Parents More gym switch questions

[Momx3]

I have searched other gym switch threads but I’m still looking for opinions. Without giving too much information, my dd (teen) was early optional level and her whole group have all been put on the Xcel path this fall. They trained less hours over the summer than the “A” optionals at the same level and did not get all skills by fall. Coach believes they could/can get there with more hours. HC at the gym won’t allow more hours and has basically told me he has no belief in my dd going much farther.

Dd isn’t a top scoring gymnast and usually messes up at least one event that she is good at in competitions, but can pick up event medals here and there. She really wants to do JO , so with the new change, she was ready to move and tried out at another gym that will take her for JO. Now she has got anxious about leaving her friends and coach. I think she would be fine in time at the new gym and it would be a good place for her, but I don’t know if I should decide for her or let her. She has switched before, but she has been at this gym for a long time . What would you do?

 

[raenndrops]

If she wants JO and the HC has no faith and you found a gym that will let her back into JO, then moving is the best option. Once she competes a season of Xcel with the lower hours, it will be more difficult (though not impossible) to get back into JO.

 

[txgymfan]

If the coach says he doesn't believe in her make the switch and don't give your DD the choice.

 

[Ali'sMom]

If she really wants JO, and she wants long term, you need to make the decision. If she's happy to do Xcel and have fun staying at the gym with her friends, then she should stay - as long as she understands that then it's really just about having fun while doing something athletic. Because the coach will be a roadblock from her being more successful.
But unfortunately, you've got to get out of her which is more important. And having a teen daughter, I know that's not always easy.

 

[sevenatenine2]

At some point, all kids plateau. As a coach, I can usually see when it is happening. I will say, I have been wrong before, and kids have surprised me, but for the most part, I am pretty much on track.

If that's the case, it might be better to move to Xcel with her friends and teammates and have more time to do things in high school, etc. She would still keep the benefits of the sport---staying in shape, staying out of trouble, etc., without having to give up so much of a typical high school experience.

If she is so driven and really WANTS to do JO just to see what the best is that she can be, and she's okay with putting in the hours knowing that she may top out as a mediocre level 8 (for example, I don't really know what level she is), than as a coach, I don't think I'd stand in her way and not allow her to do it, but I do sometimes think it's cruel to let them specialize in gymnastics in 7th and 8th grades so they don't start any other sports in middle school, and then knowing that it's unlikely that they continue gymnastics throughout high school. It's not an easy situation. With my daughter, personally, I am going to encourage her to do school sports in middle school, even if it conflicts with gymnastics, because although she is good at gymnastics and likes it, she doesn't LOVE it---and it's unlikely she would continue indefinitely.

 

[Momx3]

At some point, all kids plateau. As a coach, I can usually see when it is happening. I will say, I have been wrong before, and kids have surprised me, but for the most part, I am pretty much on track.

If that's the case, it might be better to move to Xcel with her friends and teammates and have more time to do things in high school, etc. She would still keep the benefits of the sport---staying in shape, staying out of trouble, etc., without having to give up so much of a typical high school experience.

If she is so driven and really WANTS to do JO just to see what the best is that she can be, and she's okay with putting in the hours knowing that she may top out as a mediocre level 8 (for example, I don't really know what level she is), than as a coach, I don't think I'd stand in her way and not allow her to do it, but I do sometimes think it's cruel to let them specialize in gymnastics in 7th and 8th grades so they don't start any other sports in middle school, and then knowing that it's unlikely that they continue gymnastics throughout high school. It's not an easy situation. With my daughter, personally, I am going to encourage her to do school sports in middle school, even if it conflicts with gymnastics, because although she is good at gymnastics and likes it, she doesn't LOVE it---and it's unlikely she would continue indefinitely.

She may have reached her plateau, I'm not the coach but I don't want to have rose colored glasses. But she is pretty driven and maybe that's the answer right there.

 

[skschlag]

So, my 14 yo ds is goign through a gym change. Our situation is a little different, in that he has no choice. But at first, he was thinking he would just quit. It has been that difficult to even think about a new gym. He has now decided to try for a year, and see waht he thinks.

Maybe that is the option for your dd. PResent it as a "one-season-at-a-time" deal. Lay all the cards on the table. If she is ok with moving to xcel, then she stays, if not, she goes. It is that simple. But nothing is permanent. But I do think she needs to be on board with whatever decision is made. This whole process has truly allowed me to step back and realize that what I think or what does not really matter....it is his dreams, desires, and goals that matter. There have been tears on both our parts, but since i truly left it up to him, he made his decision, and he seems quite happy with it!

 

[Sasha]

Are you close enough to the other girls/parents in her 'B' group to know what they are considering? Are they all content to switch to Xcel (perfectly acceptable choice that is lots of fun)? Or are some of them feeling burned and wanting to find a JO path?

Even 1 other buddy who wants to keep pushing for JO at the new gym could ease the transition if JO is what your daughter wants.

Do you have an idea why JO is important to your daughter? It is because Xcel is somewhat looked down on at your gym and she just doesn't feel comfortable 'identifying' as an Xcel gymnast? Or does she have bigger goals that can only be accomplished in JO? Or does she really really want to go high hours?

In your story, the kicker for me is the Coach close to your daughter's group seems to believe that JO goals are possible, but is being blocked by HC, who seems to want to focus on the 'A' team. There will always be top performers vs the middle and bottom anywhere you go - not all gyms 'weed' as much. Ours, for example, will keep a hard-worker who has reached optionals in JO. She could repeat L8 for 5 years, no problem, if that's where she was, as long as she was working hard. Our gym does route some girls into Xcel, but it's usually the older L3s who aren't kipping after a few years.. that kind of thing. An optional girl isn't kicked out for lack of progress or lack of podiums.

 

[notthatmom]

The only compulsory girls I know of at our gym that have been held back have been due to age, otherwise it's one level per year. I don't really know how our gym handles the L6/7 change because they train together and there are always a small number in each level at meets.
We also don't have A\B groups, everyone is the same.

In your situation, if I had a coach who doesn't think my child has a future in the sport, I would quickly be looking for a new gym.

 

[Momx3]

If the coach says he doesn't believe in her make the switch and don't give your DD the choice.

That's one of my main problems to be honest.

 

[bookworm]

If the coach says he doesn't believe in her make the switch and don't give your DD the choice.

And this would be the reason I would switch her, period. The coach at present sees your kid as a cash cow so time to move on...I made 2 gym switches with my girls and I made the decisions and they were fine.

 

[Momx3]

Are you close enough to the other girls/parents in her 'B' group to know what they are considering? Are they all content to switch to Xcel (perfectly acceptable choice that is lots of fun)? Or are some of them feeling burned and wanting to find a JO path?

Even 1 other buddy who wants to keep pushing for JO at the new gym could ease the transition if JO is what your daughter wants.

I'm not sure many of them will stay in gym beyond this year and I don't think its a big deal for most of them, except maybe a couple, so it wouldn't work if only a couple of them wanted more hours. The gym is also quite full at all training times with all the other groups. I'm not really close to any other parents, just polite chit chat if we see each other.

Do you have an idea why JO is important to your daughter? It is because Xcel is somewhat looked down on at your gym and she just doesn't feel comfortable 'identifying' as an Xcel gymnast? Or does she have bigger goals that can only be accomplished in JO? Or does she really really want to go high hours?

My dd is still the type who loves gymnastics and she knows that this route might offer skills but she says she wants to see how far she can go in JO.

In your story, the kicker for me is the Coach close to your daughter's group seems to believe that JO goals are possible, but is being blocked by HC, who seems to want to focus on the 'A' team. There will always be top performers vs the middle and bottom anywhere you go - not all gyms 'weed' as much. Ours, for example, will keep a hard-worker who has reached optionals in JO. She could repeat L8 for 5 years, no problem, if that's where she was, as long as she was working hard. Our gym does route some girls into Xcel, but it's usually the older L3s who aren't kipping after a few years.. that kind of thing. An optional girl isn't kicked out for lack of progress or lack of podiums.

It's an awkward situation that I'm really not comfortable with.

 

[sce]

Change is scary, and especially hard for teens as they re very social focused. But have her decide what is most important. If JO is most important then that means leaving current gym and friends. If camaraderie is most important than stay where she is.

 

[MeetDirector]

You need to understand what her real goal in the sport is and then make the decision for her. Simply tell her that if her goal is competitive high-level gymnastics and beyond, the current gym has closed the door in her face on that option and it is time to move on. You have to be the Mom sometimes and make the call.

 

[Momx3]

Thanks everyone. I will be talking to her over the weekend and take it from there as time is moving fast. I was feeling that if she really has goals, I should take over, but the teen thing (letting them make decisions) was throwing me. I'll update as soon as I can.

 

[duyetanh]

That's one of my main problems to be honest.

For me, that one makes it a no brainer. They spend too much time there to have someone negatively impact their lives, and have that potentially spiral to other areas. Exit, stage left....

 

[GYM0M]

For me, that one makes it a no brainer. They spend too much time there to have someone negatively impact their lives, and have that potentially spiral to other areas. Exit, stage left....

Or just jump right off the front! LOL! I agree with this so much, but as a coach PP mentioned, there is a delicate balance. I believe in some cases, it is better for the gymmie in the long run for a coach to be honest, but in a positive way. Tough calls to be made! Sending wisdom fairies your way!