WAG Im shy

[Jogymnastics1]

I ask this on off topic but no one answered. Im really shy at gymnastics and i hate it. And i feel like they don't care about what i would have to say if i said anything. If someone asks me something i freak out because someones talking to me and i say something like "ya" or i just smile and nod. I know you cant fix my problems i just need someone to listen.

 

[MILgymFAM]

My younger DD is shy too. Talking to new people makes her pretty nervous. How long have you been at your gym/ with your training group? Maybe you could try talking to your teammates one on one until you are more comfortable with everyone?

 

[Alverna]

Try to talk to your coach as well. It really helps to know if you understand what they are trying to teach you. They would probably also be more than happy to try and help you build some friendships with the other girls.

 

[Muddlethru]

There is nothing wrong with being shy. Why do you think people don't carw about what you have to say?

 

[Jogymnastics1]

Ive been here for a year and a half. I can say something or ask something if it has to do with gymnastics. I feel like they don't care about me because they don't talk to me. And i don't talk to them because i feel like they about me.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Are you shy elsewhere or just at gym?

And perhaps you are stuck in whirlpool of sorts. You don't talk because they don't talk to you. They don't talk because you don't talk to them? Someone had to start. Why not you?

And how old are you all?. And what level?

 

[emilykatherine]

There's nothing wrong with being shy! When I was little I was really shy, I still am around new people at first, but now I'm the loudest person you will know, you just have to get comfortable with them.

 

[Faith]

Go read up on introversion vs. extroversion. There's a good article somewhere on "the introverted child"

It was pretty much a revelation to me to find I wasnt "shy", and it wasn't somethind I could fix or force myself out of. My family are all extroverts and I spent my whole childhood being told not to be so silly and just get over myself.

Go easy on yourself. If you are introverted rather than shy, it's the way you are and it can be a physically uncomfortable sensation having to talk to someone you don't know.

Small steps. Smiling and nodding is a great start, don't put pressure on yourself. Best way to start a conversation is to compliment someone, say you love their Leo or their handspring is getting really good. Just one sentence at a time, you can always smile and get back to training if you start to feel uncomfortable again. Stick to gym if that's what you like, results of your local college team, or simones new tumble. Another quiet kid is often the one to approach

As for coaches, I wouldn't worry. Most like the quiet kids, they work hard and keep their heads down. Quite a few enjoy the challenge of helping someone like you gain social confidence

 

[Sari]

It does sound like you're introverted rather than shy. Are you more open around our family and friends?

I'm an introvert. It's physically exhausting for me to talk to people I dont know, or don't know well. It's always paid off to overcome the fear though. When I first met my flatmate, I wasn't even looking him in the eye because I was afraid of initiating that first interaction. Now we're good friends. As daunting as the prospect might seem, no one is going to bite you if you try talking to them, and if they do, I doubt you'd want to be friends with them.

 

[Sari]

*your family and friends
Yikes, OCD tendencies yet again. Sorry folks.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Ive been here for a year and a half. I can say something or ask something if it has to do with gymnastics. I feel like they don't care about me because they don't talk to me. And i don't talk to them because i feel like they about me.

well then young lady...did maybe you think that they don't talk to you because they already know the obvious of what you stated? us coaches are fully aware of "shy" kids and we know that asking you a question or speaking to you directly can cause you discomfort/pain and especially in front of other kids. why? because we as coaches know you may be forced to respond. we don't want to put you in that position. at times, gymnastics is a non-communicative sport....

so, you should start talking to them so they know that you have a comfort zone for them speaking to you directly. then, this will open up your lines of communication. and then you will have conversation. and once your teammates 'hear' this taking place, they will know they have the 'green light' to speak to you. reminder, your teammates may think YOU don't like THEM because you don't interact with them.

 

[xxStumpyxx]

My youngest daughter is what I call the shy one in her group, she is not one of those gymnasts who are always commanding the coaches attention or bouncing around all over the place being like "me, me, me" all the time. My daughter is naturally show around people she doesn't know but it a hard worker and likes to please, I do sometimes wonder if she ever gets left out in some small way as she is not noticed,usually stuff like getting to work with the coach etc. I would love her to be assertive in the gym, she is certainly not shy at home.

I think being the youngest and the smallest doesn't help but she does try hard and speak to her team mates and coach and I just try and encourage her to speak out for herself when she needs to, the coach is aware of her personality and it hasn't really hurt her gymnasts, intact I think it helps as she pays more attention to details by quietly working away perfecting whatever she is working in before moving on just to please the coach (that is how the other girls seem to see it - pleasing the coach by being more forward and braver), but I know the coach appreciates my daughters work ethic.

 

[Jogymnastics1]

Wow i wusnt expecting so many comments!

 

[Jogymnastics1]

I have no problem answering a question at all. i just think if someone doesn't talk to me first they don't want to talk to me at all.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I have no problem answering a question at all. i just think if someone doesn't talk to me first they don't want to talk to me at all.

You can see the fault in this logic. Because they may be thinking the same thing. And now you have a bunch of you not talking, thinking everyone doesn't like each and are stuck up because no one wants to talk first.

Someone needs to start talking. Why not you? And I get it's hard for you. I would suggest practicing. Practice, asking questions, responses to questions. Practice in the mirror, with someone you are comfortable with.

Practice smiling, making eye contact.

There is an expression, fake it until you make it. The more you talk and make eye contact the easier it will become. It's not natural for you, but you can work at it and practice, kinda just like gymnastic skills. At first a skill is hard, but you don't give up, you keep at it, and you make mistakes and you get better and better and before you know it you are just doing it. But it takes work.

 

[Jogymnastics1]

Thank you all!

 

[Ponyshine]

I have no problem answering a question at all. i just think if someone doesn't talk to me first they don't want to talk to me at all.

Maybe they're thinking that because you don't speak to them first you don't want to speak to them?

 

[coachmolly]

I am very shy myself, even as an adult, and understand where you are coming from. I try to be respectful of the shy kids in my group because I know what it's like. I don't want to push their buttons and put them on the spot, but also want to give them the attention they deserve- but to be totally honest, sometimes it can be easy to lose the shy ones in the shuffle when you have a group of big personalities who are pushing for attention!
Is there one other girl in your group who is either very friendly or also a little on the shy side? Sometimes it just takes one buddy in a group to help you come out of your shell and connect with the rest of the group. It can be really overwhelming to think about being chatty with everyone, or in a large group, but much more manageable to just make a point of saying hello and asking a few questions to one other girl you feel most comfortable with.

 

[dani4]

I used to be pretty shy, and I'm still a quasi-introvert (but some people would never guess- it really is situational). My best friend in 6th-8th grade was extremely introverted, she really didn't talk to anyone and it took her a while to warm up to me. I guess she wasn't really my best friend until 7th grade- it took us all of 6th grade to get to know each other.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being the "quiet" one, as long as you are able to speak up to get your needs met, and as long as you are able to form relationships with other people. You don't need to be friends with the whole world, but it makes life much better to have one or two people you can talk to. And I don't think they need to be in gymnastics with you necessarily, but if you are spending a lot of time there and those are the people you have the most in common with, then it would be good to make a friend there.

I have been in situations where I felt so different from the people around me that I closed up and couldn't talk to anyone. Looking back I do think that made things worse, but I recognize how hard it was at the time. The first time I was in a situation where I related to the majority of people it was so amazing- finally I felt free to be myself! I have spent my life seeking out those kinds of places where I feel comfortable, and over time it seems like those kinds of places have expanded for me. It has gotten to the point where if I land somewhere and I get that "alien on a strange planet" feeling and I don't know what to say to anyone I find it so unexpectedly strange, and I get a little nostalgic! I don't know if that is because I have gotten better at relating to people or if I have just done a good job of finding the places I like. It all started with going to a gifted HS, and then finding my tribe in college and beyond. I still feel out of sorts in some places.. and some of those places I still go to because I like the activity, even if I don't really connect with the people.

I hope this perspective helps you see how things will change over time, and how you will change too. You can change things at gymnastics by talking to people, but even if you don't you will someday find people to be comfortable with. Probably. Even my old best friend is a lot more outgoing than she used to be- for her it took joining a band and working in the music industry for a while. She connects with artists, which I definitely am not- but we had complementary temperaments when we were kids.