WAG Older girl with younger gymnasts...problems

[MinnieGymMom]

My daughters level 7/8 group consists of 7 including her. She's the youngest, 8, and the oldest is 11. This past week we had a new girl come to our gym, she competed level 7 this past season so she's in my DDs training group. She's 15 and at least a foot taller than the second tallest girl in the group. As I watched the end of practice yesterday when they were on bars I noticed sort of a divide... I mean its obvious that a 15 year old isn't going to be talking about the same things as 8, 9, 10, 11 year olds but she's totally excluded. Its not just age thats "dividing" them its skills too. I have noticed with the very small amount of time I have seen them workout that they're working completely different things. She didn't compete giants last season so she's working to get those and the others are working double back dismounts and blind changes. It just very sad to me.

The question I have is for someone who is or is the mother of and older gymnast with younger training groups...My DD and her group are very close knit and hang out or have "team sleepovers" all the time. Im normally the organizer. Would it be better to have her included or would it be insulting/not at all fun for her to sleep over with 8-11 year olds.

Thank y'all!

 

[raenndrops]

1. She is new.
2. She is 4-7 years older than the rest of the girls.
3. She is working on "lower level" skills than the rest of the group.

Based on all of this, I wouldn't necessarily be too focused on socializing DURING PRACTICE in my first week either.

HOWEVER, if you are having a sleepover, it would be nice to at least INVITE her. She is always free to decline.

 

[MILgymFAM]

This describes my DD pretty well. She’s been the oldest and tallest of every training group, and because her skills aren’t the typical for her level, she’s been alone there too. She’s never had problems jumping into a big sis role, but even if she did, I think it would be nice to include her. I would give a written invite to her and just pop a note on the end explaining that the girls are happy to have her on team and would love to get to know her better, but everyone also understands if she feels too old to socialize with the other girls. My DD always prefers when people just speak to her like an adult and are upfront about how they’re feeling.

 

[coachmolly]

It's probably a combination of things. Like Raenndrops said, there is a lot going on in her head right now! New gym, new coaches, new teammates, new skills, she probably feels pretty nervous and overwhelmed by all of it. She's also likely assessing the situation, seeing how the new teammates receive her.
Maybe you could do a shorter activity that might be appealing to a wider age range to get the group better acquainted? Mini golf, bowling, tie dye t-shirt making- things that are shorter in length and inclusive of lots of ages and interests to let her sort of get her feet wet with the girls? I think it would be easier for someone to say yes to a 2 hour t-shirt making party than jumping in head first to a sleepover with kids she doesn't know- her age or not. After they all get better acquainted I think it would be nice to continue to at least extend an invitation. And be sure to explain to your gymnast that they can still be friendly and good teammates even if the older gymnast chooses not to attend outside of the gym activities.
I was once at a gym where I was several years older than the girls in my level and the coaches would have me rotate with the higher level group periodically so I could be with girls closer to my own age. Most of the girls my own age were very willing to include me despite the fact I was several levels below them. The younger girls were much less friendly and inclusive, downright nasty at times over the fact that I trained with the upper level girls sometimes even though I had less skills than they did, and it made going to the gym very difficult. I did not expect to get invites to their sleepovers or outside activities, but it would have made things much more bearable had they at least been kind in the gym.

 

[skschlag]

My ds is 2-5 years older than the kids in his training group (he is almost 16, the next closest is 13 down to 10.) he has been included in to team outings and sleepovers and LOVES going. The parents say he is like a big brother and the boys love having him around. I am guessing she is new, and nervous, and just needs time and some more familiarity with the group.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

As an adult you invite the team/group. As an adult you don’t take personally who comes and who doesn’t. That’s up to them.

That a 15 yr old might not want to be at a thing that is mostly 10 yr olds is one thing. That she is invited might mean the world to her.

 

[gymnastmom05]

My DD was one the youngest in her training group last year (11) while her other teammates were older, the oldest being 16. The older one was always invited to things the girls did outside of the gym. Sometimes she would come for a few hours (if it was a sleepover) and sometimes she would stay for the entire event (lunch/movie, etc) but it was always her choice. The other girls were never offended as they knew she was older, heck, she could drive herself and she had a boyfriend (gasp!)! And her older teammate was always respectful and took on a big sister role to the girls. She moved onto helping coach the younger levels this season and the remaining girl from my DD's group still make a point to talk to her, get pictures together, etc.

 

[NutterButter]

Don't be sad for the new teammate! I'm sure she's very aware of the age gap with her teammates. This was likely part of the dialogue when she joined your gym but the new teammate must feel that the new gym is a good fit...that with her new coaches she can get to where she wants to go. It takes awhile for new teammates to fit in and 'fitting in' in this case may be in the form of a big sister or maybe she will be more independent. Time will tell. I'm sure though that she would very much appreciate being invited and welcomed to the group. She won't be insulted by your gestures of inclusion.

 

[John]

Like other DD was and still is the youngest. I think if it from the other side. If DD didn't get invited as the youngest she would have been devastated. DD has some great Big sister figures in her life. Invite the older girl let her chose if she wants to be part of the group.

 

[mls529]

Yes, please invite and include her as much as possible. As others have said, the new girl can chose not to attend. Even if you are not the youngest or oldest, sometimes kids feel left out. My DD was in a group where the girls 2 years younger than her were super close, and the girls 1-2 years older than her (and much more socially mature) seemed to group up, and she really felt like the odd man out. Always extend the invite -- I know my daughter would have really appreciated it and she probably would still be at her old gym if a mom stepped up and did that!

It is nice of you to be the social coordinator in general.