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Sick and tired, but not burnt out...which is worse.

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Linsul

Active Member
Sep 19, 2008
876
Pripyat
So, this post may be an overdose of my personality, sorry it's long. I'm pretty amped still after the shenanigans of tonight. More so because it's been building over time. No matter how directly I identify and then (try to) solve a problem, it's just never fixed. I have explaining to do tomorrow, so I guess I'll call this practice at how to get across what I want to without too much emotion.

Originally, the boss where I am screamed at people over stuff. This was done twice to me. I was not pleased. As much as I wanted to rage back, I waited, dealt with it later in private, all was well. I can't convey online how much screaming at me will not get the best from me. When I was 15, my mom tried to yell (not even scream) at me and I got out of the car and walked 10 miles home when we hit a stop light. I have ended both friendships and relationships over raised voices. Whether this is smart/acceptable/healthy or not, I don't really know. It's just part of how I am. I don't scream, don't scream at me, we'll all be happy. It was a pretty big deal to me to be able to get past that without walking right out the door basically.

What the screaming was over was something I could not help this boss with fully. It's VERY frustrating, because I'm a fan of knowing what my responsibilities are. I also find security in accountability, expectations are not scary. I expressed that I would do absolutely everything I could to make sure things were done in the way that was requested; but also added that the process in question was handled by multiple people. I would not be able to take full responsibility for it from beginning to end, so leave it all up to me or skip the sacrificial lamb act. It was never fully resolved, and my attempts to resolve it were always brushed aside.

I have repeatedly asked for autonomy because of this. I don't like interdependence to the degree it is where I am. That's not to say I don't like to collaborate, I LOVE that. There have been decisions lately that have been made by my peers, not my boss. That I'm okay with, but when they affect me to a large degree I want to be a part of that process. I got to find out the day they were going into effect. Pretty awesome. When I asked why this was, I got apologies rather than an explanation. It was literally 2 seconds before the start of the class, so there was no time for anything else.

Tonight, sigh...our boss was out. I ended up doing more than 1 person was supposed to be doing because the person who was working with me was talking to another coach. One of the things I got screamed at before was this. I wasn't doing the talking either at the time, I was actually doing the same thing I was tonight. I asked the coach to come over really quickly so I could set up floor stations. He flipped out, yelled at me to spread the kids out and warm them up, and then went back to talking to the other coach. The kids were pretty shocked, I decided to do everything myself and handle it later.

At the end of class I had to talk to parents about moving their kids up, so I did that. Come back in, the same coach starts flipping out about me leaving the mats out we used for floor. I mean yelling, hands flying everywhere, just being ridiculous. The kicker is he doesn't speak English that well, so when I told him I was talking to parents he just continued ranting. I apologized for cutting into his conversation time and that he had to be bothered to move one mat on top of another. I was extremely angry at this point. One of the ladies in the front office saw this exchange, I told her I was done, wrote up my 2 week notice. If the kicker is this coach not speaking English too well, then the real gobsmacker is this guy is friends with the owner. I want nothing to do with getting between those two because the only outcome is badness for me.

So basically I refuse to be ignored now. I need autonomy. I can't handle someone impeding my job as my boss expects it to be done. I need to know that nobody is going to be allowed to just run around screaming at people, especially in front of the kids. I'm pretty sure there will be drama tomorrow. It's sad because I love what I do still, and this is an excellent gym. I'm going to hate going but writing this out has been cathartic. I can't have gymnastics be joyless drudgery where I'm looking over my shoulder at the chaos instead of focusing on the sport and the art of it. Part of me thinks I wanted to this gym to affirm I'm a good coach, which is backwards and pretty dumb actually. I was good before I came, and I won't be worse for leaving if it comes to that. Wish me luck...
 

txgymfan

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Sep 4, 2008
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Good Luck! I hope it helped you to write this out Linsul. There are no magic answers for this situation. It sounds like you need to find a new position where you can be supported and encouraged. Please let us know how it turns out. I will say a prayer for you.
 

UnoMas

Well-Known Member
Proud Parent
Aug 16, 2008
3,736
:(I'm sorry, Linsul. This sounds awful, just awful. But it sounds like you did the right thing(s) all around.
 

Gym-Nice-tics

Member
May 14, 2008
115
US
Is it sad that I can relate to your feelings? Ha ha, my boss yells,too, but I have gotten to the point where I will stand up for myself now.

Things at our gym have been very inconsistent lately and people are making decisions that I am not apart of, and the same thing happens- I find out right before or even AFTER it has been put in place. It's frustrating to me, and it's even starting to hit the kids because they are getting two different things being told to them because of the lack of collaboration among the coaches.

The worse part is, one coach (who just came to our gym after hers closed) is doing all the changing of things and I just found out she keeps going to my boss and telling him that I am the one being uncooperative and changing things on her. And for some reason my boss seems to always take her side when she says things. I was shocked when she said that, too. We had a bit of a blow up in November and I've been walking on egg shells since then. So it's completely untrue, but my boss came up to me and told me what she said.

So I completely understand your frustration. I competed for this gym my entire career and have worked there for ten years now. But I find myself thinking about what it would be like to go somewhere else where I wouldn't have to put up with this stuff. There's a TON of gyms in this area, so I think I could find a place to work if need be.

Please, let us know how today plays out. The day after an explosion is never fun (I've been there wayyyyy too much lately). Good luck!
 
C

cathiann

Guest
Glad you're standing up for yourself and submitted your notice--no one should be screamed at like that! Good luck!!
 

Linsul

Active Member
Sep 19, 2008
876
Pripyat
Good Luck! I hope it helped you to write this out Linsul. There are no magic answers for this situation. It sounds like you need to find a new position where you can be supported and encouraged. Please let us know how it turns out. I will say a prayer for you.

Thanks, it really did help to write it out! I'm generally emotional by nature, and it's never a good idea to get into a professional argument when you're bent out of shape! Writing it out was good, sorry it was so blog like but I don't do any myspace or anything, and nobody I know can relate. God Bless the internet and Chalkbucket lol!

:(I'm sorry, Linsul. This sounds awful, just awful. But it sounds like you did the right thing(s) all around.

Hopefully! I don't regret putting my notice in today. My mental checklist has covered everything that applies to fixing this stuff. We either cut through the chaff and get to a resolution or me leaving is best for all involved.

Is it sad that I can relate to your feelings? Ha ha, my boss yells,too, but I have gotten to the point where I will stand up for myself now.

Things at our gym have been very inconsistent lately and people are making decisions that I am not apart of, and the same thing happens- I find out right before or even AFTER it has been put in place. It's frustrating to me, and it's even starting to hit the kids because they are getting two different things being told to them because of the lack of collaboration among the coaches.

The worse part is, one coach (who just came to our gym after hers closed) is doing all the changing of things and I just found out she keeps going to my boss and telling him that I am the one being uncooperative and changing things on her. And for some reason my boss seems to always take her side when she says things. I was shocked when she said that, too. We had a bit of a blow up in November and I've been walking on egg shells since then. So it's completely untrue, but my boss came up to me and told me what she said.

So I completely understand your frustration. I competed for this gym my entire career and have worked there for ten years now. But I find myself thinking about what it would be like to go somewhere else where I wouldn't have to put up with this stuff. There's a TON of gyms in this area, so I think I could find a place to work if need be.

Please, let us know how today plays out. The day after an explosion is never fun (I've been there wayyyyy too much lately). Good luck!

The first gym I worked at was the one I competed for, it was very much the same! I got a pat on the head and passed over, expected to nod yes to everything, no input. I took it because that was what I was used to from people who were my coaches, we never transitioned to co-workers. My advice to you would be to phrase everything in a sense of how it either helps or impedes you doing your job. Leave no room for anybody to think what you want or need has personal grounds. They might be worried that doing what you want will make it look like they're playing favorites since you're 'their girl.' Putting stuff in a purely professional way gives them an out to do what you need without looking like they're caving. If they don't get it after that, then I'd start looking around. Working somewhere where you don't have history is liberating in a lot of ways!

Glad you're standing up for yourself and submitted your notice--no one should be screamed at like that! Good luck!!

Thanks, a few more hours until whatever goes down happens. I've got it boiled down to what matters. No screaming, autonomy if they want accountability, input on decisions that affect me. I've been a student of their ways for almost a year now, and coaching for 10 years with a resume that they said makes me 'overqualified.' If they don't trust me to do what I know is important to them in a way that lets me add what I bring to the table and gives me clarity, then there are plenty of other gyms around. Besides, my husband has the 'real' job lol. Gyms having no hr dept. can make things hectic, and chains of command kind of hazy. I need some defined lines here.
 

Linsul

Active Member
Sep 19, 2008
876
Pripyat
I'm happy to say all is better than well! I got the autonomy I wanted, a great start at least. They're restructuring a bit, so it was excellent timing. As importantly, I got some mats I was realllly wanting, me and the tumbling classes were at odds a bit lol. Ballet barres too, I'm so excited. Yelling coach and I worked it out, and our boss was pretty hilarious about it. He was faking a need to translate to be funny, it worked.

He scoffed at my notice, apparently I was set up. He had the person in charge of class schedules come and show me the changes that were made. I asked him why after knowing that I had given notice, and he laughed and said 'Please, I had to show you something good before we got down to serious talk time!' So, with some pro manipulation and a excellent talk it turned out to be an awesome evening :)
 
M

msl529

Guest
That's awesome, linsul! I am so happy for you. It sounds like they really want to keep you there, making the necessary changes and all. That must feel good. I hope things continue to work out for the best for you! :)
 

Linsul

Active Member
Sep 19, 2008
876
Pripyat
That's awesome, linsul! I am so happy for you. It sounds like they really want to keep you there, making the necessary changes and all. That must feel good. I hope things continue to work out for the best for you! :)

It did feel good! Thanks! I feel silly now for doubting it ever would have not worked out to be honest. When I think of all the possible issues that come up a gym owner has to overcome, a coach trying to do their job isn't going to get them angsty. Yep, feeling pretty sheepish.
 
M

msl529

Guest
It did feel good! Thanks! I feel silly now for doubting it ever would have not worked out to be honest. When I think of all the possible issues that come up a gym owner has to overcome, a coach trying to do their job isn't going to get them angsty. Yep, feeling pretty sheepish.
Well, don't forget, you're human after all. It ended well, and that's the main thing!
 
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