Parties mixing gymnastics friends with school friends?

[gymjourneymom]

This is kind of an off shoot thread from the "normal life" thread in the Parents forum. In the "normal life" thread I explained how our family strives for balance. My DD enjoys her gymnastics training, as well as her teenage life outside the gym. I'd like to hear some input as to whether it is a good idea to combine the two?

My DD will be turning sweet 16 this summer. We are trying to plan how we will celebrate this milestone with her. She'd like a party, but feels her gymnastics friends & her school friends won't mix well socially. We have found that to be true when we held smaller scale birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. in past years. Do you have any suggestions or experiences that you could share with me?

Have you found the mixing of gym friends & school friends to be a bit strained & not always the best idea? One issue being some of my DD's gym friends are much younger then DD's school friends. My DD enjoys being with her younger gym friends as much as her school peers. But to mix the two groups becomes socially awkward at times. She has some 10yr old gym friends & some 17 & 18yr old school friends. That can be a huge social gap, especially if boys are invited.

At this point we are thinking we will hold 2 separate events. Both are still to be determined. Ideas welcome!

 

[GymSurvivor]

Hmm, I've been in this situation before as well. Between school friends (I home school) Youth Group/Public School friends (most of them go to public school) and gym friends.

I've tried to mix the groups before and it just hasn't worked in the past, I seem to be like your DD who has younger friends as well as older friends.

I personally would suggest going ahead with two separate events. It tends to run smoother and she won't be stuck in the middle of two 'cliques' that will form.

 

[gymnastbeth]

If you can manage it, having two parties seems like a really good idea. I went to the birthday party of one of my gymnastics friends a few years ago, I was around 12, she was around 9. It was awkward, and the whole party seemed sort of divided into her "school" friends and her "gymnastics" friends.

Especially when there's such an age difference, 2 events definitely seems like the way to go.

 

[bookworm]

Don't mix them...you'll just have a lovely "evening of awkwardness"...

 

[superflipgirl]

That's a good point, I've had friends who've ONLY had parties for their sports friends because they weren't allowed to have two parties, and they didn't want to combine them. I'm sorry if you don't like this suggestion, but if I was turning 16, I wouldn't invite younger 10 year olds at all. I mean, if your daughter's having a suite 16 party, she should expect to do a lot of "teen" things, and talk about things that would make 10 year olds feel uncomfortable and she would feel limited to what she could do with younger kids. It might be okay if she invited her school friends, and then maybe her older gymnastics friends? And she could bring some sort of treats to gymnastics so she could celebrate with everyone. At my bat mitzvah, I invited my school and gymnastics friends, but that wasn't really a big deal because at those sort of events you can kind of always keep YOURSELF busy, and hang out with whoever you want. It depends on what kind of party you want to have. Hope that helps!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

If you can manage it, definitely have 2 separate events. My DD is now 16 and never wanted an official birthday party because it began to be so stressful for her to decide who to invite and who not to invite! She never wanted to exclude her gym friends or her friends from school, so she just chose NOT to have a party... kind of sad now that I look back on it!!! For her 16th, she did have a party that only included her school friends, and then chose to take some treats to the gym for her gym friends.

 

[coachmolly]

I usually stuck to one group or the other growing up, but I also only had very small birthday parties and most of my friends were from the gym anyway. On at least one occasion I invited a school friend to come along and she fit right in, but all of the girls were within about a 3 year age span and, again, it was a really small party just playing in our pool, watching movies, and some cake. I had other teammates that tried to mix groups and everyone seemed to do okay. We were all around the same age though in those situations. I remember being the odd one out a few times and, at the very least, had the birthday girl's siblings to kind of cling too if needed.
But with the age span you mentioned, it might be best to keep them separate. I think quite a few parents would be uncomfortable sending their 10 year old to a party with unfamiliar 16 year olds from outside the gym world. By keeping them separate you would save your dd from being disappointed if parents of younger teammates turned down the invite and prevent hurt feelings among younger team members if they weren't extended an invite to a party catering to an older crowd.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I wouldn't really recommend mixing them. Often it makes the gymnast feel uncomfortable. All human beings act a little differently around different people, we as adults have the way we are at work, the way we are with friends, the way we are with family, the way we are with our partners and so on. We are not the same people. Teenagers have this even more intensified because they are not yet at the age where they feel 100% comfortable just being themselves. They do feel pressure to act a certain way among certain peers groups.

It is almost universal that a gymnast acts differently around her gymnastics friends than she does around school friends. Putting her in a situation with both means she will feel uncomfortable and some of her friends will feel she is acting "strange". She will be expected to be closer to one group than the other, and both groups will feel it should be them.

It will be very awkward.

 

[Bajanswife]

I think I'd have a typical teenage party for the school friends at night, and then I'd have something different for the gym friends that was more age appropriate for the 10 year olds - maybe a party at a location like a bowling alley, pool etc.

 

[gymjourneymom]

If you can manage it, definitely have 2 separate events. My DD is now 16 and never wanted an official birthday party because it began to be so stressful for her to decide who to invite and who not to invite! She never wanted to exclude her gym friends or her friends from school, so she just chose NOT to have a party... kind of sad now that I look back on it!!! For her 16th, she did have a party that only included her school friends, and then chose to take some treats to the gym for her gym friends.

This is how my DD's been the last few years also! Hasn't wanted to chose between her friends, so she's choosen no party at all . That's why I wanted to give her to have a BIG sweet 16 party. But as my DD has said & everyone here has pointed out so clearly, it just gets awkward.

Each group alone just won't be large enough for renting a venue & getting a DJ, etc.

We'll probably have 2 separate pool parties this summer. I'm sure they'll all have fun. I was just looking forward to something fancier for DD's Sweet 16.

 

[marie83]

It really depends on what kind of party she might have. I know here disco style parties are popular for 16th/18th/21st parties with lots of family members, so there is already a huge range of ages. However, if she is going for a sleepover party, then perhaps 2 separate parties or just invite older gymnasts and school friends.

 

[cher062]

At 16 yo your DD should decide how she wants to handle this.

Really this is all part of life. There will be many events where you have friends from various groups, neighborhoods, work, social clubs that you will want all at the same event. What I find is so long as there are a few at least from every group it should be ok as they will group together. I would do a day event and if she is going for sleep over then may be 2 different events as i find a few good friends are better than a gian group. I wouldn't mix the 10 yo with the 17 yo. Maybe an older kid party and a younger kid event like bowling to celebrate would be good. So from 9am - 12 noon the bowlilng and younger kids on a Sat and then 6pm - 10 pm the older kids party with food and dancing etc. Talk to you DD and see what she wants to do. Learning to mix like this is all part of growing up.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Yes, my DD & I have discussed this whole situation. She had dreamt of a big party with a DJ, etc. A few of her school friends have had that type of party & she enjoyed herself at them. But she knows realistically with her diversity of friends that type of party just won't work. And each group alone isn't large enough to rent a venue & DJ, etc. for. So this is one of those times when her choice of sport/extra curricular activity is effecting her social life. She isn't resentful, she's made this type of choice year after year(mostly choosing just not to have a party at all). Gymnast learn to make tough decisions starting at very young ages! I just feel bad that she has to make this choice yet again.

Here again her choice of sport has forced her to make choices that many of her school friends(with "normal" lives) haven't had to make. I mentioned that it was the "normal" life thread that got me thinking about this. She will have 2 small parties & I'm sure everyone will have fun. But for me it's just one of those times when I'm really noticing the effect this sport has on her(both for the good & the bad). I feel bad that she has to choose to have two smaller parties, rather then what I know she has dreamt of having. But I KNOW she wouldn't trade any of these friendships for the other. I am proud that she has such diverse friendships.

Guess this is more of a vent for me. Is that allowed here? Yes, I understand all she gains from this sport. There is no denying being a gymnast has helped shape her in numerous positive ways. But aren't I allowed to sometimes feel bad seeing all she has to give up for it too?

 

[sportzmomov3]

I disagree that 2 parties is necessary. But I also disagree that 1 party is the only real "life" way to go. At our old gym, DD's friends were mostly her age or older, and older enough that the girls were in different stages of life (under 10, tweens/teens). However, DD and her same aged friends were more mature than most their age, and that is why they were able to hang with the older girls. In turn, the older girls weren't into things that would have been inappropriate for the younger girls and if they were, they were sensitive enough to know what was considered inappropriate. So, bottom line, there were several mixed parties (mixed ages, groups) that took place during the years we were at our old gym. I think it depends on the personalities and maturity of the girls involved.

 

[bribri514]

Congrats on DD turning 16! I used to have the exact same problems. I had my gym friends (who for awhile were much older than me than later on much younger). I had my school friends, who were my age. But then I also had my "Deaf friends", that I knew from Deaf summer camps and other Deaf cultural events. They were the same age as my gym friends (younger and older) but some knew absolutely no English, some only signed, some could lip read, etc. Some even had other disabilities that made it harder for them to integrate, while others didn't. Add to that growing up with a single mother and good birthday parties were hard to have. I usually ended up going a sleepover with about 5 of my "best friends". Though living in the mountains allowed distance to weed out a lot of people. I tried to do little inexpensive things with the different groups whenever I could, go to Aspen Camp (the kids camp for the Deaf in my state) socials at the mall, grab a bite to eat with school friends, do a hot tub night at my gym friend's house on the weekend not during competition. Funny thing is now that I'm older I've gotten really good at party planning and am a social butterfly. Even a social life with gymnastics comes down to balance!

 

[gymjourneymom]

So good to see you here BriBri!!! Thank you for posting!!! You certainly have had some unique challenges to work through that's for sure. You are an amazing role model to so many including my DD ! I think your right gymnastics really does help with organizational skills & social planning skills! It's amazing how many areas of life it can have an effect on isn't it!?! My DD has decided to do different things with her different groups of friends. It will just be more fun for all that way. And she'll get to spread her birthday celebration out longer that way.

 

[Tams Mom]

A pool party works well for this situation. Our daughters are 5 years apart in age, and their birthdays are 3 weeks apart. We always had one large pool party for all their friends. Invited everyone, friends from church, school, sports, girl scouts, everyone, their parents and siblings. We rented the pool for 3 hours, had cupcakes and popsicles. Everyone had fun. the groups mixed well since they stayed in the pool most of the time, hard to even get them out to eat! I think we had 75 people at the last one.

 

[txgymfan]

Just wanted to chime in. I was one of those kids who had different groups of friends, and was relieved to see that studies have proven that it is healthy to have different social connections. When one group isn't going as well you have other groups to rely on. As an adult I have church friends, volunteer friends, professional friends and book club friends and the age range is more than fifteen years. Only those I am closest to mix at occasional parties and even that is not very often. So what I thought of as my stranage social habits has turned into a long term benefit.