WAG Overcoming fear success stories

[BarCoach]

I am dealing with an athlete with a beautiful flyaway who won't go alone. She has done them alone before but not in the past two weeks. There are no other fears on any other event but also on clearhips. I'm wondering what has worked best to overcome these seemingly irrational fears. She will be scratching bars this weekend and we started some of Doc Ali's techniques tonight. I just want to make sure I am doing it right to help her truly get through it.

 

[leotardmakermum]

For my daughter, overcoming her fears has often been about her deciding, "today is the day." On several occasions, with different fears, she was ready when she was ready, and she just decided, "I'm going to do it today."

Of course there were sometimes long frustrating periods before she decided this. But when she was ready, she was ready.

In the mean time, we and her coaches supported and encouraged her, and I learned not to ask anything about it.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

More info needed. Will she go if you stand there?

 

[BarCoach]

No she won't. She often asks for me to just stand there but then won't let go. I literally just put one finger on her when I do what she calls a light spot. She says she feels that I'm not helping. I've tried explaining that I'll still be right there, ready to spot if she needs me to. And she still won't go.

 

[munchkin3]

My dd has been having a lot of these types of fears lately. What has worked for her is spotting her.....and some more spotting.....the coach actually kind of over spots and she gets mad......he wants her to get to the point of saying ok, stop spotting! She was spotted for a LONG time with the flyaway. So the coach basically figured if he was spotting, he might as well make sure it was high and far....she just started doing it this week by herself and she was happy. Could she do it two months ago, yes...but that's not the point......

On beam, she was having major issues. She was stressing, the coaches were on her case and then she melted down and was being very negative.......once we stopped the stress, and took away ALL the negative feelings, (which we started by going to basics) then she was back to hacking away, inch by inch, until she's back on the high beam.....mind you no stress, no angry coaches, just little bit at a time.

I would say, keep spotting her or take her back a step?.....for me (mom) I've seen so many kids crumble with the stress of these stupid blocks.....the only way through it is by hard work and time...no mad coaches, no mad parents, and take the pressure off......that IS OK.....the kids don't like that solution because they want do just do it......That does not help them learn about getting through much harder skills..........make this lesson 1 of metal blocks which will go on forever while they are doing gymnastics.

Another teammate of DD just lost her BHS on beam....beautiful gymnast......she has had an easy time all the way up to now and she simply can't take the heat and wants to quit.......the reality is that if they can't do the skill then they go back a level, or don't compete, or whatever, but once they digest this they can begin to learn again.....time is ok.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Seems like info through this with a kid every year. Don't get frustrated (or don't show it) and just keep spotting her for a few weeks. Let her calm down and have a mental break then try again. Tell her it's okay etc.... Heal her

 

[kayjaybe]

I don't think there was anything dd's coach could do to help her over her various fears over the past several years. BWO on beam, BWO-BHS on beam, giants on bars, full on floor.

While they can't help her get over them, they can help by not making it worse. I think the biggest thing is having patience. My dd felt like the coaches didn't like her anymore when she lost skills and was struggling. She felt "stupid" that she was afraid and couldn't make herself go. Spotting or even just standing there helped some, but that became a crutch and an excuse as to why she couldn't do it other times.

Making sure there is no judgment toward the child, making sure she understands that taking a step (or several steps) back (like going to floor beam, etc) isn't a punishment, and not using threats "well, if you can't get this skill, you're going to have to _______ (scratch this event, stay back a level, not compete at the meet, etc)." That puts a lot of pressure on them when they are already feeling overwhelmed with it.

Most of these feelings were internal from my dd. The coaches weren't doing anything differently with her. But it is just something to think about to be extra-sensitive towards kids in those times.

 

[Itsachalkylifeforme]

I have struggled so much with jumping to the high bar and developed a mental block on it. I have gotten over it eventually after the whole thing lasting (though it was on and off) about a year. One day I just decided I was going to do it. I wasn't even at the gym yet, but I just knew I could do it. Sometimes thinking about it when no one is around and you can just think it through rationally it clicks. Good luck! Hope she gets it!

 

[Pea'sMom]

I don't think there was anything dd's coach could do to help her over her various fears over the past several years. BWO on beam, BWO-BHS on beam, giants on bars, full on floor.

While they can't help her get over them, they can help by not making it worse. I think the biggest thing is having patience. My dd felt like the coaches didn't like her anymore when she lost skills and was struggling. She felt "stupid" that she was afraid and couldn't make herself go. Spotting or even just standing there helped some, but that became a crutch and an excuse as to why she couldn't do it other times.

Making sure there is no judgment toward the child, making sure she understands that taking a step (or several steps) back (like going to floor beam, etc) isn't a punishment, and not using threats "well, if you can't get this skill, you're going to have to _______ (scratch this event, stay back a level, not compete at the meet, etc)." That puts a lot of pressure on them when they are already feeling overwhelmed with it.

Most of these feelings were internal from my dd. The coaches weren't doing anything differently with her. But it is just something to think about to be extra-sensitive towards kids in those times.

This! Pea's coaches toggle between just ignoring fears and threats. The first worked much better with her flyaway fears last year, no amount of threats were going to make her let go of that bar! She managed one meet at 6, then scratched at the next meet. The gym pulled the plug on the high bar and she spent about 2 months working low bar only just taking the pressure out of the equation. Out of the girls that were on the giant fence last year they got one doing giants by way of threats (no 6, back to 5 for you!) the rest ended up doing 6. Now their threats are meaningless since they didn't carry through with it... Pea pulled it together and is now ready for her 7 season to start along side the ones that did 6 last year!

 

[BarCoach]

Today went well. She did 20 with a "spot", which is really me just putting a finger on he, with no balks. She did say she likes doing them but I had told her ahead of time that I was going to spot them all for a week. We also worked on using key words before she takes a turn and during the skill. I asked her to try to change any negative thoughts into positive ones. She said the mental part was going well but again, she knew I was spotting so there probably weren't many negative thoughts anyway.

It does help to hear it can be overcome. Thanks!

 

[kayjaybe]

It will happen. Here's my gymmie who battled and off/on fear of giants for 2 years and just overcame it this fall. Unfortunately, she broke her fingers the next day on vault.

 

[UnoMas]

I have a success story, finally.
My daughter has been dealing with fears with giants and BHS on beam for over 2 years.
Today, she attempted, and did BOTH SKILLS for the first time ever in a competition.

 

[Peanut]

I don't think there was anything dd's coach could do to help her over her various fears over the past several years. BWO on beam, BWO-BHS on beam, giants on bars, full on floor.

While they can't help her get over them, they can help by not making it worse. I think the biggest thing is having patience. My dd felt like the coaches didn't like her anymore when she lost skills and was struggling. She felt "stupid" that she was afraid and couldn't make herself go. Spotting or even just standing there helped some, but that became a crutch and an excuse as to why she couldn't do it other times.

Making sure there is no judgment toward the child, making sure she understands that taking a step (or several steps) back (like going to floor beam, etc) isn't a punishment, and not using threats "well, if you can't get this skill, you're going to have to _______ (scratch this event, stay back a level, not compete at the meet, etc)." That puts a lot of pressure on them when they are already feeling overwhelmed with it.

Most of these feelings were internal from my dd. The coaches weren't doing anything differently with her. But it is just something to think about to be extra-sensitive towards kids in those times.

My daughter is going through this as well with her bar coach. Struggling all year with bar fears. Last meet she did a full routine "fight or flight". This week, back to the same fear issues. Her coach seems very frustrated with her and it looks like he's stopped helping her. Almost as if he's written her off. She has states in a week or so. Yesterday she says that coach "doesn't care what I do". She seemed sad about that.

She had a private with another coach in the gym in March and he fixed the squat on in 10 minutes. I'm frustrated b/c I don't believe her fear issues were properly dealt with early in the year. After hearing from DD last night about her sensing he doesn't care anymore, I'm frustrated. I don't want a big sit down. We've already discussed the fear issues with him. I'm thinking about telling him next practice to keep encouraging her and that she needs his help. Kind of passive aggressive, but at this point I don't care.

 

[Kcanflip]

For my daughter, overcoming her fears has often been about her deciding, "today is the day." On several occasions, with different fears, she was ready when she was ready, and she just decided, "I'm going to do it today.".

This^^^^. 1000%. And no pressure or deadlines. Lesson learned thanks to my DD and 10 months of a bwo on beam fear trying to get a l5 AA score and no go. But when no pressure on her to 'get it'...she got it and has kept it!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

My daughter is going through this as well with her bar coach. Struggling all year with bar fears. Last meet she did a full routine "fight or flight". This week, back to the same fear issues. Her coach seems very frustrated with her and it looks like he's stopped helping her. Almost as if he's written her off. She has states in a week or so. Yesterday she says that coach "doesn't care what I do". She seemed sad about that.

She had a private with another coach in the gym in March and he fixed the squat on in 10 minutes. I'm frustrated b/c I don't believe her fear issues were properly dealt with early in the year. After hearing from DD last night about her sensing he doesn't care anymore, I'm frustrated. I don't want a big sit down. We've already discussed the fear issues with him. I'm thinking about telling him next practice to keep encouraging her and that she needs his help. Kind of passive aggressive, but at this point I don't care.

Now hold on, if she has fear issues and the coach is being passive you should be THANKING them..... That's how you deal with it.... It removes anxiety and pressure from the coach, now you should do the same....

 

[GlobalNomad]

DD had fears of the flyaway. She was afraid because she didn't know when to let go. After hitting her feet a few times, she could not let go. Her coach had to tell her what the visual cue was (I think seeing her toes), tell her when to let go, and spot her all at once. Then, he just stood there, reminded her of the cue, and told her when to let go. Eventually, it worked into him just standing there. I *think* he's slowly working on standing a little further away. She has not needed a spot in so long, they have joked about buying a cardboard cut out of him and just placing it by the bar. She knows it's irrational, and she's working through the concept of not needing the coach. It's taken her about two years to work through it, but she has not had to scratch bars because of it. It one meet, she did have to have the coach tell her to let go, because she just kept tap swinging. But, she did the flyaway when she let go. That was painful to watch.

 

[Peanut]

Now hold on, if she has fear issues and the coach is being passive you should be THANKING them..... That's how you deal with it.... It removes anxiety and pressure from the coach, now you should do the same....

Coach, thanks for your response. I now understand it takes time and that they all move along at their own pace. That's been a tough lesson for me What concerns me is she's reading his passiveness as "he doesn't care about me...he only cares about so and so". Again, she's not 13, she's 7 1/2 (L4).

Also, as he's become more frustrated with her, he's also become dismissive of her trying to communicate with him. Shuing her away. Mocking her how she stands waiting for her turn. It hurts her feelings.

Lastly, I'm wondering if he's offended I sought out a higher level coach for a private. I felt she needed a different voice. It's common in her gym. I'm a teacher so I understand that some kids learn better from different teachers.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

My dd is having flyaway issues as well. She had it for a long time, then she hit her head on the bar one time and became fearful. She got it back and then hit her toes on the bar, now she is fearful again. I'm sure it will come in time it seems to be a pretty common fear. Her coach told her the reason she keeps having issues with getting too close to the bar is b/c she needs to open her shoulders. She has similar fears and issues with a salto dismount off of the beam (afraid of hitting her head, etc.) I'm hoping it will come in time, but it's really no rush, she is likely competing Xcel gold next year and none of these skills are required for that, although they are hoping to score them out of L5 this summer, not sure if that will happen or not unless she gets her kip and flyaway within the next couple of months lol.

To the previous poster, I would hope a coach wouldn't have an issue with you seeking a private lesson with a higher coach. It's very common at our gym for girls to schedule privates with the head coach. We still do privates with dd's regular coach from time to time too of course, but you are correct sometimes they just need a different voice/different way of explaining things.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Coach, thanks for your response. I now understand it takes time and that they all move along at their own pace. That's been a tough lesson for me What concerns me is she's reading his passiveness as "he doesn't care about me...he only cares about so and so". Again, she's not 13, she's 7 1/2 (L4).

Also, as he's become more frustrated with her, he's also become dismissive of her trying to communicate with him. Shuing her away. Mocking her how she stands waiting for her turn. It hurts her feelings.

Lastly, I'm wondering if he's offended I sought out a higher level coach for a private. I felt she needed a different voice. It's common in her gym. I'm a teacher so I understand that some kids learn better from different teachers.

Okay but that may be how she is taking it but not how things are actually shaking out. (impossible to say but more often than not). You child could be just venting and telling you how she feels. Keep that in mind. You should hear the stuff kids tell the parents that is so off base it's amazing. I would talk to the coach and say "Hey I just wanted you to know that I appreciate how you are handling her fear issues by letting her go at her own pace and I read that being passive it the correct way to deal with such things. However she is under the impression that you are not interested in training her any longer, so I just want'ed you to know that she is a girl and that is how she is taking it. thank you so much! " At that point you will get a good sense of where the coach is and find out really what is happening. Hope that helps.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Okay but that may be how she is taking it but not how things are actually shaking out. (impossible to say but more often than not). You child could be just venting and telling you how she feels. Keep that in mind. You should hear the stuff kids tell the parents that is so off base it's amazing. I would talk to the coach and say "Hey I just wanted you to know that I appreciate how you are handling her fear issues by letting her go at her own pace and I read that being passive it the correct way to deal with such things. However she is under the impression that you are not interested in training her any longer, so I just want'ed you to know that she is a girl and that is how she is taking it. thank you so much! " At that point you will get a good sense of where the coach is and find out really what is happening. Hope that helps.

Right best offense is a defense. You are not accusing but letting him/her know they might not be sending the right signals.