Is it the end of the road?

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aerialriver

Coach
Gymnast
I have been struggling for a long time now but haven't really progressed at all in the last 2 years. If I am not injured I am consumed by fear and if I am not consumed by fear I am injured.

I also recently went from being top dog in my gym to being shoved aside for some girl who just throws tricks. Her form is bad but she literly has no fear to do anything. This has happened before to me with a young boy who later fell on his head and hurt his neck real bad. Now she is all they care about and the gym makes special considerations for her all the time such as begging judges to up there scores so she can move up. (which they did) obviously I am bitter about that, but all specifics aside it just feels really really bad to have worked your butt off for almost 5 years and give yourself completely to something just to be pushed aside for someone else.

I made it to Nationals for trampoline and tumbling although as of today the coach won't go for my tumbling so it would only be trampoline. I have a seperate thread debating if I should go or not but regardless I have decided I am going to train through the summer and decide if maybe I should just do this rec. or quit altogether this fall.

That was until yesterday when we (me and new girl) were working on a new skill. Of course she got it almost immediately with no fear and I balked as usual. I can'e just do things, I need time to wrap my mind around it and go progressions and then I have to be a big chicken and balk and have a melt down panic vestibular attack and then I'll do it. Then I will do it a few time and balk a lot more times and won't "have" it for a year. Then I will fear I am going to fall horribly and hurt myself and then I do, it always fulfills itself and then I will water everything down, break it all down and build it back up slowly all over again.

I still have a gleam of "fun" and I always have hope and don't want to give up. But it is more work than fun and I am never going to just chuck skills and I have to work and work and work I am not talented, natural or gifted and I have the feeling that just does not cut it anymore.

I know I am really bitter right now and I will not make a rash decision but I am growing tired of this and I either need to find that spark again or stop. I really want to find that spark. I remember how awesome the journey was starting out. How I could not want to get back to the gym, how I would count the minuets until class. How I felt so light and free jumping on that trampoline how nothing else in life mattered at that moment just me and air. It was the best I have ever felt in my life and I sincerely hope I can have that feeling again.

I don't know what I am looking for in posting this. Support, maybe similar stories or just to put it out there. Thanks for reading.
 
I am just a mom of a 9 year old so take what I say with however many grains of salt you need....

No. Don't quit. You obviously still have a passion and love for the sport. I have always said to my dd that it isn't about winning medals, it's about going out there and trying your best and doing your best.

I also get how you are feeling bitter and sort of neglected as far as coaching goes. Is there a possibility you could switch gyms?

I would just hate to see this passion:

"How I felt so light and free jumping on that trampoline how nothing else in life mattered at that moment just me and air. It was the best I have ever felt in my life"

end because you think you need to compete against another gymnast in your club for it all to make sense. Do it because you love it. Love it because of how you feel when you are doing it. THAT is worth more than medals.

:)
 
Wow. Talking to judges for a score change is severely unethical (if we miscounted/misadded/mis difficultied? They can protest that. But you can't protest execution and BOY HOWDY is this judge glad).

Do you love the sport? It seems like you do. But an intolerable situation is an intolerable situation. So I have no advice really (I'm assuming another local gym doesn't exist), because it's a hard decision you're going to be making either way.

The journey has been so good, right? If it's over, it is over-but if you do quit, you'll be happier if you quit because you finished instead of quitting bc you 'had' to (speaking from my own experience of forced retirement by injury). I do not envy this situation even a little, though. It's hard.

I do hope you get a big finish when you decide you are done. A GOOD big finish, for closure.
 
Sounds like you need a new coach. A good coach can make a huge difference.
 
I have been struggling for a long time now but haven't really progressed at all in the last 2 years. If I am not injured I am consumed by fear and if I am not consumed by fear I am injured.

I also recently went from being top dog in my gym to being shoved aside for some girl who just throws tricks. Her form is bad but she literly has no fear to do anything. This has happened before to me with a young boy who later fell on his head and hurt his neck real bad. Now she is all they care about and the gym makes special considerations for her all the time such as begging judges to up there scores so she can move up. (which they did) obviously I am bitter about that, but all specifics aside it just feels really really bad to have worked your butt off for almost 5 years and give yourself completely to something just to be pushed aside for someone else.

I made it to Nationals for trampoline and tumbling although as of today the coach won't go for my tumbling so it would only be trampoline. I have a seperate thread debating if I should go or not but regardless I have decided I am going to train through the summer and decide if maybe I should just do this rec. or quit altogether this fall.

That was until yesterday when we (me and new girl) were working on a new skill. Of course she got it almost immediately with no fear and I balked as usual. I can'e just do things, I need time to wrap my mind around it and go progressions and then I have to be a big chicken and balk and have a melt down panic vestibular attack and then I'll do it. Then I will do it a few time and balk a lot more times and won't "have" it for a year. Then I will fear I am going to fall horribly and hurt myself and then I do, it always fulfills itself and then I will water everything down, break it all down and build it back up slowly all over again.

I still have a gleam of "fun" and I always have hope and don't want to give up. But it is more work than fun and I am never going to just chuck skills and I have to work and work and work I am not talented, natural or gifted and I have the feeling that just does not cut it anymore.

I know I am really bitter right now and I will not make a rash decision but I am growing tired of this and I either need to find that spark again or stop. I really want to find that spark. I remember how awesome the journey was starting out. How I could not want to get back to the gym, how I would count the minuets until class. How I felt so light and free jumping on that trampoline how nothing else in life mattered at that moment just me and air. It was the best I have ever felt in my life and I sincerely hope I can have that feeling again.

I don't know what I am looking for in posting this. Support, maybe similar stories or just to put it out there. Thanks for reading.

are you the same young woman who is married?
 
ar, I am sorry that you are at this unhappy point! I read that you are mid 20s... instead of this being the end of the road, have you considered making a new road? I am talking about coaching! We have a few mid 20s coaches at our gym, and the gymmies LOVE them! Any coach on CB can tell you the satisfaction of seeing their kids get their first BHS, kip, giant, etc. It's something to think about. Good luck!
 
because there is life after sports. my wife and i have been married forever it seems. and we have known each other since we were kids in the sport. but at some point, there comes a time when you hang up your grips. we love what we do so much that we coach and pass forward to the kids we have coached all these years.

you know that i have posted before that i still miss competitive gymnastics. and my wife still kicks me in her sleep because she is still doing handspring front 1/2 at nationals. it was a long time ago...but feels like yesterday. it never leaves your system :)
 

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