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Is coach a bully? Should I get my son out of there?

MagMomJ

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Hi. Looking for opinions. Son's coach does not seem to like him. We brought this up twice last year with gym manager. He gets angry, walks away when son messes up a skill, makes sarcastic comments, ignores him for rest of session. Son has gotten great results at comps so far. We have been promised coach will "lay off" the harsh treatment. Unfortunately this translates to being ignored and not being coached. A bit upset as I don’t pay for him to coach himself. Now, close to a big meet, he has been given the most simplified floor routine imaginable which he is embarrassed about. Two simple tumbles When teammates have four or five. Feels like this is a stitch up because we dared to criticise. Quite a few other incidents but that’s main one. We feel like my son is being pushed out. Anything we have said has made things worse. Do we get him out of there?
 

Geoffrey Taucer

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Yup.

Get out, don't look back. I spent some of my training years with a bully-coach, and it was awful and hellish and took me years to really get past it.

Also, ignore the guy above who thinks your husband should handle this



Before you do have your husband confront him and see what’s the real problem
Half of me wants to just respond with "ok boomer."

Why is this her husband's job? Why is this something that her husband is uniquely able to do and she is not?
 
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Cmumgym

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When did this begin? Has the coach been there the whole time ? Does he show this negative attitude to the other gymnasts ? If you have made a comment twice and it has occurred again then leave. Unfortunately personalities can clash (or the coach is In the wrong job ) but if you have been having issues for a while and they haven’t changed then you need to find somewhere else
 
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Ty’s Dad

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Sexist much?
Why yall always reaching how is this sexist. What man will yell at a woman? What man will want another man confronting his wife? If a woman has an issue with my daughter/son I’m not about to go up to her I’m going to tell my wife to do it.
 

Ty’s Dad

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Yup.

Get out, don't look back. I spent some of my training years with a bully-coach, and it was awful and hellish and took me years to really get past it.

Also, ignore the guy above who thinks your husband should handle this





Half of me wants to just respond with "ok boomer."

Why is this her husband's job? Why is this something that her husband is uniquely able to do and she is not?
So If a man was bullying your son. You’re just going to leave without saying anything to that person on what the problem is?
 

Ty’s Dad

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Yup.

Get out, don't look back. I spent some of my training years with a bully-coach, and it was awful and hellish and took me years to really get past it.

Also, ignore the guy above who thinks your husband should handle this





Half of me wants to just respond with "ok boomer."

Why is this her husband's job? Why is this something that her husband is uniquely able to do and she is not?
it is a mans job to protect his son/family from a grown man. I’m not saying a woman can’t, I’m saying the coach needs to be checked on the way he’s acting and if it gets into a shouting match then what? She’s gonna go home and tell her husband then he’s going to get pissed and go up there anyway. Once again what man would want his wife confronting another man on bullying their kid?
 

Ty’s Dad

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Sorry if yall took it a certain way (like yall always do) but me I don’t argue with women. I don’t want my girls to grow up thinking it’s ok to argue or shout with a woman on any level. If I feel things are going to that next level, (if my wife isn’t there) I’ll say get your husband, not because I’m sexist it’s because I can argue or fight a man I won’t put my hands on a female.
 

Geoffrey Taucer

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Before you do have your husband confront him and see what’s the real problem
Why yall always reaching how is this sexist. What man will yell at a woman? What man will want another man confronting his wife? If a woman has an issue with my daughter/son I’m not about to go up to her I’m going to tell my wife to do it.
Dunno about you, but I have enough faith in my wife that she's strong enough and smart enough to take care of herself without needing a man like me to step in and do things for her. If it was a task requiring physical strength, possibly (due to my athletic background and her physical disability), then I might want to step in, but simply talking to a coach? On what planet is a particular set of genitalia required to perform that task?

Sorry if yall took it a certain way (like yall always do) but me I don’t argue with women. I don’t want my girls to grow up thinking it’s ok to argue or shout with a woman on any level. If I feel things are going to that next level, (if my wife isn’t there) I’ll say get your husband, not because I’m sexist it’s because I can argue or fight a man I won’t put my hands on a female.
Yeah, no, that's sexism, straight up. Textbook example.

Your underlying assumption seems to be that this is likely to devolve into a shouting match or a fistfight. That's the only way any of what you're saying makes even the remotest speck of sense.

And if you are going into such meetings planning a fight, that suggests to me that you don't have the maturity to handle them; maybe you'd be better off letting your wife handle this sort of thing

it is a mans job to protect his son/family from a grown man. I’m not saying a woman can’t, I’m saying the coach needs to be checked on the way he’s acting and if it gets into a shouting match then what? She’s gonna go home and tell her husband then he’s going to get pissed and go up there anyway. Once again what man would want his wife confronting another man on bullying their kid?
Ok boomer
 
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Ty’s Dad

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Dunno about you, but I have enough faith in my wife that she's strong enough and smart enough to take care of herself without needing a man like me to step in and do things for her. If it was a task requiring physical strength, possibly (due to my athletic background and her physical disability), then I might want to step in, but simply talking to a coach? On what planet is a particular set of genitalia required to perform that task?



Yeah, no, that's sexism, straight up. Textbook example.



Ok boomer
MSO you’re going to let another grown man BULLY your son (because that’s what the thread said BULLY) And you’re going to send your wife to handle a bully. Gotcha
 

Flippin'A

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Sorry if yall took it a certain way (like yall always do) but me I don’t argue with women. I don’t want my girls to grow up thinking it’s ok to argue or shout with a woman on any level. If I feel things are going to that next level, (if my wife isn’t there) I’ll say get your husband, not because I’m sexist it’s because I can argue or fight a man I won’t put my hands on a female.
This is absolutely sexist whether you think it is or not. I am a single mother. Am I therefore incapable of protecting my child? If anyone ever told me to go get my husband I would immediately write them off as sexist without a second thought. I also have no intention of getting into a shouting match with anyone. I would report the bullying to the gym manager, possibly safesport, and then move on with my life.
 

Ty’s Dad

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It is my general policy not to get into fistfights with my child's coaches or teachers.

And my job involves plenty of arguing with men, so I don't have any problems confronting them (in a civil manner) in a non-work situation.
Of course. All I’m saying is the coach is a grown man and no way he needs to be bullying a kid. So since you want to bully a kid I’m going to see if you have that say bully energy towards me and we’re going to get to the bottom of this bullying
 

Ty’s Dad

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This is absolutely sexist whether you think it is or not. I am a single mother. Am I therefore incapable of protecting my child? If anyone ever told me to go get my husband I would immediately write them off as sexist without a second thought. I also have no intention of getting into a shouting match with anyone. I would report the bullying to the gym manager, possibly safesport, and then move on with my life.
Not saying you will get into a shouting match. But if you did you would feel comfortable with shouting at a man? Or would you look at that man as weak for shouting at a woman?
 

Geoffrey Taucer

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MSO you’re going to let another grown man BULLY your son (because that’s what the thread said BULLY) And you’re going to send your wife to handle a bully. Gotcha
"Send your wife"

I don't "send my wife" to do anything. She is neither my property nor my employee, and I don't make decisions for her. She is capable of deciding for herself what she can handle and what she cannot. If she felt in need of my assistance, she would ask me.

You see, I don't assume that the decision of what she does needs to be made by a man.

EDIT: if I had a kid in gymnastics, and if they told my wife or I that they were being bullied, my wife and I would likely discuss how to handle it. If one of us felt it necessary to talk to the coach, that decision would most likely be made according to our schedules, and which of us would be most able to get to the gym at a good time to speak with the coach or manager.

But if I truly thought the coach was a bully, my inclination wouldn't be to bother with a meeting, it would be to simply bail.
 
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Flippin'A

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Not saying you will get into a shouting match. But if you did you would feel comfortable with shouting at a man? Or would you look at that man as weak for shouting at a woman?
A children's gymnastics coach? I would look at him as weak for shouting at anyone-- male, female, child, or adult. There's no universe where that is necessary.
 

Geoffrey Taucer

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So If a man was bullying your son. You’re just going to leave without saying anything to that person on what the problem is?

Yup. Bullies don't change. When you approach them with a concern, they bristle up and get defensive and bully harder rather than actually listening. Best thing for the kid is to remove them from the situation.

Bullies and abusers are not owed explanation, justification, or second chances.
 

Ty’s Dad

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A children's gymnastics coach? I would look at him as weak for shouting at anyone-- male, female, child, or adult. There's no universe where that is necessary.
The thing is she said they brought it up Twice and everytime the situation got worse. So now what? She went and talked and the guy keeps bullying her son
 

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