Parents kicking kids out of practice

[cbifoja]

Do the coaches at your child's gym kick kids out of practice for different reasons? The reasons girls are being kicked out vary from disrespect, misunderstanding instructions, and fear of a skill. The girls are instructed to call home and have someone pick them up, not a "go and think about what you did" type of time out.

This has become an increasing occurrence at DD's gym and it is starting to create some friction from the parents. Some believe that they are paying the gym for a service but that refusing to coach their child entitles them to some sort of refund/credit. It's become a big enough issue that our gym has lost two gymnasts in the past 9 months over this practice.

Thoughts?

 

[lhmom]

The only time I saw a kid get kicked out at DD's gym was when a kid cursed at the HC (there had been some other issues with this kid so this was the "last straw" for the HC). The parent was promptly called and the kid was kicked out for 2 weeks. However, if it's anything else (not listening, fears, etc), that kid is usually sent to do strength not sent home. I can understand if parents are getting upset that being sent home is becoming more frequent at your gym for things that are minor. I probably would be too.

 

[wallinbl]

Refusing to do a skill/take a turn, arguing excessively with the coach, etc usually get you moved over to conditioning (all rotations include conditioning as part of the rotation, so it really just means you're done with the "skill" part early).

Profanity, gossip, negativity, etc will get you sent out of practice. You won't do this often, because it will involve a conversation between coach and parent that basically says there are three strikes on this and no one is so amazingly good that they get let off the hook. The culture inside the gym is great because the girls that might disrupt it have all been asked to leave the gym.

It all seems to work, and there aren't really issues. But, the coaches are generally capable of handling issues and ending them. That's the part it sounds like you're missing. The parents are correct in respect to the fact that the coaches should be able to put a stop to these issues without constantly sending kids home.

 

[trampolinemom]

No, I think it happened once in the past two years at our gym and definately not for reasons 2 and 3. Disrespect can be a reason to kick a kid out but only after a long history of disruptive behavior. I think in our gym it sort of happens like this (1= warning 2= miss your turn / get extra push ups or something like that 3= sit aside for 10 minutes . When 2 and 3 happen a lot and / or the kid gets extremely rude that kid can get kicked out but this happenes very very seldom.
I understand that you have to rule by the code that everyone in the gym shows respect to one another. So yes that can be a perfect reason to throw a kid out. Misunderstanding and fear are not things that are solved by kicking a kid out. But I don't think refunds are a solution either.

 

[cbifoja]

The only time I saw a kid get kicked out at DD's gym was when a kid cursed at the HC (there had been some other issues with this kid so this was the "last straw" for the HC). The parent was promptly called and the kid was kicked out for 2 weeks. However, if it's anything else (not listening, fears, etc), that kid is usually sent to do strength not sent home. I can understand if parents are getting upset that being sent home is becoming more frequent at your gym for things that are minor. I probably would be too.

Oh wow!!!! Yeah, I'm not talking about anything as extreme as cursing. What I've heard (and I realize that parent gossip/complaints are only ONE side of the story) is things like eye rolling, talking back or defending themselves, not making corrections, etc. One pre-teen girl got kicked out because her coach suggested something out of sarcasm, then the girl tried it, and was kicked out for being a smart aleck. Another girl wouldn't do a giant because she was afraid of hitting her toes after already hitting her toes once during practice. Another was told that she was doing something in particular (I don't remember the details now) and when the gymnast defended her actions, she was kicked out for back talking.

I guess I'm just noticing how much more frequently it is happening and I didn't know if that was a common coaching technique. But it sounds like maybe not.....

 

[ShesAMonkey]

The only time I have had knowledge of this happening at our gym is with one girl in my DD's practice group, years ago. She was particularly naughty and would disrespect the coaches, go off and do her own thing, distract the other girls, etc. She got put on "time-out" at nearly every practice. And when it became a safety concern, she would be kicked out. The mom would just kind of laugh about it (which was likely a big part of the problem--no consistent discipline at home) and the next practice she would be back at it again. The other girls in the group suffered because of all of the extra attention the coaches were giving her in order to discipline her. It was maddening!

More recently, I have heard of girls being sent to do conditioning if they have stinky attitudes. That seems to work with most girls.

 

[cbifoja]

But I don't think refunds are a solution either.

I don't know how one would even calculate such a thing. I mean team dollars per hour are pretty low. One of the moms calculated how many practice hours the different girls had missed and it ended up being less than $100 as a whole....and that would be spread out over several families.

Another frequent strategy is that the coach declares they aren't coaching so and so that day. So everytime that gymnast does a routine or has a turn, she gets no feedback. Sometimes the coach doesn't even watch....the gymnast just gets ignored. My DD has actually had that used on her for not making necessary correction and that one is heartbreaking.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Yes it does happen at our gym, at least with DD's coach. She doesn't like goofing off and she will send them to the lobby in a hot minute if she feels they are goofing off/being silly/not listening. An attitude will get you sent out as well. Usually they have to sit out 20-30 minutes or so I believe, so not calling parents to get them early or anything like that. However if it's close enough to the end of practice, she will make them finish out practice sitting in the lobby and then she has a talk with their parents when they come to pick them up. It hasn't personally happened to my dd, but she has told me about it many times. I do think it upsets some of the parents, but it's hard to say whether they are upset with their kid or with the coach.

 

[skschlag]

D has been kicked out of practice several times over the course of 8 years. D sometimes needs that reset. In our gym, kids can be booted usually just for disrespect. Now that disrespect can be about a skill, as it often is with my ds, or just in general. D was booted out just last week because he and 2 other boys just kept sitting and talking instead of working. Coach told them that they needed to go to the lobby since they just wanted to hang out. My only problem with that was that they had been on pommel for an hour with no coaching sigh.

 

[momof2gymmies]

My younger one has been kicked out a few times - more than I care to remember. It is rarely used in our gym. In fact, I can only think of tow other girls who have been kicked out, and all 3 of them have older sisters on the team.

I get frustrated because there are different rules for different kids. Y DD balked at doing her bhs on beam. She got kicked out. Other kids say no (inclusdng older DD), and they get told ok. The 3 that have been kicked out are all YDD's age, can all be pretty feisty, and all have quiet, hard working older sisters at a higher level. I do believe that the coaches get frustrated with the 3 little ones because they are all so different than their big sisters. When YDD gets kicked out she and I talk, the coaches and I talk, DD and the coaches talk, we all talk together. Honestly, it doesn't change her attitude one single bit. What does change her attitude is getting the positive reinforcement and encouragement from her coaches. Now, if she was being kicked out for being sassy and disrespectful, that would be different, and then maybe it would change her attitude.

Usually if the coaches are frustrated with a kid they will just ignore them, which drives the kids crazy. Usually only takes one rotation for the kid to get it together. They will also have the kids sit out for the rest of the rotation if they are really bad, but getting kicked out of the gym is reserved for only 3 girls.

 

[Jenny]

Another frequent strategy is that the coach declares they aren't coaching so and so that day. So everytime that gymnast does a routine or has a turn, she gets no feedback. Sometimes the coach doesn't even watch....the gymnast just gets ignored. My DD has actually had that used on her for not making necessary correction and that one is heartbreaking.

Find a new gym. Disgusting strategy which shows the coaches are acting like toddlers. That is all kinds of ridiculous.
Also a massive safety issue to ignore a kid and not give them feedback or support. And if you are paying for instruction your child is not receiving it.

IMHO These 2 strategies show that your coaches cannot inspire or control. They can merely bully and sulk. What a great role model for the children. Leave and leave fast. Not a lesson I would want my children to learn.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

been there, seen it, left it !

 

[AgingHippie]

Yes, girls have been kicked out of practice with a call to parents to pick up. I have seen it 5 or 6 times in 2 seasons, one time it was my dd.

In dd's case the coach was in already in a bad mood and dd was the first one to giggle after she told a group of L4's no more talking or sounds for the rest of the practice. There was about two hours left of practice. I was initially pissed off but then we chalked it up to a bad day and moved on.

I think the other girls were kicked out for similar reasons by the same coach but not 100% sure.

 

[wgymmom]

I do not know of any instances where a girl was kicked out of practice at our gym. I imagine it would have to be pretty terrible. Crying or attitudes will get you perhaps sent to the bathroom to pull yourself together or to conditioning.

 

[wgagym]

I cannot imagine what it woulD take for me to kick a kid out of practice. I don't think it is effective. Now conditioning or more reps of basics instead I am all for.

The only thing I could think of is if there was a major safety violation, and even then pro slant not for the night, but more of a remove them from the situation until I can go talk to them about it. I am all for disciplining if necessary and expecting a lot out of my athletes but I am not sure kicking them out will do it. There are many other techniques that work.

If I were a parent I would not be happy about it either especially if it was done frequently.

 

[Aussie_coach]

No, no, no, never! We do not send kids home from practice ever!

We have a time out area and if the kids misbehave they are sent to sit there for a few minutes. This really only ever happens to the young kids and the rec kids. It is either because they are getting silly and need to calm down, or if they can't keep their hands to themselves usually. We just don't have these issues with the older kids or with the team kids.

We have on occasion asked a kid to leave the gym permanently. But this is very very rare and has NEVER happened to a team kid and never an older kid. I can think of perhaps three incidents in the last 3 years and they were all rec kids aged 6-8, in all cases it was for persistent inability to keep their hands off other kids.

I am actually quite horrified at the things kids are being sent home for. A lot of it just sounds like normal human behaviour. I can't believe anyone would kick a kid out for not doing a skill or being afraid. Most adults would be very afraid of the skills being asked. I always tell my kids it's okay to be scared, listen to your fear and use it. Fear is the bodies way to communicate to a gymnast that hey might not be ready for something, and it doesn't just happen on new skills it does happen on skills that they have done before for a long time. If they are scared we go back and do drills or find ways to work up to the skill, they are not punished for a normal human emotion.

Disprespect, answering back and defending oneself are generally impulsive responses. The kids do it without thinking and sure it needs to be called out but it seems so over the top to send a kid home for that.

Truth be told a lot of the time when a kid is mucking around the coach is at fault to a degree. Like the parent who talked about her son getting sent to the lobby for talking when the boys had been left on Pommel for an hour with no coaching and no feedback. I would not blame the boys for having a chat after that. Sure it's the kids job to listen and do their best but it is the coaches job to provide busy, active and stimulating training sessions and ensure the work has been done to have kids feel confident and safe before attempting skills.

It's also very interesting that kids are being kicked out for disrespect when so many of the posts on this board reflect the fact that the coaches do not always treat the kids with respect. Respect goes both ways and it's funny because often once kids are treated with respect they automatically seem to treat the coaches respectfully too. Kids who feel their coach likes them, cares about them, wants the best for them and know they will be listened to and helped with challenges are usually very respectful.

For the gym where the coach ignores the child for the rest of practice. I could not beleove I even read that. For a start it is very dangerous, if the coach refuses to watch their routines they can't see the gymnasts body language and work out where their heads are at to prevent injuries. It's also so heartbreaking for a gymnast. Discipline is about teaching kids not breaking them.

 

[meganliz77]

I don't know how one would even calculate such a thing. I mean team dollars per hour are pretty low. One of the moms calculated how many practice hours the different girls had missed and it ended up being less than $100 as a whole....and that would be spread out over several families.

Another frequent strategy is that the coach declares they aren't coaching so and so that day. So everytime that gymnast does a routine or has a turn, she gets no feedback. Sometimes the coach doesn't even watch....the gymnast just gets ignored. My DD has actually had that used on her for not making necessary correction and that one is heartbreaking.

I'm sorry... But that sounds cruel. Coaches should be leading by example. That's hardly a positive example in my book.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

The adults really should be taking a hard look at themselves.

It's one thing to give the kids some time to regroup, quite another to tossing them out and more then rarely. Sounds like it's the grown ups that need a time out.

And no this does not happen at our gym. Quite honestly if it did it wouldn't be "our" gym.

 

[Seeker]

I'm sure it has probably happened at some point, but not in the last several years that we have been there. I'd be angry if it was a common thing. Bad for morale and shows a lack of control w/ coaching staff.

 

[mandkmom]

The only time I know of is when a few girls were pulling out some mean girl behavior and targeting a teammate. Coach got wind of it, gave one warning. Happened again and the girls were quickly kicked out of practice. Parents called, and parents supported the coach. Behavior stopped.
Goes to gym culture, I feel like this was totally appropriate.
Girls will be told to take a break if they are having issues with a skill. And I know extra conditioning happens if there is attitude. But that seems rare. I think the gym atmosphere is key to how girls respond.