comment effects them but for some it does. Good luck to you.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

New Posts

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Gymnaverse :: Recent Activity

College Gym News

New Posts

Back