Parents Lifting his spirit

[Flip4funmom]

My son has had a few rough days at the gym and was actually asked to miss Mondays practice as a 'reset and re focus day'. He is really bummed, I understand his coaches reasoning but my son is really bummed out. He knows he's making mistakes and letting his coach down. I really don't know what to tell him, how to handle this.

Any tips?

 

[John]

I don't think missing practice is the answer, hiding from problems never brings resolution.. If course there is nothing wrong with missing either. How old is your gymnast? Possibly the age will help everyone offer appropriate suggestions.

 

[Flip4funmom]

My son is 5 1/2. Training T&T

 

[Seeker]

If he thinks he’s letting his coach down, that would be a concern for me. He’s 5. Where did that idea come from??

 

[SMH]

Why was he asked to miss practice?

 

[Flip4funmom]

It's been a cycle we've been dealing with for a little while now, without including every detail my son has not been performing at practice the way everyone knows he can. He is a perceptive kid, he sees the frustration and disappointment in his coach.

 

[Flip4funmom]

Why was he asked to miss practice?

Coach asked him to miss as a way for him to re focus on what he really wants. He's been waiting coaches time in the gym and so it was suggested/asked as a way to get back on track and break the cycle. My son and his coach have a great relationship and my son had started to think he can get away with whatever he wants due to this. I don't know if I %100 agree with it but I don't think it's something I should battle his coach over.

 

[skschlag]

He is 5, and a coach is asking him to "rest and refocus???" I know few 5 year olds that need to rest, and that would use the time to "refocus." your son is 5, and maybe he isn't ready for competition level practices and details, but that would be a different determination. it sounds like your coach is trying to treat him like the older ones and you cannot do that. He is 5!

I think looking at the reasons behind why this cycle is occurring is important. He has soooo many years left in this sport, if he chooses to continue, but he will be chased out quickly by this kind of cycle. The joy will be sucked out of it for him. If it were me, I would be taking the time to evaluate if he were in the right place.

 

[Danaj226]

How long are his typical practices? What kind of mistakes is he making? Behavior or skills? Because if the 'mistakes' are skill related, he's 5. Those aren't mistakes. That's the point of practice.

 

[Flip4funmom]

How long are his typical practices? What kind of mistakes is he making? Behavior or skills? Because if the 'mistakes' are skill related, he's 5. Those aren't mistakes. That's the point of practice.

He typically practices m-w-f for 2 hours each day and then I bring him in Saturday's for 2 1/2-4 hours. (He asks to attend these extra practices I DO NOT force or require him to go). His mistakes are both behavior and skill related. His behavior is causing him to miss key instruction then messing up skills.

 

[momnipotent]

This reasoning by the coach doesn't even make sense to me. Can you give an example of what he is doing that is leading him to not performing the way everyone know he can? When you say he is wasting the coaches time, what does that mean? Is it poor behavior? Not doing the skills to his best ability? An example might help figure out what a reset and refocus day should look like for a 5 year old...

 

[Flip4funmom]

It all came to a head yesterday. He was working front tuck on double mini. He would not focus on coaches words, which meant he wasn't making corrections. He was rolling around on the mat, then repeating the skill the exact same way. This was 1 on 1 with his coach. Things like this have been happening off and on for a few weeks (which I was not aware of). So his coach finally told us he won't compete below level 4, the front tuck is the level 4 skill so suggested/requested he take Monday off from team practice (originally suggested he could work with rec but I said no to that) and figure out if he's ready to work.

He had this skill and a front pike previously, then they started up training and things like this started happening.

 

[skschlag]

I just have to repeat..he is 5. this should be FUN! Maybe rec is a good option for him. Being asked to do teh same thing over and over and over at 5 is counterproductive..

 

[SMH]

It all came to a head yesterday. He was working front tuck on double mini. He would not focus on coaches words, which meant he wasn't making corrections. He was rolling around on the mat, then repeating the skill the exact same way. This was 1 on 1 with his coach. Things like this have been happening off and on for a few weeks (which I was not aware of). So his coach finally told us he won't compete below level 4, the front tuck is the level 4 skill so suggested/requested he take Monday off from team practice (originally suggested he could work with rec but I said no to that) and figure out if he's ready to work.

He had this skill and a front pike previously, then they started up training and things like this started happening.

One on one sat practice for a 5 year old seems a bit intense. Especially if he hasn’t ever competed yet.
He might ‘want’ to go, but if he is unfocused and playing around, maybe it’s time to pull back and follow his cues. 5 year old gymnastics should be fun, they should not be repeating skills endlessly. He might not be ready to compete, and practice long hours, which is FINE, he is 5 and has years and years of gymnastics ahead of him.

 

[acam1103]

It just sounds like too much. Even if he is telling you he wants the extra practice, his behavior and performance are telling you otherwise. My boys are 7, 9, and 11 and love gymnastics. They practice 7 hours a week and that is PLENTY. The older two could handle more but are content. My 7-year old wants more but I keep him at 7 hours because he has plenty of years to have higher hours in the future. 6 is our youngest on team and they practice 6 hours per week (2 hour practices, two on weekdays one on weekend).

I would suggest reducing hours for sure, and possibly stepping away from team for awhile. It's not going to hurt him in the long run. He is SO young. It also sounds like this coach doesn't really understand typical development for little ones.

 

[duyetanh]

I just have to repeat..he is 5. this should be FUN! Maybe rec is a good option for him. Being asked to do teh same thing over and over and over at 5 is counterproductive..

Yes, this. You arent going to like hearing this, but I remember old threads where many voiced concern over the many hours and his young age. At the rate he is going, he will burn out before he ever competes! I remember the prodigy comment and am sure he has talent. But talent needs to be groomed the right way for it to be developed appropriately.

If i recall, there arent a lot of other options near you for this sport? It also sounds like that while the coach may not be handling it quite the right way, the coach is probably very frustrated...and I am betting he has been dealing with this for awhile. If I were in your shoes, I would ask for a meeting so you could discuss what would be best for him without your son at the meeting.I personally think a year of rec is a great idea, but I know it isnt something you are interested in....it might be the best thing for him though. Because if no one has specifically said he is letting the coaches down, he is probably feeling it from the coaches and you, even if it is not being spoken. I taught your son's age in school for many years, and young kids pick up on non verbal cues and clues almost better than older kids. They are smarter than many give them credit for...so I would talk to the coaches, and either respect what they have to say or choose to somehow find a compromise by working together. Good luck!

 

[duyetanh]

It just sounds like too much. Even if he is telling you he wants the extra practice, his behavior and performance are telling you otherwise.

I would suggest reducing hours for sure, and possibly stepping away from team for awhile. It's not going to hurt him in the long run. He is SO young. It also sounds like this coach doesn't really understand typical development for little ones.

This exactly. And by backing off, he will either want more, or not. And its ok if he doesnt. He might end up being amazing at something else, its entirely possible, and probably probable!

 

[skschlag]

As for lifting his spirit, I would suggest not talking about this situation at all and taking him out to do something fun and unrelated.....This should not be a big deal in his life!

 

[duyetanh]

Out of curiosity, why didnt you have him do the rec practice for that day? I think the coach was onto something there, and it would have been interesting to see how it went. It could tell you a lot!!

 

[Madden3]

Ok, with the following I am assuming this is a temporary suspension due to discipline issues and not a problem with skill progression. It is confusing when you say your son is "making mistakes." If the coach is suspending your son because he makes mistakes in his gymnastics, that is a whole other issue. If your son is goofing off and consequently is not listening to the coach, that is a discipline issue. Don't confuse it with a skill progression issue.

On the other hand, the coach may need help understanding how to communicate with a 5 year old. They are not capable of listening the way an older child can. They need things explained in a certain way (shown and told, and then shown and told AGAIN- they need lots of repetition.) This is why many gyms have separate rec classes for kids under 6. Also you might think about what your child's learning style is- maybe he is not an auditory learner.

I think there is a real problem in this sport with kids being pushed too early. In my experience, pushing kids early, especially one who (very understandably) is too young to have the maturity and internal discipline to be focusing in the gym for lots of hours, is never a good idea. Plus, pushing kids too early hurts their teammates and frustrates and causes resentment with the other parents because such kids become discipline problems and are a terrible drain on the coach's attention and patience. It is not fair or good for anyone.

I agree that the "problem" is most likely that your son is simply in the gym too much for any 5 year old. Even 6 hours practice a week might be too much, but rather than cutting a regular practice at first, I would suggest eliminate the "extra" Saturday practice/privates. No matter how much he begs to go. A kid will beg to go to practice but if they are not able to handle it, the coach and the other gymnasts pay the price and it is not, in the end, helping your son. Surely there are many wonderful things you could be doing with a 5 year old on a Saturday and other things you could be spending that money on. And I do not mean, eliminate it for a week or a month- this is not a punishment! Eliminate it for good- no more Saturday gym, and no more privates unless there is a specific reason for one (working out a fear, working skill he has struggled with on and is not quite there, or a make up) And those are things that come later, usually. If he stays in the sport, there will be more and more practice time at higher and higher cost as he ages.

Your child will hopefully be better able to focus in practice if he wants to be in the gym MORE than he is able to be. Leave him wanting more.

If your son was a drain on the coach due to discipline issues, expelling your son from practice makes perfect sense. I agree, do not question or fight the coach, accept the temporary suspension. I do suggest continue to talk with the coach about your son's behavior at practice, because that is info you need to know. Skill progression, not so much, unless you suspect the coach is pushing your child too hard in that area. If the coach is having unrealistic expectations or this is becoming some kind of an enmeshed, unhealthy relationship, you need to be on top of that situation.

I also agree no need to talk to your son about the suspension. If your son brings it up, you might say "coach thought you needed a break, and I agree. You will be back to practice on _________. Now what should we do today?"