Parents Perspective

[LGnyc]

DD being out, again, with her third bout of wrist pain, and her orthopedist telling us that if she doesn't really heal from this, we might have to consider that her body/hands just might not be made for this sport got me thinking.

Back when she was L4 and loving life, I was convinced she would be that girl who would go to L10. I never thought she'd go Elite, or even attempt the college track, just that she would stick it out because she loved it so much. Always wanted to go to the gym, was always doing skills at home, begging for more and at that time she was doing 16 hours, so while it wasn't 20+, it was still pretty consequential.

Three significant breaks (nose, hand, foot), three bouts of wrist inflammation, and various small injuries later, she has now missed at least a full year of training, and I fundamentally believe she will NEVER go to 10. She's lost her fire. She still loves it, but she's not so sure it loves her back.

All a long prelude to asking - what perspective have you gained from the journey of your daughter (or son)? Is there anything you would have done differently?

1. I would have made her wear supports after her first bout, daughter and coaches be damned.
2. I would rather she had done L5 for the basics, and not L6.

But things I don't regret. She was invited to TOPs. She tried it and hated it and dropped out. I used to wonder if that was a mistake or not. Looking back, it was just right for her (and her wrists) as well as our family. I'm grateful she didn't go there.

Curious to hear everyone's thoughts.

 

[MeetDirector]

Perspective -

This sport is a tough one on all involved. I feel for you as a parent.

My dd made it to L10, but did not burn up the road getting there. She stuck her toe in the water of college gym, but in the end it wasn't for her. She got so much more out of the sport that it was well worth it in the end. Luckily, her injuries were never career ending, although she has lingering elbow and wrist pain to this day.

The one thing that we did learn is that given the passion and commitment that it takes to be at the higher levels of this sport, the decision to end her career has to be on her own terms. She has to be "OK" with her decision to retire; if not, she will always be nagged by the "what if".

The other thing that we learned is that there is life after competing. For our daughter that life is coaching (and going to school). Her gymnastics career made her into an amazing young woman able to organize and prioritize her life and able to set a goal and achieve that goal.

Good Luck.

 

[gymmutti]

I would have taken my child to PT / chiro BEFORE the injuries began. She didn't have any real injuries to speak of (I don't count Severs or a few minor twisted ankles) until after her L7 season. I wish I had gone to PT as soon as she hit the tweens and had them work with her on proper form for landing and looked for inbalances in her musculature, etc. Maybe, just maybe I could have saved her from missing the entire next season due to bi-lateral stress reactions.

That said....I just experienced the most enjoyable meet of my daughter's time in gym. Why? Absolutely no expectations. My perspective has definitely shifted. I am now going to the meets to just enjoy watching my daughter do what she loves while she still can. Every day she remains healthy is a win in my book. She's now a sophomore and her focus has shifted a little from gymnastics #1 to school academics #1. While I have always emphasized doing well academically to the best of her ability, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I dreamed a bit of her beating the odds and competing in college like she wanted. She really has beaten the odds in that the injuries that would have convinced many other girls to retire, have not dissuaded her. Now I secretly dream of her beating one more odd: getting into the school of her dreams for college.

Despite the cost and the injuries and tears...I don't regret letting her compete and train. I now know my kid has true grit.

 

[RTT2]

This is such a great thread.

 

[LGnyc]

I would have taken my child to PT / chiro BEFORE the injuries began. She didn't have any real injuries to speak of (I don't count Severs or a few minor twisted ankles) until after her L7 season. I wish I had gone to PT as soon as she hit the tweens and had them work with her on proper form for landing and looked for inbalances in her musculature, etc. Maybe, just maybe I could have saved her from missing the entire next season due to bi-lateral stress reactions.

That said....I just experienced the most enjoyable meet of my daughter's time in gym. Why? Absolutely no expectations. My perspective has definitely shifted. I am now going to the meets to just enjoy watching my daughter do what she loves while she still can. Every day she remains healthy is a win in my book. She's now a sophomore and her focus has shifted a little from gymnastics #1 to school academics #1. While I have always emphasized doing well academically to the best of her ability, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I dreamed a bit of her beating the odds and competing in college like she wanted. She really has beaten the odds in that the injuries that would have convinced many other girls to retire, have not dissuaded her. Now I secretly dream of her beating one more odd: getting into the school of her dreams for college.

Despite the cost and the injuries and tears...I don't regret letting her compete and train. I now know my kid has true grit.

Ok that made me teary eyed (although the mini bottle of persecco I just downed prob helped). This is what I want for my dd more than anything. Resilience, work ethic, motivation, life lessons. And some great friends and experiences along the way.

 

[John]

@LGnyc I had the same reaction, I suggest everyone read this thread in the privacy of their own space. I imagine I look silly teary-eyed at gym right now.

 

[txgymfan]

It must be dusty in this thread.

 

[duyetanh]

I have huge perspective about this sport. I put her in it because one side of her body was weaker than the other, and, being the educator, I researched and found the sport that worked a huge number of facets of the body to be gymnastics...we signed up the next day. But I have learned through watching others who were amazing have to end their careers due to injury, growth spurts, etc that there are no guarantees with this sport, and every day she walks out of practice smiling is a blessing. Because I have seen girls have sad endings to their careers, I have made sure my child has a backup sport in her back pocket to fall into should the need arise-golf. The beauty of golf is it is a lifelong sport. And it's a very mental sport, which is what she needs. I am about as good at golf as I am at gymnastics-I am 5'10, so that should tell you my gymmie skills, lol. But it is not about me, and my kid is a decent little golfer. So, even if she hits her goals with gym, she can golf with her dad whenever they want to, and I can (cue the laughter) excel at driving the damn cart, hee hee.

I will be honest (I know, I know) and say that a huge part of me wishes I had never signed her up for this sport because of the potential wear and tear on the body. If I had known she would go as far as she currently has, I would have completely freaked out about the potential injuries and skills....as we have had a buildup of skills from year to year, I have moved along mentally with her year to year also in terms of the skills, and have gained a better understanding of what is to come. I would do anything to take the knowledge I have now and go back to the time of 'then;' I so wish I had found this site sooner, as it has been so helpful...it has helped me learn about the sport, and make contacts with very respectable people who have great information to share. I actually stumbled across it about two years before I officially GOT on it, and thought, "What the heck is this Chalkbucket thing. These people sound crazy! I will never be this involved with this sport. I'd just like to be able to get my kid's damn bangs to stay in their braids so I can get the bun high enough..."and here I am, some 3000+ posts later....

I have learned that this sport is more than my child's passion, it's an extension of her, and she sees herself being involved with it even when she is an adult. I have watched the sport give her confidence in life and with others. She knows there is life after gymnastics, but she sees life including gymnastics somewhere in her future. Be it coaching or volunteering, she will be involved with helping children in the sport, I can see that clearly.

I have learned that every gymnast has their own path, and it is their path, and they must own it. Only when the sport truly becomes theirs do they develop the confidence needed to excel at their highest level possible. They must not be doing it for their friends, family, or coaches. They must not be trying to please anybody, or be afraid they are displeasing anybody during times of struggle. My daughter has gone through several coaches as she has moved up levels, and has gone from wanting to please her coach to wanting to please herself. She knows she is number 1 in the gymnastic equation. And, sadly, out of the 13 girls she started with, she is the lone ranger at the level she is now. As much as she values the friendships the sport has given her, she realizes that if they are true friendships, they will still be there if the friends or she leaves the sport.

Would I do anything differently?
I just don't know.
As a former athlete in a different sport, I can honestly say how glad I am my child is experiencing the same passion about a sport. What you gain and learn from an intense sport you take with you for a lifetime.