Parents Repeating or moving up too soon

[LTmom]

In your experience (in your child or seen st the gym), what’s it like
-to be the girl moved up too soon, struggling, feeling out of her depth,etc.
-to be the girl who gets left behind when everyone else gets moved up while she repeats a level, feeling perhaps more capable than the “new” girls...?
And what is your perspective on those situations as a parent?

 

[Tigtimes]

My kid was an “in between” for many years. She practiced with a higher group and competed with a lower group - she was ahead of the lower group but at the bottom of the higher group. It was a tough go for a long time. Always feeling like she just was swimming up hill that she couldn’t catch up. . It kind of sucked for those 2 years.

Last year she repeated 7, had the 8 skills but just not confident. Was a tough pill to swallow for her even though she knew deep down it was the right move but she had a great year and gained more confidence in herself..
Think there is no easy answer. Some kids are ok going at the bottom and chasing others, while think my kid needed it so she was not bored there was a definite down side to her confidence in herself just cause she never felt good enough and that carried with her till today.

This sport is crazy so many ups and downs. If you have a say in it all get your kid in a place where she will be the most confident, gain the most confidence. Confidence in themselves is just really important. They get over repeating a level, it happens to them all I think at some point.

Not sure this helps you. I know it is just so hard to parent this stuff !!

 

[reluctant]

In your experience (in your child or seen st the gym), what’s it like
-to be the girl moved up too soon, struggling, feeling out of her depth,etc.
-to be the girl who gets left behind when everyone else gets moved up while she repeats a level, feeling perhaps more capable than the “new” girls...?
And what is your perspective on those situations as a parent?

One of my children moved from 4 to 7 in one season and is now a 9 playing catch up. My other one has competed every single level and is more confident going into every season. I know my older one wishes she has had more time at lower levels to really learn a few fundamental skills.

 

[Muddlethru]

I've seen both situations at the gym and I can't say one is better than the other. However, it depends largely on the gymnast. In either situation, if the gymnast perseveres and tries to overcome her current situation, they usually succeed.

Situation 1: I've seen mothers force their children into the next level, or skip a level trying to catch up with a friend that was moved up. In one situation, the gymnast's friend was moved up to L7 mid season of L6 and she was not. So the next season, the mother wanted her to catch up and skip L7 and do L8. She did horribly in the first few meets (she would fall 3-5 times on two to three events. It was tough to watch.). But she persevered and by the end of the season, she was doing fine. She still was not able to compete against the friend that was moved up by the coach, but she did fine. She is still in the sport and doing fine as a Level 10. The other situation, the mother kept forcing her daughter to the next level since L6. The daughter is now L9 and still in the sport but is doing very poorly. She should really not be in Level 9. This is her second year and her scores are in the 29s. But the gymnast keeps plugging along. I don't think she is fully invested in the sport, but her mom is.

Situation 2: I've seen L4s stay in L4s for several years perhaps due to injury. They eventually quit. Level 7 in my experience has the largest drop off from repeating. I've seen gymnasts stay in L9 for years and never get to L10. They go to a Division 3 college team and have quit after a year. I don't know why.

I feel neither situation is ideal. The goal is to get the gymnast in the level where they will thrive. But if I had to choose which one is the better situation, I would likely choose the first situation. The latter does not guarantee they will be more capable than the new girls. If she is not better than the new girls, it could be even more devastating. The first situation offers challenges and since this sport is all about challenges, fortitude, resilience and perseverance will be tested and if they get through it, they will stay in the sport.

 

[mommyof1]

My daughter has repeated both L3 and L4. She is happiest when she is competing at a comfortable level where she can be reasonably successful while uptraining higher level skills. Not being the only repeater is very helpful. She gets very frustrated when she is consistently placing at the bottom during meets, or when she has a day when she isn’t allowed to uptrain at all and is made to work only the routines for her competitive level.

With my daughter, it is all about confidence. Throughout her first year of each level, she performed significantly below capacity because even one bad routine or meet would send her into a spiral of negativity that resulted in tentativness and frequently loss of skills. She is much more likely to do her best at meets and make progress during practice when she feels confident and is experiencing some minimal level of competitive success. If your kid is anything like mine, I would not have her compete at a level that’s a stretch for her.

She does complain a lot about repeating, being slower to progress, and now being on the older side for her level, but that’s just something she has to live with.

 

[CuriousCate]

I feel neither situation is ideal. The goal is to get the gymnast in the level where they will thrive. But if I had to choose which one is the better situation, I would likely choose the first situation. The latter does not guarantee they will be more capable than the new girls. If she is not better than the new girls, it could be even more devastating. The first situation offers challenges and since this sport is all about challenges, fortitude, resilience and perseverance will be tested and if they get through it, they will stay in the sport.

This really resonates for us as well. My DD has always been the youngest on her level by just over a year (she's 8) and has always been one of the later ones to get skills but then falls in the middle of her team for scoring during meets. She always made the next level as sort of a "on the bubble" kid during testing but then ended up quite solid. Until this season when she was to make the 5/7 jump and couldn't get a giant on time for testing. She will compete 6 instead with a group of girls all her age (she'll actually be the 3rd oldest of 8 of them with the younger 5 all being 1-4 months younger than her) who made the jump from L4 to L6 as part of a trial that our gym is doing. I honestly think she was happier and doing much better when being pushed to keep up. She still practices with her original group but does different workouts than they do and no longer is a priority for the coaches. Now, she doesn't seem as motivated to go to gym since the challenge isn't there. And there is definitely some worry that despite her being a level ahead of the others her age, now that she will compete with them, she may not actually score better and it really could be devastating. Especially as she will do all L7 routines (without a giant!) leaving more room for deductions... So i'm with you. I wish that perhaps she had just somehow been kept back very early on but since they pushed her to this point, I feel they should keep working with her on the more challenging stuff. Really, as you say, neither situation is ideal.

 

[John]

Tough question. My DD loves the thrill of new skills and the push to achieve them. I have said it before while she likes to do well at meets she is not driven by meet success. She would pick the higher level with new skills. Her bars skills are improving but hold her back. Good luck to every athlete presented tough decisions such as this.

 

[mls529]

I think it totally depends on the gymnast and what motivates her. My DD was comfortable repeating and doing very well at meets, while uptraining at practice. Repeating when others are also repeating makes it easier. When she was pushed too hard, she ended up having a mini-break down and quitting (although she really only quit for a month and just ended up at another gym). But I can see why other gymnasts are motivated about moving up a level or moving up quickly. I have seen success stories who have taken both approaches.

 

[OrchidZ]

Some examples:
Girl who did poorly in first part of a compulsory level but was starting to catch up at the end. So, at the beginning, was next to last in every meet, every event. End of season, was around 6-8th in all events and all around. Repeated the level because they wanted her to be confident and "taste success." She killed it the next season and rode that high for several years.

Girl had a rough level 5, tried to move to 6 but struggled because she already had a hard time with 5. Lots of fear issues. Then injuries as she tried to catch up. Tried to work through it for probably a few years but finally quit. I wonder if she wouldn't have been ok if she'd repeated 4 instead of pushing for 5 and then 6.

Girl had a rough level 8, but improved enough in the season to be successful by Regionals. Wasn't totally ready for 9 and dealing with fear issues. Moved up anyway. Huge hits to confidence and injuries due to mistakes made from fear. Almost quit. Changed gyms. Repeated 9. Had to keep working on the confidence and fear. It did get better, but I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't take a while to sort out.

Girl who had a decent level 8 but showed confidence issues. Did ok, but not up to what she expected of herself. Had coaching conflicts. Had most of level 9 skills, but not all. Repeated 8 because she was only 11 or 12. Killed it. Was set and ready by the time she headed to level 9.

None of them seemed more than disappointed to be repeating but quickly adjusted - but then again these are different gyms, but each time, it didn't mean changing groups. The formats meant that a large mixed level group had different configurations at different times. So it was ok. But I would ALWAYS put confidence and ability over the social side. One of those is a bummer, and the other can be dangerous or eventually end in quitting (due to fear or regression or injury or any number of related issues).

I'm sure there are more examples if I took the time.. but my conclusion is that if it's due to confidence or fear, definitely hold off. Those things don't seem to get better with pushing for the next level.. they pop back up even when you think you've got them beaten. Over, and over, and over again. Take the time early. Fix it before it becomes a real problem.

If they are just a skill or two off (or an event off), confident, but just not 100%.. if the coach believes they can get them to 100% by the end of the season. If the kid wants to move up. Don't hold them back.

But don't make a decision for social reasons. They aren't there for the social side, though socializiation is a plus. Social perks are the sprinkles on the top that make it more fun <3

 

[Lilou]

My daughter has been on the cusp before and she would much, much, much (did I say "much") rather be the underdog in a higher level, work super hard to get the skills consistent and earn her right to compete them safely. She is also super active and loses interest easily if held back with girls who are just learning skills. It also takes a big hit to her confidence and isn't motivating. I'm not sure if our gym understands the internal drive she has to learn and do what she needs to do keep up since she often comes off happy go lucky.

 

[raenndrops]

At our gym this past summer, all of the Level 3s uptrained level 4 skills. Some of the girls were definitely moving up. Others were on the cusp and it would depend on skill acquisition. And there were a couple girls who were going to at least start the season by repeating level 3.
Most of the cusp girls were moved to the level 4 roster by September. There were 2 more that were moved up in October, a week before the first meet.
Until that first meet, the entire group was still practicing together. Those who were potentially level 3 would work on both routines (level 3 and level 4). We ended up with only 2 girls from the group who would start the season in level 3. Another one moved to Xcel Gold (because she had already done 2 years at level 3).
One quit without saying anything - just stopped coming to practice (her highest score last season in level 3 was 30.650. Individual event high scores ranged from 6.200 (bars) to 8.700 (vault). When it was time for HC to make the final decision, the girl didn't have a kip, a squat on, a back extension roll to handstand, or a beam cartwheel.
The other girl is doing very well at level 3 ... so well that HC offered to let her move up to level 4 in December, but she declined.
Of the girls that moved up to level 4, most are doing very well. Only 1 is still struggling, but she is happy where she is. She is working on cleaning everything up and will be fine by the end of the season.

We had a similar situation with level 4/5. All of our old 5s moved to 6. We ended up moving 3 girls to level 5 and repeating 3 girls (plus 2 girls quit over the summer, but one did so because she wouldn't have time for gym with her junior high activities).
After the first meet, one of the repeaters quit, but her mom came in and talked to HC and told her what was going on. The other two are doing well this season. If they would have gotten their flyaways by last week, they could have moved to level 5. One of the level 5s moved up to level 6 this last meet and did well.

Obviously, we have girls on both ends of the decision and if they dont quit, it turns out to be the right decision... based on the needs of the individual gymnast.