Parents New to group/question

[LeslieNicole2018]

Hi! I have been lurking on the site for a while, reading posts and learning so much about the world of gymnastics. What a great resource! I am happy to now be an official member.

Question:

My daughter is a new level four. She has been at her current gym for about a year. She was at another gym from age 2 - 7...left because gym did not act quickly (took years) for them to remove a coach who was emotionally abusive to the girls there. Just not safe, but the physical training part was way better — state of the art equipment and gym. Current gym does not have a tumble track or a pit; the floor is so old it has lost its spring. Some of the equipment needs updating. The coach spends great lengths of time talking to the girls — sometimes over an hour at each practice, drastically reducing their training time. Their scheduled workout time is 15 hours per week. With him talking so much, it is more like 8 hours per week. The highest level this coach has trained is level 7 TAAF. My daughter has been told she has potential/longevity in the sport and has an opportunity to visit two gyms that are both two hours away. This will impact school — will probably have to homeschool if she does this. Oddly enough, if we choose a morning workout time, we will actually have MORE family time together in the evenings and will not have to miss her siblings’ sports/activities.

So, do we stay at shoddy-talky gym and ride it out, or go for new training opportunity? Words of wisdom? Advice on how training far from home works for your kid and family?

Thanks!

 

[Flyaway]

I think for longevity's sake, you have to look into other gyms that at least are capable of training up to level 10 and maybe beyond. You immediately limit your gymnast's future by staying at a gym that is not prepared to go beyond level 7. There are still plenty of unknowns, but if you have the option of other gyms, it doesn't hurt to explore them. Are the only options 2 hours away? Nothing closer? Regardless of getting more time in the evening, a 4 hour round trip is a huge commitment.

PS - the coach really talks for the equivalent of 7 hours a week?! Seriously?

 

[meganliz77]

I think for longevity's sake, you have to look into other gyms that at least are capable of training up to level 10 and maybe beyond. You immediately limit your gymnast's future by staying at a gym that is not prepared to go beyond level 7. There are still plenty of unknowns, but if you have the option of other gyms, it doesn't hurt to explore them. Are the only options 2 hours away? Nothing closer? Regardless of getting more time in the evening, a 4 hour round trip is a huge commitment.

PS - the coach really talks for the equivalent of 7 hours a week?! Seriously?

Agreed - 4 hours is a HUGE commitment. I drive 1 hour to take DD to gym, but she and her siblings go to school in that same town, I work there, as does her father. Our days are long and our nights are late. But at least we are already coming here everyday. There is another family that, despite having a gym in their hometown, moved their DD's to ours due to coaching and their potential. They drive about 85 minutes one way. They do it, and their daughters have been quite successful, but it certainly is a family-made commitment.

In your situation, it sounds like an even greater commitment with homeschooling and such a lengthy commute. (And then as the parent, what do you during the endless training hours while you wait? Uggh.. the thought! LOL )

Given what I know at this point in my DD's gymnastics career, if a better gym was 2 hours away, and we would have to homeschool, and change our whole life around (even more than we already do for her sport at this point)etc., we wouldn't do it. She's talented, but she would need to be like a STAND-OUT talent for us to even consider it, but that is just us. ( I have also seen a lot of talented kids end gymnastics come puberty or struggle with injuries and mental blocks -- and if that came after making so many accommodations, ugggh). And there a lot of parents on this board with a lot of extremely talented kids who probably are commuting that far, and maybe a lot of parents with kids like my DD who are commuting that distance too.

I certainly understand wanting to give your DD the best opportunity to be successful. Ultimately, it will come down to a family decision and what will work best for all of you. It's too bad the other opportunities are so far away!!

 

[CLgym]

Welcome. Is your DD age 8 (Level 4)? Is this her first year competing?

I think many folks on this site would agree that you might eventually need to move your DD to a gym capable of training higher level gymnasts -- although some might think you need to make the move sooner than others. In my opinion, I don't think there is much harm in waiting awhile to see how things play out, especially given the HUGE commute you would be facing. That kind of commute would not even be an option for our family given there are 3 kids vying for my time and attention! (Plus, I can barely stand my current daily gymnastics drive as it is -- 30 minutes one way but 2 hours total when you count my back-and-forth from home).

Regarding homeschooling, this is a hot-button topic here with many (equally valid) positions. I think you will have to search within yourself to get the right answer on that one. Personally, I would not homeschool solely for gymnastics at age 8 / Level 4 -- but that's just me -- unless my DD was already successfully headed down some kind of elite path (e.g., Developmental Invite Camps or national Tops team). But honestly, there is no right or wrong on that issue... just personal preference. We have a few kids that participate in a virtual school program at our gym -- they are mostly age 9 and competing Levels 7 or 8.

Finally, it sounds like the abusive coach from your first gym is finally gone? If so, is returning there an option?

Good luck.

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

I think for longevity's sake, you have to look into other gyms that at least are capable of training up to level 10 and maybe beyond. You immediately limit your gymnast's future by staying at a gym that is not prepared to go beyond level 7. There are still plenty of unknowns, but if you have the option of other gyms, it doesn't hurt to explore them. Are the only options 2 hours away? Nothing closer? Regardless of getting more time in the evening, a 4 hour round trip is a huge commitment.

PS - the coach really talks for the equivalent of 7 hours a week?! Seriously?

Thanks for the response!

YES! At first, I thought I was nuts, but every evening the girls are there, he talks for at least 30 minutes. My mother-in-law and I can both attest to him talking for at least 1.5 hours on more than one occasion. He talks to the girls like it is a college lecture, then gets mad if they are wiggly. My own daughter said, "Mama, I just feel like my body needs to get up and MOVE when he is talking! It's TOO MUCH! LOL

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

Thanks for the response!

Thanks for the response!

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

I think for longevity's sake, you have to look into other gyms that at least are capable of training up to level 10 and maybe beyond. You immediately limit your gymnast's future by staying at a gym that is not prepared to go beyond level 7. There are still plenty of unknowns, but if you have the option of other gyms, it doesn't hurt to explore them. Are the only options 2 hours away? Nothing closer? Regardless of getting more time in the evening, a 4 hour round trip is a huge commitment.

PS - the coach really talks for the equivalent of 7 hours a week?! Seriously?

YES! At first, I thought I was nuts, but every evening the girls are there, he talks for at least 30 minutes. My mother-in-law and I can both attest to him talking for at least 1.5 hours on more than one occasion. He talks to the girls like it is a college lecture, then gets mad if they are wiggly. My own daughter said, "Mama, I just feel like my body needs to get up and MOVE when he is talking! It's TOO MUCH! LOL[/QUOTE]

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

Welcome. Is your DD age 8 (Level 4)? Is this her first year competing?

I think many folks on this site would agree that you might eventually need to move your DD to a gym capable of training higher level gymnasts -- although some might think you need to make the move sooner than others. In my opinion, I don't think there is much harm in waiting awhile to see how things play out, especially given the HUGE commute you would be facing. That kind of commute would not even be an option for our family given there are 3 kids vying for my time and attention! (Plus, I can barely stand my current daily gymnastics drive as it is -- 30 minutes one way but 2 hours total when you count my back-and-forth from home).

Regarding homeschooling, this is a hot-button topic here with many (equally valid) positions. I think you will have to search within yourself to get the right answer on that one. Personally, I would not homeschool solely for gymnastics at age 8 / Level 4 -- but that's just me -- unless my DD was already successfully headed down some kind of elite path (e.g., Developmental Invite Camps or national Tops team). But honestly, there is no right or wrong on that issue... just personal preference. We have a few kids that participate in a virtual school program at our gym -- they are mostly age 9 and competing Levels 7 or 8.

Finally, it sounds like the abusive coach from your first gym is finally gone? If so, is returning there an option?

Good luck.

Thanks for the honest response. I appreciate all of the points you made, and all are being taken into consideration. I agree -- there is always a hot debate between homeschool, public school and private school, even among families who do not have a child in competitive gymnastics! A few points to clarify: 1. We will be carpooling/splitting the drive with another family -- if we choose a morning workout, we will be home on time to pick-up our other children from school. We would actually be GAINING family time in the evening -- we would get time back. That sounds bizarre in the life of a gym family, right? LOL. 2. We have a great community that has homeschool co-ops -- the homeschool kids go to the co-op for two days per week to get "enrichments" (art, music, foreign language -- just to name a few). They are taught by certified teachers and get to be around other kids their own age, which is great. The other three days they are doing their school work at home. My job would be to help her with school work on the days she is not at "co-op". I am too terrified to homeschool on my own without major support! 3. The previous gym fired the abusive coach, however, they took way too long (in my opinion) to remove the coach. Complaints had trickled in for years and were ignored/not taken seriously. I knew something was wrong with my daughter, but I couldn't figure out what it was. She finally broke down and told me what had been going on. I pulled her immediately. Done. Over. You don't get a second to chance to make my kid feel like she is NOTHING (I don't mean firm, constructive, much needed gymnastics correction -- I mean words like "fat", "you are lazy", "you are stupid", "you are dumb", "I'm going to let you FALL"). The guy had a serious anger issue, and he took it out on little girls in leotards. Not okay. That was the long version of why the previous gym is off the table. 4. The current gym has had a few injuries that I feel were preventable -- I think a couple of the injuries are due to the spring floor not being springy anymore.

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

Welcome. Is your DD age 8 (Level 4)? Is this her first year competing?

I think many folks on this site would agree that you might eventually need to move your DD to a gym capable of training higher level gymnasts -- although some might think you need to make the move sooner than others. In my opinion, I don't think there is much harm in waiting awhile to see how things play out, especially given the HUGE commute you would be facing. That kind of commute would not even be an option for our family given there are 3 kids vying for my time and attention! (Plus, I can barely stand my current daily gymnastics drive as it is -- 30 minutes one way but 2 hours total when you count my back-and-forth from home).

Regarding homeschooling, this is a hot-button topic here with many (equally valid) positions. I think you will have to search within yourself to get the right answer on that one. Personally, I would not homeschool solely for gymnastics at age 8 / Level 4 -- but that's just me -- unless my DD was already successfully headed down some kind of elite path (e.g., Developmental Invite Camps or national Tops team). But honestly, there is no right or wrong on that issue... just personal preference. We have a few kids that participate in a virtual school program at our gym -- they are mostly age 9 and competing Levels 7 or 8.

Finally, it sounds like the abusive coach from your first gym is finally gone? If so, is returning there an option?

Good luck.

Sorry -- I forgot to say that this is not her first year competing. She competed level 2 and 3 previously.

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

It looks like I am replying all over the place! Forgive my newness! LOL I should also say that, this year at current gym has allowed her to heal from negative experiences at her previous gym. However, I can also see that her physical strength and flexibility have deteriorated. We all know how much time and effort a gymnast puts into building her strength and flexibility. I am afraid if we give it more time at this gym, she will develop more bad habits and will not have any strength or flexibility left to speak of.

 

[CLgym]

Honestly it sounds like you have a given this a lot of thought and have a pretty good plan with respect to the carpool, homeschool co-op, etc. And you also sound pretty excited to give the new plan a try. Could you give it a whirl and see how it goes for a period of time? I agree that neither of your local gyms sounds ideal (and good for you for getting your DD out of an abusive situation!!). Whatever you decide, best of luck. Please stick around and keep us posted!

 

[sewgood]

In your situation, I would do the commute and homeschool option. Of your two local gyms, one is unsafe emotionally and the other is unsafe physically. If she wants to continue in this sport long term, I think you're going to have to move on.

 

[suebee]

I am confused about when your child would do co-op and homeschooling if she would be at gym during the day time (typical school hours) and you’d have to drive 2 hours each way to do it. I would imagine that with practice and the driving, this would be most of, if not all, the typical school hours. You’d be home in time to pick up the other kids from school, and take them to their activities - so when would she do her homeschooling? Wouldn’t it have to be in the evening then? And then goes the family time?

What hours/days would she be in the gym as a L4?

I’d also worry about whether that schedule/commute would be sustainable as the gym hours for longer. Especially if you have other kids who have their own activities.

 

[l.c.o]

Don't underestimate the impact of a four-hour drive (round trip).

And while you may have carpool now, remember that may not always be the case. Kids quit, kids switch training groups, families move, etc. We have carpooled with three different families over the years and currently have no carpool. And our 20 minute commute often feels like it never ends without a carpool.

I also second what @suebee stated above. What is the plan for homeschooling/coop/etc? Cause plan for a minimum of 3 hours per day of work. Sure, some can be done in the car, but it's likely she'll have distractions (music, teammate, scenery), so don't count on 2/4 full hours of work. My DD homeschooled, and she spent 4-5 hours per day on school. And I personally spent much time each day assisting DD, planning, and correcting tests, etc.

I am not necessarily trying to discourage you. To me it sounds like you have a pretty good idea that you desire to move forward with the switch. I'm just trying to play devil's advocate. If your DD goes the distance wth this sport, you could be looking at ten years of this commute. That is a long time!

 

[raenndrops]

In your situation, I would do the commute and homeschool option. Of your two local gyms, one is unsafe emotionally and the other is unsafe physically. If she wants to continue in this sport long term, I think you're going to have to move on.

Lol, I am going to shock some people by agreeing... move her. Home school. Do the commute. The carpool and more family time were put me over the top versus the wait and see option

I have a friend that homeschools for non-gym reasons and she gets her content mostly free from various websites. There are tutorials that teach the content and if you are facilitating her learning, all you have to do is watch the tutorials.

OP, good luck with your decision.

 

[gymgal]

From the original post and replies, it sounds like you really want to do the move to the new gym and just want confirmation that it is the right thing to do. We all have to make those decisions based on our personal family dynamics. All I can say is that I would never do a 2 hour commute each way for compulsory gymnastics. Heck! I wouldn't do it for L10. It is not about family time at that point. It is about quality of life - as in we would have any with 4 hours in the car every day. I would try to find something closer that would be "good enough" or I would look into actually moving closer to the gym that I felt was better for dd, but only if it benefited the family as a whole.

I think there are a few parents here who do make a 1.5-2hr commute one way each day. Hopefully they will weigh in soon.

 

[Madden3]

Hi, since one option you are considering would involve homeschooling, here is my take on homeschooling and gymnastics.

I homeschool my two oldest children- this is our 4th year. Before that they were in a public charter school that we freely chose and for the most part were very happy with. My youngest is in Kindergarten there now. We live near out gym, and our gym only has after school practices. Just wanted to give that background to explain we were not a family that “had” to homeschool for any reason.

So, I think that when it comes to homeschooling, many tend to think there should be some super compelling reason or multiple reasons to do so. I used to hold the same view- there was a time I would have shuddered at the thought of homeschooling only because of “gym.”

But why did I think that? I guess I figured that homeschooling was “less than” school-schooling, or perhaps I thought that straying outside the norm of sending kids to school-school is a choice so difficult or odd, it requires a major reason. Personally I always felt a pull to homeschool, but was terrified to do so for many years.

But personal experience and years of getting to know many homeschooling families has taught me that, in fact, there need not be any compelling reason to choose to homeschool. What is important is that homeschooling suits your child, you, and your family. If it does, then there is no reason to think of homeschooling as “less than.” Because it will not be! Different? Yes. Very. Less than? No. Not if a parent is a responsible homeschooling parent.

On the other hand, if homeschooling is NOT a good fit for your child, you, or your family, and homeschooling rather than school-schooling is causing harm- hurting a child’s progress in learning, or hurting your relationship, or making your child unhappy etc.- then what reason to homeschool could possibly be compelling enough to continue? I cannot think of one.

So now I think of it this way. Looking at your life and your child’s life as a whole, is there some compelling reason to NOT homeschool? Obviously for many families and kids, there are compelling reasons homeschooling is not a good choice. And that would be my deciding factor, not the other way around.

Since there are many ways to homeschool (so you can make adjustments as needed) and, after what looks like considerable thought, you seem willing to consider homeschooling, my suspicion is that your daughter will do great homeschooled. If that ever turns out to not be the case, you can always choose a different path at any time.

Also FYI when homeschooling, the amount of time, daily or weekly, officially spent on “school” varies a good deal child to child and family to family, with many families finding that official “school time” is quite low. It all depends on how a child learns, expectations of the parent, type of curriculum/materials/educational approach used, age, grade, subjects tackled, etc. One thing you can usually count on is that your homeschooled child will learn the same amount of material as her school-schooled counterparts in much less time than they do, because so much time in school is spent on classroom management. I have also found that just as with school- school, generally the higher the grade, the more time spent on “school work."

 

[raenndrops]

From the original post and replies, it sounds like you really want to do the move to the new gym and just want confirmation that it is the right thing to do. We all have to make those decisions based on our personal family dynamics. All I can say is that I would never do a 2 hour commute each way for compulsory gymnastics. Heck! I wouldn't do it for L10. It is not about family time at that point. It is about quality of life - as in we would have any with 4 hours in the car every day. I would try to find something closer that would be "good enough" or I would look into actually moving closer to the gym that I felt was better for dd, but only if it benefited the family as a whole.

I think there are a few parents here who do make a 1.5-2hr commute one way each day. Hopefully they will weigh in soon.

They wouldnt have to do the drive all the time because they would carpool.

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

I am confused about when your child would do co-op and homeschooling if she would be at gym during the day time (typical school hours) and you’d have to drive 2 hours each way to do it. I would imagine that with practice and the driving, this would be most of, if not all, the typical school hours. You’d be home in time to pick up the other kids from school, and take them to their activities - so when would she do her homeschooling? Wouldn’t it have to be in the evening then? And then goes the family time?

What hours/days would she be in the gym as a L4?

I’d also worry about whether that schedule/commute would be sustainable as the gym hours for longer. Especially if you have other kids who have their own activities.

Valid questions! Thanks for the response. 1. Co-op would be Tuesdays and Thursdays. 2. Gymnastics would be from 8 - 12 MWF 3. 2 hour drive home -- puts us home at 2:00. Other two kids get out of school at 3:00. Currently, my non-gym daughter has one 30 minute lesson once per week and it's right down the street from my house. My son has 1.5 hours of activity per week, and it's the same thing -- once per week and right down the street from our house -- as in two minutes away -- their dad runs them to those quick lessons then home. So, this change would oddly enough add family being home more in the evenings for gym kid and allow her MORE time to do her homework than she currently has now. I am mainly worried abou

Hi, since one option you are considering would involve homeschooling, here is my take on homeschooling and gymnastics.

I homeschool my two oldest children- this is our 4th year. Before that they were in a public charter school that we freely chose and for the most part were very happy with. My youngest is in Kindergarten there now. We live near out gym, and our gym only has after school practices. Just wanted to give that background to explain we were not a family that “had” to homeschool for any reason.

So, I think that when it comes to homeschooling, many tend to think there should be some super compelling reason or multiple reasons to do so. I used to hold the same view- there was a time I would have shuddered at the thought of homeschooling only because of “gym.”

But why did I think that? I guess I figured that homeschooling was “less than” school-schooling, or perhaps I thought that straying outside the norm of sending kids to school-school is a choice so difficult or odd, it requires a major reason. Personally I always felt a pull to homeschool, but was terrified to do so for many years.

But personal experience and years of getting to know many homeschooling families has taught me that, in fact, there need not be any compelling reason to choose to homeschool. What is important is that homeschooling suits your child, you, and your family. If it does, then there is no reason to think of homeschooling as “less than.” Because it will not be! Different? Yes. Very. Less than? No. Not if a parent is a responsible homeschooling parent.

On the other hand, if homeschooling is NOT a good fit for your child, you, or your family, and homeschooling rather than school-schooling is causing harm- hurting a child’s progress in learning, or hurting your relationship, or making your child unhappy etc.- then what reason to homeschool could possibly be compelling enough to continue? I cannot think of one.

So now I think of it this way. Looking at your life and your child’s life as a whole, is there some compelling reason to NOT homeschool? Obviously for many families and kids, there are compelling reasons homeschooling is not a good choice. And that would be my deciding factor, not the other way around.

Since there are many ways to homeschool (so you can make adjustments as needed) and, after what looks like considerable thought, you seem willing to consider homeschooling, my suspicion is that your daughter will do great homeschooled. If that ever turns out to not be the case, you can always choose a different path at any time.

Also FYI when homeschooling, the amount of time, daily or weekly, officially spent on “school” varies a good deal child to child and family to family, with many families finding that official “school time” is quite low. It all depends on how a child learns, expectations of the parent, type of curriculum/materials/educational approach used, age, grade, subjects tackled, etc. One thing you can usually count on is that your homeschooled child will learn the same amount of material as her school-schooled counterparts in much less time than they do, because so much time in school is spent on classroom management. I have also found that just as with school- school, generally the higher the grade, the more time spent on “school work."

Don't underestimate the impact of a four-hour drive (round trip).

And while you may have carpool now, remember that may not always be the case. Kids quit, kids switch training groups, families move, etc. We have carpooled with three different families over the years and currently have no carpool. And our 20 minute commute often feels like it never ends without a carpool.
I agree. Thanks for responding! Very valid points. We are planning as if we will NOT have a carpool and will be happy IF the carpool works out!

I also second what @suebee stated above. What is the plan for homeschooling/coop/etc? Cause plan for a minimum of 3 hours per day of work. Sure, some can be done in the car, but it's likely she'll have distractions (music, teammate, scenery), so don't count on 2/4 full hours of work. My DD homeschooled, and she spent 4-5 hours per day on school. And I personally spent much time each day assisting DD, planning, and correcting tests, etc.

Valid point. We are not planning to use car time as school time, unless it involves reading a book or going over spelling words, etc.

I am not necessarily trying to discourage you. To me it sounds like you have a pretty good idea that you desire to move forward with the switch. I'm just trying to play devil's advocate. If your DD goes the distance wth this sport, you could be looking at ten years of this commute. That is a long time!

Don't underestimate the impact of a four-hour drive (round trip).

And while you may have carpool now, remember that may not always be the case. Kids quit, kids switch training groups, families move, etc. We have carpooled with three different families over the years and currently have no carpool. And our 20 minute commute often feels like it never ends without a carpool.

I also second what @suebee stated above. What is the plan for homeschooling/coop/etc? Cause plan for a minimum of 3 hours per day of work. Sure, some can be done in the car, but it's likely she'll have distractions (music, teammate, scenery), so don't count on 2/4 full hours of work. My DD homeschooled, and she spent 4-5 hours per day on school. And I personally spent much time each day assisting DD, planning, and correcting tests, etc.

I am not necessarily trying to discourage you. To me it sounds like you have a pretty good idea that you desire to move forward with the switch. I'm just trying to play devil's advocate. If your DD goes the distance wth this sport, you could be looking at ten years of this commute. That is a long time!

I think for longevity's sake, you have to look into other gyms that at least are capable of training up to level 10 and maybe beyond. You immediately limit your gymnast's future by staying at a gym that is not prepared to go beyond level 7. There are still plenty of unknowns, but if you have the option of other gyms, it doesn't hurt to explore them. Are the only options 2 hours away? Nothing closer? Regardless of getting more time in the evening, a 4 hour round trip is a huge commitment.

PS - the coach really talks for the equivalent of 7 hours a week?! Seriously?

Lol, I am going to shock some people by agreeing... move her. Home school. Do the commute. The carpool and more family time were put me over the top versus the wait and see option

I have a friend that homeschools for non-gym reasons and she gets her content mostly free from various websites. There are tutorials that teach the content and if you are facilitating her learning, all you have to do is watch the tutorials.

OP, good luck with your decision.

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

Valid questions! Thanks for the response. 1. Co-op would be Tuesdays and Thursdays. 2. Gymnastics would be from 8 - 12 MWF 3. 2 hour drive home -- puts us home at 2:00. Other two kids get out of school at 3:00. Currently, my non-gym daughter has one 30 minute lesson once per week and it's right down the street from my house. My son has 1.5 hours of activity per week, and it's the same thing -- once per week and right down the street from our house -- as in two minutes away -- their dad runs them to those quick lessons then home. So, this change would oddly enough add family being home more in the evenings for gym kid and allow her MORE time to do her homework than she currently has now.

Lol, I am going to shock some people by agreeing... move her. Home school. Do the commute. The carpool and more family time were put me over the top versus the wait and see option

I have a friend that homeschools for non-gym reasons and she gets her content mostly free from various websites. There are tutorials that teach the content and if you are facilitating her learning, all you have to do is watch the tutorials.

OP, good luck with your decision.