Parents How to help DD push through a burnout? HELP!!

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My DD has been taking gymnastics for 2 years. The past year of that has been on L3 team. She was recently moved up to level 4(2 weeks ago) and with that comes another 4 hours total per week of practice. I know at some point, every gymnast has some sort of a burnout. That's why I'm posting.....to see if any parents have suggestions on how to help your gymnast through this phase. Even before the move up, I could see a burnout coming on. Never wanting to go to practice, talking about quitting, saying the coaches don't encourage/praise her like they do the other kids, complaining about not having free time, etc. etc. And it doesn't help that her best friend, who is level 4 also, just quit gymnastics for good. Once practice is over, she's okay. I wouldn't say she's glad that she went, more like she's glad she did it and it's over. To me(and my husband) quitting is not an option. She did well at all of her meets this year(our season just ended), usually placing 2nd or 1st AA, and enjoys competing. I would say it's the highlight of gymnastics, for HER. I know she understands that to do well at meets you have to go to practice. I just don't know how to get her past this burnout. I know it's hard on her when she's in school(life is pretty much school, gym then homework--as it is for all gymnasts in school), but summer is coming up and I know then, she'll be thankful for gymnastics, as it will give her something to do. I feel in the long run, quitting is not an option because she does enjoy it and she's not really into any other sports/activities. I haven't been able to talk with her coaches about this, but maybe I need to, to see if they have any suggestions. In the meantime, any suggestions from parents with experience with this, on how to move past it?
 
Was your daughter wanting to quit before her best friend quit and how old is she?
Gymnastics is a sport that is a huge commitment for both the gymnast and the parent. To be honest, your comment about quitting not being an option scares me. A gymnast needs to be able to choose which direction they want for their life.

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Well you must remember that this is her sport, and that she has to want to do it. Doing it includes all practices. If the current hours are too much how about you talk to the coach about reducing hours for a month or so until she adjusts to the new schedule. It is also very good to remember that for many children gymnastics is a very social activity and the loss of a friend is very, very tough and they struggle to adapt. Some kids get over this hump with some extra down time and some kids quit and do other things, though they may never find another sport as involved as gymnastics. It is a huge commitment for a child, and for some it may be more than they want to give.
 
If she's already wanting to quit at level 3 & 4, then you might want to look more into what else she can do or it's going to be a long miserable haul of her wanting to quit all the time. Just needed to throw that out there...

BUT, I would definitely talk with the coaches and see if there are any issues at practice--maybe she's used to doing well, but now is struggling with getting new skills that others are getting more easily, so she's feeling bad about that??

I would also sit down and talk with her about gymnastics and what she does or doesn't like about it. How old is she?
 
She's 9, and I think the best friend quitting has a lot to do with it and the fact that it's a new level and new skills. The not wanting to go to practice is new. She mentioned quitting once and asked if she could still do rec. gymnastics. We told her she could but after thinking about it, she said she didn't really want to quit. If she REALLY wanted to quit, of course, I wouldn't force her to stay(my comment of "quitting is not an option" was in the heat of the moment and out of frustration) She is happy while she's at practice and when she's competing. She loves reading, researching, watching gymnastics. I think a lot happened in the last couple of weeks....season's over, moved up to new level, best friend quit..etc. I think it will take sometime to adjust and maybe cutting back on hours just for awhile could help.
 
Tell her to get back with you in two months, and until then she's going to all the practices. Sure, it's her sport, and the energy to do it has to come from her, but she's too young to understand that while quitting is easy, admitting it was a mistake and going back is hard...........
 
Tell her to get back with you in two months, and until then she's going to all the practices. Sure, it's her sport, and the energy to do it has to come from her, but she's too young to understand that while quitting is easy, admitting it was a mistake and going back is hard...........

I couldn't agree with you more and this was along the lines of what I was thinking. I think when school is out(in 2 months) and there's only gymnastics to do, she'll be okay. Personally, I played softball all of my life, up until the age of 20. If my Mom would've let me quit when I was tired and asked to quit, I would've never gotten a college scholarship nor would I love softball like I do. Did I honestly want to quit? No and I'm so thankful that I didn't and she didn't allow me too. I think maybe taking a practice off here or there for her will help.
 
Tell her to get back with you in two months, and until then she's going to all the practices. Sure, it's her sport, and the energy to do it has to come from her, but she's too young to understand that while quitting is easy, admitting it was a mistake and going back is hard...........

i concur. don't worry about "mommie dearest". just get her in the car and go.
 
You've got some great advice from the previous replies. The rule at our house is that you finish what you start, as in the season or term, which for our gymnastics team is roughly a year, and it sounds like your term just ended and the new one has started. I'm sure a big part of it is missing her friend, then the added hours and new skills make it that much harder for her. I think you should sit her down and have an honest talk with her, and together agree on a time frame (say two or three months, or whatever takes you into summer break), telling her that at that time you will sit down and discuss it again and if she still wants to quit you will *consider* it (not making any promises). You're giving her a chance to adjust to the changes but letting her know that you will also take her wishes into account. I'd also take her out for ice cream or whatever and try to find out what is causing her to want to quit at this particular time.

For me, as good as my daughter appears to be at gymnastics, if she was truly unhappy doing it I wouldn't insist that she keep going. It's too much of a financial and time commitment for me to force her. It should be a privilege, something she is passionate about. I'm not naive enough to think she will always feel that way about it, but if(when) the day comes that she's not excited about it and asking to quit, I will do what the other poster suggested and ask her to give it a certain amount of time to make sure that's what she wants to do.
 
Great advice!!! We(my DD, DH, and myself) had a chat with the coaches tonight. Basically, we all agreed to go through the summer and if at the end of that she wants to just do rec. gymnastics or quit, that's what she'll do. The coach seemed to agree with me that it's probably the new skills that has her afraid and wanting to give up. Coach said she is seeing it in the other gymnast that moved up too. Hopefully, once she gets better at the new skills, she'll feel better about it. Thanks for the advice everyone!!
 
My daughter was getting really stressed out (although not overtly asking to quit or complaining about practice). She was just generally unhappy. We quit dance lessons, arranged to do most written homework on weekends, and are having her do level 3 instead of level 4 this fall (less hours/pressure). Already she is much happier and more relaxed. I think in our case it was just too much stuff in her life. The extra free time has helped tremendously. Though in your case I'd guess the best friend dropping out would be a huge factor. We also had an overt "I want to quit" phase a while back - as it turns out, the coach was being very discouraging with my daughter. Gym switch, new awesome coach, and she never asked to quit again.
 
My daughter was getting really stressed out (although not overtly asking to quit or complaining about practice). She was just generally unhappy. We quit dance lessons, arranged to do most written homework on weekends, and are having her do level 3 instead of level 4 this fall (less hours/pressure). Already she is much happier and more relaxed. I think in our case it was just too much stuff in her life. The extra free time has helped tremendously. Though in your case I'd guess the best friend dropping out would be a huge factor. We also had an overt "I want to quit" phase a while back - as it turns out, the coach was being very discouraging with my daughter. Gym switch, new awesome coach, and she never asked to quit again.

Our coach gave us the option of moving her back down to level 3 also at the end of summer, if my daughter wants to do that. I think less free time has something to do with it also. Glad the gym switch worked!! :)
 
It's not true burnout. It's a side effect of early success. It's important to understand that. Winning in the early levels causes the child to view gymnastics in a certain light and she is probably horribly afraid that she won't be successful in her new level, where success is now defined VERY NARROWLY (winning 1st or 2nd AA). And that's rarely sustainable just because kids develop in different rates and sustained effort cannot ALWAYS yield that result. You and her coaches can help re-define success and expectations for her. One of the great things about swimming honestly is that probably 90% + of the age group swimmers get to lose big time every 2 years. It's predictable, it's expected and it puts "winning" in perspective.
 
Ok for me quitting should be an option for all kids especially if they are expereincing burn out. Being forced to do a sport they really are just not that into anymore is worse than quitting. remember too that kids like to please their parents and will do activities because they don't want to disapoint you. With all that in mind she did say she would like to do rec class still so maybe the full commitment of team just isn't something she is going to like even though she like gymnastics.

Does your gym have an Excel (formerly Prep Op) program? That is a great alternative to JO team program. Usually less hours a week so they have a bit more free time but still get to do Competitions. Alot of girls who do JO program that want more time choose this option. If your gym doesn't have that program don't be afraid to look at other gyms that do have that program. It really might be a good fit based on your post info.

JO team gymnastics is really a lifestyle not just for the gymnast but for the whole family. It takes a HUGE commitment on everyones part to follow this path. It has to be the first choice over all other happenings so things like Friends B-day parties, socilizing out side of the gym with friends, even family events are usually second choices. Those middle school years is a big time when new opportunities are in front of them and they want to join the school teams, bands, etc. and after 15 years of sitting in the bleachers first with my son on team and now with my DD on team I have seen so many kids that were really good at this quit to follow other paths and that is really ok.

It sounds like you have a plan with the coach in place. With the summer coming too however I would also listen to your DD over the summer and if she gets to like July and really wants to quit or what ever I wouldn't force her to give up her summer fun with friends just for gymnastics. She will be practicing from now until June and thats 3 - 4 more months so before the summer session begins I would revisit this with your DD and see how she feels and if she wants to leave the team I woudn't make her do the summer.
 
Ok for me quitting should be an option for all kids especially if they are expereincing burn out. Being forced to do a sport they really are just not that into anymore is worse than quitting. remember too that kids like to please their parents and will do activities because they don't want to disapoint you. With all that in mind she did say she would like to do rec class still so maybe the full commitment of team just isn't something she is going to like even though she like gymnastics.

Does your gym have an Excel (formerly Prep Op) program? That is a great alternative to JO team program. Usually less hours a week so they have a bit more free time but still get to do Competitions. Alot of girls who do JO program that want more time choose this option. If your gym doesn't have that program don't be afraid to look at other gyms that do have that program. It really might be a good fit based on your post info.

JO team gymnastics is really a lifestyle not just for the gymnast but for the whole family. It takes a HUGE commitment on everyones part to follow this path. It has to be the first choice over all other happenings so things like Friends B-day parties, socilizing out side of the gym with friends, even family events are usually second choices. Those middle school years is a big time when new opportunities are in front of them and they want to join the school teams, bands, etc. and after 15 years of sitting in the bleachers first with my son on team and now with my DD on team I have seen so many kids that were really good at this quit to follow other paths and that is really ok.

It sounds like you have a plan with the coach in place. With the summer coming too however I would also listen to your DD over the summer and if she gets to like July and really wants to quit or what ever I wouldn't force her to give up her summer fun with friends just for gymnastics. She will be practicing from now until June and thats 3 - 4 more months so before the summer session begins I would revisit this with your DD and see how she feels and if she wants to leave the team I woudn't make her do the summer.
Thanks! Great advice. Our gym doesn't have excel. Thank you for bringing that to my attention! I may check out what local gyms have excel. Sounds like it could be a fit for my daughter if she chooses not to stay with JO.
 
It's not true burnout. It's a side effect of early success. It's important to understand that. Winning in the early levels causes the child to view gymnastics in a certain light and she is probably horribly afraid that she won't be successful in her new level, where success is now defined VERY NARROWLY (winning 1st or 2nd AA). And that's rarely sustainable just because kids develop in different rates and sustained effort cannot ALWAYS yield that result. You and her coaches can help re-define success and expectations for her. One of the great things about swimming honestly is that probably 90% + of the age group swimmers get to lose big time every 2 years. It's predictable, it's expected and it puts "winning" in perspective.
Her coach said the same thing last night!!
 

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