Parents Regrets

[Natalia]

Do you ever regret letting your child choose gymnastics?

Or worse,letting them join the team?

If you had known what this sport entails,would you still take them to their first lesson?

I guess I´m suffrering a bit from mommy burnout.My kid is happy,the coaches are good,not touchy feely types,brutaly honest,which is good when parents can handle it. A bit of a disaster when parents are overly involved (full gyms are set up at home,when kids go on a 5 day school trip,the kids have to take weights in their bags so as not to loose conditioning).When the coach says "I really think Suzie should quit and take up another sport",the parents just double up on the home training to show the coach how wrong they are.

After the last meet I was helping out with the cleaning up,it was 8:30 pm on Sunday evening,our DDs had finished their meet at 12:30 the day before, when I get a call from one of the crazy moms.She starts talking with a really serious tone because she wishes to inform me :That my little suzie had a higher starting score on bars then her little Suzie,even though they had the same routines,something had to be done about this"A judge was standing next to me and was laughing at this crazy conversation.I told the mom I was putting her on the loudspeaker so that a judge could explain what might have happened.Turns out the scoring was actually correct.

Why should I care?Well here´s the rub,my kid is in the same class as these kids at school,they sleep over at our house and my kid will go to their house.It´s a constant immersion in a toxic environment.The irony is that the best girl in the group has the most uninvolved mom when it comes to gymnastics.This girl however has been bullied by the kids of the pusshy parents.

One girl took the clothes of the talented gymnast during practise,threw it on the floor and peed on it.This is an 8 year old child.

My kid in the mean time is developing some stinky attitude such as crying when she got 4th place at a meet,or rubbing her accompishments in the face of another gymnast...YUK:vomit:

The coaches are aware of the situation,the group is being split up in September,so it should get better...But man,geez what is it about this frigging sport?

 

[OzZee]

LOL always someone worse off as they say.
I've been feeling very over the gymnastics thing recently. But hey it's nowhere near as bad as your situation (though I've got two lots of issues, but at least the eldest rec gymnast is great, lol, her dance, music and gym are all great)
Yeh I have no idea why this sport seems to cause so much darn drama.

 

[SignHere]

Natalia, OMG! Why oh why? Would the coaches wait until Sept to split up the group? Yikes!!!

 

[gymmomtoo]

Someone needs to talk to these girls now! Peeing on another kids clothes?!?

 

[okie]

Wow! I can't imagine being in the toxic environment you describe. Glad that the coaches are addressing the issues. When immersed in that environment it easy to develop a jaded perspective, but it sounds like you are able to maintain a grasp of reality and what's right. That is huge for your DD.

My DD is almost seven and everyday I wonder if this intense sport is right for her - for our family. Her gym is much more fun and friendly than the one you described, but the time and physical commitment is grueling for young ones.

I do notice raised eyebrows and comparisons among parents when they find out my DD (who admittedly does not seem super talented) is skipping level 3 to compete for the first time at level 4. I feel the scary intensity among parents.

My DD loves gymnastics and is crushed when I mention any other sport, so I do as many on this site suggest - support her without smothering or interfering. I do sometimes look at her muscular body and wonder if this sport is too much (and wish that she had liked soccer). But, alas, she fell in love with gymnastics. *sigh*

Sent from my SCH-I535 using ChalkBucket mobile app

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

WOW I believe when it gets to the point that teammates are peeing on others belongings that they have reached a level of drama that can't wait til September!

 

[Flossyduck]

When I clicked onto your thread, my first thought was - yeah, a few regrets sometimes... But then I started reading your thread and thought 'what the????' Madness has taken hold there and I realise that my regrets are not taken from the same dictionary!

 

[wallinbl]

The coaches are aware of the situation,the group is being split up in September,so it should get better...But man,geez what is it about this frigging sport?

My other one is in club soccer. I've seen parents get so bad that refs told the coaches the game would not resume until the offending parent left the complex. Most left, one stuck around and argued until his child's team was forced to forfeit because he had disrupted the game so long that it could not be completed before the next game was to start. The child must have been mortified.

And that's 8 year old girls. Boys parents are worse. The parents of kids that are old enough to be scouted are insane.

Crazy people are everywhere, and it's just an opportunity to teach kids to deal with them. But, peeing on clothes should probably merit dismissal (or at the very least a suspension) from the gym.

 

[cbifoja]

Had we had your experience, I might have some serious regrets!

Fortunately, I can say that I have no regrets. We have

• loving but firm coaches
• very few CGMs and even then they just have their moments rather than taking it as a lifestyle
• kids who are dealt with immediately when they get mean
• frequent, personalized updates from coaches
• fairly transparent criteria for moving to the next level
• good mix of routine perfecting and uptraining

No gym is perfect but your atmosphere does sound toxic and I'm so sorry that it is compounded by the educational and social situation you are in. Do you have other options?

 

[Iwannabemargo]

OMG they allowed that behaviour ! In France ! Quel Horreur !

 

[level9mom]

Regrets? I'm not sure I am there yet but I am on my way.


Every awful story begins with "we were on beam and..."

 

[wallflower]

OMG! Have you considered changing gyms? I've been in a crazy gym with crazy parents which in turn makes you crazy and thank goodness DD's current gym doesn't have any crazy people. I didn't think it was possible, but we have been there long enough that the crazies would have come out by now. I think some gyms allow crazy behavior and can put a stop to it if the choose. DD's gym doesn't tolerate it.

 

[Bajanswife]

Yikes!

DD's gym has never been at all toxic until this year, but even so it's not nearly as bad as your situation! DD's group has some dynamics that aren't great, but i think the group is going to be split a little in September as well. It's mostly just pre-teen girl drama (the girls are ages 9 - 11) but it does interfere with training and the coach is fed up! Luckily no pee involved.

 

[Natalia]

OMG they allowed that behaviour ! In France ! Quel Horreur !

LOL

Gosh,I didn´t realize it was THAT bad.

Seriously the gym is actually a very good gym,that has run into a group of crazy parents all concentrated in one group.No one has told the coaches about the peeing incident,which is more a reflection on all the parents involved then the actual gym.

I´ve been away from France for many yeaqrs,my kids were born overseas.I had forgotten how kids are treated here.All those stupid articles telling American mothers to learn from their french counterparts....How incredibly stupid those articles are.

It´s true,French kids will sit still at a restaurant,they won´t have the kids menu,they will eat asparagus and artichokes like the adults,they will not interupt adults or talk back...but all French innovative minds and entrepreneurial spirits usually move away.We cultivate a certain submission to the system,to the hierarchy.

The coaches are not mean or abusive,they´re french.If a girl is a solid hard working gymnast they will say " Your daughter is average ,she ´s nothing exeptional,she´s pleasant to train thanks to her hard work ethic."If a girl is not enjoying herself they wil tell the parents "Your daughter should not continue with gymnastics".It´s very direct but not abusive.

So if you mix a no nonsense approach from coaches with over reaching parents....well poor kids.

 

[AnotherGymParent]

I too hate the toxicity we were at a toxic gym especially the parents and same situation I've lost friends and my dd has to deal with friends whose parents are jealous if her all bc my dd is talented. I have learned to distance myself and am thankful none if the girls at our new gym are at the same school as my dd which is also good. We are relatively new so we will see but so far 1000 times better. But I agree I hate toxic parents!!!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

well, would you like to know about an international competition i attended with 1 of my athletes years back? i won't mention any names. the venue had a locker room for all the athletes. when we came back for afternoon training, the grips of the gymnasts had been cut in half with either a knife or scissors. we never found out which...or who...lucky for us my athlete had back up grips in the host hotel. yikes!

 

[htimcj]

well, would you like to know about an international competition i attended with 1 of my athletes years back? i won't mention any names. the venue had a locker room for all the athletes. when we came back for afternoon training, the grips of the gymnasts had been cut in half with either a knife or scissors. we never found out which...or who...lucky for us my athlete had back up grips in the host hotel. yikes!

All I can say is WOW.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

Seriously the gym is actually a very good gym,that has run into a group of crazy parents all concentrated in one group.No one has told the coaches about the peeing incident,which is more a reflection on all the parents involved then the actual gym.

"If a girl is not enjoying herself they wil tell the parents "Your daughter should not continue with gymnastics".It´s very direct but not abusive.

the grips of the gymnasts had been cut in half with either a knife or scissors.

I would not work as hard/enjoy training if I was constantly worrying about my clothes being pissed on and grips being cut up.

If this happened in my gym, that child would be getting at the very least least a suspension from the gym and a parent a hefty bill.

 

[LilHawkMom]

What a totally messed up situation and to wait ill September no way!

I have no regrets like that, my only thing is if I had known how much it costs I would have said there is no way we could have my son be on team and do gymnastics but we sort of got sucked in and we had no idea how much it *really* costs until we were doing it and by then my son loves it more than anything and has some talent with it so then it becomes hard to quit it even though it is a huge struggle financially.

 

[Faith]

Crikey I think you'd be thrown out of our gym for that behaviour!

As for regrets, I have a few...

I love what gym has done for her, both mentally and physically. However I'm beginning to wonder if the commitment and sacrifice is worth it for us. We're at a crossroads at the moment as DD has been offered an absolutely amazing opportunity outside of gymnastics, but there's no way she can accept and keep up with the hours of gymnastics.

Our gym is high commitment and high hours, compared to other clubs in the area. However it really, really shows- form, attention to details, conditioning, perfecting basics. If they don't let DD reduce her hours to take up this opportunity, we may have to think about switching or leaving, and we really don't want to switch.

Sometimes I think she wouldn't have this other opportunity if it weren't for the gymnastics, then I think maybe it would have been better not to have got involved in gym and have had chance to explore other things. I think it's also harder in this country as there are no college scholarships and the like, and we have an elite pathway so not-amazing kids like my DD are unlikely to ever compete outside region.