WAG Sending kids home

[Nikki4]

help me understand this "sending kids home because they won't for a skill" strategy.
Because right now I'm not happy!
Dd just called and told me I need to pick her up because she wouldn't go for her series on beam.
Now this has happened once last year while still under the compulsory coach. I didn't like it or understand what she hoped to accoumplish doing this but I let it go because dd was only a free weeks out from switching to optionals. That was months and months ago.
Dd has been doing this on beam fine but ya know it's gymnastics skills are going to come and go. That I'm fine with and understand.
I'm hoping for some insight before I contact the coaches. I do t see how this accomplishes anything. First of all, I'm paying for her to be there. Fears(if that's what this is, I'll talk to dd when I get her) are apart of gym. How is shaming a kid by sending her home for not going for a skill helping? Even if it's a skill they are capable of doing and have been doing?

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Of course this is JMO.

I would not be OK with that. There is always something to work on. There is no need to send a gymmie unless they are so emotional and or their mental state is such that they are unsafe or they are disruptive to the rest of the gym.

Otherwise they should be doing what they can. And if it is a matter of doing what the group is doing, sending them to a group where they can work or even having them condition.

Our gym doesn't send kids home. And if they did it would only happen once because it wouldn't be our gym.

 

[John]

I am not sure if DD gym has sent anyone home, but lately, I have seen girls left on beam to do attempt to do their series when the rest of the group has moved onto another apparatus. I do not approve. I think asking the gymnast to restart progressions would be a more effective method.

I am not a coach nor do I play one on TV.

 

[Flyaway]

I really would not be happy with this. If a gymnast won't "go" for something, then they should be taken back to basics until they are ready to "go". Not sure how you're supposed to do that from home.

 

[ayyyrial]

I think it is acceptable to send a kid home when they won't go for a skill only if it's because the gymnast is so upset, frustrated, or afraid that practice won't be safe or productive. I've been sent home or asked to sit out because of that. But threatening to send someone home, or actually doing that, as a punishment for not going for a skill isn't useful and only increases the pressure, which is usually counterproductive for mental blocks.

 

[NutterButter]

OP - I agree with your thoughts on this. It's not cool. There are limited circumstances where a kid should be sent home in my opinion, illness and extremely poor behavior where safety is an issue (and with gymmies, behavior doesn't seem to be much of an issue...at least with girls). I would be communicating with the coach on this to get their thoughts and advocate for my child not being sent home.

I am not sure if DD gym has sent anyone home, but lately, I have seen girls left on beam to do attempt to do their series when the rest of the group has moved onto another apparatus. I do not approve. I think asking the gymnast to restart progressions would be a more effective method.

@John - This does happen at DD's gym though not all the time. It's definitely the exception vs the rule. I think it's a fine line for coaches sometimes to know if the skill is possible for the athlete that day. Sometimes there is no fear, it's just a bad day with the skill and there is no need to restart progressions. Sometimes the gymmie just needs the little extra 'encouragement' of being late for another event to get it out. Sometimes the gymmie is goofing around and avoiding doing anything. I can see where it can be difficult for the coach to know what is appropriate in the moment (is it a block, goofiness, or is the gymmie *this* close to finishing the assignment and just needs a bit more time). At least that is my take on it.

 

[Nikki4]

Ok so here's how this went according to my kid. She was having a bad day on everything. They go to beam and coach told her she better work hard on beam or she was going home. So she doesn't go for and is told she's going to get sent home and to not come back tonight and has to go do conditioning; leg lifts, pull ups, v ups, 2 sets of 20, AND 3 rope climbs. So now she has to go back to beam and everything feels like jello from conditioning. She wouldn't go again so coach told her to go home.

Should I take her her to tonight's practice anyway??
Suggestions on how to talk/email coaches about this without sounding like I'm telling them how to do their job?

 

[twinmomma]

Ok so here's how this went according to my kid. She was having a bad day on everything. They go to beam and coach told her she better work hard on beam or she was going home. So she doesn't go for and is told she's going to get sent home and to not come back tonight and has to go do conditioning; leg lifts, pull ups, v ups, 2 sets of 20, AND 3 rope climbs. So now she has to go back to beam and everything feels like jello from conditioning. She wouldn't go again so coach told her to go home.

Should I take her her to tonight's practice anyway??
Suggestions on how to talk/email coaches about this without sounding like I'm telling them how to do their job?

I'd ask for a meeting to discuss. This is unacceptable.

 

[John]

@John - This does happen at DD's gym though not all the time. It's definitely the exception vs the rule. I think it's a fine line for coaches sometimes to know if the skill is possible for the athlete that day. Sometimes there is no fear, it's just a bad day with the skill and there is no need to restart progressions. Sometimes the gymmie just needs the little extra 'encouragement' of being late for another event to get it out. Sometimes the gymmie is goofing around and avoiding doing anything. I can see where it can be difficult for the coach to know what is appropriate in the moment (is it a block, goofiness, or is the gymmie *this* close to finishing the assignment and just needs a bit more time). At least that is my take on it.[/QUOTE]

Good points. The good coaches do know their girls. I will keep this in mind. My DD's series for Level 7 is BHS BHS. Not sure how they work up courage for one BHS.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Suggestions on how to talk/email coaches about this without sounding like I'm telling them how to do their job?

I would send her to practice. We would have a past is past, new day, move forward type of conversation.

You have now heard her version of what happened. I would request a meeting with the coach to hear their version of what happened. Because there are 3 sides to every story. And if they don't explain their logic. Ask questions and get them to explain.

And take it from there.

 

[stillhoping]

Here's an article on this type of coaching:

http://tinssp.com/usag-sexual-abuse-scandal-is-a-symptom-of-deeper-issues/

 

[Pea'sMom]

Pea's coach used this method. Totally backfired with her and she would be petrified to go back the next day because of her fear of "not going" (not fear of the skill, fear of the punishment.) We had a LONG talk with her coach and owner (owner did not support this method, Pea was threatening to quit and I think the owner used me to help her have this discussion with the coach.) The thing that surprised me in our discussion was how out of touch the coach seemed to be with the effects of this method. She was seriously flabbergasted that Pea would arrive already terrified of not going on a skill, that she would be spending her time before going, worried about what would happen if she didn't go. She just didn't get it. Owner and I also had to talk her through the idea that stepping back on a skill (i.e. medium or low beam) did NOT mean she wasn't working, that she was working where she was able. That being afraid was NOT a choice, she would much rather being going. Long story short, Peas switched to the IGC team at gym. That coach is much more 'fear friendly,' and the positive climate was a much better fit for her. Now I will add that positive IGC coach will send girls home for sassy tween/teen behavior or poor attitude, that he has no tolerance for

 

[Nikki4]

Ok coach called me

Here's gyms story
Apparently she's had to have more than one conversation with dd before so this is why she told her before beam that she expected her to work hard or go home. She said she gave her a couple of spots cause dd asked. And then she was standing around. Coach talked to her A few times about dd just needs to talk to her, tell her what she needs, like addding mats, going to a lower beam. Said she understands the fear if its fear and she's fine with working with what dd needs. But kiddo just chose to do nothing. Let her go out of the gym area to try. And refocuse. After beam they took bathroom/water breaks. Since dd did not finish her assignment on beam she had to go a different assignment-conditioning. The. She let dd gk back to beam to finish her assignment and she did not do anything. Coach said she just seemed to not want to throw anything so she told her to just go home.
She said she was welcome to come back to practice tonight.

 

[John]

Ok coach called me

Here's gyms story
Apparently she's had to have more than one conversation with dd before so this is why she told her before beam that she expected her to work hard or go home. She said she gave her a couple of spots cause dd asked. And then she was standing around. Coach talked to her A few times about dd just needs to talk to her, tell her what she needs, like addding mats, going to a lower beam. Said she understands the fear if its fear and she's fine with working with what dd needs. But kiddo just chose to do nothing. Let her go out of the gym area to try. And refocuse. After beam they took bathroom/water breaks. Since dd did not finish her assignment on beam she had to go a different assignment-conditioning. The. She let dd gk back to beam to finish her assignment and she did not do anything. Coach said she just seemed to not want to throw anything so she told her to just go home.
She said she was welcome to come back to practice tonight.

How do you feel about this explanation?

My first thought was I bet your DD was disappointed that she was unable to perform. That the fear in her head disabled her ability and desire to do anymore beam for the evening.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Sounds like a reasonable coach to me. And your daughter will probably say she wasn't doing nothing, she was just afraid...... So it will be time for a conversation with her about what she should be doing and perhaps with the coach, you and your daughter so everyone is clear on what nothing and something is.

Ok coach called me

Here's gyms story
Apparently she's had to have more than one conversation with dd before so this is why she told her before beam that she expected her to work hard or go home. She said she gave her a couple of spots cause dd asked. And then she was standing around. Coach talked to her A few times about dd just needs to talk to her, tell her what she needs, like addding mats, going to a lower beam. Said she understands the fear if its fear and she's fine with working with what dd needs. But kiddo just chose to do nothing. Let her go out of the gym area to try. And refocuse. After beam they took bathroom/water breaks. Since dd did not finish her assignment on beam she had to go a different assignment-conditioning. The. She let dd gk back to beam to finish her assignment and she did not do anything. Coach said she just seemed to not want to throw anything so she told her to just go home.
She said she was welcome to come back to practice tonight.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

How do you feel about this explanation?

My first thought was I bet your DD was disappointed that she was unable to perform. That the fear in her head disabled her ability and desire to do anymore beam for the evening.

That might be true. And again, this is JMO, but not wanting to too doesn't mean you don't have to. So that is the conversation I would be having if it were my kid. In the absence of being able to do the skill, she needs to put forth the effort into doing what she can do and will work toward getting the skill. Do something, not nothing.

 

[Nikki4]

That might be true. And again, this is JMO, but not wanting to too doesn't mean you don't have to. So that is the conversation I would be having if it were my kid. In the absence of being able to do the skill, she needs to put forth the effort into doing what she can do and will work toward getting the skill. Do something, not nothing.

And that's what we just talked about.
She said she isn't afraid of it, she was just having a bad day.
But I told her part of gym is working through bad days. Ya know if you're having a bad day and not feeling confident, speak up! Talk to your coach! Tell her all of that, tell her what you need. You might not be progressing on confidence with the skill on high beam that day but if you added mats or took if to a lower beam at least you would be making progress with form, etc. that's something.
But she's 10 and having s voice is really hard for her. Another important life skill she's learning.

 

[sce]

If she was sent home because the coach thought she wasn't working and he'd talked to her more than once, vs her not going for a skill, then I see it as appropriate. I agree that she should speak up and that she should be working on something. My Dd had teammates that often were not working, it is really frustrating for a coach. It is also frustrating and distracting for the kids that are working. Dd would be trying to work but teammate followed her around, "working out" with her, but really the friend was mostly talking.

 

[sce]

But she's 10 and having s voice is really hard for her. Another important life skill she's learning.

Lots of life skills learned in this sport. 10yo is a bit young but time for her to learn how to speak to her coach. Kids know they should not question the Coach or argue with the coach, but often think that means saying nothing. Help her know how to talk to the coach about how she is doing in those bad days. Bad days happen, but unless she speaks up the coach doesn't know that the kid is not just slacking off.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Personally I think this is a terrible coaching strategy and I would never use it with my gymnasts, the only reason I have ever sent a gymnast home from training is if they are sick or injured to the point where training would be unsafe.

I have threatened to send a few kids home if behaviour does not shape up, but this is very young recreational kids, never a kid past level one or two and I have never had to follow through because the warning has been enough to improve behaviour.

What many coaches fail to understand is that the gymnasts and coaches want the same thing. We want our gymnasts to be great and our gymnast want to be great. We are not fighting against the, to be great, we are working together to achieve this goal.

Kids just don't fail to go for their series because they are lazy. There is always a reason. Perhaps they are scared, fear should never be punished, it will just make the fear worse. Fear is a good healthy response to not being mentally ready to do a skill and should indicate to us that the gymnast needs to step back to drills. It could be because they don't believe they can do it, then we as coaches need to find ways to help them improve that self belief. It could be a lack of motivation, so we need to help our gymnasts find their fire.