For Parents My DD's whole group quit

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peanutgymnast

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My daughter competed Level 4 last year and is now training Level 5. All of the girls in her level 4 group(8 girls) have now quit and moved to other gyms. Their moms were mad that they didn't move into the Level 5 group and were stuck with the horrible level 4 coach we had last year.

My daughter is so sad, they were her friends and now she has no one left. She was moved to the group with the better coach but she doesn't understand why all her friends all quit. I am unsure how to explain it to her. She keeps asking why she doesn't move gyms.

On top of it her horrible Level 4 coach keeps asking her to find out what gyms all the girls moved to. She is 7 years old and they keep hounding her and asking her to find out and tell them.

Thanks for listening
Lisa

Still in shock that gym would lose $3000.00 a month and keep a horrible Level 4 coach instead.
 
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gymnut1

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If you are brave enough you should have a very private meeting with the head coach/ owner. Tell them that the reason these children have moved is because of the coach. Have they been made aware already about how unpopular this coach is and why. They really need to know. You do definitely need to ask that none of the coaches hound your daughter for information. Point out that it is making her feel very uncomfortable and if it continues might stop her wanting to come to gym as well! Good luck. Hope it all settles down again.
 

bogwoppit

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Totally agree with gymnut, a private meeting is definitely in order. You need to be able to make it clear that your DD has no idea about the gym goings on and that she needs to be left alone.

As for you DD all you can do is tell her that this happends a lot, all through life in different ways. She is greiving the loss and it is normal for her to be sad. She will make new friends and be fine.

A very unpleasant shock for all concerned. Shame about that coach though.
 
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nettyinpa

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I agree with what the others said, too. For one or two girls to move on is one thing, but the whole team? And that's just not right for them to be hounding your dd like that. At 7 she doesn't need that pressure on top of everything else. If they really want to know, they can find out another way.

Definately meet with the owner or HC. They should be available to listen to you and to your concerns.

I wish you and dd luck!
 

mariposa

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Sep 25, 2007
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I am sure your DD is very sad and it doesn't help to have a coach asking her where her friends are. How unprofessional.

One of DDs friends tried out at her new gym and they didn't let her on team. When she went back to practice at her gym, one of the coaches asked her, "So where did you try out? XXX gym? YYY gym?" Get a life, lady, geez.

Anyway, I would probably talk to the owner as well, if nothing else to tell him/her to talk to this coach and remind him that she is a child and to leave her alone.

Hope your DD makes lots of new friends at level 5!
 
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NOG

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I agree with the other posts. A meeting is in order to remind the coaches that a 7yr. old is not a witness for interrogation and that they are not to ask her again what gyms the other girls are at. She is 7 for heaven's sake. I'm sure that she doesn't understand what's going on the political arena of the gym, and they should not put her in the awkard position of having to choose loyalties---they may not like the end result if they push her too far. No kid wants to submit for repeated questioning all the time and then feel guilty (if she know what they want and can't say), or just confused by all the DRAMA. Also a good idea, if they don't know already, to let the owner/HC know why the entire Level walked. If the coach is that big of a problem, the situation needs to be addressed before more walk or don't join. I'm assuming though that an entire level doesn't walk out the door without 1st trying to resolve the situation in some way first, or at least letting them know why they are leaving. Things will not get better without some affirmative action.

At any rate, let your dd know that her friends leaving in NO way has anything to do with her. That they will be missing her as well and that just because they moved gyms, that doesn't mean that she can't still be friends with them. Tell her that her friends departure had more to do with the parents/gymmies unhappiness with a coaching issue and that that doesn't mean that she'll have those same issues. As long as she is happy where is she is, things will improve and she'll make new friends and still be able to keep her old friends (just won't see them as much). We still have friends from our old gym and go to watch them compete and cheer them on whenever we can. We have friends from gyms that my dd never went to, but have competed against often, and always make sure to stop and say hello whenever we see them as well. It's pretty cool to have friends from all over. Make sure that she sees the benefits of that. It's always special to run into friends at meets, especially when it's a suprise.

Good luck....I hope that the gym calms down soon for your dds sake.
 
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TeamDad

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On top of it her horrible Level 4 coach keeps asking her to find out what gyms all the girls moved to. She is 7 years old and they keep hounding her and asking her to find out and tell them.
Next time 'that' coach asks her, tell her to give the coach this look:


and say: "you mean none of my friends are coming back?" He probably won't ask again.

or she could say:


sorry, it's highly sensitive top secret information. I could tell you...but then I'd have to kill you...and then with a straight face, just coyly walk away....it'll totally blow his/her mind

or she could say:

"I'm currently assembling all the data and I should be able to present it to you once my organizational flow charts are back from the printer and I've had a chance to ascertain the credibility of the source information and crunch the numbers"

and lastly, she could simply say:

"why don't you ask them?"
 
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peanutgymnast

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Thanks everyone. I am going to try and get a meeting in the next few days. And dad I love the posts they are great. My daughter is quite good at the big eyed cat look too.


Thanks,
Lisa
 
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cher062

Guest
I agree with all the advice given here too. Just want to add that even though all the girls left she still has the level 5 girls to make new friends with. When I look back a the level 4 team my DD competed with only 2 other girls are still at the gym and we had a team of almost 20 level 4 girls. Let DD know she will see them again at meets during the year and its OK to talk to girls from other gyms. If there are a few girls or families you were close to keep in touch with play dates etc.

I would talk to the owner too and let him know of your concerns and let him know you want your daughter left alone on this topic.
 

gym law mom

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Dec 23, 2006
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Would be interesting to get the owner's "take" on the L4 team. They may not put alot of stock in the L4s and figure even with 8 girls leaving, they'll have a nice new group to move up to that level. I would be a little concerned though about any gym that sees a whole team leave and there is little reaction(at least that you can see) except to pester your 7yo about where these girls have gone. I think you have several red flags at this gym and I would keep ears/eyes open regarding dd even after talking with the owner.

Your poor dd is really stuck isn't she? Friends have left and a coach is in her face asking about them. Encourage her to keep in touch and set up some lunches/play time with her former teammates. Hopefully the L5 girls will make her feel included rather quickly.
 
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cher062

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I would be a little concerned though about any gym that sees a whole team leave and there is little reaction(at least that you can see) except to pester your 7yo about where these girls have gone. I think you have several red flags at this gym and I would keep ears/eyes open regarding dd even after talking with the owner.
I was thinking the same thing.
 
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