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No graceful transition to new gym...AARGH

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gymomme

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i posted a couple of days ago asking for advice and experience with leaving one gym to go to another...we requested a meeting with the coaches to let our DD explain her reason(s) for leaving them after 6 years and going to another area gym...she had spent many agonzing hours coming to this decision and had carefully rehearsed what she was going to say...we planned on a tearful yet positive goodbye...on the afternoon of the meeting her coach called and said it would not be necessary for her to come in...they saw no reason to have any discussion...so, she leaves with no goodbye, etc from adults she has spent as much time with as she has her parents...also, no chance to say goodbye to her gym friends/family...the team was told she quit and that her parents would be missed in the gym...no mention that it was a loss to the team, that they had enjoyed having her all these years...i am not being a blind parent but this kid led the team to many 1st place victories as well as won several state championship titles...incuding AA...she is crushed...she spent last evening writing a letter to her coaches thanking them and hoping she could at some time come in and say good bye in person...who are the adults here!!!! i am so upset...we tried to be positive and would never have a bad thing to say about the gym or coaches...coaches take advice here...even if you are hurt...be the adult...it is more about kids than the sport (i hope)
 

Geoffrey Taucer

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That's a real shame.

I will say that I understand the coaches reasons for not wanting her to come in to practice to talk with all her former teammates before leaving -- from a business perspective, once you know somebody's leaving, it's best to just get them out the door. I as a coach wouldn't want a kid comming in and telling everybody "I'm leaving and going to X other gym."

However, it does seem like a real slap in the face to refuse to even have a meeting. As you said, she's spent as much time with these coaches as she has her parents, and they have been a major part of her life for six years. A simple chance to say goodbye is not, in my opinion, an unreasonable request.
 

bogwoppit

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That is really too bad for your DD. A shame that the coach didn't see the need for goodbyes. Especially as she is changing gyms due to inflexibility, but then again in a gym where the schedule cannot be changed to accommodate the lives of the gymnasts, it is not surprising perhaps that they were so quick to dismiss her.

Hopefully the new gym is a great experience and she can move along quickly. It is certainly a hard way to learn about people skills.

Let us know how the change goes.

Bog
 
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gymomme

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we had no intention of her coming in before practice to upset the team or announce she was going to another gym...our meeting was scheduled after practice with a 15 min. interval just to be certain team and parents had left...she had made cards with small momentos of their times together (inside and outside of the gym) she just wanted to put them in the team mailboxes...perhaps we are wrong to think that the connection was ever more than a business relationship...i understand that business is business and the bottom line is what pays the bills and that as an owner you have to always be aware of that...but when it is your kid i guess you dont think of the bottom line...this was very hurtful to her and i hope i never let business be important than the welfare of any child...we will certainly be wary of the relationship we cultivate at her new gym...
 

bogwoppit

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Is it possible for you to organize a farewell gathering at your home or park near the gym. That way DD could give the things she has made, and also maybe turn some of her gym friends into friend not in the gym.

Saying goodbye like this, is like a death in the family, she grew up in that gym and is now feeling shunned by the coach. Try to help her understand that this is not her gym friends talking, it is one coach.

Don't let this negative experience taint her feelings towards her new gym. After reading so many posts on this board it is easy to see that every gym is different.

13 is certainly a hard age, so many changes and such a feeling of no control. I really feel for you and her, but I can guarantee this will get better.:)
 

gymgymgymnast08

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Thats so sad. The coaches had no reason to do that. Because we all spend most of our lives at the gym the coaches are our second parents. Would a parent do that to their child? No. Then why should the coaches do it?
I hope she loves her new gym and that the coaches aren't like that.
 
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gymomme

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thanks for the input...hubby and I are putting a postive spin on what we can...thank heavens for cell phones, texting and the computer...DD will be able to stay in touch with her old gym buddies...thankfully meet season is over and perhaps time will make this all less awkward once competition begins again...
 
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gymnasticsbabie

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thats super upsetting!!!! im really sorry! everytime we have left a gym we always say a good bye so i can keep on good terms with my old coaches. Maybe you can plan a little sleepover or something with the girls so she can say good bye then (to the girls that is)
 
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gymnaSTICKs

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i also had a transition from one gym to another. my (old) coaches were very respectful of my decision. and didnt treat me badly like your daughter's former coaches are. but i could sense that they felt like i was betraying them, though. and one of the coaches repeatedly said that he "gives it two months before i come crawling back." - he said this not only to me, but also to my mom and (former) teammates. but here i am still at the "new" gym :] but anyway, i'm sorry that your daughter's relationship with her old coaches went downhill and that her transition had to be such a bad one... good luck in the future, though.
 
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NYgymfan

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Wow that's really sad. And unprofessional. And gives off the impression (true or not) that they just cared about the tuition money and not the people (especially the kids) involved.

I switched club soccer teams a few years ago. My coach was willing to talk to me about why I was leaving. He didn't agree with one of my reasons, but at the end of the conversation he wished me luck.

Oh well, at least with cell phones and MySpace she can stay in touch with her teammates.
 

lakshmi369

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Mar 4, 2008
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Your DD obviously made the right decision to leave that gym for more reasons than the one you originally cited! Be thankful she is out of there! If coaches in a program will so quickly dismiss a gymnast without showing them the courtesy of even a "See ya later" that is probably one of the most apalling things I have heard! Then, to misrepresent her decision to the rest of the team is fairly low and dishonest at best! Take your team fee's and run, dont walk to the new gym! Once the rest of your DDs ex-teammates know the truth perhaps they too will question if they are at the right gym! My families thoughts are with you....Best wishes for your Daughter opening a new chapter to her life!
 

maddiekate

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Aug 8, 2007
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I quit gym last month and am looking for a new gym. At the 'old' gym, we are required to give a 30-day notice before quitting, so i had time to say good bye. However the past 30 days, the coach was rude and either singled me out or completely ignored me. My last day, while i was in the bathroom, she told the team that i acted like a 5 year old, and didn't even have the courage to say it to my face. She wouldn't spot me or tell me how to improve or say 'good job'. She sent me to work in other parts of the gym from the team. I wanted to cry. It was like i was beng shunned. I loved gymnastics, but now i'm just glad it is over.
 

gymnomore

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Aug 3, 2007
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I had to respond to this one. I could have written the same post. My dd left her gym after 6 years also. She was one that the team depended on in all 4 events for many team victories and state titles. When she left, she wanted to come in and say goodbye, but the coach had to "get back with me". Finally, a few days later, he called and gave her permission to come by, which I find insulting. She never needed permission all the times she came for practices and gave them 100% She never needed permission to drop off that check every month! I want nothing more to do with those ungrateful people, and I'm glad we're gone.
 
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gymomme

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the stupidity of some adults will never cease to amaze me...i am surprised to hear more horror stories of the same kind as my DD...tonight is her first night at the new gym...she has been "coached" by me and hubby to say nothing bad about the old gym...not to make comparisons...and give her usual 110%...she was extremely hurt and angry and demanded we take her to have a say at the old gym and to say goodbye in person to her team and other staff members...we did not...told her to do so would only lower her to the very same standards she was angry about...now that she has calmed down...she has learned a valuable lifes lesson...it is always better to take the higher road...no matter what...will let you know how things go at the new gym
 

Eveningdew

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May 17, 2007
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Being both a coach and a mom, I cannot imagine not letting a gymnast say goodbye to her friends and coaching staff, provided it was a positive leaving. Regardless of the reasons why, she should have been allowed to say goodbye to her gym family.

Adults sometimes let their pride get in the way of what's best for everyone. I'm guessing they didn't want her to "dis" them in front of the girls. If the gymnast is of good report, she will simply say (tearfully) goodbye to her family. :(

It saddens me when adults treat children this way, we teach what we do...not always what we say. Actions speak louder than words ever will. Down the road they will reap what they have sown and may lose more gymnasts because of their cold reaction to a young, impressionable child.

Shame on them! :mad:
 
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kvgymnast

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omg that is so horrible!! i can totally imagine what your daughter feels like...i cannot imagine leaving my gymnastics friends right now without saying goodbye! i was kind of in a similar situation with one of my old gyms. i was unhappy with it but i loved the girls and i was pulled out of it and never got a chance to say goodbye. the good thing though is that i'm still in the area so i get to see them at meets and stuff which is fun.
 
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gymomme

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we were leaving due to schedule changes that we had conflicts with...had no intention but to thank her coaches for all they had done through the years...let them know we were sad to be going...had no intention to dis them or the gym then, now or ever...personally, i think they showed their true colors...
 
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