Parents L10 Senior losing interest in college

[josie55]

I don’t know what the optimal solution is in terms of college visits but fwiw, you keep bringing up your selfish reasons but you don’t sound selfish to me. You sound like a mom who wants your kid to be happy, and to enjoy the fruits of her labor, and like a mom who is simply trying to figure out how to enable her to do that. You may not be able to (figure it out), but don’t be so hard on yourself, Mama. This is hard enough as it is.

 

[Natasha]

Oh boy, is that in the works! We are visiting about 8 schools I have a spreadsheet that plans it all out She will be taking the campus tour, meeting all the college /academic people, then meeting the coaches and sometimes team members Then she will be watching practice. We will be gone from September 12th to, I believe, the 25th or 26th Huge trip. She isn't in a place skills wise where she can voluntary narrow it down. And, I agree about fall I want her to see the school in full regular mode. It's ridiculously expensive and I honestly don't know how we will afford it, but I don't think it's fair to her any other way

Not sure I understand the relationship of skills wise and narrowing down choices of colleges? You said the goal is D3, are all the schools you are touring D3? I would suggest taking gymnastics out of the equation to begin to narrow down choices. When my dd first started the process, we visited 2 schools the end of her Sophomore year which were completely different schools- one was small town, small liberal arts college and the other was big city, big university. Based on those 2 visits, she was able to rule out lots of other schools. Does she have a desired major or area of interest? How does she feel about big city vs rural? Is she okay with lots of snow and cold winters and it getting dark late afternoon? We also ruled out schools based on practicality. There were a couple of schools DD would have loved to have attended and could have pursued, but we could not justify paying 50K+ a year for her to do gymnastics at a school when she had other options, including full tuition academic scholarships at non-gymnastics schools.

I completely and totally understand having a hard time imagining your daughter not doing college gymnastics. It has been a big investment of your whole family for years. However, she is going to have to be 110% on board for it to work because she is the one that will have to continue making sacrifices in order to do college gymnastics. While the part spectators see is the cheering at meets and the team aspect, she will still be sacrificing in college and dealing with stress- some D3 teams have 20+ girls, but remember only 6 compete on each event- She will be giving her time and energy, she will have less options for desired classes due to scheduling, she will have to give up time at Christmas and Spring break, go to early conditioning, attend all required activities, service projects, etc...and there are still no guarantees of competing and no guarantees of further injuries or nagging pain....
Saying goodbye to gymnastics is hard AND holding on to gymnastics is hard....

 

[my4buffaloes]

My dd always had dreams of doing college gymnastics - therefore it becomes the family goal. But the injuries started piling up in 8th grade and she was out of the gym completely for more than a year. it was during this time that I slowly realized that college might not happen or it would at least be only at the D3 level. It took years before my dd finally accepted this and that she was ready to move on from the sport. She is about to start her senior season, but is down to only 2 events and needs surgery at the end. Her body is certainly done, her mind took longer to get there. It has been sad for me and her! But she is so excited to pursue other things and not be in pain anymore.

It is hard to watch something that has been their whole life - and therefore the families whole life - come to an end. But in the end - it is her life and she needs to be happy with how it goes. Hopefully she will stay injury free, enjoy some of the college visits and that they will get her excited about doing college gymnastics. If not then it might be time for her to walk away. It will be a grieving process for sure - for everyone involved. I already get emotional about it.

 

[Natasha]

Sr year is a scary time in a kid's life. So many unknowns ahead and most start to become aware that the clock is ticking till graduation and this in itself causes stress separate from the what will I study, where will I go questions.



I quoted the part above because it seems like you contradict yourself. What you describe as her frustrations - the injuries, the stress and worry of 'keeping up' and maintaining a certain level of performance so that she can be competitive at her level -- I hate to be this blunt, but that IS L10. Even if she is healthy and able to compete all year, the stress and worry will still be at play. I'm inclined to think based on all that you've shared that she may know exactly what she wants regarding retirement from gym.

I think it's a good idea to visit the schools. I agree with @Madden3 that 8 will be overwhelming. Given that she's unsure about gymnastics, I would also suggest that you don't make the entire trip about visiting schools with gymnastics programs. If she hasn't already, she should visit some schools that she is interested in that don't have gymnastics. I also like the advice that @John had regarding parental desire.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as harsh. No judgement here as I can relate to your post. I'm a year behind you in the college process and my DD will be lucky to hit L10 for her senior year. She would like to compete D3 but is realistic that it may not happen. Lately she's had some crazy, exciting ideas for college. It's not what I expected from her but I'm embracing it and taking her lead as she explores. As others have mentioned, club gymnastics could be another way for her to stay involved in the sport. Or she could coach and/or become a judge.

Not only is that L10, but that is college gym- and in some ways even more stress- stress to make the line up and then stress to stay in the line up. Stress at each competition to not only do well for yourself, but to not let your team down.

 

[josie55]

A little off-subject here but.....

Sometimes in reading threads like this, as someone with a younger (but not that young -- middle school) kiddo, this sport feels like a ticking time bomb. Part of me appreciates reading the wisdom of those who have BTDT because I feel like it keeps me grounded and with my eyes wide open. The other part wants to put my head in the sand, enjoy the ride, and then deal with the consequences when everything comes crashing down, which I can't help but feel happens more often than not.

I guess the very best thing to do is just, as is said time and time again on this forum, enjoy the ride and keep future expectations in check. That can be really difficult, though, when setting goals is such a big part of the sport, right?

My dd's goal is D1 college gym and when friends ask me how achievable this is my answer is something along the lines of: "from a gymnastics/skills perspective, it feels achievable, but injury and burnout are highly likely and that's what will hold her back." Doesn't that sound mature and grounded? The question is, will me saying this make it any less difficult when that injury and burnout occur? I'm not convinced... :-(

 

[tomtnt]

LOL - this is exactly how we feel with a level 10 daughter starting high school this year and having started the recruiting process. Praying that injury stays out of the equation! seen so many girls leave the sport due to injuries and/or burnout

A little off-subject here but.....

Sometimes in reading threads like this, as someone with a younger (but not that young -- middle school) kiddo, this sport feels like a ticking time bomb. Part of me appreciates reading the wisdom of those who have BTDT because I feel like it keeps me grounded and with my eyes wide open. The other part wants to put my head in the sand, enjoy the ride, and then deal with the consequences when everything comes crashing down, which I can't help but feel happens more often than not.

I guess the very best thing to do is just, as is said time and time again on this forum, enjoy the ride and keep future expectations in check. That can be really difficult, though, when setting goals is such a big part of the sport, right?

My dd's goal is D1 college gym and when friends ask me how achievable this is my answer is something along the lines of: "from a gymnastics/skills perspective, it feels achievable, but injury and burnout are highly likely and that's what will hold her back." Doesn't that sound mature and grounded? The question is, will me saying this make it any less difficult when that injury and burnout occur? I'm not convinced... :-(

 

[gymgal]

A little off-subject here but.....

Sometimes in reading threads like this, as someone with a younger (but not that young -- middle school) kiddo, this sport feels like a ticking time bomb. Part of me appreciates reading the wisdom of those who have BTDT because I feel like it keeps me grounded and with my eyes wide open. The other part wants to put my head in the sand, enjoy the ride, and then deal with the consequences when everything comes crashing down, which I can't help but feel happens more often than not.

I guess the very best thing to do is just, as is said time and time again on this forum, enjoy the ride and keep future expectations in check. That can be really difficult, though, when setting goals is such a big part of the sport, right?

My dd's goal is D1 college gym and when friends ask me how achievable this is my answer is something along the lines of: "from a gymnastics/skills perspective, it feels achievable, but injury and burnout are highly likely and that's what will hold her back." Doesn't that sound mature and grounded? The question is, will me saying this make it any less difficult when that injury and burnout occur? I'm not convinced... :-(

This is SO true! When you have a child who makes it to L10, you kind of breathe a sigh of relief. She made it. She is one step closer to her dream. But sadly, that is only the beginning. It's 4+ more years of worrying about season/career ending injuries. It is often not the talent that holds them from their college dream. It is the injuries and once they suffer a major one, their risk increases for more injuries because of the extended time off and often the rush to get back especially in competition season as well as the stress it all causes. For the gymnasts who battle through those injuries to continue to pursue college, then it becomes the daunting thought of pounding that body for four more years in college - 10+ consecutive weeks of competing. It is no wonder why so many choose to retire upon high school graduation.

 

[Muddlethru]

If your daughter is currently feeling overwhelmed or uncertain she wants to do college gymnastics, visiting 8 colleges all at once may cause more harm than good particularly if you are already taking the lead. I am not judging you and can completely relate because at one point after several back to back injuries my daughter told us she wanted to quit. She was two years into Level 10. She had never remotely indicated a desire to quit so it did hit me hard too. She did stay on after her coach and her dad convinced her to continue.

I know you've indicated your daughter is not in a position to narrow down her choices because of her skills but perhaps you can narrow it down for her. Call the coaches and find out where she is on the list. If she is in the top 5, she has a chance of getting in and you should visit those colleges first. The coaches are quite honest and will tell you her chances of getting in the team. Alternatively, you can ask your daughter which colleges appeals to her. I don't know how strong a Level 10 your daughter is but Div III have been known to take in Level 9 girls. So it would appear to me your daughter already is slightly ahead of the game. I get the feeling you are casting a wide net, hence visiting 8 colleges at once, and are getting worried you may lose the window to get in a gymnastics team. She may have a stronger chance than you think. Send the coaches videos. If her/your choice of college largely depends on whether she will have a spot on the team, I would contact the coaches and not waste my time visiting colleges who have may have no interest. Just my two cents.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Well I kep reading and not once have I heard what the daughter would like, is interested in or other things.

What kind of academics? Is she interested in a big school, small school, city, rural??

 

[Deleted member 18037]

She worked to hard her whole life to end at the bottom.

This makes me a little sad. She made it to L10 and yet you feel it’s the bottom.

My daughter is unlikely to make L10, she doesn’t have that kind of drive. But where ever she ends up I would never consider it bottom.

 

[Racpp]

Well I kep reading and not once have I heard what the daughter would like, is interested in or other things.

What kind of academics? Is she interested in a big school, small school, city, rural??

This.

My freshman Xcel platinum will not do college gymnastics, but she does have the potential in another sport. Despite this, choosing a college will not revolve around that sport.

First and foremost will be what her academic interests are. Even if she’s offered a full ride, she won’t be going there unless that school has the major(s) she’s interested in. Another thing to look at is if the course of study and the sport are compatible. Some majors don’t mix with some sports - off campus internships and/or international studies requirements, classes that are only offered a given semester, etc can all interfere with a sport.

My children have been on at least 5 college campuses ranging from small and rural to large and urban, strictly undergrad and liberal arts to those with grad and medical schools, those with strong religious affiliation to completely secular in the past year. Not as college visits but to attend games or watch plays or go to sports clinics or participate in music recitals, CPR training, etc. They're already getting an idea of what type of campus and what kind of setting they're most comfortable with. When the time comes, this is another checkpoint in finding the right place. If her right fit doesn’t have her sport, it’s not going to change it being her right fit.

Will we all be sad and mourn the loss of her sport if the stars don’t align and she can’t continue in order to pursue her major? Yes, she’s great at it and finds huge joy in it. But, her future career and college experience is far more important.

 

[gymgal]

{from OP - This makes me a little sad. She made it to L10 and yet you feel it’s the bottom.}

My daughter is unlikely to make L10, she doesn’t have that kind of drive. But where ever she ends up I would never consider it bottom.

I can completely understand where OP is coming from. I don't think one can really "get" this unless you have lived through it with their own high level gymnast. She is not meaning "bottom" as in failed. She is saying that her dd never got to fully experience all the joys of competing healthy, of showing her talent off. While she may have the talent and skills to be a competitive college athlete, the poor timing of her injuries (and possibly the extent of those injuries) caused that narrow recruiting window of opportunity to close before she could "prove" herself to the college coaches. It is really hard for a parent to watch their child go through this knowing that her career is not ending on a positive note.

In actuality, it hasn't yet closed. She still has time. I continue to watch Collegegymfans.com for announcements and 2018-19 gymnasts are still committing at this moment, some even to D1 schools so there is opportunity but I get that it is not what she had expected/wanted her recruiting to go.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I can completely understand where OP is coming from. I don't think one can really "get" this unless you have lived through it with their own high level gymnast. She is not meaning "bottom" as in failed. She is saying that her dd never got to fully experience all the joys of competing healthy, of showing her talent off. While she may have the talent and skills to be a competitive college athlete, the poor timing of her injuries (and possibly the extent of those injuries) caused that narrow recruiting window of opportunity to close before she could "prove" herself to the college coaches. It is really hard for a parent to watch their child go through this knowing that her career is not ending on a positive note.

In actuality, it hasn't yet closed. She still has time. I continue to watch Collegegymfans.com for announcements and 2018-19 gymnasts are still committing at this moment, some even to D1 schools so there is opportunity but I get that it is not what she had expected/wanted her recruiting to go.

This I get, thanks

 

[Texasmomof3]

When people ask my dd if she is planning to do college gym, she always laughs and confidently says “no”. It inevitably surprises them and they ask why. Her answer is simple: she wants to study finance at UT business school and UT doesn’t have a Gymnastics team.

What does your dd want to study? From my standpoint, that should be the first consideration in any college analysis.

And having two older boys who have already btdt, 8 college visits in a row sounds like a nightmare.

 

[my4buffaloes]

When people ask my dd if she is planning to do college gym, she always laughs and confidently says “no”. It inevitably surprises them and they ask why. Her answer is simple: she wants to study finance at UT business school and UT doesn’t have a Gymnastics team.

What does your dd want to study? From my standpoint, that should be the first consideration in any college analysis.

And having two older boys who have already btdt, 8 college visits in a row sounds like a nightmare.

I agree on the 8 visits in a row! We have done 2 in 3 days and that was a lot. It gets to be exhausting and overwhelming. I mentioned again D3 gymnastics to my dd this week and got a resounding "I don't care!" She is ready to start a new life. She has a long list of things she wants to do - none of which go with being a college athlete. And that is ok. Being a college athlete is hard work - even at the D3 level. Heck my ds plays college rugby and it is very time consuming, though still considered a club sport at his school. it's a big commitment.

I think it is a good idea to go on some visits, but I would reconsider how many schools you are visiting, and really visit the college not just the gymnastics program.

 

[Texasmomof3]

And not to pick on you, but please remember, if for any reason your dd does not stay on a college team (injury, coaching issue, just being done with gym, not being good enough and getting cut), she still has to stay at that school for 4-5 years to earn her degree. It needs to be a place she wants to live and a school where she wants to study if gymnastics were to suddenly go away. It also has to be a place where you can afford for her to go.

 

[Quadqueen]

This has to be so hard for all of you parents whose children have made it to L10 and either decided they were done or their bodies decided for them. My DD was only L8 and in 6th grade when a couple of big injuries convinced her to move on to other sports. She is excelling at another sport now (she is in high school), and has had some interest from colleges. However, she is convinced she must go D1 or there will be "no point." I've tried to point out to her that she will have a much better chance of competing at D2 or D3, and while they don't give athletic scholarships in D3, the academic money they find for your athlete can be just as good. And, that money will not go away if your child gets injured or loses interest in their sport. As someone mentioned above, you definitely want the college to be an academic fit, and then, an athletic fit. Here's an article I sent to my daughter recently that makes some good points about the benefits of doing D3 athletics: https://therecruitingcode.com/why-you-should-choose-division-iii-athletics-with-coach-danklefsen/

Either way, I feel for you all going through this process. And it truly is a mourning process for all when gymnastics is no longer in the picture, because it's a major lifestyle change for the whole family!

 

[sce]

This has to be so hard for all of you parents whose children have made it to L10 and either decided they were done or their bodies decided for them. My DD was only L8 and in 6th grade when a couple of big injuries convinced her to move on to other sports. She is excelling at another sport now (she is in high school), and has had some interest from colleges. However, she is convinced she must go D1 or there will be "no point." I've tried to point out to her that she will have a much better chance of competing at D2 or D3, and while they don't give athletic scholarships in D3, the academic money they find for your athlete can be just as good. And, that money will not go away if your child gets injured or loses interest in their sport. As someone mentioned above, you definitely want the college to be an academic fit, and then, an athletic fit. Here's an article I sent to my daughter recently that makes some good points about the benefits of doing D3 athletics: https://therecruitingcode.com/why-you-should-choose-division-iii-athletics-with-coach-danklefsen/

Either way, I feel for you all going through this process. And it truly is a mourning process for all when gymnastics is no longer in the picture, because it's a major lifestyle change for the whole family!

Point to note- in D1 injured athletes do not lose their scholarship if the injury forces them to retire.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Point to note- in D1 injured athletes do not lose their scholarship if the injury forces them to retire.

That is not necessarily true. I’ve seen far too many stories on ESPN and HBO that say differently.

There is no Div 1 ride that is guaranteed and certainly not for 4 years. Div 1 rides are year to year, as in renewed each year.

 

[txgymfan]

Point to note- in D1 injured athletes do not lose their scholarship if the injury forces them to retire.

It’s also usually not their choice to medically retire. Some gymnasts found out through social media that they were medically retired. I assume the coach decides if it’s worth it for an athlete to come back or medically retire often keeping in mind what athletes the coach has recruited. I’m sure bookworm has opinions on this topic.