Parents Incentives

[Flicfliclay]

I talked to a parent who literally did this at the L3 state meet. “I don’t even care which event it is,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be all-around. Any first place will do.”

LOL that is just crazy, but she will soon learn that could get expensive! ha ha

 

[Muddlethru]

I think if it is in the spirit of making things fun, incentives are great! The cash on the high bar makes getting the skill fun. But I don’t really think, incentives are necessary.

 

[duyetanh]

I never pass judgment on parenting decisions, and don't always practice what I preach! But I suspect these are some of the concerns:

There is always (always!) another skill to learn, and for some period of time the gymnast will be 'close' to each of these new skills. It's a slippery -- and never ending -- slope.

While a young child might be happy with a sticker, bigger kids and bigger skills eventually want bigger prizes. I've personally seen parents offer incentives of leotards and even pets!

It might also suggest that the gymnast won't give their best effort without an incentive, which is most likely not the case (but may become true if they get in the habit of expecting a material incentive).

Parent-prizes increase the risk of over involved parents? Not always, but maybe....

Personally, our HC has been known to chastise parents who offer material incentives; she believes the effort (that oomph you refer to) must come from within.

We know of a girl whose parents got the most expensive iPhone money could buy when she did something at a meet. We were nauseated.

 

[mommyof1]

We know of a girl whose parents got the most expensive iPhone money could buy when she did something at a meet. We were nauseated.

We know one of those too! The mom was actually pretty surprised when she had to make good on the promise.

 

[mommyof1]

I have been known to bribe my child for behavior. One terrible season, I told her I'd paint her toenails if she made it through an entire meet without negativity.

I have also been known to buy my child a t-shirt, sweatshirt, or leotard when she's had a particularly great meet, as a way to remember her achievement. This is not an expectation at every good meet, and is also a way to populate her wardrobe with things she will actually wear.

 

[Tmacs]

I have been known to bribe my child for behavior. One terrible season, I told her I'd paint her toenails if she made it through an entire meet without negativity.

I have also been known to buy my child a t-shirt, sweatshirt, or leotard when she's had a particularly great meet, as a way to remember her achievement. This is not an expectation at every good meet, and is also a way to populate her wardrobe with things she will actually wear.

I agree with incentives for attitude but never for a skill! That seems crazy to me. But celebrating after the fact with a treat sounds o.k. as long as it's not an expectation.

 

[FlippinPrincess]

I personally don't do incentives for my gymnast (actually, none of my kid's sports.) She is an extremely hard worker and I know if she doesn't have a skill, she isn't ready. I would never want her to feel badly about that or to rush to throw the skill before she was ready. That's my kid, though. I'm not judging others who do it differently. We do celebrate her hard work with ice cream after every meet, though.

I have seen a parent offer a huge reward for 1st AA at a competition which caused the girl to be a ball of tears because she got 2nd or 3rd. The child wasn't sad about her actual performance (she had a great meet), just that she didn't get the reward. I'm not a fan of that type of incentive because I've seen how hard these girls work and they shouldn't feel like a failure no matter how they finish in a meet.

 

[phenom_dad]

I never pass judgment on parenting decisions, and don't always practice what I preach! But I suspect these are some of the concerns:

There is always (always!) another skill to learn, and for some period of time the gymnast will be 'close' to each of these new skills. It's a slippery -- and never ending -- slope.

While a young child might be happy with a sticker, bigger kids and bigger skills eventually want bigger prizes. I've personally seen parents offer incentives of leotards and even pets!

It might also suggest that the gymnast won't give their best effort without an incentive, which is most likely not the case (but may become true if they get in the habit of expecting a material incentive).

Parent-prizes increase the risk of over involved parents? Not always, but maybe....

Personally, our HC has been known to chastise parents who offer material incentives; she believes the effort (that oomph you refer to) must come from within.

My daughter's incentive is meals and room and board! hahahahaha ......

all seriousness we have in the past, not to achieve a skill but to meet her overall goals. Has not been a slippery slope for our L10

 

[bookworm]

I never did any incentives in terms of payoffs of cash, phones, technology items or vehicles etc because gymnastics was expensive enough! If my paying $500 a month tuition, $300 leotard, $250 warm up suit, traveling all over the country on my dime for meets/camps wasn't incentive enough to do gymnastics without an EXTRA reward, then we'd be done..

 

[skschlag]

My son had a teammate who was bribed to beat him. It was the state meet, and the mom actually told me she had told him she would pay him $50 if he beat my kid. He did....and got $100......

 

[amiandjim]

My son had a teammate who was bribed to beat him. It was the state meet, and the mom actually told me she had told him she would pay him $50 if he beat my kid. He did....and got $100......

I have no words. I’m sorry but that’s just gross and sad.

 

[skschlag]

I have no words. I’m sorry but that’s just gross and sad.

Yeah..that kid is no longer in gymnastics......

 

[Cheryl]

That’s dreadful. When my kid was younger, I would take him out for an ice cream after practice when he got a skill he had been working hard on for a while, like a kip, or back uprise. But I haven’t done it in years and it was more of a reward for hard work. I’ve never given him anything for meet scores, The coach does give them AA score goals for the meets, which are pretty high, and if they hit it they get a T-shirt or a gift card. I think 2 were given out last year.

 

[SMH]

We used to do ice cream when she was younger and ‘rang the bell’ for a new skill.
I agree with some previous posters who said it shows your are overly invested in your gymnasts achievements if you are willing to give them big ticket items for a placement or skill. Ultimately it has to be something intrinsic, driving them to get new skills, compete and achieve. The joy of reaching a goal is its own reward. No amount of puppies, cell phones, or Jeeps can replace that.

 

[Amanda]

Like several others here, I don't like the idea of incentives connected to skills for my daughter because she already puts a ton of pressure on herself. I have bought her something at her state meet- just because I think it is a special occasion. And I did take her out to ice cream when she got her kip- which she promptly lost for several months! (Thankfully, it came back to stay for good!)

 

[duyetanh]

My son had a teammate who was bribed to beat him. It was the state meet, and the mom actually told me she had told him she would pay him $50 if he beat my kid. He did....and got $100......

That is just gross.

 

[duyetanh]

I have no words. I’m sorry but that’s just gross and sad.

Great minds think alike. Didn’t see yours until I posted mine, lol...

 

[John]

Others have given great advice and I hope anyone reading this thread realizes an athlete's performance must come from inside them. It is the only way to be successful over a career.

Slurpee after a hot practice goes like this. Practice was hot today would you like a Slurpee?

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Some relevant reading: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overjustification_effect

EDIT:

My son had a teammate who was bribed to beat him. It was the state meet, and the mom actually told me she had told him she would pay him $50 if he beat my kid. He did....and got $100......

If I heard of any of my team parents doing this, I would immediately have a meeting with them about the importance of team cohesion. If I had the authority to do so, I would threaten them with immediate expulsion from the gym if I heard of such a thing ever happening again.

 

[LTmom]

I think incentives work well when the limiting factor is a focus issue, like you are trying to get them to hold their handstands for 30 seconds when they mentally tap out at like 10 seconds. Trying to add incentives to a skill when they aren't quite ready for it can lead to them taking shortcuts where it actually can set them back (think chicken wing kips).

This really speaks to me as I tend to need concrete examples to understand what goes on, especially as I have 0 personal gymnastics experience. This really makes things clear between not ready and ready, and forcing a kid to do a skill in an ugly way. I’m going to remember this one for s long time, thank you!