Parents Parenting Crisis Here...

[mtbmom]

Wanted to add that I took care of a young woman who was thrown into spinal shock (paralyzed for about an hour) after her boyfriend yanked on her pony tail because he didn't like the movie she picked out. She was in total denial about her abuser. We need to teach our kids that it is not o.k. for people to abuse us in any form.

 

[mtbmom]

I never said to stay with that coach or to tough it out -

no, you said,

Team isn't for everyone. and unfortunatly not every coach is sunshine and flowers. it could be your DD loves rec gymnastics but isn't cut out for the pressures of a competitive team.

it could also be a personality thing where your DD and the coach just aren't gelling.

This is not about a kid not "cut out for team." This is about an adult in a position of POWER over a 7 year old little girl and physically and verbally abusing her. Perhaps you didn't read the OP's original post well. To call what this coach did anything else (or to not mention his role at all) is saying Coach's abusive behavior is o.k. You went as far as to put his abuse on the kid (perhaps she's not cutout to take the pressure). Again, that is not pressure, it is abuse.

I think the fact that her DD doesn't want to quit gymnastics proves her mettle and her being "cut out for team."

 

[Deleted member D3987]

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[Deleted member D3987]

DID I MENTION PSYCHO COACH?

 

[mtbmom]

DID I MENTION PSYCHO COACH?

No, No you did not. Do you really think this Coach is PSYCHO??? :mind-blowing:

 

[juststartingout]

I am surprised your daughter is still even going to practices, I know I would never be able to get mine back out on the floor. I know you said the gym you are at is a top gym but I'm assuming that is based on their results, sometimes other things are more important. I would rather have my dd on a team that loses every time then on one that destroys her self esteem. If I couldn't get her with another coach I would find a new gym and until you figure it out I would never leave her at practice unattended. Good luck!

 

[kiwiflyer]

Find another gym. As a parent, if anyone ever treated my son like that they would know about. I'm not the most confident person, but you can bet that I'd have something to say about anyone treating a child like that. As a coach, I have seen the odd coach who is abusive, and again it's not something I let them get away with. It is so much easier to get kids to do things when they're not scared and have encouragement. They are so much more receptive to feedback when they know that if they do something good they will get commended for it. I have been known to cheer when kids get their skills. Back to the parent thing, I would be very reluctant to let my son near anyone who would touch them for any reason other than spotting or a high-5 or the odd hug if he's upset. The fact that this coach didn't even check your daughter when she hurt herself is almost unfathomable. I feel awful when kids hurt themselves, and I give them a thorough check over if they do (it helps being a physical therapist as well). I'm sure there must be legal responsibilities as well with regard to injured children. She may've been `lucky' this time and only scraped/bruised her leg, but what if she had've broken it? I think that is all. Good luck with whatever you decide - hopefully finding a gym with a nurturing coach or sorting things to your satisfaction with your current gym

 

[Faith]

She's 7. It may be the best gym but she's not going to be the best gymnast she can be in that environment, and will quit soon enough.

My motto to myself is they won't learn if they aren't enjoying it. And your DD isn't. Find her a gym and a coach she has fun with. There's plenty of time for the "best" gym if she gets to teenage and can deal with it being work and getting serious.

 

[Kiwi]

I've been told they want the girls afraid of them so that they are more afraid of the coaches than they are of the skills they are learning.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! What are they running - a gym or a prison camp?

 

[TexasRose]

OMG! This is craziness!!! I think you're doing the absolute right thing in looking at other gyms. The effects of the verbal abuse she's being handed by the coach can last a lifetime. Definitely not worth it at all!!! Let us know what you decide. I hope you find a gym that fits well with your DD.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I think you need to get your DD away from this coach, fast! Have you discussed any of these things with the owner/HC? I would definitely bring the issues to their attention, perhaps saving other little girls from the abuse that your DD is experiencing! And why, at preteam (if I read this correctly), are these little ones being told to do HS on beam and cast to HS anyway? And then screamed at for not being able to do them? Coaches don't all have to be warm and fuzzy, but they need to show the kids at any level that they (the coaches) can be trusted to keep them safe while learning new skills.

Good luck, I hope you find a gym that will help your DD grow to her potential and keep her love for the sport!

 

[emorymom]

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! What are they running - a gym or a prison camp?

I know, it's so stupid it sounds like something a coach would say in an interview in the comedy mocumentary about gymnastics teams that needs to be produced (like Razzle Dazzle). I actually laughed when I read it. But I doubt USAG would think it's funny.

 

[gymboymom]

I agree. I would find another gym asap. If that was my dd I would want her to not quit thinking she wasn't any good, but to go to a nurturing gym instead. I would make some phone calls today and see if you can go and look at another gym over the weekend.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

I'm a little late to the party here but RUN, don't walk...........

everyone has really said everything already. If it is gymnastics your DD loves she will get over leaving her friends. From the sounds of it some may be right behind her.

I am certain another gym would take your DD. She may have to start on L3 but if L4 season isn't until fall of 2012 it hardly matters as move ups would likely be latr spring & if she has her skills by then she may do L4 anyway. In the long run the important thing is that she is having fun and progressing in a positive enviroment. Not what ' level ' she is in.

best of luck.

 

[maryRS]

I have not read any responses here so this has probably been said already, but I would pull her out of that gym. Your daughter is a 7 year old pre-teamer, she does not need to be treated like this and have her spirit broken. Going to gym should not be stressful, and you should not have to feel that you have to stay just to make sure everything is ok.
I'm so sad for your daughter, but at least kids are resilient. Just move her before this experience ruins it all for her.

OK, so I was hoping to get some sort of feedback here. I don't even know what to do here anymore - I am confused and I am ticked off.

As many of you here may know, DD is a preteamer. She started on Future Mites, the feeder class for our gym's L3 preteam (non-competitive). This was oh, 18 months ago. DD was nearly 6. It was an adjustment for DD. She'd been all the way up to Intermediate on the rec side of things and that "new" class went back to basics and was mostly conditioning. Previously, she primarily had fun, kind male instructors for 2 consecutive years, whom she'd loved dearly. Her new coach was very cold. Lots of corrections, very little positive feedback. DD did not complain (much!) during this time period, though.

After about 7 months, they bumped the entire group up to L3 preteam, a first for our gym. We usually hold try-outs. Practice time was doubled. DD was ok at first. After 3-4 months, though, she started having a lot of self-esteem issues. She asked to quit, said her coach was too mean and that she thought she "just wasn't a good gymnast". I told her that if she still wanted to quit after that session, she could - and with my blessing. I spoke to coach (briefly) and said DD was having a bit of a hard time. After a couple of weeks, DD was back to her old self. I let it go an chalked it up to DD being sensitive (which she IS).

Here comes summer and DD was ok for a period of time. Coach seemed to be in a relatively good mood. More smiles, more hi-fives. Life was good. Then comes August. Coach is grumpy again, DD is grumpy. DD doesn't want to go to practice. There was a mix-up at her gym and DD was left alone, unattended with no phone call to me for an hour (I posted here about it). I was furious, DD was heartbroken. The very next week, coach was spotting DD on cast-to-handstand and she pushed DD over the bar. DD panicked and let go, landed on her back and had the wind knocked out of her. Coach yelled at DD for letting go. DD immediately reverted to being anxious before each practice. She was terrified of handstands of any kind. She was a wreck for a good 6 weeks or so. Finally, DD got enough confidence up and was able to again do her handstand on the beam and at least attempt the cast-to-handstand without too much trouble. Life was not "good", but it was much better.

Fast forward about 6 weeks or so again to this week. DD is the only one not able to do her BHS without a spot. On Tuesday, her coach put her on the tramp and walked away. DD cried, terrified to do it herself. One of her former male rec coaches (who knows her very well) walked over and gave her a finger spot. DD got four in a row. Now technically I am not sure how wonderful they were (looked comparable to her teammates to my untrained eye). I was ecstatic for her. Coach walks over, and crucifies my DD. Rips apart her BHS and makes her do it in pieces again. Yanking on her ponytail to look appropriately, yelling at her to jump back, stopping her in handstand position. Roughly moving her body (to be honest, to me it looked not that bad, even) around, then making her finish. THEN, she barked more corrections at her.

DD left practice in tears. She has zero confidence for her BHS and says she'll never get it. This then starts an ever higher flow of tears because coach "always yells at me, me more than anyone else" and "coach says I am the only one that still needs help". She was a wreck all day yesterday, and didn't eat her lunch today because, apparently, she was very nervous for today's class.

Before class today, DD cried. She sobbed, she didn't want to go. Now, me being me, I didn't want her to quit for a fear... and she DOESN'T want to quit. Just didn't want to do her BHS. DD's teammate (a good friend) actually accurately GUESSED that DD was upset because coach yells at DD's BHS. Coach was obviously flustered over DD's tears and told DD that she shouldn't worry about it yet.

So, DD hesitantly walks into practice. I stayed because DD begged me not to leave. DD gets to the last 30 minutes of practice and they worked that dreaded handstand on the high beam. DD of course falls, cries. Coach was not happy. I could not hear what was said, but it was obvious my DD was crying and coach was pissed. DD finishes other rotations, gets back to HS station. Was obviously nervous. Did it again, fell again. Coach seemed unhappy from afar and was pointing and very obviously giving corrections. My DD, at this point, was hysterical. A teammate pointed out my DD was hurt, and coach yelled at my DD to "just go get an ice pack". DD came running to me. The entire front of her left leg is scraped and bruised, according to DD from the first fall. From the second, her bottom is bruised and scraped. DD is 7. Coach did not even check her out.

To say I am irate is the understatement of the century. My instinct says to get my DD the heck out of this gym. Is this just me being a mama bear, or does it seem justified?

Is my DD just not cut out for team gymnastics? Is it like this everywhere? Should I put her in rec gymnastics, dance, soccer, rock climbing, baton twilrling???? I am so confused at the moment. I no longer know what to do. When DD knew I was pissed today (I did not do well in my attempt to hide that - I was shaking), she begged me not to pull her from the team. L4 tryouts (which I was told my DD should have no trouble with) are in 3 weeks. She is aware of that. At our gym, if you quit team in compulsories, you are not getting back on.

I feel like I am a terrible parent if I let her continue. I also feel terrible if I make her quit. We are at (arguably) the best gym in our state. I am lost.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

Sincerely,
A broken mamaoftwo

 

[profmom]

This coach should not be working with children. Period. I agree with posters who've suggested discussing this with the HC/owners. If they don't know this is going on, they should. Though you'd think the attrition rate would be a big hint.

 

[JessMom]

I didn't read the other responses . . .

my honest opinion - get out of the gym. I am so sorry you and your daughter had this horrible experience. Do not let your DD quit gymnastics. You need to find a gym with supportive, caring coaches that will raise her confidence. She needs to see that she isn't bad - the coach is.

(((((((hugs))))))))) Good luck!!

 

[3rd_time_around]

Unacceptable!! There is a balance. My dd's HC is tough and expects 100% effort, and progressive improvement. But, he also cheers for the girls when they get a skill, sends videos to parents who aren't there to witness a new skill, takes the girls for smoothies and frozen yogurt when they've accomplished tough goals (as a team). He does expect hard work and dedication, but he also loves contests and games and a family atmosphere. We are not the "best gym in the state," but last year claimed 25 state championship titles on all levels. All the coaches are tough but kind. The bad ones have been weeded out, and new ones are on a trial basis to see if they are a good fit. It's not perfect, but it works.

I'm sure you can find a great coach before your dd is ruined in the sport. Change IS hard, but often necessary and freeing. Good luck and keep us updated.

And cast to HS is a LEVEL 7 skill! What the heck? For fun, ok, but getting mad at her for not doing it?? Oh my word!!!

 

[Deanna]

I am so sorry for you little girl. That is abuse..plain and simple. No two ways about it. So many red flags going up here. First one was your mention of the cast to handstand on bars. That is something they dont do for several levels yet..so why are they teaching it? I really dont see where a cast to handstand would help with the handstand on beam. Both handstands, yes, but two different creatures altogether. Then the hair pulling. That's just down right insane. The verbal abuse..and the fact that they didnt even act like they knew she got hurt. I wouldnt bother talking to anyone...explaining anything. YOU have nothing to explain..they are the ones that have some explaining to do. (at this point I wouldnt care what they had to say anyway though) I would take my DD and find her a nice new home in a different gym. One that will appreciate her talents. Which she has, even the gym she is at admits that she will be ready for L4 soon. And let this little girl stay in a sport she so desperatly wants to be a part of. (which she clearly does if she keeps going back over and over..even though it breaks her down every time...something keeps her going back in there) I would take her somewhere else, and watch her grow. She may fall into that "grey" area..but not for long. She may need that time anyway for adjustment to the new gym and coaching style. Top gym or not..no way in (you know where) would I let ANYONE treat my DD (or DS) that way. Please keep us updated on what you choose to do and how she does. Your Momma Bear instincts are right. Take your baby and run as fast as you can.

 

[thnkGd4kds]

Listen to yourself and your CB friends and do not let your precious child go back to that gym for a second. Explain to the owner and hc in person or via the phone or email, but don't expect a result; I strongly suspect that they are perfectly aware of the "coaching style" and are twistedly okay with it. Also explain to your DD why she is no longer at that gym. She needs to know that she is a wonderful gymnast and person who deserves to be treated with respect. Point out to her the others who left for similar reasons so that she knows she wasn't the only who was treated like that; from her perspective, she might think she somehow deserved this treatment if she perceives, however incorrectly, that she was the only one. Then, find her a good gym where she may flourish mentally and physically. She needs to be at gym; she obviously loves it since she was willing to try to be a part of it even under this coach. Good luck, and keep us posted. (Prayers your way through all this...)