For Parents I about burst a gasket today

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Jan 22, 2008
437
Today I was at the gym for practice and we had a coach from another gym helping since we had a bunch of coaches go on vacation. Well our gym is VERY good about giving equal time to each girl on the skills they are working on. Meaning if they are on beam the coach working beam will work the skills with each girl. Well this coach litterly kept ignoring DD. At first I thought it was just me. On beam she was picking and choosing who she worked with. Some of these were girls that were oldies that started at her gym. Mind you they were working handstands, cartwheels and L4 dismount on the high beam. DD was totally taking her hips off and not even close to her cartwheel or dismount. The coach NEVER once corrected her or spotted her. I was LIVID. Then they had her again on floor and each time it was DD turn she would walk away and go to someone else. I was in shock that she was not even correcting anything for giving her feedback. While sitting there I put a note in the owners box that I needed to speak with her. I am about to just blow up. Pretty much DD did not even get any coaching today. I was in the locker room and I said to another mother that coach was a piece of cake. DD said bye to her and she just looked over her like she didn't even exist. I have not officially met this woman before and I will say this she will NEVER get my business at her gym seeing how she operates. Now I am awaiting a call back from the gym owner on this. What was worse is our girls usually do an hour at a time with each coach in the gym. On top of this they ended up with two hours of her.

So when we got home I got the privillage of working her skills with her on her beam at home just because DD was frustrated that she was not even close. After an hour of cartwheels, dismounts and handstands she got her Cartwheel on our beam 4 times in a row. She was so proud of her self and it even makes me madder that this coach treated a 5 year old like this.

Do you think I am over reacting with placing a note in the owners box? Like I said all of our coaches work equal time with each girl. To have her just ignored and discarded like that was so hurtful.
 
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gymjourneymom

Active Member
Proud Parent
Mar 9, 2008
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I feel your pain:( How frustrating!!!! We've had similar things happen at our gym. Around here good coaches are hard to come by, especially "fill in" coaches. It never hurts to let the owner know how you feel. Just try to remain calm & unheated during the discussion;) I'm sure the "fill in" went to the familar faces she knew already. Hopefully as she gets to know your DD the coaching will be more evenly handed out.
 

MdGymMom01

Active Member
Mar 5, 2008
2,236
North America
What was the age range of the kids in the group? Maybe they were a lot older and the coach felt like she had to give more time to the "older girls"? To be honest, when I was reading your post I thought your daughter was a lot older--like 9 or 10. Not to be disrespectful or anything but I think you may have overreacted a bit.
My general rule of thumb when things like this or anything else that happens is apply the 24 hr rule. Which means wait a day to digest everything and then if your feelings are still as strong the next day--say something to the coach or owner. The time allows you to cool off a bit and seperate the emotion of the incident.
It was definitley wrong of the coach to treat your daughter like that but there may have been a reason for it. You have to think about both sides so you can understand it better. The coach may have been having a bad day or maybe it "appeared" like she was ignoring your daughter. A lot of times we can't hear what is going on on the floor so it is hard to understand what is going on.
I would explain how you feel to the owner and see what she has to say.
Good luck and I hope everything works out!
 

gymjourneymom

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Mar 9, 2008
1,331
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USA
What was the age range of the kids in the group? Maybe they were a lot older and the coach felt like she had to give more time to the "older girls"? To be honest, when I was reading your post I thought your daughter was a lot older--like 9 or 10. Not to be disrespectful or anything but I think you may have overreacted a bit.
My general rule of thumb when things like this or anything else that happens is apply the 24 hr rule. Which means wait a day to digest everything and then if your feelings are still as strong the next day--say something to the coach or owner. The time allows you to cool off a bit and seperate the emotion of the incident.
It was definitley wrong of the coach to treat your daughter like that but there may have been a reason for it. You have to think about both sides so you can understand it better. The coach may have been having a bad day or maybe it "appeared" like she was ignoring your daughter. A lot of times we can't hear what is going on on the floor so it is hard to understand what is going on.
I would explain how you feel to the owner and see what she has to say.
Good luck and I hope everything works out!
Yes....never let one practice get you too "wigged out". The gymnasts need to learn that too. Make sure you're being a good role model for you DD & not getting her overly "worked up" too. Tomorrow is another day... and gymnastics is an on going journey:)
 
Jan 22, 2008
437
Our L4 Team the ages range from age 5-12. She wasn't making sense it wasn't her just working with older girls or younger ones it was like she was ADHD and just moving all over the place and nerver systimaticaly working with them. She worked with all the other little ones but DD. Mind you DD did not move her place on the beams she just kept passing her over. She was the only one she kept doing this to. Then when on floor each time DD was up she would walk away to go work with someone else. I even asked DD what was happening in the gym and she said I don't know mommy is was like she didn't even seem or know I was there. She just kept walking away from me. I asked DD if she had any feedback on what shew as doing and she said NOPE not at all. That is why I am so irritated. It was pretty much an open gym instead of a regualr practice. Heck I give her more feedback doing open gym.

Oh and DD said bye to her in the waiting room and was the only one beside her and she just looked right over her and didn't give her a bye. I swear it was all I could do not to rip her a new one right there. At least say bye to the poor kid.
 
Jan 22, 2008
437
I got a call back tonight and talked to the owner. She is going to make a call and see if this guest coach even remembers DD. I went through it again and tried to be objective and she was not working in a fair manner. When I went over everything with owner she understood my point of view and asked if DD was holding her own with the skills and I had to laugh when I told her about the skills and how DD was doing them I said she was in desperate need of coaching she laughed.

I did have good news the visiting coach is not coming back duing this down staffing. I am so glad to hear that DD isn't going to have to be ignored like that again. When I told the owner that she came home and worked beam for two hours and she was still up when she called. She said well I guess she wasn't worked hard enough today during practice if she was going that strong. I had to laugh because as hot as our gym is DD didn't even hardly break a sweat today.

So at least I got it out in the open and I know we wont have her again.
 

ellabella

Member
May 26, 2008
176
Well since you've already talked to the owner my post is really pointless, but I thought I'd share anyway!

I had a different situation recently, but similiar in some aspects. DD's coach has been out of town and we've had 2 subs. The first was fine for the most part and was even a bit nicer than her usual coach. The 2nd sub was a disaster. She just didn't seem to have any clue what to do with little kids. I felt like she was asking them to do things that weren't safe. She was also being quite rude. She was yelling at them. It wasn't my kid she was yelling at, but it still bothered me. I'm not a fan of yelling or harsh words when dealing with children. There are other ways to gain control without humiliating little kids. And when you are dealing with very young kids and you've lost control of them the problem might be with you! They are energetic and curious. You can't leave them sitting for 10 minutes and expect them to just sit and not say a peep. I was very unhappy and wanted to take my kid and leave.

Because this was a one time thing and not the norm I just chose to ignore it and forget about it. I have a passive personality.

Enough about me. When reading your post my first thought was "why?". Why would a coach who doesn't know you or your DD single her out to ignore? She doesn't have any reason to just randomly choose your DD to not coach. Perhaps when your DD said bye she didn't hear her? Maybe she wasn't ignoring her during practice, but it just seemed like that. It just doesn't make sense. Or maybe the coach was instructed to treat it more like an open gym. Maybe she was letting kids do whatever they wanted and helping only those that were asking for help. Perhaps the ones that were getting more coaching were calling her over to help them. My DD is very shy and when they have free time I will see her waiting to have a turn to do something. Others will go 3 or 4 times while she is just waiting. She doesn't step up and ask so she gets nothing. Just a theory.
 

bogwoppit

Former Admin
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Feb 26, 2007
16,715
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I have to agree with Ella. My DD's are both quite quiet in the gym, oldest will never ask for a spot and therefore gets to work less skills than other more vocal kids. Flying under the radar can leave kids behind in the gym, depending on the coach of course.

I usually let things ride for a week, unless it's for safety, then I will try to talk to the coach. Never easy though, as of course it is a criticism of the work! :)
 
Jan 22, 2008
437
One of my greatest downfalls is if something doesn't sit right with me I address it right away. I don't let things fester. Mind you, I have very few compalints about my gym. I think I have had two criticisims of coaches in the past 3 years. I addressed both with our head coach and the owner. Mind you my compaints were a coach was giving too much play time in a clinic 20 minutes of play time in an 1.5 hour clinic is way too much and he didn't work the girls hardly at all. Then one of the coaches would spend less time with the little girls than the bigger girls at the same level. She would usher them aside to work with the older ones. I had to address this twice and it stopped pronto. DD's coach was ticked it happened after I addressed it the first time. The coach was young and had a better confort zone with the 9-10 age group. I am all about equality. We all pay the same for our time and I expect that each coach give each girl their equal attention. I know if a girl is close to getting a skill extra time and attention is needed. If a girl is behind then extra time is needed but..... you don't totally ignore one to do that. You don't do a skill just once with one and 10 with another. You find a balance. So each gymnast feels like they were coached.

I am objective about things and this woman just irked me to death. I felt fine after talking to the owner I was objective in my conversation. Since DD is so young I don't give as much slack. I never tolerate coaches bypassing a child. They are paying the same as everyone else. I know this coach was not susposed to treat things like an open gym. DD was crying not noticiably on beam but had tears I saw her cleaning off her face and the coach didn't even notice. DD was on the highest beam and was susposed to do a cartwheel she was very hesitant and finally attempted and lets just say it wasn't much of an attempt she wasn't even close because she was so afraid. Mind you DD had only attempted them on the lowest beam before.

I am just glad she wont be back and we don't have to deal with her again. Lets just say if anyone asks me for an opinion of her coaching and her program it wont be a pretty conversation. She has a large req program that people are always asking my opinion of. I have never recommended it and this ensured that I would NEVER recommend her or them.
 

gymnomore

Member
Aug 3, 2007
208
Welcome to my world...or should I say, the way my world used to be! My dd had a coach that literally ignored her like you said, every day for an entire season! The difference here is that the gym owner stuck his head in the sand and acted like the problem didn't exist so he didn't have to deal with it. It's too bad. My dd loved that gym and it's ashame one coach had to ruin it for her. Hopefully, you will survive much better than we did! Good luck.
 
D

Deleted member 1703

Guest
Lets just say if anyone asks me for an opinion of her coaching and her program it wont be a pretty conversation. She has a large req program that people are always asking my opinion of. I have never recommended it and this ensured that I would NEVER recommend her or them
.

Wow - that is a lot of anger!

Is this all related to one training session during which your daughter did not receive enough attention?

I am so glad that our gym only allows parents to view sessions for 1 week of the month.
 
Jan 22, 2008
437
I have always had a very low opinion of that program and the way she treated DD that just made it even lower. THey don't have a compeitive program and to be honest when we were looking for a home for DD when she was 2 that place wasn't even a consideration. I know I sound a bit snobish but even at the age of two we went and evaluated the area programs and looked to see what suited us the most. To me it proved that her progam never was or ever will be an option for us.
 
D

Deleted member 1703

Guest
So let's just recap for my benefit....


  1. This lady is a coach from gym in your area.
  2. The gym which she is from does not have a competitive programme.
  3. This coach was asked to fill in at your gym during the vacation of several of your own gym's coaches.
Perhaps the owner of your gym should have given her more guidance about what was expected of her during these sessions. If there is a protocol/work ethic in a business, anybody coming in, even temporarily, needs to be properly inducted in order to be able to perform adequately.

Secondly, on your reaction to this situation, you say that you:

One of my greatest downfalls is if something doesn't sit right with me I address it right away. I don't let things fester.
I am objective about things and this woman just irked me to death.
Well, in my opinion, you are festering....in fact, you are going to make this woman pay for the rest of her life by :


I have not officially met this woman before and I will say this she will NEVER get my business at her gym seeing how she operates.


I am just glad she wont be back and we don't have to deal with her again. Lets just say if anyone asks me for an opinion of her coaching and her program it wont be a pretty conversation. She has a large req program that people are always asking my opinion of. I have never recommended it and this ensured that I would NEVER recommend her or them.
You also said:

[FONT=&quot]So when we got home I got the privillage of working her skills with her on her beam at home[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot][/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]Well, to me, that is such an arrogant statement.

I just happen to think that, in life, many situations arise: some positive and some negative. It is how we respond to those situations that says the most about us.
 
Jan 22, 2008
437
Well I am sorry you are seeing me as you have pointed out. I am my child greatest champoin. If I don't stand up for her who will. I think this coach did an injustice and until she makes it right I will hold a grudge. DD has talent and every coach in her gym sees it and treats her just as equal as the others. Who does this woman think she is to come into another gym and not treat all the gymnasts as equals. As a result I will not foster her program and support her business. Sorry I am not a bigger person. I will always stand up for what is right with my children no matter what. DD's first class the coach made an very rude comment to her at the tender age of 2. I called the owner and we had a lenghtly conversation and the coach that made the comment is now one of my closest friends. We grow from our mistakes and mind you I have coached in my past so I do know a little of what I am taking about. For 2 years I coached a team right after I got married. It is not like I am throwing stones. I have been there.

I am the type of person to compliment the positive and I will always give my feedback on the negative. If something is wrong people don't know it unless it is pointed out. Managment has always taught me that. You can always think you are doing a GREAT job but if no one tells you you are doing something wrong you can't fix it. Like I said I will always thank and give the positive. Our coaches know I bend over backwards and make sure EVERYONE on our team sees what they do. This woman ignoring DD was just wrong and it needs to be addressed. NO GYMNAST should ever been ignored when a coach is working regardless if they are a guest or regular coach. Sorry if I put some of you off with my tissy fit but I feel very strong about that. If it was any other girl I would still have a conversation with the owner about it we are friends and I feel she needs to feed back to help the business. The coach with the req business if she wants to be a success she needs to know that she did that and grow from the mistake to make sure she isn't doing that to others in her program to ensure she is a success.

As I have been taught in business is if someone does something bad you will tell 10 friends and they will continue to tell so the ramifications are far worse. If you do something right they may tell 2. In this case, she happened to ignore the wrong child and the parent saw. Lesson learned don't ignore any children when you are working and there will be no fall out. It is not a strong anger issue. It is a fact when something bad happens you tell far more than when something good happens.

At our gym when someone is looking for a class I give my honest opinon of all the coaches and how I feel their child fits. I have a couple of coaches I would not recommend for girls at the pre-team/team level or older ages. Now for younger kids starting I think he is GREAT. I am objective. Would I have DD in a class with him no he is too easy and DD will tell him to his face he doesn't work her hard enough. For others he is perfect. I don't say he isn't good, he just isn't our choice of coach and DD wont take any clinics or classes from him. So that being said would I recommend this woman or her gym. No Seeing her performance with my dd. People how ask my opinion value my opinion because of the choices I have made for DD. If they didn't have simular values or opinons they wouldn't ask. That is why I don't feel bad telling them my opinon or what happened with DD. I am not out for blood so to speak but if someone askes me I am not going to hide my opinion.

I am not trying to be arrogant but we all have standards I guess I am just expressing what mine are. Yes I am a snob when it comes to what I expect and that is why I have made the choices for DD that I have. It was a privalage to work with dd. I do it a few times a week and I used to take her once a week to work in open gym just her and I. Now our schedules don't allow it as much but I still feel it is a honor to get to work with her and help her grow. Mind you I am not her coach I am her mother and I only work on things that she is already working on in the gym. I do not teach new skills I just spot things that she feels she needs extra help with.

DD is not one to ask a lot of people but there are time that she needs the help. She is not meek and quite either she is outgoing but she is into a pain about it either. She is the type of child that everyone at her gym knows who she is and 98% of the coaches know her, love her and want to help her as much as possible. She is one of those students that is used to help train new coaches. So I am sorry if I have seemed to be arrogant with my statements but I am her mother and I am biased. If I do not stand up for my child in what ever she is doing in life who will. That is my job as mother.
 
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