Parents New to group/question

[LeslieNicole2018]

Thanks so much for all of the responses!

I posted here not because I want everyone to agree with me and cheer me on, but because I knew that you would help me to analyze the different aspects of all that commuting really involves. Thanks so much for not just the encouragement, but for the "NUH-UH...I would NEVER do that" comments, also!

1. So, what would I be doing during those four hours at the gym? My own school work! I am in a Master's program. I can actually write papers while she works out.
2. Homeschool. Thanks so much for sharing experiences with homeschooling. We have many friends who homeschool and do it well. Our community has a wealth of options and resources for homeschooling families, so I wouldn't just be out on my own without support. The Tuesday/Thursday co-op option keeps me from having to introduce new concepts, which is great.
3. I know it sounds weird to say that we would actually have MORE family time, but it's true. We really would -- even with homework and the activities of two other kids added in. Switching to a morning workout schedule and a homeschool program would really give my kid her life back in so many ways.
4. Of course, the main negative in all of this is the two hour commute -- four hours round trip -- and the fact that carpool buddies cannot be depended upon to save the day forever. Someone mentioned "quality of life", which is a valid point.
5. There is definitely no option for long term training at our current gym.
6. IF we try this commute with a homeschool option, we would be doing so with the mindset that our daughter is NINE. She could change her mind. We have told her that if we go through all of this we are sticking with it for at least a year -- she can't go back and forth at will -- we just won't allow it because the changes and impact of these decisions are too stressful on everyone involved.

I hope I addressed all of the questions you asked. We are touring the potential gyms next week. I will keep you posted on how it goes!

 

[txgymfan]

You've thought it out and I understand your logic. Good luck with the try out. I'm in the "not me, no way, never" camp. I don't love driving and a one hour commute each way is the longest I'll consider for anything that happens more than once a week.

 

[kayjaybe]

I think my concern would be the long term. Right now at L4, it is 3 days/week and your other two have minimal activities. How old are they? I’m assuming elementary age.

What happens when your dd’s hours pick up and so do the other kids? How will you build 4 hours of commuting 5 days/week + multiple days of activities plus possible commutes for the other kids into your schedule?

Something would likely have to give. Then you may either need to stop your dd’s schedule or have the other kid’s opportunities limited by it. It is much easier to make that choice now while they are younger than to force them to be pulled from something when they are older and more invested.

Also, what area of the country do you live in? Is it possible your 2-hour drive could turn into 3+ hours in the winter?

 

[gymgal]

They wouldnt have to do the drive all the time because they would carpool.

The parent may not but the child certainly would.

About homeschooling hours: If the co-op is T-R and gym is MWF, with your other children coming home at 3 and you getting back from gym at 2, that's not leaving much concentrated time for school. I suppose she could use the car time to get some work done but this is only if she is a great independent learner and is highly motivated for school - and can get work done in the car. I have one child who gets sick when he tries to read in the car and another who goes to sleep minutes from pulling away from the curb. Not saying you can't make this work (weekends perhaps) but it is something to think about.

 

[jessifrostR]

Is moving closer to to the gym an option? I'd move before commuting that far for several years.

 

[gymbeam]

I’m also in the “no way” camp.

Even if the math adds up to more free time on paper, I would be one miserable momma with that routine- and so would my kid.

I think this is a bad idea and even if it works for a little while it should not be your long term plan.

I’d only suggest doing this if you were simultaneously looking for a new house in a town much closer.

I respect your determination and dedication to your daughter and understand how hard of a spot you are in. I do. But I have perspective of being a parent of a gymnast who practices 6 days a week with a 30 minute commute and even that is a burden for the whole family (with only one other child) so I know you guys would struggle with this length of drive and having two other children’s needs to be met. I’ve already denied my youngest a few sports options because of his sisters gymnastics and that doesn’t come without guilt.

And what are you going to do on Saturdays? I can’t imagine there are any programs worth driving two hours to that won’t soon have your kid practicing on Saturday as well. Are you going to accept missing out on your other two children’s Saturdays for gymnastics or are they going to have to give up their saturdays for it and go along as well?

 

[gymisforeveryone]

Is moving closer to to the gym an option? I'd move before commuting that far for several years.

I second this. I can't imagine driving 4 hours a day many times a week. And as others have said, it would not work long term when her hours go up. She won't be able to handle everyday life like that. At some point sooner than later she will want to quit - and you will all feel sorry about the sacrifice you did.

I would suggest calling some of your daughters former team mates from the gym your daughter spend her first years. If they tell positive things about the new coaches, I would call the gym and have a long and honest talk with them. Tell your situation and how you felt in that gym. Tell the positives and the negatives. Then ask about the current staff. Make research. You have nothing to lose. They may not want you back, but you don't know if you don't ask. And if they don't want you back, politely say thank you and bye. Because that gym is so far away from the options that you are looking at right now, I don't think your old gym would contact them anyway...

If they don't accept you back and your only options are the gyms 2 hours away, I would seriously consider moving if that worked for your family.

 

[MickeyDGym]

Where on Texas are you located?

 

[kayjaybe]

And honestly, I’d even think twice about moving if the only reason is her gymnastics. She’s 8 years old and L4. There are MANY girls that look like they have potential at that age. And many of them end up burning out, injured, losing interest or not as promising once they move to harder levels. Think about the pressure it will put on her if she struggles or wants to quit and you changed your lives for her at age 8.

And I guess you also need to think about what is considered by having potential. College gym? Olympics? Either of those is just about impossible to tell at this level. There is a girl on our team that I would have bet money on being scholarship bound in levels 4-8. Then she hit a mental block that she cannot shake. As a junior in HS, her time has pretty much run out to complete that dream.

 

[jessifrostR]

I second this. I can't imagine driving 4 hours a day many times a week. And as others have said, it would not work long term when her hours go up. She won't be able to handle everyday life like that. At some point sooner than later she will want to quit - and you will all feel sorry about the sacrifice you did.

I would suggest calling some of your daughters former team mates from the gym your daughter spend her first years. If they tell positive things about the new coaches, I would call the gym and have a long and honest talk with them. Tell your situation and how you felt in that gym. Tell the positives and the negatives. Then ask about the current staff. Make research. You have nothing to lose. They may not want you back, but you don't know if you don't ask. And if they don't want you back, politely say thank you and bye. Because that gym is so far away from the options that you are looking at right now, I don't think your old gym would contact them anyway...

If they don't accept you back and your only options are the gyms 2 hours away, I would seriously consider moving if that worked for your family.

I also agree with seeing how its going at the old gym. It could be worth looking into if the coaches are good, the bad coach is gone and they'll take you back.

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

The parent may not but the child certainly would.

About homeschooling hours: If the co-op is T-R and gym is MWF, with your other children coming home at 3 and you getting back from gym at 2, that's not leaving much concentrated time for school. I suppose she could use the car time to get some work done but this is only if she is a great independent learner and is highly motivated for school - and can get work done in the car. I have one child who gets sick when he tries to read in the car and another who goes to sleep minutes from pulling away from the curb. Not saying you can't make this work (weekends perhaps) but it is something to think about.

I agree. School for gym kid: we have no plans to attempt to do anything in the car besides nap, listen to music, maybe some math facts or spelling words...nothing in depth, because she is a car sleeper/car singer. LOL Plus, the car is not a realistic place for this particular child to do school work. My son would be all over school work in the car -- he would be fine, but not gym kid. She can nap on the way home -- she will probably need it. We would get back to our town at 2:00. She can snack, rest, play outside, etc. We live five minutes from where her siblings go to school. So, there's not a miserable drive for pick-up. They come home and blow off some steam outside first, have a snack and then do homework at the table together. On gym kid's current gym schedule, she starts homework when she gets home and then finishes the rest when she gets home after 8:00 and sometimes does last minute reading in the mornings. All of that would go away. She would have a solid block of time each evening for school work and play time.

 

[LeslieNicole2018]

I also agree with seeing how its going at the old gym. It could be worth looking into if the coaches are good, the bad coach is gone and they'll take you back.

I appreciate this suggestion. It just feels like our time there is done/over. I didn't say or do anything ugly, rude or ridiculous that would prevent my child from returning. I calmly stated the facts and our reason for leaving, plus there was a sheet of paper that had to be filled out about WHY we were leaving. The owners (who also coach the optionals girls) never apologized...they never called to check on my child, and my child had been part of this gym from the time she was 2 years old (really 18 months because we did a mom and me tiny tots class for fun). They knew us by name and knew us well, and nothing.

 

[jessifrostR]

I appreciate this suggestion. It just feels like our time there is done/over. I didn't say or do anything ugly, rude or ridiculous that would prevent my child from returning. I calmly stated the facts and our reason for leaving, plus there was a sheet of paper that had to be filled out about WHY we were leaving. The owners (who also coach the optionals girls) never apologized...they never called to check on my child, and my child had been part of this gym from the time she was 2 years old (really 18 months because we did a mom and me tiny tots class for fun). They knew us by name and knew us well, and nothing.

That's really sad.

 

[tpMom]

I think everyone here has valid points about the drive. I live 45 minutes away from DD's school and gym, some days I make that drive 3 times which is the equivalent of about 4.5 hours in the car. I can say that it is shocking how tough this makes those days. 4 hours of completely unproductive time driving sucks, and it makes me feel sometimes like I will never catch up or have another day off again. That's not even mentioning the cost of gas and wear and tear on my car, which adds to our gym expenses by about $1500 - $2000 a year. BUT, I do it, and it's tolerable AND when people ask me why I bother I tell them my daughter works her butt off in the gym every day, the least I can do is get her there without complaining (too much complaining anyway)!

As for looking at your old gym, I completely agree with you. A gym that takes ANY time removing an abusive coach is not an option. We all say we want to keep our children safe but then how can we justify allowing them to practice in a gym that we KNOW has allowed abuse in the past? Of course you can't do that, and good job getting her out of there and avoiding the temptation to go back just because it might be easier.

Based on your comments in this thread, it seems like you're leaning towards making the drive. Maybe we should start our own group for parents who spend more than 3 hours in the car a day because of gymnastics!

 

[MILgymFAM]

Hi! I have been lurking on the site for a while, reading posts and learning so much about the world of gymnastics. What a great resource! I am happy to now be an official member.

Question:

My daughter is a new level four. She has been at her current gym for about a year. She was at another gym from age 2 - 7...left because gym did not act quickly (took years) for them to remove a coach who was emotionally abusive to the girls there. Just not safe, but the physical training part was way better — state of the art equipment and gym. Current gym does not have a tumble track or a pit; the floor is so old it has lost its spring. Some of the equipment needs updating. The coach spends great lengths of time talking to the girls — sometimes over an hour at each practice, drastically reducing their training time. Their scheduled workout time is 15 hours per week. With him talking so much, it is more like 8 hours per week. The highest level this coach has trained is level 7 TAAF. My daughter has been told she has potential/longevity in the sport and has an opportunity to visit two gyms that are both two hours away. This will impact school — will probably have to homeschool if she does this. Oddly enough, if we choose a morning workout time, we will actually have MORE family time together in the evenings and will not have to miss her siblings’ sports/activities.

So, do we stay at shoddy-talky gym and ride it out, or go for new training opportunity? Words of wisdom? Advice on how training far from home works for your kid and family?

Thanks!

I’ve been in a situation where I pulled my daughter from a gym that was abusive, and she’d already been through an emotionally great gym with training that was lacking. She tried another local gym- it was basically rec masquerading as team, which we loved that it existed but it wasn’t for my girl. Then we tried a gym that was 1-3 hours away (ahhh, crazy traffic). It was a great fit for my DD in every way except the travel. She already homeschooled so she joined the morning group. I thought all the same things as you- it freed up my evenings for my other daughter’s sport and for time with my husband. It wasn’t too far and maybe traffic would be kind to us. It was worth it for her to get great coaching.

We switched her and it lasted 7 months. In that 7 months one of the main coaches quit in spectacular fashion, the other coach’s methods changed as more stress/pressure fell on him, and traffic was not kind to us. By the time we quit this gym I was so tired of the commute and exhausted in general that I didn’t even care anymore that it meant quitting the sport altogether. It was too hot and then too cold, but I was still stuck sitting in my car through 28 hours a week of practice. They had a no team parent policy and didn’t care for exceptions, even with our commute. It often took us in the neighborhood of 18 hours of driving per week on top of those 28 hours of practice- it was expensive and beat the heck out of our car. My younger daughter was forced to do school alone (and spend the whole day alone), or do school in the uncomfortable car with me. She was miserable too. Even my husband was miserable- the commute wore me out and made me cranky. Not at all what any of us thought we were getting into.

My daughter quit (and found two new things she loves to do), and a year later we moved across the country. My daughter was able to go back to gym- it’s just 7.5 miles away now- successfully. My other daughter’s sport now only existed over an hour from our new home. We had her quit and shift to another activity- which she also excels at- rather than even truly consider that commute. I’m a ‘never again’ when it comes to putting my family through that for any kids activity. Heck, my daughter had to stop a specific college course of study because I’m not even willing to take on a commute for that.

I know that it’s very individual what will work for every family, but I urge you to think through all of the second and third order effects and go into it with your eyes open and willingness to admit if it isn’t working how you thought it would. Best of luck to you!

 

[FlippinPrincess]

You've thought it out and I understand your logic. Good luck with the try out. I'm in the "not me, no way, never" camp. I don't love driving and a one hour commute each way is the longest I'll consider for anything that happens more than once a week.

I’m in the same camp! However, I’m only the decision maker in MY family. I say do whatever works best for YOUR family. Good luck OP!

 

[mommyof1]

I spent two summers driving 4+ hours a day 3 or 4 days a week for gym, camp drop-off, and my own commute to work. It was brutally exhausting and turned me into a stressed-out monster. I can’t even imagine doing that year-round.

 

[Flyaway]

Gymnastics would be from 8 - 12 MWF

So does this mean you have to be on the road by 6am 3 days a week? And I assume as she progresses you're looking at more days... that would not fly for my dd. But maybe your dd is a morning person? I don't know - in the end it comes down to what will work for your family and your personalities. I'm the type of person who believes that while you should project somewhat into the future when making decisions, you can't completely predict and therefore it doesn't make sense to make a decision on what MIGHT be down the road, rather than what IS right now. So in that regard I understand your pull towards making the switch and enduring the commute. But don't completely disregard the wisdom that's being shared here. Someday you may very well look at your life and decide it's too much. If/when that happens, you make another change. That's life. It ebbs and flows and we flow with it. Good luck to you and your dd!

 

[CuriousCate]

I'm also in the no way camp. It would never be feasible with my job but even if it was, that is a really long day for a child. 4 hours commute, 4 hours practice (will eventually likely be 5 days a week) and then likely 4 hours of school, not including homework which is likely to come soon. I suppose you could use the commute for her to sleep/eat breakfast in the morning and unwind (watch an ipad?) in the afternoon. Being academically productive in the car seems tough though (and my kid would puke if I made her read in a car!). I commuted pretty far for a sport in high school, and even at that age found it hard to focus enough to get anything accomplished academically.... granted this was pre-tech era devices, but still...

Good luck! Keep us posted!

 

[reluctant]

Thanks so much for all of the responses!

I posted here not because I want everyone to agree with me and cheer me on, but because I knew that you would help me to analyze the different aspects of all that commuting really involves. Thanks so much for not just the encouragement, but for the "NUH-UH...I would NEVER do that" comments, also!

I don't understand when your gym daughter is going to go to school. When you get back at 2 pm you will have been up since 5 and had a full day, and have the other children to attend to. It sounds impossible. 4 hours wasted in the car each day sounds untenable.