WAG I am at a loss... looking for direction...

[Carly]

I'm also with the others that say to not let her make a decision when coming off an injury. My dd, who is 11 and training for level 7, broke her wrist at practice and missed 7 weeks of real practice. She was happily there for all 7 weeks doing conditioning and as much as she was allowed to do. Shortly after she returned to normal practice, she told me that she wanted to quit. I was completely shocked. She was really worried about getting the new skills that everyone else was working on for those 7 weeks. She went in and talked to the HC and decided to continue. That was 2 months ago and has not mentioned quitting since. She always seems happy after practice and never complains about going.

 

[duyetanh]

Getting through ages 10 to 14 are huge in this sport, regardless of inury. Add injury and moving to the mix and dang....what a nightmare. I am fine if my kid quits tomorrow, as long as she has a back up plan in place. But no back up equals no quitting. And minecraft or instagram does not count as backup. It must be an activity. Hell it doesnt even need to be a sport. It could be band, art, i do not care. But it better be something. Good luck. Hard times ahead i am sure.

 

[John]

13 and 14 scare me. DD just lost 3 close friends to retirement, a 4th is threatening to retire as well. DD is only 10 but watching them drop is very unsettling. I am torn between letting her grow wings and trying new things or just staying put.

 

[duyetanh]

13 and 14 scare me. DD just lost 3 close friends to retirement, a 4th is threatening to retire as well. DD is only 10 but watching them drop is very unsettling. I am torn between letting her grow wings and trying new things or just staying put.

I feel it is so important to let them grow wings! This does not mean they will fly away, it just means they have an extra set of wings if the need should arise....

 

[Deleted member 18037]

13 and 14 scare me. DD just lost 3 close friends to retirement, a 4th is threatening to retire as well. DD is only 10 but watching them drop is very unsettling. I am torn between letting her grow wings and trying new things or just staying put.

They were young kids who moved on......

It's their. It's really their decision to make.

 

[Mamabear123]

DD is still very young in this sport so I'm forcing her to find alternatives just in case for this very reason. Her little 7 year old self says that she will do gymnastics until her body won't let let her, but as her mom I know how much things can change so fast.
Good luck with your DD's decision.

 

[lhmom]

Mine quit after level 8. She was 12 and had one year of middle school behind her when she decided to be done. I think it's around this age where not only skills get harder, they really see what they are missing out on. We told her from the time she started at age 6 that when she was done, we were good with that. We always asked her before each season if she wanted to commit for the season. This sport is intense and takes up so much time on the upper levels that you really want them to love it. When my DD said she was done, I did ask her to give it another month to be sure which she did. We were fortunate that her coaches told her she was welcome back at any time. Think when she did quit, it made the transition less scary. I will report that DD has been out of the sport for over a year and is thriving. She plays several sports for her middle school team, volunteers and has time for the "fun" stuff with friends. It did hurt at first because it was a big part of our lives. But there are no regrets because I see how happy my DD is. Good luck to you guys!

 

[LivGym23]

so my daughter is 10 years old and was supposed to be level 7 this season. About 3 weeks ago, she hurt her foot during practice. First day back from a week vacation. She's been out for almost 1 month now, and seems like she has lost so much confidence and determination to go back to gym. We had a talk and she expressed that she doesn't want to do gymnastics anymore because it's not fun anymore and that she is scared doing high level skills. This is a girl that never had a mental block, etc... another thing also, is that our family is moving cross country, Texas and there's so many changes right now that maybe could contribute to this decision of hers. But we visited a gym in Texas, and she expressed that she just doesn't want to do gym anymore. She said she wants to be home more and do other sports. Her dad is very concerned that might lose her strength and will just sit around and watch tv. She mostly does this when she have gym, mainly because she so tired after practice. I really don't know what to do. As a mom, I can understand her but I also have a mixed emotion because before we took a vacation and before she got hurt, she was still loving gym.
By the way, she is hurt a lot lately. First she hurt her hip, knee and then now, her foot. And these all happen within 1 year. Sorry for the long post, but I really have no idea what to do. Because I feel like she worked so much to just give up. She also don't want to tell her coach that she will be quitting and she wants me to tell the gym, I told her no, that's not happening and that she needed to go in and say goodbye. I am so sad that her gymnastics career might come to an end.

Honestly? I would ask her if she wants to take Rec classes for a bitand rediscover her love. I guarantee you she will regret quitting. I almost quit when I was 10 but my mum said we all put in effort not just me and kept me in rec and then 2 months after I was settled, I came back to compete. Trust me, keep her in please.

 

[gymmutti]

My 11 year old just retired and yes, she was coming off an injury. However, I could see this coming for several years. She was very, very good but it wasn't something she has been passionate about. I wish she had stayed one more year as she can't do school sports until next year. However, she is going to try tennis, loves crafts and seems happier.
My 15 year old definitely was impacted by injuries through puberty. I really thought she was going to call it quits after the last injury but she has persevered - despite missing the last two seasons entirely. It is tough to know what to do when they want to quit.

 

[John]

http://www.readunwritten.com/2016/01/07/gymnast-sport-whole-life/

http://www.gymmomentum.com/general-coaching/sports-psychology/life-after-gymnastics/

Two different thoughts on retiring.

 

[twinmomma]

They were young kids who moved on......

It's their. It's really their decision to make.

Yes, it's their sport. But part of our job as parents is to help our children learn to make decisions with big impacts from a more mature viewpoint. Otherwise every 8 year old would quit over the damned mill circle or kip. I would never let my kids just say "I want to quit" without getting into a full conversation about why and what their plan was. It's easy to say "it's their sport, let them do what they want" but that negates our responsibility to assist them with making informed decisions about their lives. A 10 or even a 13 year old doesn't see beyond today or next week very well.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Yes, it's their sport. But part of our job as parents is to help our children learn to make decisions with big impacts from a more mature viewpoint. Otherwise every 8 year old would quit over the damned mill circle or kip. I would never let my kids just say "I want to quit" without getting into a full conversation about why and what their plan was. It's easy to say "it's their sport, let them do what they want" but that negates our responsibility to assist them with making informed decisions about their lives. A 10 or even a 13 year old doesn't see beyond today or next week very well.

You are taking my quote and not applying context.

Here is the quote I was responding to and mine.

13 and 14 scare me. DD just lost 3 close friends to retirement, a 4th is threatening to retire as well. DD is only 10 but watching them drop is very unsettling. I am torn between letting her grow wings and trying new things or just staying put.

They were young kids who moved on......

It's their. It's really their decision to make.

It was about 13 and 14 yr olds not 8 yr olds.

Next who said just letting them quit on a whim, with no thought or conversation? Ummm not me.

13 and 14 yr olds in any sport a while, probably know when they are done. That is not retiring as if "its over" That are teens learning about themselves, moving on and a whole host of other things.

My kid decides on a nice spring afternoon she wants to "quit" because she needs to go to practice. Yeah no.

My kid dealing with the stress of injuries, huge life changes like moving, on top of new skills and fear. No I wouldn't be "forcing" them to stay.

An 8 yr old who hasn't given something a fair chance vs a 13 or 14 yr old doing a sport for a while. Completely different beasts.

When I see older kids at our gym leaving the sport. We miss them and we see it for what it is kids moving on to do other things. Its not a tragedy, its life.

When I see older kids at out gym leaving the sport. Its not about what their parents are "letting" them do. They are well thought out kids moving on.

When my kid decides she is done, we will talk, make sure she is at peace with her decision and be done.

ETA when a kid leaves our gym we don't approach it as watching them drop. We approach at as a celebration of what's to come for them, be it diving, lacrosse, soccer, dance, track or whatever other road they have chosen.

 

[John]

You are taking my quote and not applying context.

Here is the quote I was responding to and mine.





It was about 13 and 14 yr olds not 8 yr olds.

Next who said just letting them quit on a whim, with no thought or conversation? Ummm not me.

13 and 14 yr olds in any sport a while, probably know when they are done. That is not retiring as if "its over" That are teens learning about themselves, moving on and a whole host of other things.

My kid decides on a nice spring afternoon she wants to "quit" because she needs to go to practice. Yeah no.

My kid dealing with the stress of injuries, huge life changes like moving, on top of new skills and fear. No I wouldn't be "forcing" them to stay.

An 8 yr old who hasn't given something a fair chance vs a 13 or 14 yr old doing a sport for a while. Completely different beasts.

When I see older kids at our gym leaving the sport. We miss them and we see it for what it is kids moving on to do other things. Its not a tragedy, its life.

When I see older kids at out gym leaving the sport. Its not about what their parents are "letting" them do. They are well thought out kids moving on.

When my kid decides she is done, we will talk, make sure she is at peace with her decision and be done.

ETA when a kid leaves our gym we don't approach it as watching them drop. We approach at as a celebration of what's to come for them, be it diving, lacrosse, soccer, dance, track or whatever other road they have chosen.

I hope I can approach like this for her when that time comes. Gymnastics as her identity is a scary thought. I want her to be able to enjoy her life and follow her heart experience life has to offer. My problem stems from my youth and regrets I still harbor as well as decisions her older brother made in his life. I do not want her to regret decisions she makes. When the time comes we will have an adult conversation and do the best we can.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I hope I can approach like this for her when that time comes. Gymnastics as her identity is a scary thought. I want her to be able to enjoy her life and follow her heart experience life has to offer. My problem stems from my youth and regrets I still harbor as well as decisions her older brother made in his life. I do not want her to regret decisions she makes. When the time comes we will have an adult conversation and do the best we can.

All you can do is lay it out for them.

We can't make it all OK for them or stop regrets.

Not sure if its because I am an older parent or life experience. I am sure its a combo. But I can't fix it and make it all OK for my kids. I just can't.

I can be their soft place to fall but I can't stop them from falling. I can counsel, warn, play devils advocate and give it my best shot. Then its on them.

 

[John]

Whats your definition of an older parent? I am 49 DD is 10. My son wore me out, DD is getting the more honest here is how life really is dad.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Whats your definition of an older parent? I am 49 DD is 10. My son wore me out, DD is getting the more honest here is how life really is dad.

57 closer to 58, helped raise my 10 yr old brother (after mom died) now 50, 34 yr old neice I helped raise, Stepson in early 20s. Daughter now 11

 

[John]

57 closer to 58, helped raise my 10 yr old brother (after mom died) now 50, 34 yr old neice I helped raise, Stepson in early 20s. Daughter now 11

You GO, give it hell.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

You GO, give it hell.

Another 20 yrs I can do the grandparent spoil the kids thing if I'm lucky to live that long with my wits about me.

 

[MILgymFAM]

A 10 or even a 13 year old doesn't see beyond today or next week very well.

You and I agree on many things, but I disagree here. My 13 yo can absolutely see the big picture and understand the ramifications of things- both of my girls have been able to do that for years. There is basically nothing in my family that changes/happens without conversation- we are talkers- but the decisions still have to be theirs when the conversation is over. I think kids understand more than they're given credit for.

 

[duyetanh]

You and I agree on many things, but I disagree here. My 13 yo can absolutely see the big picture and understand the ramifications of things- both of my girls have been able to do that for years. There is basically nothing in my family that changes/happens without conversation- we are talkers- but the decisions still have to be theirs when the conversation is over. I think kids understand more than they're given credit for.

I agree they do, and at age 13, that decision really needs to be theirs. Ownership is so important at this age!
Sigh.