MAG motivating/discipline

[skschlag]

So again most of you know the story at our gym this year. coach quit in May, suddenly. 3 months + with no head coach, just the asst coach and a couple of college kiddos that were great, but little direction, etc.

So, the new coach is working hard, but came in Sept and has really had both feet to the fire so to speak. He is working hard with the boys but I am not so sure the boys are working hard for him.

The ages of the boys are 14,14,14,13,13,12,11,10. ALl of the older boys quit during the upheaval so we have no leaders, no role models, just a bunch of early teen/preteen boys figuring things out.

Now from the little I see and hear, it sounds like there is no respect fro the new coach (or little), they don't listen, they are not working hard, lots of goofing around. First meet in 2 weeks.

Suggestions? Ideas? I have thought about getting all the parents together to talk about it. I can talk to my son about his behavior and motivation.

But, how do you motivate a group of boys that age that have had way to much time of freedom and success? I am truly expecting a butt kicking in the first meet, but that might be what it takes. I do fear that will be too little too late.

Ok.. rambling now.....thoughts, suggestions, ideas for parents/coach, commiseration...Anything?

 

[profmom]

I think if it were me, I'd just tell mine what to expect as a consequence of the goofing off and then let the chips fall. This of course rests on the assumption that most of them will be very unhappy if the first meet goes poorly and will draw the right conclusions from the outcome.

If, however, I discovered that my child was a ringleader in the goofing off, I'd read him the riot act and possibly make him sit out a practice or two. And I'd tell him he doesn't get to waste my money or the money of other parents by distracting their boys from working.

 

[skschlag]

We talked to him a little. He feels like he is still working hard. But, he doesn't want to talk about it. He says he still loves gym, more than ever.

So, I htink he knows it is happening but isn't sure yet what to do about it, or how to do anything about it. Unfortunately, I think we will just have to let it play out over the season.

 

[sce]

I think the only way for it to be fixed is for the coach to command the discipline. The boys are at hard age, but the coach can still have higher expectations for their behavior. It might be a good idea to talk with the head coach about your concerns about the overall behavior at practice.

And I'd tell him he doesn't get to waste my money or the money of other parents by distracting their boys from working.

Ds' coach had this talk with ds' team one day.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Boys respond well to clear leadership. They need clear uses and expectations and predictable and consistent consequences for breaking them.

Sit them down and be clear that the behaviour of the group has been unacceptable and there is need for chamge. Let the, know the new rules and the new comsequences for breaking them and follow through.

But as well as discipline, motivation is important. Make sure the boys are getting the chance to have fun and learn new skills as well as do repetitive work. Once they see they can do this it can be used as a carrot. If they work hard they get to do fun drills and new skills etc.

Make sure they are busy, active and ,livimg the whole time. If they are slacking off on a drill or station, change the activity and come back to it.

 

[skschlag]

Thanks guys. The coach really is trying. He does have clear limits. I have told him that boys might have to leave if they are not there to practice. HE is young, and I know it will come. But the 3 months with no coach has given them quite the "hive" mentality!

 

[profmom]

If he's a young coach without a lot of experience working with teenagers, he may still be developing his coaching style and voice. Seems like one useful thing parents can do in that situation is to let him know that you as a group will be supportive if he wants to make them do conditioning or take away fun stuff because of too much fooling around. He may be trying to please them and you and just doesn't have the confidence to impose stricter discipline because he wants everyone to like him. It's great if they like him, but they have to respect his authority as well.

If it's any consolation, DS's coach is all the way on the other end of the age and experience scale and still has to read his optionals the riot act from time to time. That age is difficult, and while the stereotype is that teenage girls are giggly and gossipy, my personal observation is that the boys are worse! (Yes, other DS's soccer team, lookin' at you too.) OMG, if they would run their other muscles half as much as their mouths . . .

 

[skschlag]

and no one warns you about the boys!

He is getting there, and most of us have told him we are fine with whatever he needs to do (within reason of course). sitting out, conditioning, no fun games, whatever. Hoping it works soon.

 

[magmom]

I think team-building takes time. And the longer they went without a true leader, the longer it will take to get back. Unfortunately, I think that as parents, our hands are basically tied. The more we try to help, the more it can be construed as undermining the coach's authority. It sucks for sure. Your new coach has quite a big task building loyalty within the team, but he is the one who has to do it.

Curious - are the new HC and the old ACs working as a team? If not, that could make a huge difference in how the boys are responding.

 

[skschlag]

Oh yes. They are working together really well. Our AC are one that is older, and only 2 days a week, and 2 college kids that are in and out. Really, HC has this on his own

 

[munchkin3]

That's a tough group! A bunch of 12 yo 14!!! I would definitely talk to the coach first and try and have an honest conversation. It's hard because you don't want to offend the coach, who is probably doing everything he can to assert himself with these boys. Maybe a group meeting might be a good idea, just to see if there is anything you can help at home. We have strict rules for EVERYONE at home now....too much nonsense was going on in and out of gym.

The deserved stomping they will get is their own doing, so just stay out of that one.....just be ZEN about it....if they end up doing well then also be happy about it.....but you can definitely see that things are changing for these boys. It is MUCH more social as my son has completely admitted.....that is the focus. Gymnastics is second.....I think the percentage fluctuates 60/40 to 70/30, gymnastics to screwing around. ( talking, music, fake gymnastics, jokes). Coaches allow a lot, but they also ARE tough...seems like they understand they need this......weird.

My DS doctor (adhd dr) basically told my to stop my complaining about my sons behavior in gymnastics. He said the alternative is for him to stop gymnastics and do some other school sport, where a high percentage of kids are drinking or exposed to drugs. I'll pay the $350 to keep him around the best kids possible.....

I have become very rigid at home, in a schedule big time. No tv, no computer, no phone, from the time school is out, until ALL Homework is done, and all extracurriculars are complete......TV, Computer, Phone, time is EARNED depending on the weeks performance......I do not factor in gymnastics much, because it is HIS thing.......but I find that if he is on the ball with everything else, he is also more focused at gym.

One other thing, I have found that this process of my son going from awesome state champion, and regional champion, and being awesome, to basically sucking, is harder for me than him. He is totally fine with it, and knows he has to finish puberty. Until then, he is hanging on and coping.......that is a big lesson too.

 

[skschlag]

thanks munchkin- that is exactly what I needed. We are cracking down too, but not sur ehow it is helping yet. Teenage boys need a warning label!

 

[profmom]

Yeah, they screw around oh so much in the gym, but if anyone were to look at their instagram accounts, they would get the impression that they are all TOTAL BAD-YOU-KNOW-WHAT gymnast-ninja warriors! Yeah, man, WE WORK OUT!

God grant me the serenity to accept the teenage behaviors I cannot change; courage to crack down on the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Oh, and a few extra helpings of patience and forebearance, and maybe an extra-large Xanax prescription for the next several years. If they can just make it to the other side of puberty in one piece and still in love with gym or some other healthy sport, all will be well.

 

[munchkin3]

Profmom!!! That is totally funny!!!! you are so right! My son talks about gymnastics to his non gymnastics friends, and I swear he's going to the Olympics......then he gets totally annoyed with me for 'being' in the gym for 5 minutes!!!!!! Like I don't know reality!!

Truth is, I don't care if he sucks right now. I just want to make sure he is not disrupting class, or causing problems, which I have been assured by ALL coaches, he is not. They all love him, and appreciate his current condition.

From there, I will take your prayer, and repeat like a mantra..........God give me the patience......

 

[sce]

My DS doctor (adhd dr) basically told my to stop my complaining about my sons behavior in gymnastics. He said the alternative is for him to stop gymnastics and do some other school sport, where a high percentage of kids are drinking or exposed to drugs. I'll pay the $350 to keep him around the best kids possible.....

Well, when you put it that way.

 

[skschlag]

I agree with the behaviors. We are struggling at home with the same stuff. today has been hard. but I know it is a short lived season of life......

 

[Alyssa S.]

I think team-building takes time. And the longer they went without a true leader, the longer it will take to get back. Unfortunately, I think that as parents, our hands are basically tied. The more we try to help, the more it can be construed as undermining the coach's authority. It sucks for sure. Your new coach has quite a big task building loyalty within the team, but he is the one who has to do it.

Curious - are the new HC and the old ACs working as a team? If not, that could make a huge difference in how the boys are responding.

Coaches and gym owners could benefit greatly by identifying parents that are fully capable of making serious contributions. The fact that parents feel their hands tied is palpable and unfortunate.

I believe there is a market for future gyms that LEARN to synergize habitually--not compromise--with parents. This is a major cultural/organizational weakness founded in false dichotomies, such as "a parent should not try to be a coach; it's our job to....it's their job to.... You wouldn't tell your doctor what to do....Are you a gymnastics coach?!"

Coaches and teachers who commit to continuous improvement/learning--even from parents--are superior teachers. Those who guard against perceived encroachment by parents are limited by their own prejudice (e.g. pre-judging that parental input is bad).

Instead of challenging parents, coaches should: (1) lead parents and themselves ALWAYS to ask what is best in THIS particular situation; (2) presume that the best solutions are almost always the result of creative/new understandings (not merely prior experience), which must flow from input and feedback, especially from parents; and, (3) demonstrate that your strength from 'understanding another' does NOT mean 'agreement'--instead, your effort to 'understand' their input is part of a search for new creative solutions to determine what is BEST for this particular situation.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

@Alyssa S. , is English your second language because I am having a little trouble understanding your meaning in a lot of what you say, and my comprehension of two languages is excellent (having higher degrees in both).

 

[skschlag]

alyssa-
I am not sure you understand...the coach IS talking to the parents, asking for advice, and working with us to figure it out. That is why I know so mcuh about the situation.

ETA: I do think, however much he works with us, in the gym, at that moment, he IS in charge. He does have to have that respect and authority. That is not the place for a parent to intervene....

 

[Alyssa S.]

@Alyssa S. , is English your second language because I am having a little trouble understanding your meaning in a lot of what you say, and my comprehension of two languages is excellent (having higher degrees in both).

What don't you understand (if you are being sincere)?