Parents Mental block for 7 year old

[kaloss]

Dd turned 7 at the end of August, so she's still a young 7. About a month ago, at practice, she saw her best friend break her arm (it was really broken, bent in the wrong direction). Since then she has had several bouts of balking on her back handspring (what her friend was doing when she broke her arm).
She had been doing back handspring series across the floor as part of their warmup. Now she goes and hides during them. They do tumble-track warm up some days, and she did 5 in a row last week. On Thursday though, she wouldn't connect her ROBHS on the floor at all. She said she needed to warm them up on the resi first...but she still won't connect them. She will do a standing back handspring on the resi, on a sting mat, but not on the regular floor.
This morning I was watching warm ups and she would do one back handspring on the tumble track then stop. Her coach told her to connect 2, she didn't. So she was sent to the rope. This is the head coach/owner of the gym. I fully trust her.

2 hours later, I got a text from her other coach that she still wasn't connecting them, and had now missed bars because she was still standing on the tumble track...balking on the skill. She finally got her to do them, up to 3 in a row, starting with a spot and gradually backing off.

Lastly, the second coach told me that the head coach said that she might have to go back to evening practices, because of this. Right now she is in a homeschool group, training with about 15 girls, all optionals except her. I think the next youngest girl is 10. The evening group of level 3s has almost 30 girls and 2 coaches. I really don't want her to be kicked out of this training group she is in right now.

I don't know what I can do for her. She can't tell me what she is afraid of, or what's bothering her. I don't want to add any additional pressure, but I KNOW she can do them, and they're beautiful when she finally does.
Advice please!!!

 

[sevenatenine2]

She saw something that was really, REALLY scary to her.

I'd venture to say seeing a broken arm as a young 7 year old is just a bit less traumatic than an adult viewing a severe car accident. They have no reference to compare it to, so it's likely the worst thing she's ever seen in her life.

Now, she's being expected to do the same skill that was being performed when that really scary thing happened.

I'm going to be blunt here, but I feel strongly. What she needs is support, love, and praise as she works through this, in order for it to happen successfully. Having to climb rope (punishment) and miss bars and stay on the skill for several hours is doing NO GOOD whatsoever. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I'd venture to guess that it has actually already done a large amount of additional damage. In addition, she's essentially being told she's not good enough for the advanced training group, all because she had a perfectly normal, HUMAN reaction to a scary event.

If the coach trains high level athletes, she should know this. Really.

In full disclosure, I train low level athletes. I never have trained an elite, and I never will. I understand the path to get them as good as they can be is appealing and I've had my share of CGM and Crazy Coach moments, but I have to pull myself back in.

Here, if she is treated patiently and allowed to go slowly, the worst thing that will happen is she will progress at a slower rate. She's already very young, so that won't keep her from L10, although it might make Elite more difficult.

If the handling of the block continues as above, I'd say you've got a 20% chance of her working through it, and an 80% chance of her quitting the sport all together. That's my opinion, but I'd stand by it.

Hugs to you. I know it's difficult when they struggle and I know you want to do what is best for your daughter!

 

[Jenny]

Gosh I would be scared too if I saw my best friend hurt like that in front of me.

Ditto to everything above. Daytime training not really necessary for level 3 aged 7. Putting her back in the evening group with less pressure and kids her own age and level might just be what she needs. But she needs a chance to work through it first with kindness and patience and time. I hope she can get over the nasty shock she has had. Poor little thing.

 

[kaloss]

That's kind of how I feel. I'm frustrated because I don't know what to do to help her. She was able to work through it with her "regular" coach that she has had since she started gym...but I don't know if she ever did them on the floor today or not.
I understand that she may need gentle prodding...just not punishment. There will be an element of discomfort in working through this, I just wish I could help her!!

 

[Gymsanity]

Hate to break it to you (no pun intended), but seeing something like that at that age=PTSD. Not kidding. That 'suck it up trooper' mentality is not only not her friend here, it's her enemy! Depending on the child, their age, how inherently sensitive they are, how cognitive, etc., it will need a lot of love, understanding, and talking at the very least. This is something that has the ability to reach out and affect far more of her life than just her BHS, I assure you. Please talk with her, and see that she gets the help she really needs.....

 

[lovegymnastics22]

That sounds horrible for her and this is all good advise. Giving her time seems to be the needed thing here. Can you move her to the evening program and back later? If it's a homeschooling group does that affect her schooling?

 

[kaloss]

Hate to break it to you (no pun intended), but seeing something like that at that age=PTSD. Not kidding. That 'suck it up trooper' mentality is not only not her friend here, it's her enemy! Depending on the child, their age, how inherently sensitive they are, how cognitive, etc., it will need a lot of love, understanding, and talking at the very least. This is something that has the ability to reach out and affect far more of her life than just her BHS, I assure you. Please talk with her, and see that she gets the help she really needs.....

She is a very sensitive girl. During this whole thing this morning, she wasn't crying or freaking out...just flat out refused to go for her second back handspring. Her body would automatically go backwards for it but she would stick a leg out and stop it from happening.


I adore her second coach, and her floor assignment for today was to do 5 "2 in a row back handpsrings". The coach spotted her and got her laughing, then she was able to do her assignment on her own.

Are you suggesting that I send her to a sports psychologist or something like that??

 

[kaloss]

We can move her, I don't know if we would be able to bring her back later. We homeschool, and will continue to homeschool. The evening group will create some logistical problems with other activities for her siblings...and my husbands work schedule.

 

[TxGymMom1]

Wow, we can totally relate. My DD is also 7 y/o - she trains L3, and a few months ago, her BFF was practicing with my DD's team -- and broke her arm doing a BHS. The situation was a little bit different in that the friend had not been trained to perform this skill alone, but was following my DD and did not have a spot ... or permission. I saw the color drain from my DD's face when the break happened -- and she was scared to perform this skill again for awhile. I was very understanding - as was her coach -- and we used this event to point out how important it is to be trained properly before attempting to work on a skill -- especially without a spot. I would remind your DD that she IS trained to perform this skill -- but accidents can still happen -- which is why coaches/gymnasts should all precautions necessary. When my DD is scared of something (we had an incident doing a squat-on bars) -- I tell her that if SHE is uncomfortable doing something -- then DON't do it! The coach should get that. Another suggestion -- perhaps schedule a private for your DD to work on that skill -- with an encouraging coach, she should have her confidence back soon enough

 

[kaloss]

I'm glad we're not the only ones in this boat. I might ask for a private just to break it down for her. Her favorite coach "owes" us a free private for some babysitting we did. I wish I could just fix it for her!!

 

[TxGymMom1]

I'm glad we're not the only ones in this boat. I might ask for a private just to break it down for her. Her favorite coach "owes" us a free private for some babysitting we did. I wish I could just fix it for her!!

I get that too You can't lie about accidents - which happen a LOT in gym -- but you can stress that is why they train for so many hours with qualified coaches!

 

[profmom]

Pressuring her to do it, whether the pressure is coming from the coaches or you, will make it worse. You need to do everything you can to lower the stakes for her and give her the space to work back up to it in time. Do not give her the feeling that you are personally invested in her getting the skill back. Just reassure her that she will, and she'll do it on her own time frame. As hard as it is for parents to understand, we cannot fix these things for our kids. All we can do is listen and support, and provide the tools that they are willing to pick up and use themselves. I'd only do the private if she were pushing hard for it.

If I were you, I would talk with the coaches to see if they are willing to help her work through the vestibular block in this workout group, even if it means letting her back tumbling on floor languish completely for a few months. If not, then you probably need to move groups. In the grand scheme of the sport, a few months is nothing, and once she's through this, she'll catch right up. But TRUST ME, you do not want to set the stage for backwards trouble this early. The pressure needs to come off, pronto. As un-fun as it is now, it will be even less fun to handle when she's doing bigger and scarier skills, possibly in the stressful environment of optionals. Eventually, they get to the point where the skills are scarier than the coaches, and that will end it for them if they're forced to work through a block when they're not ready.

 

[TxGymMom1]

Pressuring her to do it, whether the pressure is coming from the coaches or you, will make it worse. You need to do everything you can to lower the stakes for her and give her the space to work back up to it in time. Do not give her the feeling that you are personally invested in her getting the skill back. Just reassure her that she will, and she'll do it on her own time frame. As hard as it is for parents to understand, we cannot fix these things for our kids. All we can do is listen and support, and provide the tools that they are willing to pick up and use themselves. I'd only do the private if she were pushing hard for it.

If I were you, I would talk with the coaches to see if they are willing to help her work through the vestibular block in this workout group, even if it means letting her back tumbling on floor languish completely for a few months. If not, then you probably need to move groups. In the grand scheme of the sport, a few months is nothing, and once she's through this, she'll catch right up. But TRUST ME, you do not want to set the stage for backwards trouble this early. The pressure needs to come off, pronto. As un-fun as it is now, it will be even less fun to handle when she's doing bigger and scarier skills, possibly in the stressful environment of optionals. Eventually, they get to the point where the skills are scarier than the coaches, and that will end it for them if they're forced to work through a block when they're not ready.

I also agree with this post -- perhaps ask her if she thinks a private will help her?

 

[kaloss]

I'll absolutely leave the private up to her. She wants her back tumbling back...she is frustrated because anymore, she can't even articulate what she is scared about. Her brain just won't let her do it.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Well....... first off my definition of a fear issue is balking, not just being afraid, actually balking is a fear issue.... So with that said I usually side with coaches but in this case, THEY COULD NOT HANDLE THIS SITUATION ANY WORSE......
YOU DO NOT PUNISH FOR FEAR ISSUES
YOU DO NOT KEEP A CHILD ON AN EVENT OVER FEAR ISSUES
YOU DO NOT MAKE AN ISSUE OUT OF AN ISSUE!!!!
YOU DO NOT DO PRIVATES OVER FEAR ISSUES!!!!!!
YOU DO NOT TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT FEAR ISSUES!!!!!
The object is to make the ISSUE not an issue. It's not the trick, she doesn't need to work on the trick! She is dealing with anxiety right now and they could very well be making it worse. Hopefully everything turns out great, and she gets through it, but they are raising the percentage of failure right now. In the mean time, you need to have a meeting with the coaches. Put a stop to all this and back off of her.

 

[kaloss]

Well....... first off my definition of a fear issue is balking, not just being afraid, actually balking is a fear issue.... So with that said I usually side with coaches but in this case, THEY COULD NOT HANDLE THIS SITUATION ANY WORSE......
YOU DO NOT PUNISH FOR FEAR ISSUES
YOU DO NOT KEEP A CHILD ON AN EVENT OVER FEAR ISSUES
YOU DO NOT MAKE AN ISSUE OUT OF AN ISSUE!!!!
YOU DO NOT DO PRIVATES OVER FEAR ISSUES!!!!!!
YOU DO NOT TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT FEAR ISSUES!!!!!
The object is to make the ISSUE not an issue. It's not the trick, she doesn't need to work on the trick! She is dealing with anxiety right now and they could very well be making it worse. Hopefully everything turns out great, and she gets through it, but they are raising the percentage of failure right now. In the mean time, you need to have a meeting with the coaches. Put a stop to all this and back off of her.

What would you suggest? I don't ask her about anything, except "did you do anything fun today..." And when she brings it up, I just tell her that I know she can do it.

Our head coach is a bit of "my way or the highway" so talking to her may not work, how should I approach her? She has had many successful high level gymnasts and has several college scholarships every year for her graduating gymnasts...she kind of uses that to show that she knows what she is doing.

The second coach I feel like I can talk to a little more, and ask her to just lay off any back handspring talk, and let dd work through it on her own.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

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[sce]

YOU DO NOT DO PRIVATES OVER FEAR ISSUES!!!!!!
YOU DO NOT TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT FEAR ISSUES!!!!!

I disagree with both of these. Children need to talk about their problems. Sometimes, they bring this up and talk to us. Now we should not coach them, but we can listen and encourage. It helps any human being to talk about their problems.

You yelling, by the way, does not make your point more clear, just more annoying.

As for privates: both of my kids have had a fear issue. Ds' coach asked for a private to help him with a skill that he was having a ear issue with. It took one lesson to get him past the fear. He needed the on-on-one time without teammates around to get past it. Dd also had an issue after a bad fall. A coach has worked with her in a few half hour privates to teach her some of the mental aspects of the sport and work past the fall. These things were not possible in a regular practice. Maybe at your gym it's different, but in some places a little focused on-on-one time is exactly what a child needs. Also, kids click with certain coaches sometimes (teachings styles and personalities do differ). So doing a private with a coach the child works well with could help with the fear issue.

 

[gymdog]

I'm a little confused. Why is she in a group where everyone else is an optional if she is repeating level 3? Nobody else in that group is in compulsories? That is very difficult for the coaches.

I think this is bound to cause problems for her psychologically if they are treating her like an older, more advanced athlete. She just needs time to get the developmental skills. Honestly if she is still stressed after another week or so I would absolutely consider moving to the evening classes. If she sees more kids her age and size doing it, and there are appropriate drills, I think she will be more encouraged and less stressed.

 

[kaloss]

In this group, there were 4-5 compulsory girls initially, two were bumped up to level 6 just within the past few weeks,one is the one that broke her arm and one decided to go back to public school. This is the first year out gym has a homeschool group.
She is repeating 3, (supposed to be) building confidence and spending a lot of time up training.