Parents Reality Check

[Flippin'A]

Hi everyone, I'd love opinions on this because I honestly have know idea what the right course of action is here.

My DD's level 3 group recently started serious uptraining for level 4. There's one girl in her group who's had to sit out a bunch and has missed out on a lot of uptraining because of an injury. Yesterday my DD told me that this girl told her she was faking the injury because she's scared of one of the skills they started doing.

So my question is... is this my business? I know this girl's mom is a bit of a cgm and puts a lot of pressure on her to be the best so I'm sure that's a contributing factor. My first instinct was to tell this girl's mom, but now I'm thinking it would be better to just stay out of it. I also worry because my DD is still little and not the best at keeping secrets and I certainly don't want her accidentally telling anyone. I feel bad for the girl who obviously doesn't think she's allowed to just say she's scared. I feel bad to the mom who's been spending time and money taking her to doctors trying to get a diagnosis. I just feel like this is a bad situation all around and I'm not sure if telling the girl's mom would be helping or hurting. Thoughts?

 

[duyetanh]

Don’t get involved. Let the coaches handle it. Many coaches have seen this before. My kid has seen it before, with more than one friend. The skills get harder, the skills get scarier....and the mind has more and more potential to mess with the matter. Doesn’t help with how the mom is either. I would talk to your daughter and say how it really isn’t something she should talk about because while the friend chose to confide in her, it isn’t her business. I sure as heck wouldn’t say a word to the mom. That could get very ugly, in more ways than one.

 

[Flippin'A]

Don’t get involved. Let the coaches handle it. Many coaches have seen this before. My kid has seen it before, with more than one friend. The skills get harder, the skills get scarier....and the mind has more and more potential to mess with the matter. Doesn’t help with how the mom is either. I would talk to your daughter and say how it really isn’t something she should talk about because while the friend chose to confide in her, it isn’t her business. I sure as heck wouldn’t say a word to the mom. That could get very ugly, in more ways than one.

Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I was making myself crazy.

 

[Flyaway]

Yeah, this is definitely more common than you'd think and there's really nothing that you can do about it. What I've observed over time is that the kids that feel like they have to fake an injury (or cheat on conditioning, or whatever self-sabotaging thing they come up with) eventually leave the sport. It simply is not sustainable if your kid does not love it. It's too bad that some kids feel like they can't be honest with how they are feeling, but it's not really my place to fix that relationship between the child and their parent.

 

[NutterButter]

From someone with experience - don't touch it! I understand the temptation and that you are coming from a place of good intentions (because you would want to know this info about your DD, right?). Resist though. Counsel your DD on being a good listener with her friend and let it go.

I've been both the receiver and giver of 'helpful' information and it just isn't worth it. My DD has always been very observant and insightful AND talkative with me so as a result I sometimes know WAY MORE than I should about her friends' lives. While there's always some degree of accuracy in what she knows, it's usually only part of the story and I'm missing important context/background info. I've gotten myself into trouble before with my good intentions of 'helping' a situation that didn't need my help. With my son I'm usually on the receiving end of information. Again, there's always a degree of accuracy to what I hear about him but also often some variation of mis-information.

 

[GymDadWA]

As a coach for other sports I can say that it is pretty obvious when a girl is hurt and a girl is faking it. Either way they get to sit out the drill or leave practice, but they really aren't fooling anyone. I'm sure the girls' coaches know and will bring it up with the parents if they feel they need to.

 

[twinmomma]

Definitely not your circus. Let the coach handle it.

 

[Flippin'A]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. As many of you suspected, the situation resolved itself without any help from me. The other mom isn't happy, but the coaches are trying to help her put less pressure on her daughter so this won't happen again. We'll see if she takes the advice.

I grew up at a gym where the head coach was constantly accusing us of faking injuries to get out of stuff so as a gymnast it would never have even crossed my mind to tell on someone. But coming at this from a parent's perspective my reaction was totally different, so thanks again for the perspective. Seeing how the coaches are handling the situation is also confirming that I have my DD at the right gym.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Not your circus not your monkeys