How to help a gymnast get through the mental aspects of performing and competing??

[newsgirl2]

My daughter is a T&T gymnast and this is her first year to compete. She has some natural talent, and she loves gymnastics and really wants to excell, but she's very negative. If she has a bad day, it sets her back big time. If someone does better than her, it sets her back. If her coach is critical of her performance, it sets her back. It's like one step forward, two steps back with her. No matter how much I try to build her up, I just can't seem to get her in the right attitude. At her first competition this weekend, she did so well on her first tumbling pass. Then she saw the girl after her go and she thought that girl had done better, so when it was my daughter's turn for her second pass, she scratched because she had it in her head that she couldn't get first because another girl was better. And if she doesn't get first, she thinks she's awful and she has failed. I get that to an extent... I mean, if you're not there to win, why bother? But, in her case, if you don't even try because you think someone is better than you, then how will you ever know who was truly better? I am just looking for some tips as to what to tell her to boost her confidence and help her not be so nervous, scared and negative all the time.

 

[Seeker]

How old is your DD? Do these issues carry over to other activities or is this type of behavior/attitude only seen in sport?

 

[newsgirl2]

She is 9. And this is her only activity. She started developmental gymnastics at 2, but we didn't move her to a competitive facility until she was 7 when she asked us to do so. This will be her first season to compete. And I would say that, in general, she's fairly negative. They do this poetry slam thing in school and she can be awfully competitive about that.

 

[Galadriel]

I can empathise.
My oldest has this trait.
It hasnt gone away.
I do what is recommended on here all the time - encourage non score goals and when she is negative i find a positive to praise and i Dont go down the negative road with her.
This past weekend is a case in point. She had a 'big' competition where the top 2 were chosen for a specific team and the next 2 reserves. She did really well but came 5th and was devastated .
She is motivated today still and said she had a great work out today.
A few years ago she would have held onto the negative vibe for weeks and been down on herself.
There is hope !
There was a stage she went through of saying she was going to quit every time she had a bad competition ,and i said okay, lets tell the coach.
She never did!

 

[gymgal]

Re: How to help a gymnast get through the mental aspects of performing

Since you see this in other aspects of life too, maybe addressing it in terms of attitude change might help. Reading some books with characters who have changed their attitudes to be more positive, talking about how negative attitudes affect not just the way you act but also the people around you. Of you are religious, bringing in that aspect of how God wants you to do your best all the time and doing less is not an option. Also having talks with her about whether competing is viable for her right now ~ putting the ball in her court, so to speak. Let her know that the defeatist attitude is not good for her overall health and that you may need to decide to pull competition until she can handle it better.

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[gymmomtotwo]

First I would rule out the possibility of anxiety if negativism is getting in the way of her life. I have one that tends to "give up" at times if she feels she is not doing something good enough. She talks with a school counselor once a week without any diagnosis about coping strategies when she is feeling frustrated instead of shutting down. It's been a huge help.

Anyway, assuming there aren't any issues like that, I would have to say that I would be practicing some tough love. She is 9 and is old enough to know that she should not be scratching during a competition because she thinks she might get beaten. I can't imagine one of our team gymnasts doing this and getting away with it. There would be consequences for doing something like that. You don't say what her coach's reaction was to this. I also would not drive her to practice with a negative attitude, and if it didn't get better, I would pull her from the sport. Perhaps she has picked up on the "if you're not there to win, what's the point" even if it hasn't been spoken. There alot of point in working hard everyday at a sport you love, and setting goals to improve yourself, and still feel a success in 10th place. She needs to know this and understand that the goal is to better herself and improve.

 

[newsgirl2]

Thanks for the help! In regards to me saying, "If you're not there to win, what's the point?" I didn't mean to imply that if she doesn't win, it's pointless... just that if she's not there to try her hardest and do her best, then why are we spending all this time and money? If her absolute best is 10th, I'm totally good with that. But what she did this weekend, was not her best. I think it was a combo of bad attitude and nerves. And I have definitely been thinking that it may be time for tough love. I've spent a lot of time ignoring her negativity, or lecturing her on being positive, and not pushing her or making a big deal out of any setbacks. I just don't want her to feel pressured from me to be the best or feel like I'll be mad or disappointed if she doesn't do well. If she does her best and tries her hardest, I will be happy. But I don't want her wasting anyone's time pouting b/c something isn't coming as easily for her as she is used to.

This is her thing. I want it *for* her because she wants it, but it was never my intent for her to compete. That's why we spent so many years in a developmental program... I just wanted a fun activity for us to do together.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Thanks for the help! In regards to me saying, "If you're not there to win, what's the point?" I didn't mean to imply that if she doesn't win, it's pointless... just that if she's not there to try her hardest and do her best, then why are we spending all this time and money? If her absolute best is 10th, I'm totally good with that. But what she did this weekend, was not her best. I think it was a combo of bad attitude and nerves. And I have definitely been thinking that it may be time for tough love. I've spent a lot of time ignoring her negativity, or lecturing her on being positive, and not pushing her or making a big deal out of any setbacks. I just don't want her to feel pressured from me to be the best or feel like I'll be mad or disappointed if she doesn't do well. If she does her best and tries her hardest, I will be happy. But I don't want her wasting anyone's time pouting b/c something isn't coming as easily for her as she is used to.

This is her thing. I want it *for* her because she wants it, but it was never my intent for her to compete. That's why we spent so many years in a developmental program... I just wanted a fun activity for us to do together.

maybe that's the problem. step away and don't engage her at all. just support her and drive her to and from practice. don't discuss Jack.

 

[mayestra12]

You just described my dd EXACTLY. She will be 9 next month and has diagnosed anxiety. I'm sure her negativity is part of her anxiety. I struggle daily with her because I'm sure I'm not handling it the right way.